Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
Comments
-
When my children were babies and I was definitely not getting enough sleep, my Brother, whose children were entering their teens continually said to me 'This too shall pass'. Duh, I knew it would pass, but at that moment I was exhausted and he wasn't. I wanted someone to feel my pain, not dismiss it.
I also don't like the idea that cancer is a journey, more like slow torture: lets cut you up, poison you and then burn you. Yeah, I think that will make you better. Then we'll just wait and see.
Barbe: I think I need an infusion of your humour!
0 -
Some of the things in our lives are not able to be controlled, by us or anyone else. Like, I have blue eyes, so be it, can't change that. However, I did not choose to get BC, I have "some" control over it by seeking medical treatment, by reading everything I can get my hands on, by asking others with BC, by praying and seeking the guidance of a higher power.
I have choices that I can make; there are several options, including doing absolutely nothing. If you want to call this anything, I think a decision making opportunity is good. A journey ? - of course it is journey, a trip down the road leading to what? Doctors, surgery, chemo, blood tests, scans, pain, nausea, baldness, bloating, neuropathy, lymphadema, etc, etc. I do not mean to minimize our lives and why we are here and how long we will continue to be here, but the bottom line is that we are all here for however long it may be, then we will not be here.
Please don't interpret this as a death sentence, but in a way it is. The day we begin our lives on this planet, we are heading for an eventual end of life. Can we, do we want to make it as good as possible? Do we do the "do unto others" or do we become selfish and only make it all about us? No one can tell us what is good or best for us - we get to decide that, to some extent. Some we can control, some we cannot. One step at a time works some times. Planning, organizing, scheduling works other times. And other times, it will be what it is. I like to remember " The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow "... Hugs and Blessings, Nancy
0 -
No sun here since Wednesday. We had snow on thursday, and my power went out!!!!! It was cold and snow on friday, and then sat we had snow mixed w/rain. At least itis all melted and it will be in the 50's and 60's next week!!!!!
Journey, no
Bump in the road, no
This is a _______________. I really can not come up with an appropriate term. It is like a bad dream that you just do not seem to wake up from!!!!!
EDIT TO ADD~~~~~~~ and we are reminded of it every year or every 6 months as we go for our mammos, MRI's. Along with each and everyday that we take our pill to prevent recurrence!!~~~~~
0 -
First, I know I am blessed - this could have been much, much worse. Having said that I will post this rant once nd get it out of my systerm:
Second, my life was enough of a shamble, I didn't need breast cancer! Naively, at the beginning of this little venture I thought snip, snip, implants and off I go. First, following the bilateral mastectomy, they had to give me drugs to reverse the anesthesia as I wasn't waking up; then a developed a bleed (a very rare occurrence I am told - lucky me) and before I can get out of the recovery room, I am back in surgery. My sister tells me when they finished the first time my breasts looked pretty good. When I awoke one looked puckered in and under my arm and the other looked like someone had just squared off my breast. I believe it was at this point my expander slipped out from behind the muscle (another very rare occurrence - I just can't get any luckier!). I further believe my PS injected to much saline at time of surgery 500 in one breast and 600 in the other - I also believe that when he went in the second time that the expanders became infected. I saw my PS on an outpatient basis for at least 3-4 weeks and each time he said he wasn't going to add any saline just yet. I kept asking if something wasn't wrong - the scar on the one breast had a thick dark red scab across it and has looked like since the surgery. He said we needed to "do nothing" for 10 weeks.
It was exactly one month to the day of my original surgery that I was back in surgery to remove infected tissue expanders.
It was four months later that I fell and shattered my shoulder.
I think my expectations were way too high. Had I known about this place, I would have been better prepared for all these "rare" occurrences and would have known Murphy's Law apply.
Now, when I look at my chest I have two rather large scars across where my breasts used to be and a 3-1/2 scar near my clavicle from the shoulder replacement.
