Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Sessna...you are an absolute wonder. I am so sorry to hear about your leg...you should start a collection of stories! Not that they ARE entertaining...but they way you tell us about them is VERY entertaining!
Leisa...welcome, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with the radiation. Indeed, it does not sound like a pleasant thing, and I can only pray that you begin healing quickly. (((hugs)))
lini and 3jays welcome as well...our table sure has gotten bigger over the past year! It's nice to have the company
Jane, I so agree! Of all the things I hate about this disease, I think that children get it is the hardest. It is just beyond not fair. Prayers for your radiation buddy and Jacob alike...
I must warn you all, mine is much more than an IOS...it's an angry rant!
I get that I am very lucky to have a stage one cancer, I get that I don't want it to come back and treating a stage IV is hardger than taking that damn pill every day - THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT ANY EASIER TO WAKE UP WITH SO MUCH JOINT PAIN THAT I REALL, REALLY COULD CALL OUT SICK FROM WORK. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not even 4 weeks into my second AI and already my knees are killing me, my back is killing me, and my shoulder -which already has a touch of arthritis in it from an old softball injury -hurts so bad I could cry. I finally, finally had my ankle replaced and ejoyed a blissfull 4 weeks without the joint pain that has plagued me for years, now with the addition of femara to my system I am right back to square one. The thought of having to go another 4 years 11 months with this joint pain makes me want to throw in the towel. Yes, I know to keep moving - I am, but it makes the knees worse -not better. I already had the fatigue, which didn't thrill me -but not having kids I at least can go to bed early each night and nap on the weekends if need be. But living in constant pain is going to drive me insane. This disease sucks, these drugs suck, and having to choose between second guessing quitting -should a reoccurrance come in the door, or living like this - SUCKS. F*CK CANCER AND ALL OF IT'S BULLSH*T TREATMENTS THAT ROB US OF OUR PEACEFUL LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks, I needed to get that out of my system before I lost it...
A big THAT SUCKS to all who need it...and a shout out to my friend Traci ~ sorry we haven't chatted lately, but I'm thinking of you as always and hoping things continue to improve
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so hard to hear of adults dealing with all that cancer brings, but heart breaking to hear of little ones.
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Oh Navygirl, I read all the posts and you really crack me up. You say just how I feel. Yes, it is nice to just say it out loud once in a while. I usually do it when no one is home. I guess that's why everyone thinks I should be all right now. I just don't show it in front of them. I'm not ok, I hurt like hell. Some days I just want to bawl., but I don't. I just hold it in. Maybe I just need to do like you and scream it out loud once in a while. Maybe then they would understand. Thanks. Leisa
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CANCER SUCKS, HURTING SUCKS, RADIATION SUCKS. And a big THAT SUCKS to everyone who needs it. Ahhhhh. Than felt good. LOL,LOL
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navygirl....hang on in there with the Femara, it COULD get better ! I live with Arimidex, and its like oriental torture, but the thought of NOT taking it makes me take it, if you see what I mean.
I really hope it will settle down for you, this flippin' disease has taken so much of our lives. I'd just like one day of being 'normal' again....but don't suppose that will happen...even if 'normal' happens there'll always be that fear lurking at the back of our minds, and some days the state you get into worrying is as bad as the Arimidex pains !
I scream each time I read about yet another person who has 'beaten this disease'...if it were that simple we'd all be cured. WHERE do they get their information from??????
Isabella.
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Thanks leisa and Isabella...fortunately, today is not as bad as yesterday. Fear alone keeps me taking the pill too --- when I go back next week I plan to ask the onc. what we can do to help with the pain and the fatigue. Hopefully, she'll have an answer!
I hope everyone stays cool...one more day of the heatwave here on the east coast...then we are supposed to cool down for a few days
Off to work, another day another dollar !!
(((hugs))) to all of you...
