how about drinking?
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Native, I apologize. I managed to overlook your huge post about the wine tasting event. I'm going to blame this on the fact that I'm Mr. Magoo. It sounds like the perfect evening. Wine, dinner and a trip to the bookstore. I could lose myself in a bookstore/library for hours. I love wine tastings at wine stores. There's a wine shop near our house (in CA) that has wine tastings every Saturday.
What is a Med Tech? My dad never hired nurses when he was practicing. He drew blood, gave flu shots, took BP, etc. My mom did the insurance, billing, and scheduled the appointments.
Genny, please keep us posted on the results of your bone scan. Did you get my Manhattan? I passed it up to you from your pocket😀. Yay to your DDIL having a clean mammo and ultrasound!
Goldie, yes, that is the hubs. Nobody will poke more fun at that shirtless pic than my husband. He refers to himself (jokingly) as the brunette Fabio. Lol! He did a little stint of modeling when he was unemployed living in San Francisco during the recession back in the early 90s.
Sandy, you and Bob (he's a cutie!) remind me of my parents. They lived and breathed for their children. I sense this is how you are with your son. My folks didn't drive fancy cars, but we did live in an affluent community, with a really good public school system. Education was everything to my parents.
Dara, so, so sorry about Bella!
Kim, welcome to this thread! Wishing you the best for an easy chemo experience.
Pontiac, I'm so sorry about the loss of your DH.
I live in Los Angeles, but I've been in Cleveland since August,15 taking care of my dad. It's fantastic that you have a great relationship with your kids.
Jazzy, my favorite genre of music is Brazilian jazz from the 60s. I love Jobim, Stan Getz, etc.
Cami, wishing you the BEST with respect to your doc appointment.
Once again, I'm late for my dad's evening meds. ❤❤❤❤ everyone!
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Happy Fat Tuesday I forgot to say earlier today. But I laugh because in my world, every Tuesday tends to be a fat Tuesday....LOL!
Genny- I tried to post from my phone and wanted to say I am SO GLAD your DIL is okay. Thank god girlfriend. Now we need to get you figured out next!
Hsant- I play a lot of latin jazz, including Brazilian. My favorite from that genre of jazz and also a big fan of those musicians. We should bring some of that in to the lounge where Dara dear is serving up some mighty fine drinks.....
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Dara, I'm so sorry about Bella. You were smart to contact the inventor of the mouth guard, and how cool that he replied! Are you going to get a second opinion
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Good morning, Loungettes. You would not believe the day I had at work yesterday. Got into the office and the clinical manager told me there was going to be two or three admissions at my new facility and then I would be doing two at least. Didn't know the names of the patients that were going to be admitted, did say that there had been a quote glitch in the process , but there would definitely be two admissions. So I drive 64 miles , arrived at the facility, looked in on one of my patients , then track down the liaison who was working on the glitches. He gave me the names of the patients that are supposed to be admitted and then tells me that we don't have a doctor's order , there are no families present in the building to sign the consent forms, and that in fact the families have not yet been talked to about hospice for their loved ones. So I sit there 11 a.m. until almost 3 p.m. just to find out that none of the three patients can be admitted. Almost totally wasted day. And I'm doing that these admissions will end up being done on Friday meaning I will have to work on the paperwork all weekend in addition to going out and doing good it's because I'm also on call this weekend. Needless to say I'm a little grumpy. Goldie-- Sadie would love him cooking show! She loves any form of attention and if it involves food as well so much the better. Hope the cramping gets better. You really are in a funny spot with rain around you but none where you are. Jazxy-- congrats on the weight loss and the good A1C results! I looked into Molly Maids once before and there is no service in this part of me where I live. There are other agencies however the house is in such a mess I am ashamed to even have somebody come in and help clean at this point. I really need to get my butt in gear, get some basic stuff done , and then start looking for an agency again. Doing a lot of reading about your sensual oils right now, and finding it fascinating. Trying each of the oils in the diffuser one of the time at bedtime, I'm having a lot of fun with that. Genny-- hooray for the clear mammogram! Cammy-- Sadie is a lot of fun I've got to admit. Having a second car will make life a lot easier for the family, I'm sure. Hope it runs well for a long time. Glad you were getting your pain pills promptly. great dotd, I love pineapple. And that glass does look crooked! Mema-- I imagine it's kind of creepy doing funeral arrangements, but at least they're Arrangements that don't go bad or expire and eventually everybody is going to need them. Chi-- I've got a couple of those towels, now if only I could find them. I need to look in the kayaking gear, I got them to have for swimming and kayaking because they do dry off so quickly and hold so much water. Dara-- the talk-to-text feature can be very convenient, but you really do have to proofread it because it will do some very strange things to what you say sometimes. Some of the things that I have dictated into my patient notes I really had to go back and change because they were down right pornographic. Hsant-- a med-tech is a person usually with a high school diploma who takes a course similar to what CNAs take to get certified but includes drawing blood, giving shots, and medical record-keeping. They do a lot of the assisting work in doctors offices now rather than nurses who needs to be paid a lot more than minimum wage. It's usually a med-tech that takes you from the waiting room to the exam room, take your vital signs, and refuse your meds before the dr. Sees you now.
