Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Wow...I think Wish, DebC and Kimberlyn win the awards this week!! Legal/insurance crap sucks, family members that don't help suck and more than one chemo in any given week is super sucky!!
I don't really have any IOS's for this week/weekend, but I am starting Taxotere on Thursday, so we'll see what that brings. Haven't lost my hair...yet, so I could have a major IOS coming up. Fair warning, women, fair warning.
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Christine, and ladies, PLEASE! Don't even worry about me when there are so many others with MUCH more serious IOS's that this insurance crap! After all, I do have a shovel and I do have GREAT friends with shovels and we do have acreage all off the states with which to hide bodies, that NO one could ever keep up with us moving them
Seriously....DEB, You're always in my heart and thoughts and prayers, and you know it! You're one strong lady if ever there was one and I commend you for keeping that spirit of yours so much in the forefront with all you are dealing with lady! You're my inspiration to NOT even consider this mess an IOS!
Christine...be thinking of you thursday and the warning is not that, just a recommendation that we be here to support you!
We will be! A big that SUCKs for Thursday dear!Harley! You know I'd be there if I could! Speaking of being there....You just never know when I might be! Seems the dsd has been trying to contact me all weekend to share their news. I'm almost certain my 3rd grandchild will be born in N.C. this next winter! Oh my! How far are you and Shirley # 1 from the Raleigh/durham area....actually west of there somewhere....Hillsborough?
Have a magnificently free day of IOS everyone! That's my wish for today!
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EWB
Have they considered the posibility that you might have ONJ (osteonecrosis of the Jaw) If you have been on zometa for a while- it is a very good possiblity. Mine started out as a white bump on the side of the jaw, fourtunately my onc sent me to a dentist that specialized in ONJ. If it is ONJ, invasive treatments are the worst treatment they can do. I would suggest you find a new dentist.
Helen
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Ok guys, you are too much. Sue, I am so happy for you. Glad you have no IOS to contend with. Deb, you are soo funny. Deb, I was going going through some old stuff and found some beanie babies. I was hoping to find a parrot for your shoulder, but I have penquin or a turkey. If you want, they are yours. My mom convinced me to buy a bunch thinking we would make a mint. Now they just have been sitting in a drawer for 15 years.
Here is my bitch. I belong to a women's 12 step group and I attended Friday night after my trip to the PS. I was sharing about my recon and how I will end up smaller that I was. I was sharing my sadness but trying to stay positive saying this just might be the motivation I need to lose the 15 lbs I have been struggling with for 10 years.
Well, this out of town lady says "I have had my implants for 10 years and you are going to love them!" Yada, Yada, so firm, yada, yada, best boobs in the grave, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah, blah. After the meeting, I went up to her and asked if she, too, had a double mastectomy. No, she just had implants to make her boobs bigger! She was a very positive woman and was very inspiring to the new gals and it was hard not to like her, but I have to say I was offended. How can you compare implants to reconstruction???? She had elective surgery to make her boobs bigger and better. I had no choice at losing my boobs and I will be left with smaller, nippleless, numb foobs. I am sorry but that is not the same. She was such a great upbeat gal, I could not even hate her even though I wanted to.
Well, our shop had closed down for Monday's but with the big horse show in town, Friday, I asked if I needed to work today. I was told No. So yesterday, instead of doing the digging I need to do to move some plants for a new deck, I decided to make the 60 mile trip to go grocery shopping and do my gardening today. Well, I got back at 3pm and was in bed, worn out, and I got a call to come in on Monday. WTF???? My original plan was to do the yard work Sunday and then do the grocery shopping after work on Monday since work is close to the grocery store. I know I will be too tired this afternoon to do the digging. Not a major thing but a big inconvenience not to mention extra use of gas. And it rained yesterday so our Tennessee clay will be soft today for the digging.
Well, that's all for me. No major IOS and I hope you all have a IOS free day. Oh, my computer has slowed way down and hard for me to stay on long without it crawling.
