I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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I'm currently 54 as well. Treatments made sex impossible without pain, tearing and bleeding. But I found using Luvena every 3rd night before bed and a combination of lube (Sliquid Organics) and use of a dildo/dilator before penetration has made sex not only possible again, but enjoyable. We did have to work at it for several months to get to this point. But personally, I wanted to try all my options before resorting to topical estrogen.
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Yes, Amy, I will try everything and estrogen will be my last resort. Thanks for the post.
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Hey everyone. I'm not sure if I may have posted this on this thread but I found really good info and help here: https://sexualityresources.com Right on the front page is the vaginal renewal topic. Same recommendations we've talked about but more specific instructions so if you still have trouble, read and don't give up hope but I found you do have to be consistent and give it time. I can't stress the consistency factor enough. I learned the hard way if you stop you are almost at square one again.
I can certainly join everyone in the frustration of all this i hate having to have so much preparation to have sex. my onc also said no to any hormone related treatment and even I'm still tempted and I'm a recurrence!!!
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I second that site TwoHobbies! It has a lot of helpful information, and I also had a positive experience ordering some products from their store.
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My MO lets me use Estrace topical estrogen cream, thinks the Femara is strong enough, I use 1 gram once a week. About three days after the Estrace I insert a small ball of organic coconut oil at bedtime for moisturizing. For sex I use Platinum Wet, put it on him and on me, especially at the bottom of the vaginal entrance, seems to want to tear there more. Then we are very careful about the angle and speed of penetration. When it all goes well it is a really good time and hardly painful with no bleeding. Then I am blessed for two days with god awful night sweats. No good time goes unpunished. I am not willing to give up on sex!Make myself be in the mood at least once a week or the libido wants to fade. It isn't fair! Fuck cancer.
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Chico: Are the night sweats because of the estrace?
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The night sweats only happen with sex that I orgasm with. The Estrace is every week, about the same day. I insert the Estrace and apply some to the area inside the outer labia. Does help with the tearing and irritation.
I am so glad to be in a stable relationship, could not imagine getting someone new to understand the vaginal issues and that the right boob is hard as a rock in places due to fat necrosises and has no feeling. The assault on your sexual self confidence doesn't stop. Sigh
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Ugh, Chico. I am sorry. I haven't even tried since last spring. I know when I do, it will be hard (excuse the pun). I thought that site was interesting when it talked about how you dissociate with your body when you have cancer because of being poked and prodded and everything. It makes total sense.
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Quick question about vaginal moisturizers--I'm trying the Sliquid brand for "routine maintenance." It stings or burns initially. Anyone else experienced that? For those who use coconut oil, any stinging or burning? Stinging/burning does not make me feel good about the product, although I know it's highly recommended.0
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If you are still raw then it could make sense. If not then this product might be irritating you IMO unless the directions state that you might have some burning initially. Don't be afraid to ask your pharmacist where you bought the product.
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I use coconut oil externally and Replens internally. Neither burn at all.
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Is Replens over-the-counter?
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Yep. You can get it at Target.
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I use coconut oil, luvena, and sliquid products. Sometimes I have slight burning when things are a bit irritated, or as Lago stated a bit raw. I usually don't worry too much about it unless the burning were to continue after every application or get worse, which I haven't experienced.
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I'm using Virgin Organic Coconut Oil with no issues. No burning or stinging at all.
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My Med-Onc had no reservations about me using vaginal estrogen at all. He highly approved, saying that it's a quality of life issue, and that poor sex and frequent UTIs cause result if things get too dry down below. I've read enough studies saying that it's only; absorbed locally, and not systemically, that I feel fine about it. A few years back, I also tried testosterone gel with my Onc's approval, due to libido issues. I had to stop due to heart palpitations and insomnia that it was causing me, but it did seem to help improve sensations and response for awhile.
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Hi people,
I'm new here and would like some advice if anyone has any to offer. My partner suffered with bc in 2014 and finished treatment in September of that year.
Then she was put on tamoxifen, even then our sex life was fairly good, she did have flushes nightlybut by July intercourse was down to once every two weeks, oral sex more often. Now it has been over three months since intercouse and a month since oral sex.
She says she has no desire for it anymore. She is fifty and I guess the menopause has started also, but I'm wondering if this is likely to be a permanent thing or if more romantic gestures can rekindle her desire, thanks for taking the time to read this
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Hi Mickey-
We want to welcome you to our community here at BCO. Breast cancer affects not only the person who has been diagnosed, but also their friends, families, every aspect of their life. We're glad to see you being proactive in helping regain and retain some of which has been changed by cancer!
The things you've described are very normal, and many of our members have experienced them. You might find our blog on Sex Matters helpful: https://community.breastcancer.org/blog/category/s.... It can answer some of the questions you have, and together with your partner, you can come up with ways to work through them!
The Mods
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Hi ladies!
For those of you who use coconut oil to aid with vaginal dryness, I need details please.....
Where do you apply it? (and I don't mean which room are you in!)
How often do you apply it?
Thank you!
Merry Christmas!
