TIME TO CIRCLE THE WAGONS GIRLS
Comments
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hey you gals.........!
i'm near about devastated with the jerk i chose to take back over and over again lol!
but strangely as i pack up his stuff "once again".......i am finding a bizarre peace in doing it.
i finally realize he has to truly just go, and have accepted that i'm better off all alone than with this abusive, manipulating man.
financially and all that i'm way better off without him. emotionally i have a ton of work to do because i have no idea how to "be alone"........but i'm smart enough to know that i'd better figure that aspect out real fast!!!!!!!
any words of wisdom out there will not go unoticed!!!!!0 -
You are not alone. You are ON YOUR OWN.
There is a difference.
Being on your own means you don't ever have to worry is he really where he said he was going to be?
Being on your own means that you don't ever have to be put down by him ever again.
Being on your own means that you love YOURSELF more than you ever loved him
Being on your own means that you survived the BEAST to LIVE LIVE LIVE! NOT be weighed down by someone who could never see the magnificent woman you are and have become.
Being on your own means being able to stay up all night and watch Project Runway marathons and go to bed whenever you feel like it.
Being on your own means that your house is YOURS and everything is exactly where you left it in the morning
Being on your own means you can now FLY and be the person you are meant to be and never take anymore crap from anyone ever again
Being on your own means you have a FUTURE ahead of you... what is in that future? A new love? A new life? You don't know yet-- and THAT is what makes it so damn exciting.
Being on your own means that while you MAY have a wagon to yourself just look out the back and you will see an entire wagon train that loves and supports you and celebrates YOU!
So get up and do a Mary Tyler Moore and throw a hat in the air and sing "You're gonna make it after all!!!"
love you,
g0 -
"How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully big
and girl this time your all alone
But it's time you started living
It's time you let someone else do the giving
Love is all around no need to fake it
You can have the town - why don't you take it?
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT AFTER ALL!"
meow >^~^<0 -
Dear Shel,
I'm so far behind here I can never hope to catch up.And I see you are beginning an adventure.And I came to offer hugs and support.
I'm glad you feel peaceful.You should.You can stop agonizing now.And swallowing stuff you dont agree with, stuff you know isnt right, stuff you dont want,laughing at jokes that arent funny, just for the sake of advancing the relationship.
It's very nice to let it go, finally, and start forming your world just the way YOU want it.
When I "got rid of my husband" little things delighted me:being able to make decisions,w/out having to have them OKed.Choosing a color of paint, what to cook for dinner(or where to eat it out)
I had a friend tell me "I dont say I'm "By myself", I say I'm "With myself".
So I'm just sending you this little helpful viewpoint, along with lots of hugs and hopes for your good health and happiness.Hugs, j0 -
Oh, man, what'd I miss? NS - great post!
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Good Morning everyone. Yes, it has been quiet in the circle this past few days. Good to know that almost everyone is peaceful right now. We need that sometimes. Its very chilly this morning. The fire is warm and bright. I have a nice warm cuddly blanket around me as I sip my coffee. Im having a visual of Susans poster of the stars - and sadly - I realized there are so many of you who I miss and havent talked to in such a long time. Marla, Peggy, Jasmine, Vera, Carrie, Denise, Robin, Nanium - wow thats just a small handful. I hope you all are doing well and that things are ok.
Shel: I'm speechless. I feel so bad for you and just want you to be at peace. Even if its the best thing for you, it still has to be very hard. I have a special place right here around the fire for you. So come on down, we can talk, cry, laugh, and hug each other.
NS: What a great post to give shel encouragement. So sorry about your friend. I dont understand. They wont give her a liver transplant cause she has breast cancer? Does she have mets? This makes me a little angry. No, it makes me alot angry. We have a special place for your friend in the middle of the circle. And for you too, very hard being her friend and watching what is going on.
Joan: What a sweet friend you are. Im sure your words of wisdom gave Shel some innter strength.
As far as me. Well this is day 9 with this cold. Im much better, but still not over it. Gonna see my PCP today for a routine f/u visit so, Ill have him check this out. Dont think its an infection where I need antibiotics, but hey, who knows.
I am wishing everyone a wonderful day. I dont have alot of energy or appetite for breakfast. Guess I will stop on my way to work and get some yogurt or something.0 -
Shel, don't trade one beast for another....((hugs))
Beautiful day here and hope all sisters had a peaceful night.
Let's make sure all of our inner circle girls are warm before the cold weather hits.
I'll make lots of hot chocolate with plenty of marshmallows just like when we were young.
Happy Thanksgiving to our sisters up north!! xoxo0 -
thank you all.