Debbie
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Helen,
Yeah, was disappointed in dentist. At least he sent me to Oral Surgeon who is very aware of ONJ, and it turns out he knows my onc. He is trying to come up with some way of dealing w/this without taking out the tooth. I had had a root canal and cap on the tooth but because of grinding/clenching, he thinks I fractured the tooth and and infection started. Since the one root is rotted out top to bottom and there is an infection some thing has to be done. Took the bump off and sent for biopsy (just to be safe). He is confering w/partners and researchers in the area of ONJ to see what they can come up. I am keeping my fingers crossed they come up with a solution.
How are you doing?
Elaine
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Damn, damn, damn. It ALL sucks. ALL of it.
Just got the call from the radiologist (she is an absolute wonder.). LCIS. She's recommending lumpectomy. Crap. Crap. Crap.
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Pam,
THAT SUCKS! Prayers and thoughts with you at this time.
Gentle hugs,
Trish
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{{{{Pam}}}} Dang it all! Once is enough for anyone! SO sorry you're heading through this again! And so soon after the 1st go around, dang it anyway! Shoot, shoot, shoot! Drat and all that! Dear, keeping you close at heart and in good thoughts while you start yet another end around this stupid disease! Rest up and get in the right frame, and we'll push you on through it all the way! Shoot, shoot, and triple shoot!
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sorry to hear about those results, that is a major issue of suckage!!!! I'm having some chocolate, I'll share if it will help
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Well shoot! Thrice I tried to delete this repeat and neither worked, so......
Waving hi to everyone instead!
HI!!!!!!!!!!0 -
We should all partake in a chocolate fest to support Pam tonight! Everyone grab your chocolate and take a bite in support of Pam at 9 tonight! What's the next step for you pam? Are you going to follow the recommendations, or do you talk to a BS first? Sending {{hugs}} your way...
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Pam, sorry to hear the news. Sucks! I'm biting into a chocolate peanut butter cup to help kick off your chocolate fest...
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Pam
I'm so sorry to hear the results... THAT SUCKS!
Sending a BIG HUGE your way... oh, and chocolate can't hurt!
Harley
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Not sure what time zone Pam is in so I will make the ultimate sacrifice and eat chocolate every hour on the hour this evening
I just had a Dark chocolate dove to kick things off.....Hugs
Deb C
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A big THAT SUCKS to everyone and posting because Traci loves to look at my avatar. This one's for you Traci.
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Deb leave it to you to do it in style, so how many pieces of chocolate is that you have had now???? Although who am I to talk, been munching on M&M's all day long
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Since I am allergic to chocolate - I opted for a Hot Caramel ice cream sundae. It is probably as fattening, with whipped cream, of course !!
Suckiness SUCKS !!!
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Pam.........So sorry, that really, really, really SUCKS!! REALLY SUCKS! Shoot!
Pass the chocolate please, I'm all out!
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Wish - Thanks for the pre-support! It all helps.
Debbie - It's still irritating, no matter how nice she was. It's hard to compare "elective" with "mandatory".
Pam - Crap indeed! That just completely sucks. So sorry.
I had ice cream with oreo pieces mixed in earlier tonight - hope that counts!!
Don't really have any suckiness myself today except being very tired now. Goodnight all!!
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Another pop in post! Working sucks! The money doesnt suck, but work does.
Helen1: So good to see you my friend. We have travelled this journey together for over 3 years now.
A big that sucks to everyone who needs one. 4 more days and I will be off for a week - maybe can finially catch up with all of you.
Nicki - aka chemosabi
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Okay, so I broke down and opened the container of Chocolate Moose Tracks, just to make sure I fully supported the best of the women in need last night! I sure hope you felt the love as I ate it, thinking about all your IOS's and wishing like Hell-0, that it helped you!
Hope this Tuesday will prove to be terrific for each of you, even in a small way!
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Thanks, everyone! It makes the general suckiness, well, not so sucky.
