TIME TO CIRCLE THE WAGONS GIRLS
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It is 2:45 am and I can't sleep. Children and grandchildren have either left or bedded down for the night. I came to check. Looks like my plea for all of this to stop and that we have peace failed.
You know guys, there is a song : Let there be peace on earth. It goes like this.
Let there be peace on earth; and let it begin with me
Let there be peace on earth; the peace that was meant to be
With God as our father, brothers all are we
Let me walk with my brother, in perfect harmony
Let peace begin with me; let this be the moment now
With every step I take, let this be my solemn vow
To take each moment and live each moment
With peace eternally
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.
What a horrible, sad night. There were no winners - none. Just lots of arrows that have cut, maimed some and made others ashamed and weep.
Has enough pain, hurt, postions/stands, whatever, been taken that we can now look inside ourselves and let Peace Begin. Can we please just take the moments we have left and live in peace with each other?
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Brenda, its now 7.45 pm down under, I have read several times what has happened and still can not work it out. I know each and every one of you have suffered more that you should, and you can tell me to keep out of it if you want. I just do not understand why there has to be such personal attacks on each other, Brenda you are so right there have been no winners, and Odalys you summed it up SAD!.
I for one would like everyone to not only use the edit but now that the Moderators have provided a means for us to delete posts, use it, and move on as this Topic is headed. Why hurt each other when all are on the site for the same reason
Take care and I hope to wake up to a better day tomorrow.
Peter
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Good Morning Everyone: Just stuck my head out the door and its going to be a sunny day. I dont know about the rest of you, but with this journey I have good days and bad days. Dont mean to be hypocritical. Just have some days that are sunny and some that are not. My emotions still seem to be all over the place 2 years post chemo.
Sheri: Im glad to see you post. You described exactly how I have been feeling for over a month. I just didnt like who I was turning into and there is nothing worse than not liking yourself. I got your Christmas card and had fond memories of some very good times we had together. I think I sent out 6 Christmas cards and then got overwhelmed - so if you didnt get one from me, its because most of my card were never mailed.
Sahalie: I accept your "shame on you." Its not personal business though. Someone who has been banned from these boards continues to send awful pm's trying to hurt others. I guess with the recent pm's sent and slonedeb getting a nasty card I lost it. I do apologize to you and everyone here. I did go back and edit my post, but to no avail cause it was copied and reposted. I certainly dont want to cause any strife as my real purpose for coming to the boards is to support others and get support.
Vickie: Dear sweet sunshine sister. Sorry you were pulled into this. Its my fault - as I should have just remained quiet. You know you are special to me. We have reconnected and I will never let anything come between us. I got a new cell phone over the Holidays. Its a camera phone. Took a picture of my DH after we opened presents and made it into my wallpaper. Anyways, yesterday I looked at it and there it was - the beautiful afghan you made for me. I still have a piece of your heart and other sisters who worked on that project. Just sending you a big hug this morning.
Barb: just wanted to say welcome again and please keep posting.
Eavesmom: Nice to meet you. Im hping today we can go about the business of helping each other.
DebC: Hoping the kiddos had fun skiing last night.
Gina: As always, you have been a good friend to me. We have known each other for along time and I trust you with my heart and soul. You would never to anything to hurt someone on purpose. Neither would I. Sometimes my Italian gets to me - and I need to remember this is a public forum and some things just shouldnt be said here. Once again Im taking my size 12 shoe out of my mouth.
I dont know about the rest of you, but I am so looking forward to the New Year. Hoping it will be filled with good luck and good health. This is the frist New Years Eve my DH and I will be spending together in a very long time. He is usually playing at a pub. So Ive got fish for good luck and thanks to Jeannie Im gonna have lentil soup for good health.
Peter: You were a good friend to Vickie last night. I have tears this morning reading all that was said to Vickie and wish I never started this. Vickie is a good friend and a good person. As usual, Im was shooting from the mouth instead of thinking.
