I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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I'm not too sure about this whole female Viagra but one thing that has worked for me is a fake it til you make it approach. No, my libido isn't what it used to, I don't think it ever will be. But whenever I look at my dh and think what a great guy he is, I pull him into the bedroom. He is thrilled that I am showing interest and when things get going I am thrilled that things are going! Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes there's no big O for me, but that bonding process takes place and it is wonderful and fills my heart with joy. Just sharing from "our" point of view since these articles are ridiculously condescending
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Alexa, what a beautiful testimony to the power of your love for your DH. Our genitals may not function as perfectly as they once did before our disease, but our bodies are so much more.
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Yay! Still able to find the big O! I was wondering since im still doing treatment....now how to involve DH? I'm a little scared of penetrative sex since it's been so long and my body feels fragile from the drugs..but like Alexa said, I want to want it, and I definitely want him to want it and give it to him, even though I'm still bald boobless aND chemoed up. Mostly I just don't want to damage myself or get a yeast infection...I can fake the rest. Any thoughts Lqdies?
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Littleblueflowers, try experimenting with 'toys' or a dildo similar in size to your husband, going very slow and using lots of lube. If that feels comfortable, it might help you to feel less nervous and confident about having actual penetrative sex with your DH. I've been using that method very successfully. I started with dildos a little smaller than my husband and worked my way up to one that approximates his size. Just be gentle with yourself if you're still doing chemo!
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Good idea. Amazon here I come! We tried sex last night, and even with enough lube to drown a hippopotamus...ouch. like a virgin. Back to square 1 at 34...😑I was so annoyed I almost cried...
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Littleblueflowers, the first time during chemo that we had penetrative sex I did cry the next morning when I was still hurting and discovered the entrance to my hoohaw was blistered. In fact I cried more than once. Lube helped a little, coconut oil helped a little, but there was the pain on entry and pain like a constriction in the middle too. Thought after chemo it would all be okay, nope. MO gave an Rx for estrace cream and FINALLLY!!!, 95% of the pain is gone, just some mild discomfort on entry. And I can actually produce my own moisture. I was so afraid sex would be a pain the rest of my life and I really, really like it. Don't know if you can use estrace during treatment though, but there is hope down the road. Like amylsp said, be gentle with yourself right now.
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LittleBlue I will admit that the first time I had sex after chemo I was OMG WTF! I spoke with my Onc's NP about it. She had me use Replens every day for a month then go down to 2X a week. I eventually didn't need it at all. Still need lube but once things are started again many of us do fine.
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Hi. Is it Replens or Rephresh? Or are there two products? Tx.0
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Oh, awesome! I will ask if I can use that...this situation can not continue. Normally we use a water based lube, but that just doesn't ease the pain!
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I used the replens for two months, just about every night, it helped a lot but not as much as I needed, so the estrace was prescribed. I supplement that with a pea size frozen coconut oil homemade suppository at bedtime about once a week too. Once you can get rid of the pain and start enjoying it the more the want comes back, thank God!
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Replens or Rephresh, 2 products but they basically do the same thing.
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Oh that's good to know. Do you prefer one over another?
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I never tried Rephresh.
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There's also Luvena. It's more expensive, but doesn't have any parabens or glycerin in it.
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My dr gave me Vagifem which is a little pill that you insert like a suppository. It was once a day for two weeks then twice a week afterwards. It has greatly helped the dryness. Before, sex felt like he was scratching an itch I didn't know I had. Now, I use a little Astroglide to get things going smoothly and it's pretty much back to where it used to be. My dr also said there is a pill called Osphena, you take it orally, it is not estrogen and was created specifically for dryness relief.
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Ugh. Think I'll pass on a helping of uterine cancer
Well, after the painful sex, now I think I have a yeast infection. My body is just unhappy. I'm gonna ask about using rephresh during treatment. I'm wondering if it would help keep things in balance down there? Geeze...one more drug to add to the list.
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Yeast infection. Stay away from sugar. Also when I get them (usually from antibiotics) I just get some acidophilus capsules and use them as a vaginal suppository for several days. I find the OTC meds irritate me and this works just fine. Not as messy either. If the capsule isn't dissolving cut off the top before you insert.
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Yep, not only did I have sex I also ate chocolate cake for the first time since diagnosis. Dang it. MO gave me Diflucan for now...
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It is been 8 years for us and no sex. So, pain, dryness and loss of drive are here to stay for some years.
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It has been 13 years since completion of chemo and rads and start of tamoxifen for us. Things were fine until starting tamoxifen. We are still together as a couple.
The fact that no care providers we have had for me ever provided ANY information or compassion about post-treatment complete loss of gender is one of the most inhumane and totally unexpected experiences I have ever been so intimately exposed to in the name of "medical care".
AlaskaAngel
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AlaskaAngel keep asking. I asked gyn, pcp, mo. I finally got referred to a female urologist. Ask pcp if there are any female gyn who specialize in post cancer or menopause. Or if there is a pelvic health center near you. If there is a pelvic pt call and ask who refers patients to her. We should not have to suffer in silence. Did you see the thread about mona lisa touch? I am researching into doing it. Not covered by insurance but worth it to get back intimate functioning. You would probably have to travel. The monalisa touch site has a physician finder.
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Kareenie, thanks for your understanding. I agree -- we should not have to suffer in silence.
When I say "genderless", I mean the loss of the sense of having any personal identification with either gender, and the complete loss of interest in the sensuality of either gender. The mona lisa touch could make a difference for those who have some remaining sense of gender along with a possibility for desire, and I hope it helps you. Thanks for your compassionate response.
A.A.
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Alaska Angel, you bring g up an interesting point. I too am beginning to feel out of touch with my old biological gender. Missing two major and one minor aspects of femaleness...fertility, breasts, and hair..has totally disconnected me. I don't feel sexual interest in men or women right now. It's difficult to figure out how to present my gender identity. It's going to take work to figure this one out! Gender neutral seems so lonley...
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littleblueflowers, I am hoping that for you the strangeness of feeling genderless will be limited, and that it is happening for you more briefly while you are so fresh from all of the exposure to diagnosis and treatment. It is a very emotional and confusing time, in trying to understand so much on the intellectual level, and then take it in on a truly personal level as well. I hope that you are more or less feeling a sense of distance from any gender mostly as a way of giving yourself time to step back a bit, to be able to find your own truth before moving forward.
A.A.
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I don't feel genderless, but not even two months on Arimidex with ovarian suppression and the last two times we've attempted sex I am in so much pain I can't get him completely inside and have wound up sobbing. My husband says I need to relax but that is not the problem. MO said she was surprised to hear that people were giving out estrogen creams to women on hormone suppressive therapy and told me to try HyaloGYN, which helps with day to day irritation but made no difference in doing the deed. She said she wouldn't rule it out but it should be my last resort. Its true, as a mother of a 4 year old, dying trumps being a eunuch but unfortunately i feel like having your breast cut off is the easiest part of this disease.
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Thought this latest Breastcancer.org blog post would be of interest!
Stay Hopeful: Flibanserin May Finally Be Approved for Help With Libido!
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Wow I didn't realize Osphena was not acceptable for breast cancer patients. Sorry about that
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I'm definitely drier since starting OS + Arimidex. Sex isn't painful but we need to use lube every time. Astroglide seems to work for us. Libido? What's that?
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