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i guess im the odd man out.. with multiple sclerosisis, the als made my life a living hell, but it wasnt the bone pain, nor the joint pain that did it...apparently, this old body cannot stand hormonal imbalance of any kind..too much estrogen for infertility when i was young sent me to the "nuthouse" my therapist hates that word, but hey, he's not here !! and, not enough estogen with als sent me right back there a few months ago..so, i really tried, and really failed. MISERABLY so, all the pain, etc, was for NOTHING i had 2 stop all of them.. now, i live in constant fear of reoccurence..please, dont blame me if im on in years, mos., bitching about reoccurence... the good news is, they were cking me for cancer in dig... all came back NED..YEAH.. i have chemical burning everywhere inside the gi system, so veggie diet, and excersice which i was already doing. remember i was asking everyone if they got bloat from chemo?? i did, and it could be permanent.. yes great! they cut off the boobs., and now the stomach could be an add for starving children in africa...thats cold, but i am sooo discouraged. i was always a big girl, with 36 e boobs, so i ordered new, bigger ones, and got some 2x shirts that will somewhat hide the belly.. i really shouldnt bitch..im sixty, and married, its not like i am looking..but my self esteem got hit by a truck, and squashed.. frs. day my grandson,. the beloved Fischer, askrd me "if i had a baby in there" DIL just hadf Finley, GD....i told him no, just a lot of poofs...(farts 2 us ) and if he pushed on it, one would come out... he did, and it does, if u push on it...so b.c. has made me the magical nana, one, who if u pull, her hair comes off (his old fav. trick) and one that if u push her belly will fart...(his new fav. trick ) will i ever, ever get back to even NEAR my normal? it just has me really depressed... and yes, i will rant about it, i feel so depressed..i some days wish i didnt "woman " up, and do it all..and just opted to be a pretty,longhaired corpse with big boobs... but, since that choice is gone, i started elavil last week. cant take any new drugs w serotonin, im allergic...so, let me tell you ladies...it all SUX !! but we do find a way to do it..being here helps, believe me.. light and love 3jaysmom
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I am new to this discussion and I want to submit some of my That Sucks items:
People keep telling me how good i look. Number One - it's not true (unless they have a serious vision problem) and Number Two - who gives a sh#$ since I feel like hell.
Also sucko: dealing with joint pain, muscle cramps (tamoxifen??) cognitive problems, trouble with language/words (chemo or tamoxifen?), left arm weakness, vision problems, hot flashes, night sweats, and coping with reconstruction ( my fifth surgery is next week). And then there's the fatigue. (I wish I could be cryogenically frozen for a year so that I can get some rest.) And not fitting into clothes either because of the fat gain or because the reconstructed side is way different from the remaining natural side so that the clothes rutch up unnaturally and don't drape, that sucks.
Also suckola - dealing with people's expectations - they assume everything is just great once you finish your active treament. Wrong wrong wrong.
Chemo-induced menopause - now that's a sucky situation if I ever had one.Like I've been slammed in to a wall at 90 miles an hour.
Final suckful item: I only feel normal when I'm at the doctor's office/hospital because that's where people know. I feel understood there. I also hate being there and want to run shrieking from the office. I don't belong anywhere.
