Is anyone else an atheist with BC besides me?
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Arlene...I wish I could reach out and put a hand on your shoulder. I wish I could let you know that I am hoping for an easy outcome for you. I wish I could find the right words to let you know that I love your presence here and I want the very best for you.
I want you to know that I think that it just stinks that you have to face the uncertainty again.
I will be thinking of you.
Claire
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Arlene, I hope you turn out to be the luckiest person in the world. Thinking of you.
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Arlene, I hope they can get all these tests arranged soon so you have less time to wait on answers. Sending warm hugs. It's so hard to wait (as we all know).
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Arlene,
You are in my thoughts. Try to stay in the present moment if you can and don't forget to breathe. I tend to hold my breath when I am anxious.
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As far as I know, and I could be wrong, mets never appear in the breast. So that would make it a recurrence or new BC, but not mets. I'll have to check that for a good source but wanted to give some sort of reassurance. If I'm wrong I'll edit this.
Hugs (((((Arlene)))))
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Thank you, kind friends, am not so freaked out today. Each one of you had a sincere message, which I took to heart.
It was a case of 2 new lymph glands appearing in the axilla (over towrds the armpit area, not in the breast itself) where none showed last year. Just a smidge over the "normal" size of 1 cm. So, US. That showed another one at 1.5 cm. So, fine needle biopsy, where in fact the radiologist who ordered it also performed it, and she was quite upbeat and said - well, we've just got to do this and mostly then check it off the list, get it out of the way and out of our hair. then, oddly shaped cells but not diagnosible and making everyone wonder what's going on there anyway? The cells do not look like lymphoma.
So, yes, could be new primary, and I'm having an MRI of that breast for closer look. I kind of don't mind new primary - it sounds the best of the bunch! and I'm an expert at mastectomies! When I had the her2-neu sp? test my hospital was not able to decide pos or neg, so it was sent to one of Canada's foremost hospitals for pathology. came back neg. wondering, was it positive? maybe should have been on herceptin? Not so sure about recurrence - that would have ben at the MX site and was well checked for 2 years by my surgeon and onc, and onc still does.
all the tests will be done within 2 weeks starting with excisional biopsy.
WE know the drill, one day at a time, and how you feel better once a plan is underway, and it's all true.
so, now, yes to being in the moment, yes to keeping busy at something I love, yes to receiving loving kindness from others and the universe and myself, and to connection. A friend lent me his Tibetan singing bowl, a lovely way to become centered. And I'm up to my ears in Humane Society stuff - w'ere having a boat cruise costume rock & roll party called the Fur Ball on Friday July 13 and I might just get plastered! not out of sadness. I have tremendous faith in my team - my same old surgeon who possibly thinks I'm a nutcase but I adore him, my same oncologist, oh yes, one is already assigned. Time for love, love, love.
Thank you all for being there. you know, I'm out 4 years, but check BCO every day...a tiny part of me understood I might need you some day.. and you are all so intelligent!
Arlene
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Arlene,
I had a "funky" lymph node and had a needle biopsy, MRI and it ended up just a funky lymph node. Low grade infection or just blockage of the lymph can enlarge a node and create strange looking cells. I am glad for you that your doctor is being extra careful.
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WOW, Arlene, sounds like you are really doing well. Whew, what a lot to go through, and good to know that all of us KNOWING what it feels like, I know helps. I honestly think of the TERRORS of this disease, is at some points, in my experience, is the sense that NO ONE ELSE CAN POSSIBLY understand what this terror feels like. Good to know, that's not true, isn't it?
New primary? I had that "questionable" Her2NU original test too, and then there's a second test, don't know why the word FISH comes to mind, but it does, and that one for me was negative. So I REALLY know how you feel about this one too.
SO HAPPY FOR YOU to have such a good team in place. Also, not meaning to get political here, but I do want to SCREAM every time I hear some on in the States say "Canadian medical care is not good" - as a defense of some of their own distorted views. I don't scream, and try not to get too upset, but it still is one of the things that sends me into a silent rant ;-)
Happy Cruise - can we all come????
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Sunflowers - you got it right, the 2nd, and more definitive test for Her2/Neu is called the FISH test.
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Arlene, I did have a new primary in my other breast. It showed up on mammo not 18 months after I finished chemo. Had another mastectomy and chemo and now I've been clean for over five years. I can tell you that my second go-round was much easier than my first, because I knew what to expect.