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Good Morning Ladies.
(((DARA))) what can I say about Bella, poor baby and u too.
Good for u to write to the inventor, I like that and he answered u too. I just hope u get the right results.
NM what a wasted day to u and then being so far too. So much confusion, no one knew??? Doesn't even make sense, oh and u'r on call this weekend, it seems like u were just on call for the weekend. I hope it's quiet for you.
Hsant how r u doing? What an episode--I love how they "own" things all the time and Vanderpump loves to get Rinna everytime--but Rinna had to bring it up with Carny Wilson hahaha. BTW Dance moms will not be the same without what's her name, she's the one who really gets involved.
Jazzy I knew things would be good for u-u've been working so hard for u'r self it's great to hear that.
Hoping everyone has a good day with all good results.
LUBS U ALL
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P.S. Sandy how was the weather by u last nite. Holy chit it was scary here for a while, but other places really got hit. I don't imagine u get tornadoes tho, well it seems that way. But u had to get the storms, now today it's calling for snow. Here's crazy March
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Mary, you must be so relieved, OMG! Thank God for your DIL. And yes, now to get you fixed up. Do you have appts. on all of your days off? Are your TM's going up?
Jazzy, good for on the weight loss girl. I wish I had the "urge" to exercise. I don't need to lose any weight, but nothing wrong with just being healthier. I'm just always afraid of breaking something with the bone mets. I know, dumb! Glad your doc appt. went well. I was so happy to get off of the Arimidex after 5 years, now I'm wishing I would have stayed on something, for at least 10 years. I know with the Arimidex, that is not recommended. Where's the pictures you promised?
Cami, my cramps are in the stomach. I had them when I first started the FU pills, but I was taking 7 then. I only take 5 now. The SE's seems to be coming on much faster this time around. I guess my body recognizes the phuckers! Is MMJ legal there for recreational use? If not, then you need a MMJ card. A script from the doc won't help.
Ha ha LDB, hubby only works 3 days and you love those days. And which days might that be, the ones he is working, or the ones where he's home??? I can't let my mom get to me. I will miss my seeing my son though.
Gosh Dorothy, your poor Bella. But I am happy you have gotten more time with her, and I hope you get even more. Just so long as she is not suffering. I sure want you to be bixed up too, just hate this for you.
Hsant, what is this Manhattan thing you are passing up to Mary from her pocket? And when someone puts that little rectangle in a message, what does it mean? I too dabbled in a bit of modeling, but more in the 70's and 80's.
I don't think that's hot sauce in that bottle! He's def. one of us!
NM, you certainly have reason to be grumpy. I wish we could say, just don't do it on your weekend, and especially a weekend you are on call. BUT, we know you! And you WILL do it. Cuz you ARE that dedicated nurse. With all the work you do, we can understand your house being in a bit of disarray. Don't worry about it! Ha ha about the porno talk to text. You should save them and share with us.
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Me in the mornings when I have to eat to take my FU pills.....LMAO!
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Good morning friends- happy hump day! Got another busy day ahead but wanted to check in with everyone to see how they are doing this morning.
NM- oh dear friend, you were forced to make a stop at dysfunction junction yesterday by your organization. They sound so disorganized, and having to go spend all that time at the hospital for the admissions when they were not ready was just horrible for you. I hope today goes better friend. Do something nice for yourself every day to get through this difficult week. Simple things like a good meal (even if take out), a hot bath, early to bed always help.