NS........great words!
it's going to be a long hard road, but i'm determined to finally move on this time.
back to "packing".
thanks again!0 -
Shel, how selfish of you giving all your time and energy to this guy when there is a whole world of people out there who would be better deserving of you! (shaking my finger)Jeeze, just look how much better we are for getting to know you. Get those eyes wide open.
Love,
Denise
Gonna go snoop thru some wagons and see where all the goodies are, like heated socks!0 -
NS---You said it so well.
Shel---I can speak as a sister who has been there and done that too. After 23 years finally got fed up and divorced the creep. Finally understood I was teaching my son and daughter all of the wrong things by remaining in a very manipulative and sick relationship that he had no interest in changing because he was getting all of the benefits from it. The serial philandering was just the last straw. Know what I learned? That life is energizing. The world is HUGE and full of interesting things and wonderful friends. That I am strong and more than enough for myself. That having a martini and yogurt for supper is a big treat. That I can work hard and succeed. That my gut is always right.
So many people told me I would feel so much better after I finally got him out of the house and I didn't believe them. You know what? They were absolutely right! No more wondering where the hell is he this time? When will he come home? How drunk will he be? Just how many lies will he tell me today? How many of our friends and neighbors will see him with other women in our own community? Just how long will my mental and physical health withstand this kind of pressure and abuse?
That was 14 years ago (already!) and I don't regret it for a moment. It is the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me (well, BC takes a co-first worst) and I wouldn't change anything I did to extricate myself from a miserable existence and return to my life. I am with a wonderful man now but still sometimes miss the independence and "juice" of my single life.
It looks like you have many sisters here in the wagon train who can encourage you through this process. It ain't easy but we will be here to help you stay strong.
Chilly here this a.m. too and the wagon from Wisconsin should be pulling in early this afternoon. Don't know how much time I will have to check in before next Sunday, when everyone leaves but will try to keep reading along. When we came back from Vermont after a week on vacation, there were 134 posts! My eyeballs almost fell out trying to catch up! Hope the week remains quiet and full of chit chat and no nasty surprises for us all. Hope DebC is almost done with rads (where you been, Girl?)---Robin is feeling better---Debby5 is recuperating---and the rest of my sisters are warm, dry, loved and well. NS---what is that with the liver transplant for your friend? That doesn't make sense. Does she have other mets?
Jeannie0 -
Wow Circle girls-spend a weekend away and it takes all morning to catch up. I tried to take notes but I am also at work so not sure how well I did so please forgive me if I miss anyone.
First I must comment on the harvest moon that we all shared. Wow what a sight! I was sitting back looking at it thinking of how beautiful it was and couldnt help but think of all the circle girls and how we all come from different areas of the world but when we look above we all share the same moon.
Susan, the stars were wonderful and I must comment on the Trenton star and it really got to me. I hope the stars are shining bright over him wherever he may be.
Cheryl-I checked out your link to the pampered chef and will have to go back and look into it some more. I love cooking stuff even though I try not to do too much of it myself,,lol. You would think with my well equiped kitchen I would cook more but I think I just like collecting the stuff more than cooking.
Nicki-I know the water heater incident wasnt funny but it did bring a smile to my face with your description of standing there in your slippers with 40 gallons of water going everywhere. Something good did come out of it though, at least you can turn off the water now. Thank goodness you had rescuers to show up and help you.
Lini-sorry to hear about the anesthesia and the after effects. Hopefully by now you are on your way to recovery.
Jeannie-Glad to hear your flu is moving on and wow??? snow already??? I would love to see it.
Sherri-congrats on the clean pet scan! woohoo--danicng circles around your wagon.
Sue-No wonder you were tired-thats alot to accomplish in one day. Take it easy girl,,relax! It sounds as if you had a full day and a nap was just what you needed.
Kristin-thinking of you as you prepare for the hair loss. I had a head buzzing by my son. It helped him to be able to laugh at his mom going bald. He first gave me a mullet cut and then I had a mohawk. He still laughs and says how many kids get to shave their moms head. Some kids it probably wouldnt work for but he wanted to do it and it helped him in a weird way. I guess you do what you gotta do.
Shel-Thinking of you as you go through this difficult time. I have been there and done that and wish I had done it a long time before I ever did it. My ex was excellent on the outside and everybody thought he was mr wonderful but total hell at home. Never hit me at all because I would hit back but mentally he messed with my head all the time. You will make it girl and stand proud. You are never alone because you have the circle girls with you and our many animals.
NoSurrender-you have such a way with words. Excellent advise you gave Shel. Let me also add that you no longer have to cook or have for dinner what somebody else wants,,its your decision and you can eat or cook whatever you like. (Mine hated onions and there was so many things I did without just to keep peace).
Deese-Check in my wagon for those heated socks. My hot flashes and heated socks doesnt mix so dont think I will be using mine for a long time if ever.
