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I WANT MY MOJO BACK!

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  • Naniam
    Naniam Member Posts: 586
    edited September 2006
    Ok, Ladies, this thread was started long before I signed on here and I have read bits and pieces; also read some under other threads on this topic.

    I had just gotten "everything surgically put back in place" and sex life was good again. Then comes BC. What is sex????? I realize part of my lack of interest was that I had no energy; other part just me not at terms with what had happened to me and change in my breast. Being honest!!
    Well, I am getting some energy back and it has been a very, very long time (thank God hubby is very patient and kind) so having read some of these threads I purchased some KY Long Lasting vaginal moisturizer with vitamin E, hormone free, PH balanced, Non-irritating. This morning I used it for the first time. Holy !_!_!!_!_!_!_!_!_!!_!_! I was on fire for about 5 mintues and wasn't quite sure what I was going to do; like how am I going to remove this stuff. Ok, ok you can pick yourself up off the floor now.

    I am 61 and never had any problems before BC but then I was on estrogen too. Why did this stuff burn so - you think I want my hubby anywere near me after that? I am afraid to use anymore of this stuff as I am hours later still not totally comfortable. Any of you offer any suggestions - think I need some help. Hey, I am no prude but I normally don't discuss my private life so this has taken some effort.

    Ok, just stop laughing and please give me some help here.
  • AlaskaDeb
    AlaskaDeb Member Posts: 1,159
    edited September 2006
    YIKES! I am NOT laughing. that sounds really painful. One time I mistakenly "wiped" with a tissue that had lotion with menthol in it. I thought I was going to go through the roof it hurt so bad, so I can relate. You must be sensitive to one of the ingredients in the product. Have you ever used plain old KY jelly? I have not heard of anyone reacting badly to it, but I would sure try a TINY amount the first ime if I were you. There are lots of different products on the market, but trial and error might be kind of painful. Maybe you could try them somewhere less sensitive first and then try a tiny dab if it doesnt hurt your regular skin.

    Good luck!

    Deb C.
  • FitChik
    FitChik Member Posts: 392
    edited September 2006

    Naniam...I'm with Deb - not funny (well, maybe if it was just a cartoon)! I'm thinking that you may have used the warming or cooling KY stuff and been allergic to whatever is added for those effects..? If not, I'll betcha the basic jelly would do the trick. Don't give up!

  • Naniam
    Naniam Member Posts: 586
    edited September 2006
    No, I saw the warming ones and just went for the one that said KY Long Lasting vaginal moisturizer. By reading the ingredients there shouldn't have been anything in there to cause it to burn - said non-irritating (hahahahah). I was very serious when I said it had been a very, very long time soooooo, could I just have possibly been that dry from chemo and lack of hormones? (We aren't spring chickens and do the things we once did but neither are we dead!! He is older and on BP meds and I just couldn't get my energy back enough to try but we are BOTH ready!!!)

    Thanks for taking the time to respond. Brenda
  • FitChik
    FitChik Member Posts: 392
    edited September 2006
    If you read the posts on this thread, at least the ones that deal with the dryness issue, it seems that chemo and cessation of estrogen supply does exactly that to lots of us - cause dryness. My body skin got somewhat dry during chemo, but I was lucky to not lose lubrication. Of course, I did alot of 'prevention' and made sure to keep everything working by having lotsa sex. Ya know, the 'use it or lose it' theory? I understand being so bone tired though and so now its time to get it all fired up again. Its my belief that we give up enough going through this crap and should definitely not have to give up one of life's greatest pleasures! So maybe read back over some posts and see what a long line of posters report having had work for them..?

    I was just reading an article in Oprah magazine about the use of sex toys and its an interview with a 'sexpert,' Hilda Hutchinson (MD). She says....'...if you're menopausal - and not sexually active or taking estrogen - they (sex toys) keep the blood flowing through those vessels. You've got to prevent your vagina from shrinking and getting dry - a dildo is fantastic for that...' OK, I'm not recommending that you get a dildo, or any sex toy for that matter (though, personally, I think they're fun!), just that you get active in one way or another and get yourself some orgasms. Sex, as I'm sure you know, doesn't have to be all about the one act. Hell, last night my GIS (as above, Guy I See) and I had ONLY oral sex and it was outta this world freaking great!

    I hope you do try the basic KY jelly, Naniam, and give it all another try, but until you get the pipes really working again, I would think that doing stuff other than straight intercourse could be very hot.

    Oh, and finally, I take 2,000 mg of fish oil daily and SWEAR that my extra moisture and lubrication can be attributed to that. And....of course, the excess practice I'm definitely menopausal and on Aromasin, so no estrogen in my system at all. Good luck!
  • Naniam
    Naniam Member Posts: 586
    edited September 2006
    Just don't tell me that you were one of the women that continued to enjoy sex during chemo!!!!! Why did my chemo and rads just knock me on my ass? I was a single parent for quite a few years and for a while I wanted to all men to just stay far from me - that changed eventually - so, yeah, I know about the other things.

