Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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My father-in-law has a MRSA infection in his foot which is now in the bone and is in a nursing home. DH is the only one local to help with him. Yesterday, when preparing to take FIL to a Dr. apt. DH passed out in the kitchen. Needless to say, I called in to work because I wasn't about to let DH make the hour drive. Talked him into going to dr today. Dr. called me at work to pick DH up. He is forbidden to drive, work, etc. until after a week's worth of testing coming up. He may have to have pacemaker. He just turned 50.
Now we don't know who is going to take FIL to Dr. apt next Tuesday. DH has a test that day and I have my colonoscopy that day. Maybe SIL will have to take a day off work and drive down to deal with her parents, too.
Then, this afternoon, my 25 year old, bi-polar son called and said he eloped.
What a day!
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Hey Barbe, It just does not make sense, being allergic to Iodine. They filled me with Prednisone, spiked that with Benedryl just in case when I had a CT scan today.
Plus, There's no way I'm allergic to shellfish!!!! We eat shrimp once a week at least, and I get crab cakes all the time. wouldn't that count?
No results yet, of course.
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Jane_M - what a day, indeed! That SUCKS! I definitely think it is time for SIL to pull her weight and do her duty per the FIL. Hope the DH has good results and nothing serious. And maybe at least you've gained a DIL? Hopefully someone nice?
I have to go to bed now, so I can transport son who isn't allowed to drive to his treatment, then figure out who can pick him up since I have a PT appt that overlaps. Maybe his bipolar dad needs to get out of bed and come pick him up! Or his brother who is coming home from college. Ain't transportation musical c(h)a(i)rs fun?!
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Whew, this is a bitch-worthy thread that, well, I am ready for finally. I have tried so hard to be even-keeled, considerate, understanding, and struggling, but I really need to let some bitch-a-tude out too because I have tried to find philosophical resolution to this crazy-ass disease. I have tried to frame it in something that is reasonable, but it is not, and even worse, trying to not express this side, well, how can one not?
No matter what anyone has said to me, the truth is, cancer sucks. I can find the good in what has happened some times too, but the reality is, that is how I feel.
I am angry these days. What really pisses me off is that besides missing a breast, going through 4 surgeries, drinking barium, having my nipple injected with radioactive dye, treatments, byproducts of drugs, blah, blah... I worked full-time through it. And I have a mother who is so much more helpless than even I was when I was the one diagnosed with cancer and going through it. No one picked up the slack. I made all the appointments. I managed everything through it all. My friends were so far away in another city just starting their families that, honestly, I was alone most of the time. I was alone when the doctor said, "You have cancer." I was depedent on the kindness of strangers I suppose, but who wants to reach out to strangers at such times? I had just relocated to a new city to do a PhD, of which I had to drop out of, which was why everyone was so far away. I am now 6 months out of the last surgery (of which they were crazy to go against my doctor's request for a mastectomy because she retired right after the diagnosis and they just kept digging around to save my breast attempts and then finally realized they would not find clean margins and did the mastectomy), I go in for a scan tomorrow and I am terrified. It is so frickin humbling. Now, the cherry, the cherry on top of the cake is that after the surgeries, the treatment settled, the living with "Hey, it might recur and then you will really be visiting death again because the radiation will make it even more aggressive," I have PTSD from all the shit that happened in those operating rooms I guess, or just the sheer horrific ride of cancer. Before this, I could handle a lot. I lived in NYC for 16 years and even saw 9/11, so, reality is, I can handle a lot. But, not this. Before, I was patient, blew things off that were not ultimately too serious, now, on a dime, something will frustrate me, piss me off etc... and I will react. I used to be able to read and write, now I mispell sentences, forget what day I have an appointment, cannot remember what I went to the grocery store for, forget the last paragraph I read, etc... And, last of all, you know, I had spiritual questions before this and during all of this and I find little comfort, quite honestly, in believing there is any answer because I know there is none as to "What can I do?" It is just as it is and it just keeps coming at you. It doesn't stop. I didn't see people smiling like angels when I was in the MD Anderson waiting rooms. No, women who were 10 year's out were still looking rather worried that THIS scan, or mammo, or check-up might be the one. This one might be the one where they tell you again: "Buckle up gal, we are going to take this ride into hell again."
