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I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
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Just bumping this up.
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I keep reading bits and pieces of this post. Everytime I do I feel like my sex life is nothing! To tell the truth I haven't been interested in years! I'll get interested but it takes lots of work. I do usually O, so I guess that's good. I think it says more about my marriage then about my interest in sex to be honest. I have found myself checking out late night sex shows! and articles on the internet. Careful where I go there - don't want bad spy wear on my computer. Any way - keep it all going ladies. I love reading!
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Hi girls...not responding to anyone's post in particular...just want to say...hmmmm how do I say this?...
Well, at the very least, KA-CHING!
No, it wasn't Wellbutrin or spontaneous...but I do have all kinds of goofy songs running through my head...for example, "Feels like the first time"...hahahah...(who was that, Boston?) Might as well have been!...after so long...feeling somewhat guilty or disappointed in myself or something...
I don't know...maybe it's some kind of ptsd from the divorce or just plain ole shock that it even happened hahaha...oh, dammit...anyone else with post-divorce relationship advice, please chime in...thanks...xo0 -
bump for a curious sister...xo
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Mena let the songs keep your head...
all I hear these days is
walkin on sunshine
hahahahahha
life, love, and mojo are so very good.0 -
OK, Mena, If I get you right you felt both happy and sad after the lovemaking. This is normal.
I have a theory. The theory is that when you are with one lover for a while and then start with another lover, your body, mind, and emotions actually "mourn" for that first lover for a while after that first lovemaking session with the NEW lover.
When you have made love with one man for a number of years, your body, mind and spirit becomes joined to that one, for better or worse. Then, you break up with or divorce that one man you were making love with, and meet another man, your body remembers the first man and feels various feelings.
For example, I lived with one boyfriend for about 12 years. We broke up. I met my (future) husband about 8 months later and the first time we made love, I cried for Greg, the old boyfriend. I felt sad for him. Or something. It was a feeling of "loss".
That strange feeling goes away about the third time you make love with the new man. By then you have bonded to the new man....now if you then go to make love to a third man, mabye you would have those feelings for the second man..I dont know! Dont do that though/.......!
Is this sort of what you meant here?0 -
Well for me, chicas, when it rains it pours! The guy I was seeing since last September and I agreed to cool it on the romance stuff and to be FWBs (Friends With Benefits). At first I didn't know how comfortable I could be with that since he had been there throughout my surgery and rads (met him right after I finished chemo) and I definitely had feelings for him. Well, I pretty quickly 'recovered' as we set about having the best bangin' sex ever! Sometimes its slow and tender (something I've never had or would have let myself enjoy) and sometimes its close-to-pornographically hot. But its totally happening and keeping me waaaaay happy and satisfied! We're not hanging out watching golf on TV anymore or playing much Scrabble, but lemme tell ya, I do not mind! And I thought that the 'G-spot orgasm' was a myth?!
YESSSSSSSS!!!!!
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Marin - you go girl! Good for you.
I basically had a non-existent sex life with the ex of 20 years, and recently (within the last 11 months) discovered how refreshing and FUN sex can be. Hate it that I miss out on so much for so long, but thrilled I finally found it!!!!!!!!!
Sounds like you have a GREAT thing going. Just go with it and
Donna0 -
Bubbles, I do think you're on to something! I have found for myself, though, that post-BC I'm less emotional about men. Perhaps it's the lack/loss of estrogen?
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Oh, and yea Mena and yea Marin! Go get it girls! 0
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Bubbles...Yes! I felt sad. Happy and sad...just all funked out...I'm glad you responded and made some sense out of it for me. I had read that when women make love to men, our bodies activate "attachment" hormones -- hormones that make us feel attached to that man...
I'm really thankful for your response. I thought I'd be on cloud nine, but it's actually more of a let-down, do you understand that? I had been with my ex (and only my ex) for nine years and alone for 15 months. So it was a huge step for me...not even sure I was ready...so I'm going to slow it down. It took forever to get to this point, so no need to rush now.
Besides, there are some things I need to hear and some actions I need to see taken by him before there's that type of intimacy again. Sure, he's already introduced me to his entire family, and I've already been in their company a couple times, but I'm not quite the priority I want to be.
I refuse to settle anymore. Not after the mess I've been through.
Thanks again...Mena...xo0 -
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Besides, there are some things I need to hear and some actions I need to see taken by him before there's that type of intimacy again. Sure, he's already introduced me to his entire family, and I've already been in their company a couple times, but I'm not quite the priority I want to be.
I refuse to settle anymore. Not after the mess I've been through.
Thanks again...Mena...xo
Nope - settling shouldn't be an option, with or without BC! Good luck to you!
Janis L0 -
Yes Mena! Our bodies often do things we dont understand! THEY know what they want and stuff. Just accept your mixed feelings and what your body "memories" are and your fears of getting too close too soon and what might happen!