Odalys: Sad it is, and Im sorry. There are just so many things - it finially got to me.
Well - Im getting hungry and Im gonna get some breakfast.
chemosabi
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Charlene: Sweet angel! You are one of the nicest persons I have had the opportunity to meet here on the boards. We do go back along time too. Wasnt it just last year we were trying to quit smoking? Remember that smoking thread?
Anyways, I missed your angel picture this morning as I always look forward to them. I know you have been under so much stress as this has been such a hard year for you. Cant believe your exchange surgery is the day after New Years. But I think I mentioned elsewhere, that once the surgery is done - its gonna be so nice. The first thing I remember was touching my implants and they were so soft. They felt so real. When I turn in bed, the boobies turn with me, just like before my surgery. Actually thinking about that sometimes brings tears to my eyes.
Love you sweet sister. You are a true Angel indeed.
Nicki
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Vickie .. see what you do? how supportive is that of a sister in need? I have always supported you. You are the one twisting things. The post you edited was the one where you came out stating why you were sending Liz and I an afghan, not the one about the postage. Yes...I did edit that post because people got nasty about the fact that it was supposed to be a surprise. Well...I wanted you to know that you weren't forgotten and it was on its way...I didn't post pics so you had no idea what it would look like and added extra surprises. I don't know why you'd even bring up paying for the postage when you're talking about what bills you can't pay unless it's to make someone feel bad. It was not brought up to make anyone feel bad and you know it...you are twisting MY words. Your Gift to pay for the postage is wonderful .. until you make it such a big deal. I did not make it a big deal until I was slammed and was trying to explain that it meant the world to me. You can't buy people's love Vickie. Buy peoples love...is that what you think I do...that is ridiculous...I simply try to bring joy and happiness...thats what the afghan thread was all about. I was never angry about not getting an afghan. Simply telling me I had one on the way so my feelings wouldn't be hurt is BS and your way of twisting things around. I got a message about what a terrible person I was because supposidly we had sent an afghan to Peter...which was a lie...we had not...it had been suggested but overseas shipping is prohibitive. The absolute truth of the matter is this: I asked one day, on a private forum of which you were a part, if it was wrong of me to state how much I would love love love to have a hughaghan. A private forum that I was banned from so you all could slam me and tell lies. A private forum I wasn't allowed into because, God forbid, I was friends with Peter. I have all the slams about me saved on my computer...would you like them all to be publically posted... That was my exact words. It was said very lightly and with wonder. At the time, I was under the very mistaken impression that all of the CG's were recipients. I was told by several people that no, it was not wrong to wish to have all of those hugs from supportive sisters. I was going through a lot and knew what joy such a precious gift brought to others. I was just kind of hinting around about it because I thought perhaps I was forgotten about. I wasn't angry at all. I just remembered a post where you were looking for someone to send afghans to and I thought, "me, me, I can really use a hug". But my statement started a conversation about who may have received hughaghans, including a particular person that many people in the conversation didn't think was in need or deserving of one before so many others.(Peter...who had not recieved one) The next thing I know, Liz and I are getting afghans because we whined about it. Bullshit...you didn't get afghans because you whined...I felt badly that your names where not on the list...we do not make the list...we are given suggestions and thats were the list comes from. That's the post you went back and edited. At the time, I wanted to tell the truth about what prompted your post. But I didn't feel doing so publicly was the right thing to do. Of course not...you would have to say that you believed that someone undeserving has recieved something you didn't which wasn't true. Then you deleted your post but only after everyone read it and we already knew you were sending us afghans and why. It was very, very hurtful to me. I was just dx'd in March of this year and at the time my baby was 17 months old, had BLM, then delayed recon expander surgery in July, then Hysterectomy/Oopherectomy in October. It's been a tough year. But you had no qualms about posting nastiness about me regarding the afghans and then trying to turn it around. I have never, until yesterday posted nastiness about you...you started this bull...I know full well what a tough year you have had..why the hell do you think we sent you an afghan. Why do you think I sent all the ecards to you that I sent. In spite of that, I love my hughaghan made with love by my sisters all over this nation. I try not to let how I got it or why mar the meaning of it. But it's hard.