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I know exactally what you mean. Here lately though, when people ask me how I feel. I finally just tell them how it is. They get this look on their faces like...OK didn't really want to know that. I tell them I know you don't really want to hear that, BUT...you asked and this is how I feel. Like shit. I hurt all over, I'm tired all the time. This radiation burn SUCKS BIG TIME. And I show them. They about freek out. It will be nice once it heals, so I can at least put my arm back down to my side. Right now I can't even do that. It cracks and bleeds too. I bath in sylvadine cream, seems like. Ok, think I'm done bitching. A big that SUCKS to all who needs it. Leisa
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i check here time to9 time, just to feel normal.. i agree, most ple. think im in the moving on stage..i dont actively have cancer now; so whats my problem already.. again, i look good, i should feel good.. all is sucko, for sure. i have so many left over se's u cant even count them. my ms causes real fatigue; so, drs. do the chicken or egg thing, its ms fatigue, no wait a minute ! its chemo side effects.. who cares? im exhausted, and still have to excersice to keep reoccurence down, and le under control.. and dont get me started about the 3rd fitter thats trying to fit me for a glove.. its been 2 mos., but im not on his priority list, so he'll get in touch w/ compny as he can.. im sooo tired of cancer she is a BEAST !! and, my problems r so much less than alot of u girls, i dont know how we get up some days.. we're totally broke, in debt, the same hosp. that helped me thru cancer is suing me cause i dont have the co pays..yet, my ins. already paid them far much thwn 60% of the ple in chemo with me!! they call everyday harrSSING ME FOR $, AND THEN ONCO SAYS RELAX, TAKE ALL STRESS FROM YOUR LIFE.. TELL THEIR COLLECTORS TO STOP CALLING !! YES, IVE WRITTEN LETTERS, ETC. BUT THEY JUST FINISHED A ROUND OF LETS RULE OUT REOCCURENCE; SO I HAVE TO ANSWER THAT #, COULD BE DR...sorry bout caps, mistake, not done for emphasis... Patoo, i wish you didnt have to go thru so much.i love each and every one of you, esp. on this site. just to have a place to say it sux, and i hope yours wont sux too much today is such a rarity. IM SICK of trying to put on the happy face for ple. so i stopped!! light and love sent to all of you...3jaysmom
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I just found this site, yesterday I bowed out of going to an auction, my friend told me not to let the stress get to me, insinuating I'd cause myself more cancer, I couldn't go because I couldn't find a happy face yesterday. Had to go to onco. day before to get a srip for arimidex, all $108 of it and it was like walking right back to the day they said it's cancer. I just wanted to cover my head and fade away. Or the "god only gives you what you can bear" Well he overestimated me. The fatigue, the hot flashes, the hair thinning, the interrupted sleep. What the@%&@*, I want my old life back!!!! I'm not coping, I'm scared and pissed off, that this thing happened to me. I was thinking I was the only one not measuring up. I'm glad I found you.
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I want to joing the club. Spent a year on piills trying to stave off progression. Ended up with progression in my lungs and liver. Should have listened to my inner voice and went with chemo. Would have been over with by now. Another summer wasted. Stopped driving a few years ago and let my license lapse. Bad mistake. Have to be retested and I can't do it in my husband's beast of a SUV. Speaking of DH, he beetles out of the house at 7 in the AM to Wal Mart and won't go out after 12. I don't get up before 10. We go nowhere. Had planned a trip after my mother passed away in 2004 (at the age of 91) but cancer took over and now my husband is 74 and I don't think we could do it without my help (joke). My daughter isn't speaking to me cause I basically told her to grow up. I got tired of her whining and my keeping quiet. My other daughter conveniently doesn't answer phone calls, e-mails, text messages, etc. They are both in their 40's and we have gone thru breakups, surgeries, pregnancies together. Mom was always there. Four years with cancer and they managed to come over once to help out. I am bored out of my skull. Want to work part-time but instead I am a regular at 3 different hospitals. Chemo will take another year out of my life, another year that I haven't been there for my grandchildren, another year of four walls, crappy T.V. fatigue, AND there is always the possibility of brain mets. At which point I am done. Please don't offer suggestions I am intelligent and know them all. This is just a rant.
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Rant away, marybell. Sounds like IT SUCKS!!
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immarybell, no judgements here, girlfriend..i hear you. im at home now, too, and having kid problems.. theres always a reason they cant..whatever..i feel like , i raised them myself, i couldve sworn i did a better job ! were all hear to listen to each other. i really feel listening to the Bullshit that goes on in our heads that we dont tell everyone else is the biggest gift we give each other.. kids SUC..ca sux..life sux big time sometimes...so, rant on sistah..i hear you loud and clear
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Wow~ It's been so very long since I've written in here!