Cami- thanks for the good wishes about my health. Been working hard on this. I told my endocrinologist that my BS is always on my case about my weight as she says women who have bc are overweight don't do well long term. My MO has previously said the BS needs to focus on her own business, which is surgery. Ooh snap! The endocrinologist got this look on her face about the BS weight comments again (I can tell she does not like her), and said it is the insulin resistance we need to focus on, the weight will come off once we get that in balance and IT IS! That is where the link is, between insulin resistance and higher risk of cancer. My MO, PCP and Endocrin. providers are all focused on this part. I was in the pre-diabetic zone the summer before my cancer dx, but my blood sugar went way high when I started the AIs in 2013 so it is a slippery slope here. Been years to try to get things figured out on this and think I finally have the right help! So grateful for this provider I am now seeing and who is helping me.
Did someone get a second car? I have two and although some work to keep up with, love having a second vehicle.
Dara- glad to hear you are coming through the dental nightmare. Have your headaches eased up since the surgery?
Chi- I know several doctors here in our city that have retired or left the healthcare system to provide concierge care to patients. I have not heard how that has gone for them, but when Bob is ready to retire, maybe worth trying? Can he work PRN as an option? My sister is thinking of doing that when she retires from her FT job in another year. I know providers want to keep working in medicine, it is their passion but they are being driven nuts by the system. Which is about to change again.......
I finished my writing class last night, and there was not enough time to hear everyone's stories, so a few of us did not get up to share them (I did a bit of that in a group circle the week before). I have done this class before and thought others who had not had the chance to read their stories should have the chance. Really diverse group of stories and the instructor helped us to categorizes the stories into a genre of writing, which was cool. That class was fun!
Got a business luncheon today with one of my partnering firms who is in town and another call with the fuller group right after. Lots of business activity right now and pushing hard to get to a contract in place, so we can get going. Still stirring the pot on my Plan B just in case.
Have a good day friends!
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Oh and here are some photos from the event last weekend. The ones of me even with a mask indicate it is still really me so I won't post those but if you want to see my pic in my get up, PM me?
The dixie land jazz band leading the parade through the event
The stage where the R&B band was and the dance floor where we shook our booties
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Raising mese hand for a picture please.
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Jazzy we all want to see pics. of u. I wish we could read u'r story too. I would really like that too. I bet u can manage that Daaarlink. Oh I lub dueling Dr's makes it more fun.
Lori I'm sorry for these SE u have, it's terrible to have this on u all the time. I hope u feel well enough for u'r trip. OK now answer me cuz I forget....does u'r DS still live with u'r mom, well I hope he's nearby at least. Somehow I remember u saying he might leave, oh my memory is chit.
I haven't been very busy the last 2 weeks, but that's so expected in weather change, but now it's changing back--well in like a lioness and out like a lamb--maybe, weather is not horrible, but not great.
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Bob works such crazy-long hours that unless I stay up late to greet him, we're like ships passing in the night. I used to book my out-of-town gigs for weekends he'd be working, but invariably he'd decide to trade call with colleagues who had small children and I'd be away while he was off all weekend with nothing to do. At our age and with our respective health concerns making it clear that tomorrow is not a given, I have basically stopped touring for my music (my singing partner needs to, doesn't mind couch-surfing or crummy motels--even sleeping in his car in Wal-Mart parking lots, and plays mostly nursing homes whose residents would rather see a guy singing).
We got storms strong enough to knock out our satellite reception coming through in three waves, but no high winds, thank goodness. Wonder how my friend in Minooka did--that supercell that produced the Ottawa twister went right past her 'hood, following the I-80 corridor. I hear even Naperville spotted a funnel, but it didn't touch down. Couple of years ago we did get a tornado this close to the lake, which spared homes but split and even uprooted trees
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Cami, come visit me. MJ legal and everywhere. No prescription or doctor's order needed. Besides, I'm fun to visit
Thank you all for the kind words about DH. The pain of his passing is gone though the missing is still there. I hadn't thought I would be so happy moving to Spokane so it came as a wonderful surprise.
Snow is melting slowly but still far too much of it. I get dirty looks from my friends and DS since I brought my Michigan weather with me.
Tonight will be my cheap Lambrusco with dinner. I'm no connoisseur like Sandy.