BTW, Vickie, why do you think so very many have hurt you? Would you like me to post all the slams and lies...I have them all saved on my desktop. You are always the victim, aren't you? No I seem to always be the scapegoat. Seems like I'm the one being attacked here now.I am not attacking you...simply trying to set things straight...pointless. Thank you very much. You would not be attacked if you were not attacking.
I sincerely apologize to all my sister here who know who I truly am...I am sickened by this whole turn of events.
I have an afghan finished that I will send out as soon as I get a suggestion from the list Madison has...please send your squares and such to Madison in the future. If there is anyone else who would like to sew them together please visit the afghan thread and let Madison know. Its a wonderful thing...or it was...
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Vickie: It was I who started this. I wish I could take it all back. Sorry once again that you were pulled into it. Your feelings have been hurt enough.
And I still have the afghan you made in the wallpaper picture on my phone. Makes me smile everytime I go to call someone.
Nicki
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Vickie, I am so sorry you have had to go through this AGAIN! Things were just fine the last couple of months here, I don't know what has gotten this all started up again.
Charlene, I do want to set the record straight on this account: you may not remember me being a part of Cheri's private board. I haven't said a whole lot about what happened there because believe it or not, I have honored the "what goes on at the cabana stays at the cabana" motto up until now. Maybe it's different now, but when I was there gossip was one of the main occupations. When a friend of mine was attacked there without cause, I probably was banned, I don't know, because I decided to never go back on my own anyway. So I guess what I'm saying is, I have first hand experience of what really went on there. Maybe it's different now, I don't know, I really hope so.
Charlene, I'm not trying to attack anyone, but please don't take this to the dreamer thread, it doesn't have anything to do with it or the wonderful people there.
I treasure my afghan, am sorry if anyone was ever hurt by the project.
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Sheri: I will take responsiblity for what started this. It was me. In a moment of anger, I said how I felt, but surely should not have brought those feelings to a public forum. Im feeling like you felt a couple of months ago.
Once again - I am sorry that because of me many are getting their feelings hurt. Hoping we can get back to the business of supporting each other.
Nicki
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This is all so frickin sad - please stop! Life is to short to continue this. I don't care who started what, who said what or who did what. I am helping with putting the afghans together and I will continue to do so.0
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The afghan project will CONTINUE..................
This is so very sad...........
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Vickie .. I'm not going to address all your lies but I will a couple of them. The private forum you were banned from wasn't so we could all slam you and tell lies about you .. you were banned for talking about what was being said inside a PRIVATE forum to others. You can be friends with whomever you want outside the forum .. that has Nothing to do with it. But you're expected to be trustworthy. You even brought private conversations, edited to your benefit, in your post, that you've since edited, about the afghan you were sending to me. Now you make no sense on why you edited that post since the cat was out of the bag. Except that you said some hurtful things which you won't acknowledge now. It's not true that I would have to say I thought someone undeserving was getting something I didn't if I told the truth about what prompted your original ugly post. That had nothing to do with my saying how much I would love love love to have a hughaghan. I was hurting and wanted hugs. Others who got them, deserving or not, had Nothing to do with my desire to feel my sisters love and hugs when I so desparately needed them. At the time you were asking who needed hugs, and I was crying out for them. My statement about wanting one turned into a conversation about who got them and who didn't .. but that's not the Reason for wanting one or even how the conversation started .. it was just a natural progression of a conversation between a bunch of people. But you're trying to make it out to be different than what it was.