Mena-Come to Alabama anytime but we do have cold weather although I must admit my arms have a nice tan to them from being out this weekend. I had a "redneck" weekend and went to Talladega for the nascar race. It was fun and although I would never watch it on TV it is great fun to attend. The crowds are about as entertaining as the race itself. Its also a good excuse to drink beer. Anyway, on with the weather,,it does get cold here and we have a high predicted for next Saturday of 60 degrees. We seldom get snow and if we do its alot of ice. We are more prone to ice than snow and then you get all the 4WD's that think they can get out and drive even though it happens only once a year and they have no clue about it. One good thing though is the slightest prediction of snow and school is out and they might even send us home from work. This is the point that you race to the grocery store and get all the milk and bread that you can find. Snow groceries ya know?!? When I get there it is usually all gone so I am forced to get more beer, lol. We had one big snow in 93 and it is still talked about. I had no power for 14 days! We just arent prepared around here for cold weather. Come visit anytime and we will meet up with vera and have a grand time.
Well, I am sure I have missed many of you but my thoughts are with you all. Oh one more thing,,any word on Trenton?
Bye for now.
Amy0 -
Just trying to catch up....wow...ok for everyone out there circling the perimeter for us and those near the center of the circle nearest the fire, just remember we are NOT alone...we will always have the love and strength of all on this site....even though we have not met...our hearts are best friends...
PS th efall colors are beautiful in western ny this week....hurry and visit...
MB0 -
Hi girls,
Trying to catch up after such a busy weekend. Found my way out of the corn maze way before the kids did!! Ha...they thought they could lose me...showed them a thing or two.
No news on Trenton...sadly. The police have told my in laws they they fear they may never know. He is in my heart, my prayers, our circle...with his own little star.
NS...what wonderful advise you always give. I am so sorry about your friend and hoping and praying for a new decision that would allow her to have the transplant.
Shel...yup...being On Your Own can be a really nice thing...I am on my own and yes it can get lonely from time to time but watching whatever you want on television, eating whatever and whenever your want, coming and going as you please, no picking up after anyone but yourself can be so nice and like NS said...you are never alone here.
So much to write to so many of you but no time to take notes right now (and boy do I need to take notes!)...you are all in my thoughts as always.
Love
Vickie0 -
Vickie, when I was young, I couldn't handle bad or ugly things and having 3 older brothers, it happened alot. I used to make up happy endings so I felt better. So my happy ending for Trenton is he is with a wonderful family who is loving him.
My other happy ending is for all of our inner circle to be pain free (physical and mental) forever!!! xoxo0 -
Wow! missing two days of posts really makes me lost so I'm just checking in on everyone. It was a busy weekend here with the big rival football game OU vs. Texas. We had lots of people here screaming etc. I went to Oktoberfest and was really disappointed this year. Nothing much there except a really bad rock band. Hope they keep their day jobs. LOL
I went to the dentist today and found out I have an abscessed tooth and will need to see another dentist as mine doesn't do root canals. He's the only dentist I've ever known that hates to inflict pain. He's a real sweety. So I'm on antibiotics and pain meds for now. I'll call and make the appt. soon. Just what I wanted was another flippin doctor. Oh well.
Hugs and Prayers
Liz0 -
Theresa...thanks for the happy ending...that's my life to a tee...always dreaming of happy endings and not able to bear anything else. Some days I have to avoid even watching or reading the news...me and my rose colored glasses!
Love
Vickie0 -
I hear you, Vickie, I don't even watch the news anymore. It is just too depressing. The Weather Channel is about all the current events I can handle these days! :-)
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I love it, I thought my dh was the only one who watched the weather channel. He likes to have it on as background noise! We tease him that he is addicted.
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Shel, my heart goes out to you. The end result will be worth it but the transition can be hard. You will make a life that fits you and makes you happy. How exciting is that! And if you have a low moment, please feel free to come here and whine. We will understand.
Susan0 -
Hi Everone!
After my last post went sailing into cyberspace I decided to just read a while. And wow, so much is going on.
Susan, your job with the stars is dynamite! You are so thoughtfull!
Shel, as tough as it is, please remember that you are doinfg what many women long to do but have not yet gotten up the courage. More power to you!
Liz, I sympathise with your tooth ache. I also have one - started on Fri. nite of a long weekend here (of course!) and I have been patiently waiting till the dentist opens tomorrow. Hate to think of what is in store. My teeth have never done as well by me as I would like.
Niki, hope that your flu/cold is gone out the door.
So here is the rest of it.
Some of you may have guessed that I live out in the boonies. Actually I am about 20 miles from a city of 1 million - altho you wouldn't know it from my mountain view out the back. We have some space - about 4 acres of field, mostly prairie grasses and lots of open space beyond. I can almost picture a circle of wagons on those prairie fescues.