This is a terrible disease and more than that, I wish someone would make a roadmap where they at least let you know some of the things that might hit you beyond the cancer, like the byproducts of the surgeries, the possible affects of the radiation that appear years later, the blood reports that show your organs are trying very hard to process all the crap they put in you, blah, blah, blah, blah. It is like a crappy magical mystery tour box that no one really wants opens up and surprise clowns jump up with scary faces. And, btw, being younger than 65 with this disease stinks. My doctors say things like, "You are so young. So young." And I think, "What does that mean really? That I will not find my tribe of other young women who are single who don't know how to pay their bills because they are the sole financial support in their lives. Who do not have time to go to support groups that meet in the mid afternoon because they work. Who now worry that they will never have children because the cancer took that from them? Is this what they mean when they say, You are so young?" BLUCK. Someone should fix this as the demographic with bc is changing so dramatically and trending to younger women who do care A LOT if they can date again, if they can have children. And could someone please change some of the brochures that say, "Grandma has breast cancer, and this is how you can help her." Could someone please mix it up with some younger women who are wearing suits who wonder whether they can keep their jobs. Single mothers who get this disease who wonder if they will be able to handle it all. Single women who wonder if they can date again, etc... BC survivors who suffer from PTSD after all the other things and did not even know that was possible outside of signing up for a tour of duty in Iraq. And, in the past, I might have entertained the idea of trying to help in some way fix some of the social problems that obviously go way beyond a surgery or a drug to cure cancer, or try to change the perception of bc in our culture, but, to be honest, I find myself wanting to sleep after dinner most days now.Ok, that is all for my bitch-a-tude. I know I will get stronger, but some times you really do need permission to be bitchy. It is not like this was my dream of what my life would be.
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Hey Connie, I don't write the rules. And I don't follow them! I eat shellfish too.
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Cat08, cancer ISN'T reasonable - you'll go crazy trying to make it logical. I find absolutely no good in cancer by the way, and you don't have to either! I appreciated life before and it's still life now. You have my personal permission to shoot anyone who tells you to find the silver lining.
No one should be alone to hear a cancer diagnosis (((((((( hugs )))))))). You survived 9/11 but this could be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Get help if needed....a lot of us are on medication for stress, and understandably so! You will find many threads on young, single women dealing with this shit. The youngest is 11.... This site is my "therapy" and I use it at work and dare anyone to stop me. It's the middle of the night right now, and there is always someone here.
As for "what can you do"? Let go and let God.
Jane, sorry to hear about DH. If I recall pictures...he's a "big boy" isn't he? That's got to be tough on his system. How did his lap-band go anyway?
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I'm so sorry I can't catch up with everybody.I'm on my third job trying to have some disposable income after my $850 per month insurance policy. Feel like I'm working 24/7.
Has anybody seen or talked to Lisa?
Hugs everybody.....heartfelt hugs.
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...allergies to shellfish (and iodine) suck big time!! Sorry I have been MIA lately. I've been kinda busy, and my work schedule has been so hectic! The people at the little produce market where I work are mostly nice, but ... MAN, they work you to death! I am almost ready to quit... it just isn't worth it... minumum wage sucks...
Traci
good to see you again, girl... $850/month INSURANCE payments SUCK!!!
sorry you are working too much, but hope things smooth out for you.
HUGS
xoxo
Harley
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hey girls, this site showedup in my favs. realized i din't hear wether connie went 2 beach,r not. sorry u didn't get 2 go this year. i'm glad ur already plannig next yr! hope ur feeling better.it's iodine DYE that's the problem, they use in 4 contrast. i'm allergic. also. and yes, shellfish isall part of it, so be careful... i'm not in a ranting space, and wow is that new! see what 2/3 weeks away from h/t will do 4 u. later, ladies. enjoyed the chat, and catcthing up on posts. light and love, cherie
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cherie, what' h/t?
I get contrasts for CT and MRI's and don't have a problem, but they told me years ago I'd have problem with "surgical tape" and that turned out to be LATEX! Yep! They were right.
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When I go to buffets I load up on crab legs and such and never get so much as a hive. Could it be something else in the dye Im reacting to ..... also dont they use iodine in operation solutions that they paint you with for minor surgeries. It is a bright red/orange colour. I didnt react to that. However, I am no longer allowed to have contrast. And the reports read.... due to the lack of clarity due to no contrast.... blah blah blah. Seems they can see pretty darn well. They seem to be able to find the progression each time. I am stably progressing (one tumor every 6 months). At this rate I will live until I am 102.