Miss the old friends and have read from you knew ones through email updates.
Just wanted to touch base and say, Ladies...it doe get a bit easier with Arimidex SE's. Never thought I'd hear myself say that. It's not to say I have NO SE's, far from it. But they are a bit more tolerable with help from various things, the biggest being Time....
I'll try to update tonight, but wanted to say, THAT SUX!!!!!!! those who need it and many gentle {{hugs) to you all~
Me
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Wish..it's so good to see your name on here
A big that sux for all our new faces! Let it out ladies..sometimes, just screaming it out takes the weight off! We dont' always have to suck it up and say "oh, everything's great" --- screw that, sometimes it all sucks and even it there is nothing we can do about it, we don't have to suffer in silence...if someone asks how I am, and I'm pretty sh*tty at that moment...then I'm telling the truth! If they don't like it...well, they don't have to live it so they can lump it!
I took an unexpected vacation day today to make a 4 day weekend and I can't tell you how nice it was to sleep in...now I'm getting ready to have a GREAT cup of coffee (Quatermaine coffee house blend -if you love coffee, treat yourself and order some on the internet...it's the best coffee I've ever had outside of Italy...) and then, me and my mostly healed ankle are going to play a par 3 for a few hours! I'll be very careful and take the cart anyway...because I still have my boot on, but I'll be darned if I'm letting one more gorgeous day slip by without hitting a golf ball!!!
Happy 4th of July everyone...isn't if funny how once you become a "survivor" you appreciate every holiday you're around for all that much more??? (ok, well...I do...)
((((HUGS))))
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HEY Girls! I'm Baaaack. I've had weeks and weeks of medical stuff - -Up 2 HERE! Had a PICC line installed on May 25 and then it was Do My OWN I V.. yes, IV. Antibiotics for a resistant UT. I had to clean, flush, mix meds in a bag, hang it, hook it up, adjust it and put it in me for 30 min a day. Seven days, then wait 3, get tested, wait 3 more days for culture, then SEVEN MORE days of antibiotic, wait 3, test, wait 3 more and FINALLY after forever, they cleared me and took the line out. The tape did a number on my skin. But I'm better. Have scheduled a bladder tack and am using premarin cream to plump up the tissues for 2 weeks before. kinda scary.
Life's a mess. And it's expensive. I try to have good thoughts, of abundance and wealth but it never seems to materalize. We're pushing 60 now and our boat never came in. doesn't look too great for the future, but I'll hold on to those positive thoughts as long as possible.
~Connie
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Wow....some serious suckage going on here. ((((((((hugs)))))))))
Sorry I haven't been on, I've been working three jobs trying to pay for my sucking insurance policy.
LisaSDCA needs our prayers ladies. Bad.
I'm hoping for a card shower for her. Please PM me for her address and let's show her some love, and humor. She said she isn't watching any TV....she's only reading. Let's give her some good stuff to read - messages from her sisters.
Hugs and a huge that SUX (miss you Saint) to all who need it.
Traci
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Connie you did it! You done good!
OMG DIY-medicine in the USA! hehehehehehehhe Is your insurance company going to pay YOU for what you did?Traci thanks for posting about LisaSDCA, I've been checking her thread and could only think the worst of course.....
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today, someone who is aware of my past year, asked how I was doing. Instead of my smiley face, which I misplaced today, I said I'd had a bad year. She then one upped me with her woes, which don't include having your body turn on you, why bother telling it like it is. Now I just feel angry and unvalidated. This just sucks.
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It's a bitch when someone tries to minimize a cancer diagnosis. Like....duh!
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I agree. Especially when they have NO CLUE how it feels, but think they do because their fathers sisters best friend found a lump and died.