Sandy, that's scary when your GERD gives you those heart attack symptoms. I have to really watch salads since they often do me in. My gall bladder doesn't like them very well either.
A peaceful evening dear friends!
HUGS!
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Good morning girls, raining here, my phone severe warning went off 3 times last night and nothing ever happened, it only just started raining, glad all is dell but cost me some sleep! Think the pooches may have to go to doggie daycare today. Feeling good, glad the bone scan is over, I my gut is telling me it will be fine. No more vertigo or numbness, my b/p is lowest it's been this morning so the new med must be working altho I hate the idea of going from no b/p meds to 3 in just 2 months. I'm thinking if the bone scan shows a lot more arthritis than the one 18 months ago that I may have to talk to MO about switching from Arimidex to Tamoxifen.Was going to try and get 5 years on it but don't want to have breaking bones by the time I get there.
Sandy, I'm wishing I hadn't just bought a 1 year membership to the gym I'm going to and wishing I had gone back to the one with the pool and therapy pool. It was twice as expensive but I'm thinking the swimming and water aerobics would be better for me. Ah well, I'll make the best of it, the top half of me still works pretty good. Hope your new personal trainer finds you just the right workout . Prosthesis? Wine delivery, how nice!
Lori, so sorry to hear about the cramping, I sure hope you are feeling better. Looking forward to getting together next week, I sure hope we can make it work. I'd forgotten that your son moved to NC, so your mom is alone now? And what about the dog, still with her? You probably already told us, maybe when I was away from the boards.
Dara, I am so sorry about your little Bella, I feel your pain and it just sucks! Damn furb got our Emma and now your Bella. And still having headaches, I can't understand that you can't at least get temporary disability, how can you work with nonstop migraines? I think I agree with the mouth guard guy, may be time for a second opinion, of course second opinions cost money so there is that. IDK, wish someone could help you.
NM, oh my gosh, 64 miles and not a single admission? I hope you are paid by the hour but I suspect you are salaried and your weekend will be shot with nothing extra for you, so not fair! Hope today works out better and you somehow get caught up.
hsant, thanks for the Manhattan, it was just what I needed. I'm sure I;ll hear from Dr Price today, if the scan is negative I'm thinking maybe just repeat the TM's in 3 months but we'll see what he says. I would love to find a bookstore with a wine bar, wouldn't that be just perfect?
Kim, I hope things are going easy for you so far, we have very smart ladies here, even if they do drink so come see us and have some virtual beverages anytime.
Jazzy, it was me with the episodes, Tia's maybe? Whatever is was it seems to have stopped but I'm very busy at work the next 2 days which is when it was the worse last week. Maybe it was just from the hypertension and that seems to be much better now.
The above is what I started this morning, ran out of time before going to work, ok, where was I…..
Peggy, Altho I know you'll miss your husband forever it's so nice to hear that you are happy in Spokane.
Sue, oh boy how fun, cremation shopping! Are you picking out your urns too? and Cami, hope you're both feeling better and had a good day.
Cami, hope you're having a good day and I hope you get to connect with Lori.
I got to talk to Nora on the phone tonight, first time she actually got on and had a conversation with me, we are getting her Friday overnight, should be fun and interesting. She was talking away about seeing Emma so we have to deal with that, just going to say the facts, Emma died and went to heaven and then I'll answer questions as I need to.
OK, now about me… MO called today to say bone scan showed arthritis in neck and kness but no signs of cancer…Yay! He said I can either have a PET now if he can get insurance to approve it , or wait a month and recheck TM's, I chose the latter….So that's where it is, then if they've gone up he'll order the PET. B/P still up but just started on new med so a day at a time.
I better post this before something happens, and beside I'm getting to tired to type. Love to all?
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Genny, my “prostheses” are the official term for my artificial knee replacements (titanium & plastic). No cartilage to deteriorate, no cruciate ligaments to tear. They don’t pivot like a natural knee—though they came out with a rotating knee prosthesis a few years ago it had a high failure (loosening) and higher-than normal infection rate. Because the “biofilm” surrounding the knee is vulnerable to infection, I have to be super-careful about dental procedures and take an antibiotic before any of them that would go beneath the gum line or draw blood. If my knee gets infected (can happen years, even decades later) or the prosthesis loosens, I would have to have “revision” surgery that might involve removing the implant and replacing it with a temporary antibiotic-eluting “spacer” before they try a new prosthesis.