I did NOT start this bull Vickie. You did by not holding yourself accountable for your "this is fun!" comment, sarcasm or not it was still wrong, and instead you make the statement of how deeply I hurt you without elaborating. Well you go way back here Vickie and a broad comment like that makes a relative newbie like me look really bad. I was simply responding to you. I am not the one who was attacking first. Your comment about me deeply hurting you had no place in the conversation taking place yesterday and if you felt you had to say it, you should have PM'd it to me. How did this turn into something about you?
Don't threaten me Vickie. I can be just as ugly as you.
So is this the Joy and Happiness you simply just try to bring to others that you always profess to? What do you think the rest of the sisters here are trying to do? You don't hold a license to bringing joy and happiness, and I for one have certainly had some of the opposite from you. You're always the scapegoat huh? Maybe you should look deep into yourself and be honest for once about why that might seem to be to you.
I hope you've brought yourself joy for trying to tear me down publicly and as long as you do I will defend myself.
To everyone who wants this to stop, believe me, I do too. How can one sit quietly and be made to look terrible without saying something? Neither Nicki's post or Vickie's 'poor me' post should have been aired on this forum and Nicki acknowledges this. It's sad but a kick in your face reality that any breast cancer fighter/survivor, including myself, would have to endure this kind of ugliness.
As far as the wonderful afghan project it's a beautiful thing that shouldn't be ruined by the unfortunate events behind me and another sister getting one. It must be remembered by all that this is not one person's project but something done by many sisters all over the country who each have put real love and hugs into all the squares. Vickie, your not helping to put them together anymore is a real shame and it's all on you. All you're doing by quitting is hurting others. It doesn't make sense. But then, I guess this really is all about you.
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Of all the years I have been on the BCO site, nobody has ever hurt me as deeply as Vickie has. That's all I'm going to say.
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Sheri .. there was a lot of stuff going on when you were a part of Cheri's site. Of course I remember you being there. You are the one who started "The Bitchy Thread". It was a time when nobody could find each other because BCO had upgraded and Gina had started her site. Alot of upheaval and change in the lives of many women who already had enough to deal with on their plates. Cheri's site was open to many more than who are there now. Many would come in and rile up the others about what was going on with somebody somewhere and seek support. Yes, there was some negativity at that time and a lot of misunderstandings too. But I wouldn't call it the mainstay. And once all the dust settled and everyone started adjusting again the negativity disappeared. Now, as Nicki can attest to, it's a bunch of closeknit women supporting each other. The only reason I came to the dreamers thread is because you all came to the circle .. and a couple of you were trying to make me look bad just because Vickie was involved. There's nothing wrong with defending a friend, but you have to be able to do it honestly. You all eating popcorn in jest of what was going on in The Circle was in poor taste for a controversy-free thread. Let's be real now.
Liz and Madison ... I'm so very very sorry. My tears would tell you so. I've been put on the defensive and it sickens me.
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Well - ok then! Back to the business of helping each other. I just heard that our good friend Tinkermax from the chat is having a hard time now - as they are ruling out mets so Im sending a big hug and prayers for a good friend - someone I have known since I came to bco on the chat.
The other day I also heard about our good friend Topaz from the 2005 chatters is dealing with a new diagnosis of mets to her spine. So Im sending big hugs to Topaz also.
After all the junk I ate over Christmas, DH justed asked me to make more Oatmeal/Chocolate Chip cookies. So that will be a fun project for me today. Guess I wont start my diet until after New Years. Most of you know Im a terrible cook. Getting me to make cookies only occurs once a year!
It was 3 years ago that I first found my lump. Always reoccurs in my mind around the New Year. Of course at the time I was this strong will nurse who was never sick a day in her life and just knew it wasn't cancer! So I just let it go - feeling it alot everyday. I had just started a new job and insurance didnt kick in for three months. Once I realized the lump was growing - I knew I had to do something but postponed it until my insurance kicked in. The rest is history. Once insurance kicked in I started this journey and it hasnt stopped. Im such a different person now. I still wonder if I had not waited, maybe my sentinel node would have been negative instead of positive. Of course the pea size lump I felt was only the tip of a star shaped spiculated 3cm lump!