If it weren't for all you women I honestly don't know where I would be today - oh, right, in the looney bin! My family believes there is no problem so big that it won't go away if you just don't talk about it. No one knows how you would feel under the same circumstances and no one really wants to hear about it because if they do hear it, they will get it or some other nonsensical notion.
Thanks. I feel foolish complaining about trivial things when, as Nancy said, there are women who aren't worrying about "bumps in the road" but rather mountains in the middle of the road.
Hugs to all.
0 -
Saturday morning at 6:30, my husband stood at the foot of my bed. He said "something is wrong, where am I? Why am I dressed? What is going on? Did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" At first, I thought he was joking. Then he repeatedly asked for his twin brother. His twin passed away years ago from a sudden heart attack. My heart was in my throat. I was, and am, very scared.
911, ambulance, hospital. Amnesia. Brain scans have shown slight swelling of brain next to the grape size memory part. Cause: Traumatic head injury. He has no short term memory. He will ask "Where am I?" I answer the question. Then he asks the same question again. He is unable to retain answers. He will be seeing a neurologist, some time this week. The hospital release him Sat., afternoon. They think the amnesia is temporary, will go away as the swelling dissipates. If there are any sudden problems, I am to bring him back. I feel like I am the blind leading the blind. My broken foot, his memory, lol. At least we won't run out of conversation. I will keep you posted, when able. Xoxo Angel
0 -
Oh Angel!! How scary!!!!! How did he get the head injury? How scary for both of you! And you silly goose: "At least we won't run out of conversation." Makes me think of my Mom and her beginning dementia -- deep breaths as you answer the same question for the umpteenth time. I do hope the swelling goes down quickly. And yes, please keep us posted!!!!
Elizabeth
xox
0 -
I don't usually post on this forum (altho I love lurking here!) but wanted to ask Angel if I can borrow her "At least we won't run out of conversation" line. My DH has early Alz. and I've been trying to think of something positive about it. LOL! Seriously, I'm so sorry about your hubby and know you must be frantic about it. My late father once had a mild stroke and spoke and wrote in gibberish for the first 3 days. His doc told us that anythhing that was caused by swelling would improve when the swelling subsided. On the 4th day, his speech was perfect! Hopefully your hubby will make a full recovery. Will be thinking about you ...
0 -
Wow...lots going on..Kathleen, I just have to say that in your case, Murphy was an optimist!!! So sorry you had to go through all that.
Angel, thoughts and prayers to you for your dh.
Sue
0 -
I haven't been here in a long time (not that I haven't had anything to complain about all that time). I've tried to catch up, but I discovered that I was, oh, something like 45 pages behind. So please forgive me if I've skipped over some really important stuff.
Angel, my gosh... Wow. What a terrible scare. My heart was pounding, just reading what you had written. I know we're not supposed to assure each other here that everything will be fine; but I sure do hope that what Allison has said will be true for your husband. Once the swelling is down and the pressure has decreased, the memory function will return. Oh, my gosh...
I have just one thing: I'd like to offer a nonimation for the "most hated" phrase. In fact, it was ranked the third most-irritating word or phrase used by people in the U.S.: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/10/07/national/main5369093.shtml
"It is what it is."
I apologize to those of you who like the phrase. I think I even saw it in someone's BCO sig line. But, some of my family members use the phrase each time they get really, really upset or p*ssed off about something. They clench their teeth and mutter (as if anyone believes it), "Well ... it IS what it IS."
I have wanted to ask, "What do you mean? What the h*ll IS "it"???" Instead, ever the optimist, I've tried explaining that the statement "It is what it is" is not true, because most of the time, it is what you make it. I lost the argument.
"It is what it is." Can anyone else hear the fingernails on the blackboard?
otter
0 -
Yeah, bump in the road SUCKS, and even mountain in the road doesn't cut it. It's more like a gaping chasm on the highhway into which we've fallen. Bad dream? Welcome to your BC nightmare. I like that. This too shall pass? Like hell it will.