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Sandy that operation sounds so scary, IDK everything sounds miserable to me now, I'd rsther phone all my garbage in, I wish we could take all of our tests ourselves.
OK let me warn u now ----right now I'm on steroids so my mind is rattling like ccrazy. WTF Anyway. I even thought of a new design plate especially for BB's, I should go onShark thingy cuz these could be used in the paper plate industry too. I can't let my secret out yet. It's really a good idea tho. LOLing
Peg u really do sound happy there. That's wonderful for what u've been thru an now u've found u'r place. My place is a 10x10 room (my choice) and it looks like I hoard, only cuz I have no room, I don't care tho, cuz I have the most priivacy, well for them too.
Mary u got me sooo confused with u'r post, I thought I had slept and didn't know it. Well things are looking up for u and I am so very happy. U even sound better, oh u know what I mean.
DARA, DARA, DARA What's going on???? U know I have to know all the time.
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OK it's officially Thursday, so this sounds good for whatever u want it too. Well it sounds good to me.
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Good Morning, Loungettes!Got my new keyboard set up, so am back to reading and responding on desk top computer, can use the split screen, and feel back in control, except this keyboard is smaller than the original one, some keys in different places, will need to get used to this one. And the post will look normal!
Cammy--it was a wasted day at work, and it wasn't that no one knew, it was the clinical manager making assumptions and not checking that things are in placebefore making the assignment.Not a thing I can do about the situation except live with it. I hope the weekend is quiet, too, but I'm not counting on it.One clinical manager will tell me that I won't need to do any visits, another will tell me that I'll be doing a few visits to take the pressure off the weekend nurse. I'm pretty sure the two do not talk about the weekend schedule with each other.Again, all I can do is live with the situation.
Ooh, love spiced cider!Thanks, Cammy!
Goldie--I'll try to remember to copy some of the more bizarre talk to text interpretations to share. Some are really funny. I remember Mr.MaGoo, he is TOO funny!
Jazzy--I have been taking time for myself when I get home after work. Mostly it's been an early bedtime, with some Sadie time with lots of tummy tickles and belly rubs, some hide and seek with one of her toys, and a doggy massage, then some reading on essential oils, then choosing an oil to put in the diffuser and novel reading until my eyes droop. I like the "dysfunction junction" description! Will have to remember that one. That writing class sounds like it wasreally fun, good for you!
Chi--yikes, tornados?The very thought scares me silly. Give me blizzards any day, those I know how to deal with, and they don't appear out of nowhere!
Peggy--GERD, gall bladder problems, pancreas problems, it's a wonder any o9f us can eat at all!
Genny--I am salaried, will get a whole $200 for being on call this weekend.I will get mileage plus about $45 per visit over the weekend.I don't sleep well when I'm on call, I'm afraid of not hearing the phone,so I'm pretty tired by the time Monday rolls around and then it's time to start in on another week of who knows what.But it is what it is, and I need to deal.HOORAY FOR THE CLEAR BONE SCAN!!!!!
Chi--I didn't know the knee joint replacement infection risk was for so long, I thought is was an immediate post op thing.I learn something new every day!
Cammy--steroids, can't live with them, can't live without them!
LOVE the Hot Toddy!
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Good morning friends- up early and heading to a professional org event early this am, then off to errands and home for more tax stuff and another call with my collaboration team. Things are moving faster now and the three groups finally got on the phone together yesterday.
Cami- oh boy, you are on steroids, is this for your RA?
NM- I learned that term "dysfunction junction" years ago at one of my work gigs, and it comes in handy sometimes when you find yourself in the middle of that chaos and the management is like "so what is your problem?" Glad you are taking care of yourself and get nice time with Miss Sadie. I expect with being on call, there won't be any wine this weekend (sigh).......
Genny- I am sorry about the arthritis, but glad there are no mets. Glad the episodes have calmed down. I was on one BP med, my endocrinologist took me down to one but put me back on another this week. She is watching my kidney health. Five years ago before bc, I only took albuterol for asthma, now I have three daily medications, a weekly injectible, and more stuff too. I never wanted to be this medicated person, but thing many of these things are going to keep me alive.
Dara- scrolling back and cannot find the post about Bella but knew she was not doing well and think you may have lost her friend? I am so sorry and also hope you are feeling better every day from the surgery.
