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Take our poll: How does Breast Cancer Awareness Month make you feel?
I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
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Keep the tips coming! Great thread
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That was Woody Harrelson in "Palmetto". Just remembered his name. With Elizabeth Shue.
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Going to Blockbuster this weekend....
In other news, my 'ex' (bf) has been sniffing around, sending random 'fwds' and flirty emails and a special Christmas card for a 'hot young vixen'
I've been sooooo strong and adhered faithfully to the 60-day 'he-tox' advocated by Greg Behrendt in his monumental work, He's Just Not That Into You but I'm feeling a bit shaky and may cave. I think I need something more distracting than films and toys, though they help. Any suggestions? 0 -
A GIRLS night out!
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Marin,
If you gotta get it then go get it with someone else! (and that's my opinion since you asked...)
Seriously, if you think he's toxic then he is.
Janis L0 -
Oh, sorry, you asked for ideas.
Shopping perhaps? Cleaning your place? Hooking up with a girlfriend you haven't seem in a while? Volunteering somewhere to get the good feelings you're needing? Going to a museum? And rent stupid comedies, or action flicks, nothing romantic!
Janis L0 -
regarding the flax seed - well now i am totally confused becos the nutritionist at my docs office told me not to have too much soy products- and flax seed
i am triple negative but she did say that there was a big study that proved low fat diet significantly lowered a reoccurence
i thought tofu was good for you so i used to eat it instead of meat or chicken
and incognito - you are probably right ! thanks for the great advice0 -
Finally found this thread. I've been doing covert research on this subject ever since I got dx'd last month and realized there were some serious "quality of life" issues coming up. Tried to get some dialog going in the hormone section but what I did not want to hear about was survival odds.... Thank you so much Mena for getting this going. I spent about three hours last night, from about 2 am to 5 am going through two years of this thread and I have learned a lot, not just about how to deal with this mojo problem, but about what all of you have gone through. I didn't read every message but I got the gist along with a few terrific howls..!!!!
Before they found the tumor last October, I had been on HRT since my "natural" menopause in 2001. I stopped it the day of my mammogram. I've gotten a few hot flashes; they're already tapering off . Things did change, but I had been doing my research and decided not lose it...we started having sex more often, just to keep things in good shape, and our sex life has actually improved! Better than ever! But I haven't started Arimidex yet and that will probably bring along some new challenges.
Now I really wish I hadn't taken HRT, but I didn't need it anyway, or the extra weight it put on me, and it probably is the reason I have BC now! Mena, if more people were communicating the way you got them going on that Mojo thread, maybe so many women wouldn't have this hideous disease!!! Thank you Mena thank you!!!!
I think we live in an overly-sexed, youth-oriented, breast conscious society.
It's almost like BC is the natural outcome of all this fanaticism.0 -
We can't have this thread falling to the bottom of page 3...goodness me!!
Bumping this one up!
Maxine0 -
Hi Girls...It's been quite a while since I had anything worthy of posting here...sad, huh? I mean, I did start the whole damn thing and now I've nothing to say (or do dammit)...and I had a boyfriend and everything...not much mojo though...now that is pathetic.
Anyway, it's been nine months since I started seeing my now EX-BF...too many red flags...too many things that reminded me of my ex-husband, and as for mojo, well, let's just say, it was virtually non-existent, unless I initiated. Now I don't mind once in a while, but c'mon...all the time? No. Not for me.
So, I picked up the book "He's Just NOT That Into You," by Greg Behrendt, who's now got his own talk show. I knew I was heading for this, but I read the book anyway, in one day, and broke up with the guy the next day, which happened to be Christmas Eve.
There's more to the story, but it was time for him to get a reality check, a wake-up call, so to speak. I still haven't heard from him, and I've still got his guitar, one of his shirts, a pair of his flannel pants, and he had some really cool gifts for my kids...I guess I should've waited til after Christmas, but I was getting so antsy and discouraged...
Anyway, I wanted to let all single women know that this is a great book. Read it. I don't necessarily agree with every single thing in there, but I wish it was published 20 years ago...the pain I could've spared myself...ah, live and learn...
If some of you have read it, I'd love to hear what you thought of it and if it has affected your relationships, And if so, how...for better or worse? Did you find yourself dumping guys sooner because you didn't take the crap anymore? I'd really like to know. I do know the book is targeted primarily for an audience younger than me, but overall, it still works for the mainstream. Unfortunately there is no chapter on bc...Mena...xo0 -
I'm assuming you did let your kids open their presents that he left there?
Cheri0 -
He didn't leave the gifts here, but I know what he bought for each of my kids. And I have a gift for him from them. Oh, I just remembered! And a gift for his niece from my daughter (they became friends). And I just found one of his shirts as I was doing laundry during my insomniac night tonight.