"Lets cut you up, poison you and then burn you" and then let's do it all again when you have a recurrence down the road. What fun, what a journey, and always remember: it is what it is.
0 -
Angel - Hugs, prayers and OMG. You and DH must be really scared. Please let us know when he gets better.
0 -
Angel!!!! Hugs to you and DH!
Funny, but when Angel said they'd never run out of conversation, I took it to mean that so much is happening to them....interesting how we interpret things differently.
I USED TO HATE "WHATVER" THE MOST UNTIL "IT IS WHAT IT IS" CAME OUT. To me that is a very defeatist attitude. Oh, well, might as well lie down and die, it is what it is....
0 -
Oh dear, I hope I didn't stick my big fat foot in it! I'm sorry if I misinterpreted the conversation bit Angel. Thinking of you,
Elizabeth
0 -
I do have one more thing...
I have been feeling unusually b*tchy lately. So, this is a confession, of sorts. Not being Catholic, I don't know how to make a formal confession. This post will have to do.
I have no idea why; but I've been posting critical and snarky replies on these boards for the past several days. There have always been certain types of posts that have irritated the stew out of me, but normally I have been able to ignore them. Lately, though, I have jumped in head-first and joined in the brawls, or maybe even started a few.
My most recent transgressions have involved ... okay, I'm not going to list them. I know you're supposed to do that during confession. At least, that's how they do it on TV. But, why re-hash the arguments and re-offend the people I've already p*ssed off?
Instead, I think I'll just attribute those unfortunate remarks to my evil twin, and move on.
otter
0 -
Actually, I like your evil twin. She may be bitchy, but she is very wise.
E- if you misinterpreted Angel's remark, so did I. Great minds think alike!
0 -
Sorry for saying similar to It is what it is. I meant FOR ME, it is what it is and I have little control. That may be the key - no or very little control. I apologize for lumping everyone together because i know better and should have thought more carefully before posting the above.
These past few days I have ached like never before, both physically and emotionally. I have had news of the deaths of a couple of good friends and of course our BC sisters who have passed on and are not doing well. It saddens me, it angers me, it makes me want to scream.
Otter, I am not catholic either and I am far from perfect. Can we just be friends and let bygones be bygones? Yes, I said it, I am sorry, I will try to think before I type and I love you all,
Nancy
0 -
OMG, Nancy... There, I went and did it again!
I had not read your post carefully enough before I said how much I hated the phrase, "It is what it is." I didn't notice that you closed with almost the same phrase. Yours was in context, though, and it made perfect sense. It was an honest acknowledgment of how you feel sometimes. Call it pragmatic, or fatalistic, or ... whatever. (See? "Whatever" was the #1 most disliked word.) Sometimes we just have to accept what has happened, or will happen, because there is nothing we can do to change it.
My objection comes when someone is bitter and vengeful, and is constantly reminding everyone how horrible his/her situation is, and is constantly whining about the fact that he/she has been wronged. But, rather than take action to change things or get out of it or really, truly, accept the situation and move on, the person just curses (literally) and mutters under his/her breath, "Well. IT IS WHAT IT IS."
I don't even know what that means, when it's used that way. I think what it means when I've heard it is, "I am really, really p*ssed off about this; and I would like to do bodily harm to someone, but that would be illegal and I would end up in jail; so I would rather p*ss and moan about it, and grovel to my friends and relatives in hopes that they will pity me and feel sorry for me and pat me on the arm and say, 'Oh, poor baby! I feel so sorry for you!'; so to get the ball rolling, I'll just toss out, "<sigh> ... It is what it is" ... as if I am completely accepting of the situation when we all know I would like to kill someone and would if I could."
That's what I think about it. Quite a bit different from your use of the phrase, isn't it?