I hope this is just a funky lymph node, but if you do have to have more surgery, etc., you can do it. It's a pain in the butt, but think about how much smarter you are about BC now. That will make things much easier for you.
I'm glad you've got a lot of activities planned with the Humane Society, etc, because the waiting SUCKS! <grin> Good to hear all your tests are scheduled within the next two weeks. I know sometimes you have to wait for tests a little longer in Canada.
Sending strength and peace your way.
--CindyMN
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Oh, and Sunflowers, I'm not meaning to say Canadian health care is not good. I just know that the waiting can be worse there because it's sometimes longer.
--CindyMN
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Arlene..we are just back from a six week drive from San Diego to Maine and back..8,000 miles...I am just reading about your new worry..so sorry you have to go through this, one step at a time..sending hugs.
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Arlene, hugs and good wishes.
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otterhugs to our good friend flannel... and, we're all chanting "benign.benign.benign...", right?
otter
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benign, benign, benign, benign, benign, warm hugs Arlene
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B9, B9, B9, and an abalone to our friend for reminding us to keep chanting
Flannel - keep chanting....we're all "in your pocket" too...
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:::chanting here too::::
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Hi all - been out all day, came home and into this lovely friendly space, can't tell you how good it made me feel. I love the sound of funky clogged lymph nodes or B9 - either will do!! guess they are the same.
New primary not so scary sounding as first time, either...I am helped by every one of your kind messages.
Have a great weekend all.
Arlene
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Hey, Arlene...just popping in to let you know you are on my mind. I hope you had a good weekend, free from too much worry (well, at least to the extent possible).... -Claire
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Flannel- where are YOU???? Hoping all is well - let us know how you're doing...
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I don't understand why the physicists are calling the new found sub atomic particle, the "God" particle..now that make NO sense...
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Has anyone since this? pretty funny
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Physicists do not call it the god particle. They call it the Higgs Boson. The press calls it the god particle after a comment from the head of Fermi lab.
Along the way the Higgs boson achieved a notoriety rare in abstract physics. To the eternal dismay of his colleagues, Leon Lederman, the former director of Fermilab, called it the "God particle," in his book of the same name, written with Dick Teresi. (He later said that he had wanted to call it the "goddamn particle.")
from the New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/05/science/cern-physicists-may-have-discovered-higgs-boson-particle.html?pagewanted=all
It is a stupid name, but if it gets believers to support the funding of science to call the Higgs "the god particle" then I suppose it's worth it.
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sorry cannot contribute to the god particle discussion - but can say I saw my surgeon today and between now and July 20 it's one test after another, culminating with excisional biospsy "and any tumor that might be there" he says. poop! but I don't feel too bad, now that I'm on the program. Multiple choice, given you have odd-shaped lymph cells that are not indicative of lymphoma, but suspiciously suggestive of adenocarcinoma, but impossible to diagnose. Would you pick a) the left bad boob fnally sent a metastasis over to the right armpit (rare) giving you stage 4. b) there is an occult new primary in the supposed good right boob (for which I'm soon getting an MRI) c) the friggin rash from hell could actually have done it - he told me so straight out. I picked c. then b. anyway all lined up Cat scan of pelvis and abdoman, bone scan (not the density kind) boob MRI - maybe something else. Sunflowers, I am indeed glad i live in canada. thank you, thank you, dear Tommy Douglas. (1904 - 1986) Thanks all for asking after me - I actually pin my hopes on the rash and feel quite optimistic.
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It's the rash. I am thinking positive rashy thoughts. Don't forget to breathe! {{{flannelette}}}
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Oh, flannelette...July 20 seems like a lifetime away. There must be some taoist or buddhist existentialist suspension of self to make that time collapse into a nanosecond... I want to suspend being or collapse time or float emotion or just simply scream on your behalf.
I will try to emulate notself...and think positive rashy thoughts.
Wishing you all the best I can.
Claire
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Flannelette, I'll be crossing my fingers for your rash. Or is that too superstitious?
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I had an excisional biopsy in my remaining breast two years after my mast. Itbturned out to be atypical ductal hyperplasia..since I was on arimidex I decided to just wait and see.That was over ten years ago now and I stopped arimidex in 2006. I am hoping
bfor the best Flannel0 -
PS I can't type very well on my tablet
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Arlene, I'm betting on the rash, too. But I'm glad they're checking you out thoroughly and not taking any chances!
--CindyMN
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