So this morning a red fox graces my back 9. Big bushy tail, just calmly surveying everything and then goes trotting off as my (not so good a hunter) dog gets a sight of him.
Then I went for a long walk in the fields and bush across the road - and there on my path on the way back a big beautiful deer antler, recently shed and totally intact. Wow. What a gift.
I believe that Creator sends four-foots to bring us messages. I will have to listen carefully for what they may be.
As I write the sun has set and left a glowing orange/red sky with the jagged edges of the mountains as an outline. Such a wonderful close to our thanksgiving up here north of the 49th. Wishing you all the warmth that it sends.
Jeannette0 -
Evening ladies,just checking in, have some kettlecorn poping, anyone care to share?
Liz-Sorry about having to have a root canal, the antiobotics will help relieve the pressure and make the root canal a little more comfortable, not that any root canal is fun, and on top of that you'll need a crown....it seems, if it's not one thing it's another.
Peace to all
just vera0 -
Just read on another thread that our Susan of stars are us fame has finally settled her house problems and she is throwing a PARTY to CELEBRATE. And we should throw an extra log on the fire and plan to set off some really great fireworks to go with it. Wish I could find a picture of some good ones but I am sadly to say somewhat illterate when it comes to that.
Anyway, party hearty. Yeah Susan!
Jeannette0 -
will these do??
peace just vera0 -
Beautiful fireworks Vera! Thank you!
I found out my answer today for my friend. They do not give liver transplants to people with metstatic cancer to the liver, only to people with primary liver cancer.
But we also found out today that it wouldn't be enough and she has only a few days.
She is a dear woman. A loving mother. A wonderful wife and friend to her husband who is absolutely devastated...
She has been a friend of mine and a fellow sister and I am just so very sad that she is leaving us...
may God hold her in the palm of His hand and take her home gently and peacefully.0 -
NS- I am so sorry about the news of your friend. Oh, it just sucks. I hope that she is at peace and resting in comfort. So sad, I am just hoping and praying she has a peaceful transition. If she has touched your life in any way, she will live on in you always.
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Awesome fireworks! Thanks so much Vera. Now I wish I could learn how to do that.
NS, I feel so badly about your friend and fellow sister. There is sometimes no rhyme or reason to what path we wind up on with this disease. I hope that her passing is calm and peaceful.
Jeannette0 -
Shel - I know this is a tough time for you, but hang in there. You can do it, and you'll never be alone, as so many of us are there with you. Pay attention to what Jeannie said - sounded like she may have been married to my first husband!
Being alone is not bad - some of my best and happiest times occured between my first & second marriage. You can be alone, and not be lonesome. We don't need men to make us complete. I did have a really great guy with me through my bc ordeal, but I went through some really tough sh!! alone before I remarried, and I got through it. Just take care of yourself, pamper yourself, and enjoy your free time. I've been where you are, and had 2 little kids to boot, so believe me I understand.
Amy I think we were seeing the same moon - it was great here this weekend! We were camping, and we have a skylight above the shower in the camper. Woke up during the night Friday and it was bright as day! I had to pull the curtain across the foot of the bed to get back to sleep. Awesome camping weather though - low 50's at night and in the morning, upper 70's to low 80's daytimes.
I don't watch tv much myself, including the weather channel, Those who said news was depressing were right. So I've almost totally cut out tv. I do watch Nascar & football, and I suppose will watch the World Series when it starts.
Isn't it funny how our priorities change after all this we've been through? My house is a mess, where it used to be organized. There's dust on the china cupboard (and several other places), but I don't care. If we have a chance to be outside, camping, gardening, or just driving the golf cart around the yard, I'd rather do that. The laundry gets gone, the dishes get washed, the bed usually gets made. We enjoy ourselves more these days. I don't make as much money cause I don't work as many hours. But we sure are living good. Ronda0 -
NS, my your friend fell the Love we surround her with in her time of great need. I'll pray for the family too
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NS so sorry to hear about your friend. Praying for her comfort and for yours.
Liz, in my experience root canals aren't very bad. they get you good and numbed up.
Vera, love the pictures of fireworks. How do you do that. I've tried and they come out all blurry.
Tgirl hot chocolate with marshmallows sounds great... and with a few mallowmars!!!
Baldeagle, party at my house. plenty of room for all the wagons! I've started the fire.
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NS, I am so sorry about your friend. I hate it when bad things happen to the best people. I will keep you and your friend and her family in my prayers for strength and peace during this difficult time.
Vera, great fireworks!
Shel, stay strong, girl! With the Circle to back you up, you are never alone!
Love to you all,
Kristin0
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