Nancy, are you mad at me, or was I mad at you? I've forgotten already. Otters are like that -- poor short-term memory; always ready to let things go and have a good time.
otter
0 -
Elizabeth and all. You were right the first time, I was being a silly goose, it was a joke. Maybe in bad taste...lol I'm not sure what is wrong with me, but I find it very comical. Today, on poster size paper, I wrote all the questions he repeats, and my answers. Every time he starts to ask a question, I point to the poster. lol He just went too sleep. I'm going to try to slip into bed without waking him. It will save a lot of questions. The first one is always "Where am I?" Last night at about 3am, he woke me up asking "where am I?" I answered "honey your with me, your girlfriend Tammy. We must have fallen asleep, you should go home so your wife doesn't find out." Let's just say that, that joke didn't go over well. And yes, I am going to quote one of those sayings I usually hate "if I don't laugh at it, I'm going to cry."
0 -
Allison I'm very sorry to read your DH has early Alz. Please feel free to borrow my saying anytime you want. xoxo Angel
0 -
Angel!! Too funny -- the girlfriend joke!!! And the big question & answers page. You crack me up!!!!! And it's true -- you gotta laugh or you'll go nuts! Or cry. Or strangle someone.... Seriously, let us know when your DH gets to see a neurologist and gets this seen to. Just a thought -- next time your DH wakes up, lower your voice and say it's your boyfriend Tom....
You're the best you know? You are just the best. Thanks for being you Angel!!
Elizabeth
xox
0 -
Otter, I have found myself cranky on the boards lately, too. Weird, eh? (That's the Canadian in me coming out, eh?) I think it's death and Fall that are doing it....
Angel, my DH's mother has AZ really bad. He doesn't even visit her anymore, it kills him. Years ago we'd take her to dinner and she thought HE was her boyfriend and wondered who I was!!! One time I just told her my name is Barbara and I am sleeping with your boyfriend. My bad?
When people say "it is what it is", to me that means they will make no effort to make something better. I've had great discussions at work with a guy I usually LOVE about this phrase. He's actually stopped using it! "Oh, this report is late....oh well, it is what it is." or "Oh, that was your customer I just sold to? Well, it is what it is." NO IT ISN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
0 -
Otter and everyone else, I am not angry or mad at anyone - at the moment !!!!! Was it Doris Day with the song " Que Sera, Sera" - what will be will be? It is tomorrow and the sun is out - so have a great day, a peaceful day and HUGS, Nancy
0 -
Nancy, yes it was Doris Day who did 'Que Sera Sera'.
Angel, did you get the idea for the poster with questions/answers from 'Grey's Anatomy'? they did it when the one girl with brain cancer forgot everything at the end of last season?
Sheila
0 -
Ok, how does superwoman turn in her cape and to whom? I can't keep going like this, I just can't. On the other hand, I can't give up control. I already gave up enough control last year. I feel like if I say no or give up any commitments, I'll be letting people down. And, besides. My "treatments" are over (apparently Femara doesn't count), so I should be bouncing off the walls with energy now, right?
0 -
We should all pretend we're otters. They're so cute when they lie on their backs, hold paws, and sleep, floating in the weeds.
Angel -- I hope you had a good sleep and didn't scare your hubby anymore. Is there any improvement?
Barbe -- Canadians are supposed to be polite! 2.5 weeks and I'll be apt hunting in Ottawa!!
0 -
I think the phrase "It is what it is" is just a take-off of the old AA credo:
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I don't think any of you have been snarky lately - if you were, it was too subtle and went right over my head.
Angel, please keep us posted on DH.
Jane, No is a good word to learn. You do what you can and let everyone else pitch in.
Elizabeth, I am so excited for you. Good apt hunting to you!
0 -
My husband says I can't even set boundaries with my cats. And he's right. I'll lay awake in an uncomfortable position or forego getting something to eat or drink so as not to disrupt the cat if he/she is laying on me.
0 -
Elizabeth, are you saying I'm not polite?
And Kathleen, that saying doesn't "belong" to AA.
NOW am I being cranky?
0 -
Cats don't honor boundaries anyway, even if you set them. That's just one of their rules.
otter
0 -
Next time when asked How are You, I am gonna use "snarky"...
0