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Mena...you must be such a strong person. I could never have done what you did so decisively.....I would have crumpled at the thought of being without him on Christmas Day....and finding items of his clothing etc.
How has he taken it? Do you think there is any chance of things working out? No, you sound very together on your own.
I started a new relationship just over a year ago - someone I knew from before the bc as a friend. He saw me bald and sick from chemo.Then a couple of years later things changed.He is very much younger than me and the sex is incredible. But I know deep down that there is no long-term future in it; I cannot face life without him though, so will not rock the boat.
I guess I should read that book!
Sam0 -
Mena,
Reading this post has been given me some of the most positive, instructive, entertaining moments in my life and I can say it has definitely improved our sex life.
You know, there'a lot of stuff here that I just didn't know.
OK, I'm post-menopausal, a BC patient, but it's not hurting anything ..if anything we're closer. I wish I had known this before I'd started HRT, because maybe I wouldn't have gotten BC!!!!
Mizsissy0 -
Quote:
Anyway, it's been nine months since I started seeing my now EX-BF...too many red flags...too many things that reminded me of my ex-husband, and as for mojo, well, let's just say, it was virtually non-existent, unless I initiated. Now I don't mind once in a while, but c'mon...all the time? No. Not for me.
If some of you have read it, I'd love to hear what you thought of it and if it has affected your relationships, And if so, how...for better or worse? Did you find yourself dumping guys sooner because you didn't take the crap anymore? I'd really like to know. I do know the book is targeted primarily for an audience younger than me, but overall, it still works for the mainstream. Unfortunately there is no chapter on bc...Mena...xo
(((Mena)))
Okay, here goes:
Pack up all of his stuff and put it in the garage or basement or shed or wherever and then call him and tell him when he can pick it up, that you won't be there when he does, and if he doesn't come get it then you're donating it to a charity/church. Good riddance. The best break is a clean break the saying goes. If BC 'taught' me anything it is that I'm more than worthy, I won't put up with crap from a man (or anyone really) and that life is way too short to worry about people who don't love/like/care about/worry about me! Sounds kind of harsh but why settle for less? Oh, I could go on but it's New Year's Eve and I'm relaxing, watching the Bear's (probably lose) and reflecting how despite being alone (no partner/lover) I am happy and I have value. Don't EVER sell yourself short! You're a BC survivor and that says a lot about you! I hope you celebrate your survivorship AND your worth! Here's to a happy and healthy 2007 for all!
Peace,
Janis L
Oh, and I haven't read that book, I found that BC made able to weed through the losers well enough!
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OK Mena, I can't believe how in sync your post is with my current experience! I think I posted elsewhere about this but I, too, read THE BOOK in one evenng....and broke up with him the next day! That was back in October and I've been through the '60-day he-tox' though not easily. I almost caved a million times but, luckily, my best friend kept me sane. Kept reminding me that, despite the great sex, he's an jerk and that I deserve waaaay better. Unlike Janis, I DO take crap from men and don't even know I'm doing it except in retrospect. The sex is what always gets me - I overlook even the worst behavior (well, never EVER physical abuse, but certainly emotional abuse, if only by omission of affection or pure neglect) just to get finely laid. Ughhhhh! Yet another addiction to address. And I am. So Greg Behrendt wrote another book called It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken and its amazing. A real follow-up to the first one and, this time, it's co-authored by his wife for the female perspective. In addition to being practical, supportive and overall helpful, these books are hysterical and I think almost anyone (female that is) can enjoy them. Even if you've been married a billion years and wonder why you're feeling like an old shoe. He (Behrendt) consulted on Sex and the City and his first book is actually based on one of the famous episodes of the same title (He's Just Not...). Definitely eye-opening and hilarious.
So, here's my temporary solution: I'm back to hooking up with my 33-year old. He's respectful, has no issues, always hard and hot as hell. No angst. And now I'm reading Be Honest - You're Not That Into Him Either, by another author (Ian Kerner). 0 -
Wow, that book must be some powerful stuff! Mena & Marin - good for you for putting yourselves first! What a strong, willful group of women who have gathered on this site, huh?
I don't have much experience here to speak of...married 20 years, then divorced in Apr 05 and started dating current BF in Aug 05 and things are still great for the most part.
But I might read the book anyway. Sounds entertaining and who knows - maybe I'm putting up with crap and don't even know it.
Here's to a Happy 2007 - with OR without men!
Donna0 -
Book sounds a little scary. Everyone who reads it breaks up. Does it say there are ANY good men?!!!