I stayed off-line last night & took it easy - good thing, too, as I have to do the prep for the colonoscopy tomorrow & chocolate isn't on the list of low fiber OR clear liquids (can you imagine?!) The husband fixed pancakes for dinner - minus the blueberries for me - and I read all evening long.
Moose tracks. I love moose tracks. And Oreo. And Tillamook Mudslide.
My PCP called yesterday and left the number for me to call her back. When I saw her in July she wanted me to go see an oncologist, as I haven't seen one since a consult last October, to discuss tamoxifen. Yesterday the radiologist gave me a name of someone at Swedish rather than SCCA. This damn thing changes my risk significantly, so the (no) tamoxifen issue has to be dealt with sooner rather than later. All in all, it's better than my worst fear of more cancer, but not the totally clear I was hoping for.
The husband was pushing me to talk to the girls (17 & 15), but I want to leave it til the colonoscopy is over & I've talked to the doctor. Getting them worried when they don't have to be isn't worth it.
So, I've finished my eggs on toast, lunch at noon (cheese on toast), then clear liquids for the duration. It's the "easy" 2-step prep, but it's not chocolate ice cream. How soon after do I get chocolate ice cream?
Hope everyone has a non-sucky day.
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Well, Pam, I'd say that depends on what time the sight-seeing is over for the doc and you are out of there!
Probably a 1-2 hour wait in the recovery, isn't it? Then it's straight to the nearest and dearest of ice cream parlors for sit down lunch of your 3 favorite ice creams in a banana split? Sounds like a plan? Who ever is going with you to the test, should know ahead time you want to go though. Reason being, I remember my mother saying she doesn't remember my brother bringing her home, but her first memory is of sitting down eating soup for lunch after. She's still not sure how she warmed it up, b/c she doesn't remember doing so! So be careful till you are sure the effects of the anesthesia wears off! And good luck!0 -
Pam--WTH? Colonoscopy on top of the new dx? That not only sucks, it BITES!!
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Okay then! My IOS today!
Just talked to the insurance rep with our insurance who stated that the insurance was cancelled due to lack of payment rather than the insurance audit papers that the boss said happened! July 15 was the cancellation date, which for all intent and purposes means, he probably didn't in june, am I right here?
So anyway...I said, what are the chances they won't renew the policy now? She said, it's possible, but that 3 of them (underwriters) are attemting to get it reinstated. I said, I have 60 days to get a policy or I'm uninsurable right? She hadn't thought of that, but it sounded right? WTF? Hadn't thought of it? SHe knows I Had cancer! OMG!!!!!!!!!!! So now she left a message saying she's mailing me some individualt policy information that I can look over. WTF? It is really beginnign to sound like they won't get reinstated! OMG!!!!!!! I"m sick, ill, about to panic here. Only thing holding me together is sheer will power, b/c my body is shaking and my mind is racing and I'm about to go postal! HOW could they LET this happen? Even IF I got an attorney, it wouldn't help. It's a small company, and we all know how they would just fold up, and reopen under a new name, and I'd be out anyway! OMG!@ I'm just sick.....just sick about it all!
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Wish -- Wait -- it's a small INSURANCE company? Or your husband works for a small company?
The good news is that they are working to get it reinstated. YOU did not let your insurance lapse, and NO ONE TOLD YOU on July 15th that it was cancelled. I think your requirement to adhere to any "60-day rule" would involve you having been made aware of the cancellation on time. Which you weren't.
I think it's a good sign that the underwriters are talking about getting your husband's boss's company plan reinstated -- but I don't think these underwriters are in a position to ADVOCATE for you. I really think you should call
(1) an attorney of your own (maybe Cancer Legal Resource Center)
(2) the Michigan State Labor Office that investigates "claims of non-payment of benefits" -- you could send them copies of paystubs from May showing all the deductions for health insurance, which went back into the boss's pocket/bank account and NOT to pay for health insurance.