I know one thing though, Im greatful Im here 3 years later. At the time I thought I was a goner. I kept checking things on the internet and somehow found bco.org! My life saver in more ways than one.
Im thankful I have met so many wonderful people here. A blessing indeed.
Nicki
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As usual I have no clue what is going on here. Maybe that is a good thing. I just want to wish all of you a Happy New Year. Out with the old in with the new. Lets try to put all the negatives behind us when we can.
Take Care,
Joyce
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FYI: I am writing a long letter to the moderators of breastcancer.org and asking them to remove the entire "Time to Circle the Wagons Girls" thread. This has turned into an insane asylum and I am ashamed to have ever been a part of it. I left a few months ago when a suppose "beloved" member asked me to stop posting on BCO and declared "war on BCO".
BCO saved my sanity when I was diagnosed a year ago. Today is exactly one year that I had my surgery. I am cancer free and am trying to move beyond. I suggest you all try to do the same.
I have not been involved in the conflict going on here but have (unfortunately) been made aware of many comments made in PM's and e-mails. I feel the moderators have a right to know they have created a monster here and the thought that a newly diagnosed person could accidently stumble upon this garbage makes me cringe.
Nicki, shame on you for starting this garbage AGAIN.
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Welcome back Marsha. Its good to see you and hope you have a nice day.
Nicki
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I think the garbage never ended. When all of this was going on the last time, Marsha, many us couldn't handle it and left, I wasn't aware that we had to have anyone tell us to leave; we were ready to. Looks like the "beloved" friend should have declared war and was right that it just gets crazy here and people get hurt. Vickie started the Dreamers thread because of it. There were other places to post and we ran from it. Some of us slowly drifted back.
Nicki, how many times now have you tried to explain and just keep getting slammed - I've been there - the hurt just keeps coming; I'm sorry. Some of this has taken on a life of its own and you had nothing to do with that.
Once again, I guess PEACE ON EARTH AND LET IT BEGIN WITH ME - isn't going to happen until everyone gets out in the open all the negative feelings they have for some people.
I simply give up!!!!!!!! I think the day is going to come when we realize just how cruel and hurtful we have been - justified or not - and THAT is when the REAL hurt begins.
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So many hurt needlessly. From someone that is on the outside looking in, it looks like no one likes anyone in this thread, and will turn on each other at the drop of a hat. It's hard to keep track of who's in who's ball court and it makes a relative newbie like me not want to get involved with anyone on here.
It seems to me like you have all put each other under a microscope and made to feel like you have to be perfect. That is not possible. We are all humans with human frailties under a lot of stress because of the Beast. Why does everyone take things so seriously. Let it slide people. Get it off your chest and then let it slide.
I really don't think a confrontational attitude is good for one's health.
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Brenda, you misunderstood me. I left the Circle, not BCO. The beloved friend did not run me off from this organization, just this thread.
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Blue: Im glad to see you and sorry about all that has occurred. You have known me for a while and I sure do enjoy talking to you. This is a very nice thread and will settle back down to comforting others soon I hope.
Brenda and Odalys: Thanks for the positive motivation. Peace and Happiness to everyone.
Now Im off to make my Oatmeal cookies.
Nicki
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hi girls please stop this bickering about each other Dear lord jesus please reach down and put forgiveness in my dear sisters hearts and let this be a board of love and hope we need each other andthese girls have been through a lot with this cancer i dont know whats happening and dont want to but jesus please put us abck together again and let us help each other in this cancer journey i ask in your name jesus amen please girls stop this love deb from ky
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SloanDeb good to see you posting. Take care and have a good day
Joy sending you an early Happy New Year too!! Check in with us again soon
Tinkermax and Topaz: Sorry to her that you gals are having some bad days and not so good news. Not only a big hello to you but hope and good wishes being sent for better days.
Deb did the girls have a good time skiing?