    See you are from NC too. Thanks for taking the time to help.
  • FitChik
    FitChik Member Posts: 392
    edited September 2006

    Well I actually did stay sexually active throughout chemo and it helped my need for intimacy and to feel good about myself. I'm sorry that your experience wasn't as good in that area. What I do know is that I did absolutely nothing to deserve such good fortune....it was a gift and I'm still grateful.

  • 2up
    2up Member Posts: 944
    edited September 2006
    i had a pretty good sex life during (and after) chemo too!

    i find our biggest "hurdle" now is that nothing is spontaneous......we kinda "plan it".........but even that is working out ok with "gyne moistren" and a bag full of foreplay!

    i sure as hell never thought i was "adaptable"........turns out i am, so is "he".........and we're pretty friggin happy despite the raw deal of breast cancer (i still cover up, but i do so with sexy, lacy stuff on top).

    as for the "warming" gels.........yikes!!!!!! i thought i'd need a "hosedown" after trying those!

    i think we all find our own niche............because we are all unique!!!.......this thread is invaluable!!!!!!!!
  • rue2u
    rue2u Member Posts: 2
    edited September 2006
    I think much of what keeps us sexually active goes on in the head. I was afraid to have sex initially during chemo but my bf (now dh) was able to persuade me to stay active. He was so loving and adamant that this was good for us that we were able to maintain a pretty active sex life during chemo and rads. My preferred lubricant (when we have a need) was recommended to me by my obgyn long ago--Astroglide. A little bit goes a long way!

    I agree that we are all unique in how we deal with this disease. It impacts all aspects of our lives!

    Rue
  • Naniam
    Naniam Member Posts: 586
    edited September 2006
    OK, I think I need to start a thread about did you stay sexually active during chemo - I find it amazing you guys had the energy first of all and the desire. We often held eachother or just held hands and I at that point it was ok. Sometimes I caught my husband crying his silent tears and it broke my heart. Am I the same age as you guys or much older - 61? Honestly, chemo or the neulasta shot knocked me out and it got worse with each treatment. I have read that others have lost their desire or just now beginning to think of sex as their energy level returns. Wonder if a study has been done on this aspect of BC?

    I have made an appointment with my gyn doc next week. Rue, is the Astroglide by prescription?
  • jaybird627
    jaybird627 Member Posts: 1,227
    edited September 2006

    Well, I didn't want sex during tx but luckily (?) I didn't have anyone to worry about. Took me a long time to get my desire back and I'm blaming the Tamoxifen.

  • Biker54
    Biker54 Member Posts: 1,042
    edited September 2006
    I also stayed sexually active during chemo, but it was less. I tried to keep my life as normal as possible and that seemed to work for me. I am turning 55 in two weeks and I am two years out of treatment.

    I used that lubricating moisturizer for a while and also the KY lube during sex. I have gotten to the point where I no longer need the long-lasting moisturizer. I just need the KY before sex. It is still a little painful, but getting better. My GYN told me that the more sex I had, the better. It helps keep the tissues supplied with blood and healthy.

    I hope things get better for you. It may be just a matter of giving it some more time.

    Hugs,
    Jan
  • Biker54
    Biker54 Member Posts: 1,042
    edited September 2006
    Oh yeah, if you are taking Arimidex that could be adding to the problem. It blocks every little bit of estrogen you have!

    Jan
  • mkurtzman
    mkurtzman Member Posts: 8
    edited September 2006

    OMG what kinda board did i get into. I never knew women had such thoughts. Anyway, between chemo, rads and tamoxifin i have no mojo left at all. And the sad thing is there are no toys for boys whatever. Thank god i have a supportive wife

  • mkurtzman
    mkurtzman Member Posts: 8
    edited September 2006

    in fact i never heard the word mojo before

  • Claiire
    Claiire Member Posts: 60
    edited September 2006
    Quote:

    OMG what kinda board did i get into. I never knew women had such thoughts. Anyway, between chemo, rads and tamoxifin i have no mojo left at all. And the sad thing is there are no toys for boys whatever. Thank god i have a supportive wife




    Sure there are toys for Boys! Check out the Adam and Eve website.
  • waterbaby
    waterbaby Member Posts: 1
    edited September 2006
    I have been so frustrated since my treatments have ended. If it hasn't been one thing it's been another with my body. And to have it mess with my mojo has been the most frustrating. My relationship even ended because of it. That really hurt. Why is it that they do not tell you all that can go wrong with your body after chemo and rad. It has been a year at the end of Aug. since my last treatment and my body is still rebelling against me. I want the old me back....
  • Claiire
    Claiire Member Posts: 60
    edited September 2006

    New toy alert!!! The Helping Hand Vibe

    I purchased this toy and am SO happy with it! It is soft, flexible and very nice! It is shaped like 2 (long) fingers and a thumb. Perfect for those of you that are having difficulty with hard items in that area. Just put a little lube on it and enjoy! It feels like an internal massage.