PontiacPeg- I have an old friend from high school days who lives in your neck of the woods and loves the MJ. He has bad arthritis and it really helps him! They are discussing legalizing it here again in New Mexico as they REALLY need the tax revenue, but we have an ultra conservative governor who votes it down every time. So I doubt it will pass unless they are desperate enough now for the tax revenue.
Hsant- hoping your week is going well and dad is doing okay?
Goldie- I love the Mr. Magoo cartoons! Brings back memories. Your trip is very soon now?
Anyone hear from Juliet in awhile?
KimBurke- I hope you are doing okay this week too. We know you are in the throes of treatment and here if you need us?
Wishing everyone a good Thursday and slide into the weekend!
Beth
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Good Morning ladies,
I woke up a little later this morning, good for me, now I'll see how the day goes, but I do have a lot less pain. Oh I told Marty about my ideas, he just looked at me stupidly and said OK, Seemed good last nite.
Hoping everyone wakes up feeling better, I think of everyone all the time and my prayers are always going on in my head, I certainly can't gt on my knees, well I probably could but that' where I would stay, so I don't even consider that.
Whoa it got cold outside last nite, I had to get my fuzzy cover out and my wrap to put around me, that seemed fast.
I made my Dr."s app't early tomorrow and tests, Joey doesn't have school so I'm glad it's all early and the office and test are all at the hospital so that's convenient. What bother me now is I used to be able to be dropped off and call when I was done, now someone has to stay with me, but I'm not going to let Joey, he has a day off and should enjoy it--altho I'd much rather have him LOL I'm so bad.
OK I have some work to do, cuz it got cold.
LUBS U ALL
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Cami, my son moved to NC, so NO, he is not close. My mom and him had a disagreement, wasn't pretty. She actually called the police on him 2x and told him to leave. So he did. Now she regrets it.
So true Sandy, tomorrow is not a given!
PPPPeg, I like how you say to come visit you, cuz your fun! Nutin wrong wif some cheap Lambrusco. I will on occasion get me some cheap wine at Wally World,only $2.97. Sutter maybe?
Mary, glad the new med is helping. It could also be the fact that you have some of your appts and tests behind you? Now to get a good bone scan report. Lots of hormone blockers out there, go for it. Just don't go without. Gal at my dentist office was on Tammy or Arimidex, didn't like the SE's so she quit taking them. Wasn't on them long. Few months later, her femur broke. Yep, mets. Now of course we don't know and never will if that would have happened anyways. After all, I was a good girl and did my 5 years, and well, you know "the rest of the story". Telling Nora about Emma is going to be hard. Just remember, kids are fine with the simplest answers. Again, why are we checking TM's again in a month? Did they go up?
Cami, a new design plate for BB's, what are BB's? Oh heck, Joey would probably love to spend the day with your tomorrow, that's just the way he is. I think you should let him if he wants to. You don't have to ask him or anything, but if he offers, let him go with you.
NM, those clinical managers need to get together. Perhaps it needs to be brought up at a meeting? Wasn't that a position you applied for?
Jazzy, Julie hasn't logged in here for quite some time now, mid December. And Nancy hasn't logged in since July.
Long story about my mom/son. A friend of my DS's, was going to move into my moms. But it's not working out. Married couple, with 2 little dogs and a 14 yo boy who is not in school. Strange situation, but not working out. Mom does have her dog still.
I won't be around tomorrow. Need to be up early and out of here early, 4 hour drive to the airport!
For Mary and Hsant and anyone else of course! This is the Books & Brews, Indianapolis, Indiana
For NM, Elements: Books Coffee Beer, Biddeford, Maine
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Hi girls,
I wanted to let you all know that I just made the appointment to have Bella put to rest. appt is 7:30 tonight. She has not eaten since the weekend and is lethargic. Her collar has gotten so big around her neck but her abdomen is very swollen as the tumor grows. My heart is just broken. Please keep us in your prayers. We need em.
I have a 1pm appt with neurologist today so have to get moving and in the shower.
~cheerLESS
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Sending all my love, hugs and prayers for you Dort. Glad you have Lucy.
Breaks my heart to see you say Cheerless
I love you!
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Oh, Dara, so sorry that you must say goodbye to Bella. Hugs and prayers.
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Dara- so sorry, may the transition be easy. I know you are heartbroken friend
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