Hubby, son and granddaughter are meeting daughter and her children at Hickory Dickery Dock - a kids place for a few hours. I have to get things started for dinner and move things off to the side so we can navigate and have more room in the den and kitchen. I need a shower too; hopefully I will wake up when I do that - coffee sure hasn't kicked in!!
Anyone still have Christmas decorations up? I think mine will be here for a week or more - to darn tired to think about taking them down
Enjoy your Saturday. Brenda
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Came to catch up and am lost again. I guess you have to send and receive a lot of pm's to know what happens around here. I thought we all loved and cared about each other. When do all these negative feelings creep in.
Oh well. On with the show. I am home from surgery and laying around with my lap top. The lipe for my last stage of ps was is just very sore. Kind of feels like I kicked by a horse about 30 times. My entire torso is wrapped up like a mummy and Vicodin is my friend today.
Christmas decorations will be up for several more days. They go up faster than they come down that is for sure.
It is cloudy and cold here on this end of the circle. Feels like winter.
Hope you all can play nice now. Maybe Marsha is right. Maybe this thread should disappear but do you really think that would change anything? It sounds to me like it (whatever it is) would just start up somewhere else. So sad.
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Nicki, you say you cleared things up but asking me to PLEASE stop sending nasty pm's and emails? You won't let it drop so all I have to say in light of you smearing my name with lies is...Prove it!! How dare you! Yes about 2 months ago I danged sure did send out some copies that revealed the true personality of someone that I trusted as well as others. Not to hurt anyone but to let them know who they were being duped by. Show me some proof that I have sent anything after that. put your money where your big mouth is.
Why couldn't you just leave it where it was instead of all this. There's things people here have said, including you, that you surely don't want aired. I know the others don't and I won't do that but I want you either to Produce Proof of your accusations or admit it's just gossip so we do not continue to upset everyone here where it never belonged to start with. Smear my name? Don't make me come back here, Nicki
Jazz & Vicki, now it's my turn to ask for popcorn. hahaha (Just sarcasm)
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Brenda: I hope your recovery is going well. I know your wrapped up like a mummy and I would be so anxious to see how things came out. Since I joined here, there have always been ups and downs to the board. You should have seen it when we had a debate forum. Anyways, soon enough the moderators will come back and take care of things - as they always do. Until then, Im sending you a big hug. Well not too tight though.
Nicki
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Brenda good to see a post from you even if you are wrapped like a mummy and on Vicodin. Don't worry my Christmas decorations will be up for a week or more yet - to tired to even think of taking them down.
Hubby, son and granddaughter met the daughter and her children at Hickory Dickery Doc for some fun. I've showered and cleaned up; put the baked beans in the oven and we're having BBQ sandwiches. No the grandkids aren't going to eat that so I have some "chicken fingers" and some potato rounds to heat for them.
Just think, in a less than 24 hours now, I can announce that CHRISTMAS HAS FINALLY ENDED AT THE BRITTAIN HOME!!!
The house is quiet and I've straightened up so we can all have room in the den and kitchen again - before everyone arrives, think I'm going to go have a glass of wine. Don't normally do that but today, me thinks it would do me good.
Have a good evening everyone. Brenda
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Chemosabi: I hope the administrators come soon.
Thank you for being a good friend.
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Brenda/Naniam: Hahahaha about Christmas being finially over in the Brittian home. That surely made me smile.
Evansmom: I know this about bco.org - it is a wonderful site that helps many many woman and men who are dealing with breast cancer. Whether they have it themselves or family or friends. The moderators here are wonderful. They want to make it as supportive as possible. Its the Holiday week-end so lots more can be said until the moderators come along to fix things. The last thing I want is for a new person to come here and feel uncomfortable. Im just a breast cancer survivor who is trying to connect and make friends with others that are in my same shoes.
Bren: Im missing you sister. I know your busy with your mom and company.
Livestrong: Im feeling so connected with you. I dont know why, its just a gut feeling and it feels good.
Nicki
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