    I got it on the adamandeve.com (might not be correct - can't go there from here to check) site!


    Helping Hand Vibe 15820000 $19.95 normally - I got it on sale for $14.95

  • Unknown
    Unknown
    edited September 2006
    I just went out and bought two graduating sized, soft rubber (gel-like) tools to use to stretch things out. That's my main problem now - I seem to have shrunk!
  • Claiire
    Claiire Member Posts: 60
    edited September 2006

    Just Bumping the thread up for the "Newbies"

  • saluki
    saluki Member Posts: 9
    edited September 2006
    Bumping up. Can't believe I've been on this board since 2003
    and never saw this thread. Oblivious brained.
  • FitChik
    FitChik Member Posts: 392
    edited September 2006
    OK, enuf bumping....how 'bout adding some grind to that??! Had an awesome beach vacation w/G.I.S. last week and enjoyed lotsa swimming, tanning, seafood and mojo-ing! Dunno, but it seems the more we do it, the more I want it! Do y'all think that's indicative of addiction? Oh well, who cares It's lovely when you're feeling all hot and tan and naked!!

    On another note, I read in some magazine about toys for men using material like bubble wrap (well-lubricated of course) and the article advised actually using bubble wrap in a pinch. Can you imagine??!
  • FitChik
    FitChik Member Posts: 392
    edited September 2006

    Oh, saluki - WELCOME! This is my favorite thread!

  • susan_CNY
    susan_CNY Member Posts: 64
    edited September 2006

    bringing this to the top for Saluki and others!

  • saluki
    saluki Member Posts: 9
    edited September 2006
    After 24 pages of catching up, I think the cure for my insomnia is not melatonin, unisom, valarian or Klonopin------

    Its a Wascally Wabbitt! Fun, plus improved immunity and general well being, stress relief, excellent cure for insomnia!----Does it get rid of zits too?

    Susie L
  • FitChik
    FitChik Member Posts: 392
    edited September 2006
    Susie - Some here like the Rabbit, but I found it odd and confusing. The Hitachi Magic Wand though is just that - magic! And the brochure that comes with it recommends using it as a massager, so I also use it on my shoulders and back. Wonderfully relaxing there too. Finally (and best of all?), one can also buy attachments (well-shaped and well-sized ) to enhance the mojo effect

    Enjoy!!!
  • suzca
    suzca Member Posts: 4
    edited September 2006
    This is a wonderful thread but it's so long it takes forever to sift through to find relevant posts. I think this was discussed somewhere before. Forgive me if this is a duplicate.
    What is the deal with Replens? I just started this the other day and the discharge is just wierd. It seems to have gummed up like glue. Sorry if that's too graphic. The first 24 hrs are great so it seems like a good product, I just wonder if this strange effect will go away or not.
  • OG_Lou
    OG_Lou Member Posts: 24
    edited October 2006
    RE FitChik
    I read in some magazine about toys for men using material like bubble wrap (well-lubricated of course) and the article advised actually using bubble wrap in a pinch. Can you imagine??!

    When the real thing is not in the mood, not feeling well, doing chemo, a caring man still has those feelings but wants to be considerate of his W's feelings and lack of desire.

    The bubble wrap is less obvious than some other sex toys. Yes, some wives don't like sex toys in the house.

    BTW, I went to a cancer recovery dinner today. It has been 10 yrs for my W.

    You gals with some mojo rock. I miss it. Tried some things but my W never got it back.

    I mostly read, loking for what works for you gals and try some of the lubes and other products that work for a few here.

    Thanks ladies.
  • Claiire
    Claiire Member Posts: 60
    edited October 2006
    Quote:

    New toy alert!!! The Helping Hand Vibe

    I purchased this toy and am SO happy with it! It is soft, flexible and very nice! It is shaped like 2 (long) fingers and a thumb. Perfect for those of you that are having difficulty with hard items in that area. Just put a little lube on it and enjoy! It feels like an internal massage.

    I got it on the adamandeve.com (might not be correct - can't go there from here to check) site!


    Helping Hand Vibe 15820000 $19.95 normally - I got it on sale for $14.95





    I just wanted to add to my original post. Now that I ahve figured out *how* to play with it... the Hand vibe is amazing! Add a little latex friendly lube on it and you are good to go. Make sure you wash it before and after each use...

    Adam and Eve Helping Hand Vibe
  • laureniris
    laureniris Member Posts: 4
    edited October 2006

    Try as I might, I CANNOT figure out how to make bubble wrap erotic (wrappping and popping???). HELP please.

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