So, now that I'm back in the real world. the bills have piled up again. every time I have a medical event the bills start coming from all kinds of sources that I didn't know were providing me a service, some of them I've never even heard of... and everybody wants a co-pay. THEN, that ER visit, when I was swelling up with hives... I went to the Closest ER cause I was afraid FOR MY LIFE and ins denies it. it's out of network.. that is so messed up. I could have gone to the other hospital that IS in network but it was another 10 miles away and for GODS SAKE YOU CAN DIE IF YOU CAN'T BREATHE. And they don't consider a bout of hives closing in on your throat an emergency!!! I'm going to appeal it cause it came to a little over $500 and it WAS an emergency and they should pay for it ESPECIALLY with the cost of the ins that I'm paying.
Bitch, moan and groan. it never ends does it?
~Connie
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NOPE!
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I am so tired of hearing about this out of network junk.Bunch of balderdash...that is what those insurance companies are. 0
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Connie it's good to have you back! If I was a millionaire, I'd pay them for you
My only groan today is the unbearable heat...I am praying the power grid holds up! The poor pups can't be outside for more than 10 minutes without overheating. I do believe this evenings entertainment will be "on demand".
Have a fabulous day ladies...XOXOXO
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G'day ladies, for all of you who are having 'issues' large and small, a big.....THAT SUX.........and at least WE here, can honestly say, we UNDERSTAND all the suckage!
One of the biggest lessons I learned on this cancer journey was how much my attitude changed once I was diagnosed. All my preconceived notions on how I would react to such a diagnosis before-hand, utterly changed afterwards.
I think our perceptions are rather child-like when never having experienced a threat to our lives, so we entertain thoughts of being characters in movies who become 'saintly' as we endure all the negative effects of our dxes. One of the hardest things for me was the 'rising above it' and trying to remain 'stoic' attitude, when I was feeling anything but those re-actions.
The reality of it all is so far removed from our imaginations, we might as well be aliens from another planet to those around us.
I once tried to teach one of my sons, at seven, how to avoid getting snatched by a 'stranger.' His reaction was, "That's all right Mum, I'll just kick him in the shins!" If only it was that simple for all of us.
As in parent-hood, we wouldn't believe what was involved and would think twice before venturing into it if we had any idea of the down-sides to it. The difference here, of course, is we have no choice in whether we have BC or not. Like a roller-coaster ride once started, we have to stay till the ride is over, one way or another. We can't opt out after the first wheel turns.
Being a first time grandma-in-waiting, I am amused at times listening to my son and D-i-Law expounding on all the things they are not going to do as they raise their perfect child. I just nod, smile and offer my experience whenever they want it, knowing full well that they have a huge learning curve ahead of them. I guess that's all we can do for those around us, as we each set out on the path ahead of us.
OK, that's my little bit of philosophy for today, now I just have to get through one more day, trying to figure out how to do simple things in even more simple ways.
Sheila.
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I totally agree with you on that one. Everyday I try to find more ways to work smarter not harder. I went back to work last night and boy am I out of practice. First it was @ 105 degrees in there (I work in a window manfacturing plant, so no air conditioning). Thought I was gonna pass out a few times, but made it though. Okay that's my bitch for the day. Have a good day girls....
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It's hot. I'm tired. My feet hurt. My bug bites itch and I don't want to be at work!
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I haven't posted lately. But the past couple of weeks have been difficult and no one understands what I am going through. When I bitch to my friends, they start telling me solutions or telling me that 'it isn't too bad'. How the heck would they know! It would be nice to just have someone listen. Everyone acts like I should be back to normal since I am finished with treatment. I am depressed, I can't find a job, my credit is in the garbage, I've gained 8 pounds, my feet, knees and hands hurt (not neuropathy, Onc doesn't know why - that's nice) my husband is being a jerk and my hair is 2 inches short. I then start to feel guilty b/c I should feel grateful for being NED but then I get angry and think ‘I shouldn't have had to deal with cancer in the first place!' UGH!! I feel like I'm going crazy.
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ditto to most of that...Thank God this is the place to BITCH...hope it gets better (((HUGS))). Leisa
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