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I take a lump about the size of my little fingernail and freeze it. In fact I keep a small container in the freezer and make about 8 at a time. I insert the homemade suppository in my vagina as deep as I can at bedtime. The body heat melts it pretty fast and some will come out and help lubricate the surrounding tissue. This will also get absorbed by your panties, good thing I don't wear them to bed. It is not enough to get on the sheets though, so it really isn't messy like it sounds like it should be. I do this about once a week. It does help keep the skin around the clitoris and the bottom of the vagina from tearing. The Estrace cream has been a really big help for that too. I have quit using the Replens since the coconut oil and the Estrace is working so well.0
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thank you, chicopeach57! i'm going to try your method..... hopefully i'll have a good result, too.
have you guys found that your libido improves as your vaginal dryness improves?
thanks for your help!!
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For me I feel I need both coconut oil and replens. I use the replens about three nights a week. I use a little coconut oil every morning after my shower. Coconut oil melts at 76 degrees I keep a small cosmetics jar filled and in a cool spot in my bedroom. Then I can just grab some on my fingertip and insert as far as I can and I rub it on externally as well. If you are in a warm climate you might need to refrigerate but I don't have that issue.
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I'm going to try the Replens/ Coconut Oil routine as a Christmas gift to my husband and myself. More a present for him unless I get libido back. This can only help.... Thanks for sharing ✌️❤️ Lind
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I keep a bottle of coconut oil in the refrig. Right before bedtime most nights I scoop out a small chunk, and as others have said, insert as far up into the vaginal canal as possible. I also use Luvena two to three times per week.
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My DH is so frustrated with my lack of interest right now. What can I do to get that spark back?!? I want to want sex but it's just not there right now. I feel like the Tamoxifen made my low libido even worse than before and I don't know what I can do. Help!!
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Sometimes it's just a matter of giving our bodies a chance to recover from the shock of diagnosis and all the invasive treatments. Judging from your profile info, you've had a really tough year, and it's good to be gentle with yourself. Maybe just a gentle reminder of everything you've been through will help your DH to be more patient as well.
If your DH is open to snuggling and kissing with no pressure to take it further, I have found that helpful sometimes in rekindling my body's responses. Another thing, when my body's responses seem completely shut down I have found looking at erotic images or watching a romantic movie on Netflix (either by myself or with my DH) helpful. Sometimes if my mind is stimulated, the body will follow. I personally don't like to go to porn sites, but have found Tumblr to be a great site for a wide variety of sexual images that can kick my libido in gear a bit!
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I've thought of that but the Christian part of me thinks it's wrong. But on the other hand...having a pleasing and sensual relationship with my husband (as God intended) is the ultimate goal so it should make it ok. I'm a little conflicted. I certainly don't judge anyone else but haven't been able to bring myself to that. Maybe I'll talk to some of my Christian girlfriends and see if that aligns biblically. I know God intended for us to have intimate sexual relations with our spouse and if it takes a little visual stimulation maybe it's ok?
I hope this doesn't offend anyone...just laying my heart out there. I'm not a prude. I used to love sex and all kinds of erotic acts with DH but yes, it's been a tough year and I just need to get back there. There is a movie that I used to get aroused by...probably considered soft porn. Maybe I'll dig it out
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Another big issue for me is that my house hasn't been REALLY cleaned in almost a year. DH and DD try but they don't clean up to my standards. I just haven't had the energy but it's distracting and always in the back of my mind. It shouldnt take priority over sex but it always manages to be a cloud over my mood.
I'm finally getting some energy back so maybe I'll start to tackle one room or small area at a time and see if I can get rid of distractions.
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Hi rleepac. I definitely understand your reservations. Definitely talk to some of your Christian girlfriends for some ideas and support. The nice thing about tumblr, is there are some blogs that are respectful and low key (probably like the soft porn movie you like). Imo, the images just celebrate the beauty of the human body and the act of sex. But do so in a way that is not exploitative or degrading to women. A person might have to search around a bit to find a blog or blogs that 'speak' to them, but the possibility is there.
I also understand your house issues. Even though chemo and radiation ended back in May, I still have these piles of projects all around the house that really weigh on me. When my house feels chaotic, it makes me feel chaotic as well. This can definitely make 'getting in the mood' more difficult! I've been slowly going through the piles, and that helps to make me feel better and a bit more in control.
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I think the images is a great idea. If you find something you can mentally latch onto, you can go there in your mind when needed. I have done this myself in the past and I, like you, Bekah, have been reluctant to have sex again. I read a passage on here about how it can be traumatic to be touched again after all our bodies have been put through. I think it is going to take some big effort our parts to get that part back. Bekah, can you you hire a cleaning service to just do a big clean so that you don't feel so overwhelmed? Also, maybe you don't have to go for outright porn, per se, but movies that have sexual content. I think my DH and I were watching the Wolf of Wall Street and we didn't make it to the end.
Also, I heard a doctor on doctor radio who specializes in menopause and she is also venturing into cancer related menopause. She mentioned an organization that she belongs to and I am going to get a new OB anyway so I wanted to see if I could find someone who was a member of that organization. I will keep you posted. I am also interested in finding out more about that Mona Lisa thing. I know that in general, sometimes sex was something you didn't really want to do and once you did it, you were glad you did. I think after not having it in a while, it is going to be a much harder horse to climb back on but we have to be determined, IMO.
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