It will be OK once you get to the point of trusting him more fully and making love a few more times (even if you delay that until you can trust more)
I am just so happy you found a man you are compatable with. It is a miracle finding that anymore.
Good going.
PS. I remember when I first made love with my "now" husband, I cried and he asked me why and I told him because of "Greg". He somehow understood. Most men would not understand.....however.
If I were you I would journal what you are feeling just to get it out and get it on paper and make sense of it all! You and your feelings are all important. You are precious.
Good luck my friend!0 -
Amen Mena! Don't settle! I made that mistake and won't do it again. I was married for 20 years and alone for 12 months before meeting BF last Aug.
Just take things in your own time and try to enjoy. If it's meant to be it will be. If not, you're stronger now that you've ever been and will move on. (that's what I keep telling myself anyway.)
Donna0 -
Bubbles, that is so true. I had a really hard time with my new boyfirend (now DH) after my divorce. Totally different styles. #1 was Really good!
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Ok, so get this girls...new BF called about 4x yesterday. I picked up the last call hahahaha...I said quite clearly and with enthusiasm that I needed to "get out of my house, so I have to go somewhere, anywhere, just away from here..."
Now, here I go with my expectations...I thought for sure he'd say, "well, come on over..." Well, he didn't. So, when he called three more times after that, I just hit "ignore." I certainly wasn't going to talk to him in the state of mind I was in (I was hurt and teary what with the full moon and all) and no way was I going to let him see me vulnerable...I actually wanted him to think I was out on the town hahahaha...
Childish? Nah...Self-preservation is what I prefer to call it.
You know, the damn fool even got to me so much with his gentle kindness that when he asked me to put an earring in at the top of my ear (where I already have piercings, just haven't been wearing earrings), I did it! What a fool! Next time I see him, that diamond is going to be gone. Just a sublimal message for his oblivious male mind...
If I'm being childish, by all means, tell me. And Bubbles, I do journal it all down...that's how I calmed down last night...so much for that night on the town.
I keep thinking about a poster's quote that goes something like this: "Don't make anyone a priority who makes you only an option..."
Since March, I've been put behind "The Sopranos," the Red Sox, Golf (every fricken Sunday no matter what and it takes all day). I've already told him I won't be taken for granted by anyone ever again and to enjoy his golf game. Then I hung up. That was about six weeks ago. He let two weeks go by, then called back with an apology for his insensitivity.
I know the way my exH treated me has a lot to do with how I react to what my new BF does. So, if I'm being childish, by all means, let it fly. I want to hear it. I trust you guys and please throw in some humor...Mena...xo0 -
Oh hahah this is getting good. New BF just left a mssg on my cell..."Hi..hope everything's OK...yada...call me back..."...and I did...got his voice mail, left a mssg..."Hi...will be on the road on my cell...maybe watching the Sopranos, or the Sox or playing golf, you know, priorities..." hung up. At least I'm smiling now hahahah...omg what is happening to me? Is this displaced anger toward my EH (ex husband -- is this a new abbreviation?). Bubbles...how about a theory on this?
Now I'm really off to take Mom to the wound healing center...whole 'nother story...don't get me started. "Mom" is a whole 'nother thread hahahaha (but at least I know where I stand with her, God love her)...Mena...xo0 -
Oh Mena! I am sorry....you have been so hurt, like many of us, that it is hard to figure out "normal male behavior" and "hurtful and neglectful behavior we have experianced before".....
I am glad you are using the journal. I do it too. I know you are angry. Last night was like that for me.
I asked my husband Tues morning to make love with me Tue night. Then, arond 3PM on Tues he called and said he had to take nose decongestants. I told him "I guess there will be no sex then" (meds make it hard for him to have sex)
He replied:"Oh no, YOU can have some." This means he will use his hands or a toy on me even if he does not want any himself. I was happily looking forward to it getting all turned on all day, listening to great rock music getting turned on at night, drinking glasses of wine, etc.
OOPS, it is 11PM and he has not come thru. I ask him and he said he FORGOT! Geeze it is the only thing that got me thru the day was the thought of some great touching at night before bed! I was crushed since this happened before to us and I thought we had the communication all worked out.
I was a baby, I cried, told him he maybe would REMEMEBER if she was a drunken slut from a bar but me with my short hair..nooooooo! How could one forget about sex? he said I was complaining about my leg pain so he figured I did not want sex that nite. After stomping and crying for a while I got past it and asked him if we could do something tonight. I hate to ask. For sex. It is difficult for me.
So, he told me to be more clear in what I wanted from him and he would have come thru with it. At 6AM today he came in and started offering sex but I told him lets wait till tonight.