(3) the Michigan State Insurance Commissioner, in the event that boss gets insurance reinstated but they say you're not covered -- or that it doesn't get reinstated and they say you're not coverable by a new plan.
I really think you have to enlist people whose job it is to advocate for YOU. Not the people trying to sell health insurance to your husband's boss (whose "job" is to take care of their company's bottom line).
Please don't think "even if I got an attorney it won't help." Somebody needs to call the State Labor Dept. because your husband's boss stole part of your husband's paycheck and endangered your health care and your husband's. I understand you and dh may both be afraid of antagonizing boss, but I think it could be kept confidential. You could even as a first step just tell the story without naming names, just to hear what the State has to say.
This is not a normal COBRA case, where they can say "well the company's too small, sorry."
No matter how small the company, that doesn't erase the fact that the employer has STOLEN and LIED -- you were insured, your husband contributed his paycheck deduction to keep the insurance -- and the rug was pulled out from under you. This was done TO you and your husband, and it's wrong in the eyes of the law, no matter how small the company.
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Thanks Ann. That's our biggest fear, is that IF we get involved or involve the insurance commission or someone else, they'd fire him now or down the road as a result. The insurance is through bc/bs, but the company is small. I'm just in a stage of fright or flight right now. A deer caught in headlights is how I feel, as you can imagine.
I thought about an anonymous call, if I can settle down I'll do that today. I'm just really having a hard time with this. Then I Think hell-O, I've got an easy ride compared to so many of the stage 3 and IV ladies here, that it's hard to keep perspective on this, you know? I just feel so lucky we had the insurance, and now do NOT know how to handle it all! I'm lost...
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Wish--just makes me ill to see what you're having to go through....Ann's right, you need someone advocating directly for you!!
I don't get it. Of all the things you might let go when business gets tight, it's your employee's health insurance, and you don't even have the decency to let them know?
SUCKS BIGTIME!!!
Sherri
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Oh Jane, I understand. I hope you can make the anonymous call, and maybe find someone with some authority to give a reassuring answer.
BIG HUGS,
Ann
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Okay, deep breaths, I will NOT have a panic attack or heart attack today, I will NOT do either of those today. I will be calm....breath in..........breath out.....
OMGOSH! When it rains it pours. We got behind on our mortgage payments when he was on the road and I couldn't keep up with paying stuff this winter while on tx. No excuse, but we got behind. So...after much ado, we are restructuring our loan and adding on, or rolling in the lost payments to the end of the loan. So, I just got the package delivered which has the new contract in it. It reads, that we must sign the forms, include a small payment in good faith. No problem...till I read where it says the proposal is VALID for five (5) days from the date of this letter. OMG! THe date is August 21st! They've paid overnight on it, but apparently, it was written on theThursday, 21st, and mailed yesterday, the 25th. The delivery lady had to come through (walking) from the side road b/c our road is all closed for construction. She had to have it here by 10:30am, which means they had to have sent it out yesterday. So, they take 5 days to get it here and expect it back tomrrow? Dh is on driving truck and not home nights, and won't be till tomorrow night late!
Can we just run away? All of us? I'll ask for a check to reimburse what we've paid out of every check and buy us a big huge pool of chocolate down on some southern plantation home...you know, those big long porches (verandas) we'll line them all with big comfy rockers, cabana boys though to serve us our favorites drinks and a pool out back filled with warm chocolate we can wallow in and just plain quit our lives as others want it led, and do what ever the Hell-O comes to our minds!
Anyone interesting in joining me in my fairy-tale ending to breast cancer and all it's ugly and vicious, twisted SE's it gives us! Including wrecking our financial, personal and entire lives!
Whew! Okay, so I feel a little better after that day-dream.....maybe I CAN get through this day...One dream and/or rant/rave at a time!
Thanks for this site and letting me blow off, b/c without, I'd have said more than I did to make dh feel bad today and probably would be looking for new digs tonight!
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