Mizsissy0 -
Actually, mizsissy, Behrendt's whole point is that there ARE good men out there and he purports to tell readers how to identify them. I'm pretty sure that he considers himself one of those good men (and his wife seems to agree). My relationship was meant to break up and, so, the book just gave me better perspective and confidence. As a result of reading it, I think I'm going to be raising my expectations! I think its just a good way, for those who want to look at it, of deciding whether they're just settling in a relationship or not. And if readers are getting what they deserve, then I'm thinking it would make them grateful. Besides, as I said, its very funny - almost like a series of Sex and the City episodes! 0
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I went thru this book with my daughter and her boyfriend! I think the book is just mostly common sense but lots of us have on blinders and hate to be alone so we overlook these jerks! The book just gives us confidence to do what we know is the right thing! Anyway, that is the conclusion that my daughter and I came to!! Good luck with your endevours. I have been married for 36 years as of new year's eve so you can't depend on me for advise on breakups!! I am blessed to have one of those good men! huggs, Sherry
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I never had much experience with jerks, I always dumped 'em too fast. But I had some friends (and still do) who put up with the most absurdly unreasonable things, like a dear friend who's been married 25 years who isn't even allowed to talk when her husband comes home because it "bothers" him. I'd love to "talk" to this guy and tell him exactly what I think!
Hey, what are the criteria here?!0 -
Well we must keep this thread going y'all! I just read in a magazine about this device one can buy through mypleasure.com that is actually a muscle-strengthening/resistance loop or coil you insert and do your Kegels with. The article promises vastly improved orgasms. I am totally looking into this and will check it out tonight when I'm at home (definitely not visiting that website at work!). Sounds intriguing.....
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One of my friends married a creep who waited 29 years to get married. He threatened to walk out of the wedding if any of her friends attended. (I would have given that loser a piece of my mind.) She has been married to him 20 years, but he's still very controlling and creepy.
My husband has his moments but he hears about it immediately. We've been married 28 years and I have always been outspoken.
Catherine0 -
Oh, I haven't seen this thread before! I must go back and read every word. (this could take all day) I'm 7 years out and it's been that long since I've seen my MOJO.
I'm hoping to learn something...
~Pam0 -
DEAR MENA, etal: Well, one thing I've found out, through doing my BACK excercises -- the ONE time DH and I had actual intercourse in last two years, he said I almost broke his penis off because of the Kegel's I've been doing! lolol! ;-) Now THAT was something positive to hear.
OH, BTW -- if you have not been active in any way, with partner or toys, use LOTS of motion lotion, and GO SLOW -- "like a virgin, for the very first time....."
We discovered that it DID take a few moments for the insides to lubricate enough to take in what felt like a giant python heading upstream (and while I'd like to SAY he IS that large, well, I think it was perception more than reality - though I SWEAR, after his losing 40 lbs., he sure has gotten, um, longer, and I can't accomodate him as easily orally as did before. No "deep throat" here, sadly. Unless I use my "deep throat" lube, which basically numbs the back of the throat enough to relax the muscles, so your gag reflex doesn't kick in.
I'll check out that toy regarding kegels - then I REALLY WILL break it off ;-) hee heee hee
LOVE TO ALL AND GOOD HEALTH & HAPPINESS,
Conniec (yeah, it's been a LONG TIME since I've been here, I know...still luv ya all, though.... :-)
BLESSED BE & HARM NONE...0 -
OK, chicas, here's the link for the Kegel muscles strengtheners. I have read that the use of one of these on a regular basis will seriously affect the power of your orgasms.....Who could be averse to that?
http://www.mypleasure.com/store/result.a...59EE6804295E17F
conniec....What's a 'deep throat' lube? I don't have much of a gag reflex, but it sounds like fun....and my 33 yr old is pretty huge..? BTW, I've also read that weight loss in men can lead to 'penis growth'...Of course the article further clarified that it was more perception (since the fat surrounding it is gone....eeeeeewwww!) than actual growth!
Hope everyone is happy-MOJO-ing!! 0 -
Ok, ladies....my second month of chemo....For the first time since I was in my 20s, I couldn't reach orgasm. We tried everything and then some. I always and I mean always peak. What a crummy thing to happen on top of everything else. We haven't done anything since....kinda afraid to because of the pressure I'm putting on myself now. Is this a common thing???
--the lubrication was there, the mood, the excitement was there but after a certain point, I just had this 'numb' feeling... 
and then frustration... 0 -
I think this is a very common problem! It is very frustrating, and has happened to me ever since I began chemo and now tamoxifen. In fact it has gotten worse. Really a lousy side effect.
Ann0 -
Oh, Ann, that's just what I was afraid of. 0
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I had the same problem durring chemo but by having a little play time by myself I figured out that I just needed a little bit...well actually quite a bit, more direct stimulation. I found that while on chemo I had to add a bit of self stimulation while we had sex to get over the top. Things are back to normal now. Don't give up on it. You might just have to change things up. Good Luck!
Deb C.0
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