My point is, you should have asked him to go out somewhere with you at 8PM(name a time and even a place) or you could have said, can we figure out somethng to do tonight, Id love to see you!
MEN need specific instructions, they are not that great at hints....0 -
Mena...Are we seeing the same guy? Golf & the Sox always came first...Now that I don't sit around and play into that crap, I do (come first that is
)!
Sigh....doncha hate that we need these creatures?0 -
Marin...yes! The same guy, let's call him Basil, that I first posted about on page 29 on April 8th (I actually looked it up because I wanted to know myself the exact date.) It's been over three months. I don't think I'm asking for too much.
He may just be too set in his ways (never married; only 1 or 2 long term relationships, etc...), but I do like him. I haven't heard from him, so I take it my last message left him either flummoxed or still in the "I don't know what I want" stagnation, which is an explanation I got from him about six weeks ago.
Well, I do know what I want. Nothing glamorous. Just some TLC and maybe that dinner out he's been promising me since we first reunited. Let him give up a golf day. Everyone knows how expensive that is. I'm worth it, dammit!...Mena...xo0 -
Well, Mena, my experience with 'Basil' is that the more I try to change him and convince him that my way is the decent, kind, proper, manly, whatever, way, the more he digs his heels in and does the Mr. Independent act. Since we agreed to be 'just friends,' he has been more attentive and considerate and we've more & better sex than ever! I love the way its going, but I feel like its sorta a game. And thats what I mean by these 'creatures' of course....they are totally infathomable! I'm leaving for the beach in the morning (without him) and I know that he'll miss me more this time than when we were separated while in the relationship and the reunion sex will be awesome. I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd ask Basil directly for the most important things you want (dinner, sex), get them, and then go on about your business. He'll probably be all about you (and me )then. Ugh..frustrating!
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OK...I called Basil to apologize for my message, and then I laid it all on the table...how it was just the last in a list of 3-1/2 months worth of hurts and disappointments, and that I'm not going to be his personal concubine, at his convenience no less.
He's so damn quiet, he didn't have much to say, except that he'd give up some Sundays and was planning to take a day or two off next week and oh, that after he thought about it last night, he called me right back to invite me down...now, duh...I said, "I told you I was going out," and "Why did you have to think about it? It seems we're on different pages..."
Anyway he knows he had the option of seeing me tonight if he really wanted to repair this, but he decided not to. So I do think it's over. And that's OK. He said something about "maybe you need more." Yeah, you idiot, more consideration, more common courtesy, more respect...ugh...I didn't say that. I'm saving it just in case I hear from him again...
Thanks for letting me vent...Mena...xo0 -
N-E-V-E-R- Settle.
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Okay, after my hysterectmy in Dec, the big O has eluded me big time...finally after months of trying...got it back last night. DH and I were both relieved.
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Dotti- I think that is the BEST advice ever posted on these boards. Over the years, I had to remind myself of that rule many times as I have fallen for Mr. Wrong.
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Okay, after my hysterectmy in Dec, the big O has eluded me big time...finally after months of trying...got it back last night. DH and I were both relieved.
YEA Janis!!!!!
Oh, what a relief! My body is finally responding close to it's "old normal" and while I went through the motions for months and still enjoyed myself it was SO frustrating to really feel dead down there, like the nerves had all been disconnected. While it felt good in some ways it wouldn't all come together (no pun intended for once). It still takes me longer and I have to concentrate A LOT but I can get there eventually.
I am SO happy for you as I know you were very frustrated. I hope the good mojo continues for you!
Janis L0 -
Well, well, well...Old BF called after a week...seems he'll give up some golf, after all...I guess he misses me...said he wants to work it out...so, what, it took him a week to figure that out? Hmmmm...also said it's "silly not to be together over this"...what "this" is that he's referring to, I'm not sure; there were several that I recall hahaha...
Oh, I dunno...0 -
Hey Mena...Is it 'down time' in golf these days? Maybe its the hot weather? I seem to be getting more action too. Better take advantage!
PS You should ask him what 'this' is....the things that men perceive are so totally different from what we see. Could be something you never noticed or don't even know about!0 -
Incognito, is that the 'use it, or lose it' plan. I think you're brave raising the topic. We're all so conditioned to pretend that doesn't exist and if it does, we don't do it.
When you're faced with a dying or dead sex life, you have to use all the tools in the shed to find different options or alternatives. It's hard when you love someone but don't want to be intimate. I can understand ConnierC 'faking' it but I would think that gets to be its own strain after awhile.
Scorpio, maybe you can bring your husband around a bit if you focus on intimacy as opposed to sex. I believe the intimacy will flow into the next step and allow your husband to feel comfortable even if you don't have the libido.
The things we go through are incredibly challenging and yet we always seem to hang in and work around them and rise above them.0 -
Just a Bump
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