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I have to vent somewhere and this seems to be the only place. We had a celebration of Girl Guides at Ontario Place (a huge venue) with 11,000 girls and women (from 6 to 96) and not one newspaper picked it up. CBC news did and it is/was on their website. That was all the recognition it got from the media. I am so angry I could spit (but not in public).
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It is the responsibility of the organization to notify the media. Who the heck missed that opportunity????? I agree, what a waste.
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hi,jays here, to answer the h/t question...hormone therapy, which drove me absolutely bonkers.. feeling much better since they went in the trash! i'm not allergic to the stuff the swab on, and i can eat a small amount of loster, iget the tail; but the iv made me have a seizure..fyi, if ur'e ever in an accident, and have a head injury, they do a scan w/ivp dye {thats what its called.so, if ur truly allergic 2 it, it should be in a bracelet. good luck. light and love, cherie
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I heard a good talk-radio segment about allergies. There's a big difference to being allergic and being intolerant. I think we're quick to say "allergic" rather than "oh, it gives me the shits."
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I work in Radiology and yes there is a difference. The barium type contrast given for abdominal and pelvic studies have a side effect of the runs or constipation, that is not the intended purpose but it can happen. Nausea and vomitting are not an allergic reaction, just a side effect. A reaction to the IV type contrast can consist of itchiness or difficulty breathing. Just because you have a minor reaction one time,does not mean next time it will not be a full blown anaphalactic attack. Pre medication can be done, but the risks have to be assessed and weighed. Also, previously allergies to shell fish used to be an indicator of an allergy to iodine and therefor the IV contrast with CTs but it is no longer thought to be as such. If you have been able to enjoy shrimp before, continue to eat it!
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I am a Girl Scout leader, I feel your pain. We are having difficulty with the same thing. What makes Boy Scouts so great??
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A big that sux to all who need it!
Dream, that's enough to make me want to spit too. It's a very frustrating time we are living in; cheaters in the news every day, people still losing their houses and jobs, an oil slick poised to ruin our coastline and kill all the marine life that live along it -all while the ASS*OLES who should be fixing it are instead arguing over who's fault it is (as if that really matters right at the moment). Ugh. On top of the damage to our marine life, how many more livelihoods are going to go down the drain because of it. I tell you, it's just horrible. And on a personal note, my insurance company has denied the charges for my surgery because they claim the procedure is "experimental" - now, WTF didn't they say something when we called for the pre-approval? I would have put it off again and let my lawyer file for a hearing on it if I had known the were not going to pay it. For pete's sake, is it that hard to use common sense anymore?
Sorry, I didn't mean to rant; sometimes you just want to SCREAM!!!
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Navygirl - THAT SUCKS!
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Navy, this thread is just for that, rant away. My insurance didn't want to pay for 100% of my reconstruction saying that the use of AlloDerm was experimental, this was after my surgery was done. We (myself and the ps) sent numerous appeal letters to the insurance company and finally 6 months after my surgery, they agreed to pay the ps. At my visit this year, the ps told me that the insurance co is now approving AlloDerm.
Sheila
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MY BOOB HURTS. Its going on WEEKS now. almost three weeks and I still have an open. huge and now infected blister wound on the underneath side of my not-bc breast. Started with Macrobid for a UTI, apparently allergic or intolerant of something in there, I had Hives travel their way around my body. head to toe and it left a LARGE red itchy burning spot under my breast. I'm using 4x8 INCH bandages and one covers the majority of this wound.
I can't leave it uncovered. I'm treating it three times a day finally, with ointment and another oral antibiotic it's beginning to look like its turning around and healing.
The UTI is still raging in my lower parts, I've been referred to an Infectious Diseases Doc. see him on Monday.
I HAVE THE SUPERBUG AND I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!! The docs, 5 so far, can't kill it and they have been WASTING TIME DOING AND RE-DOING CULTURES. I'm like MESSED UP WITH INFECTIONS.
It's been ==
Oh,A uti, take this, wait a week $30. didn't work. Hurts.
HUM.. take This, wait a week $30. didn't work. hurts a lot.
WAIT. Stop That, You're resistant, so LETS try THIS and wait a week $40. didn't work. Puking, Hives.
E R Visit, Oh Hives. Stop your meds and stuff benedryl every 4 hours for 3 days. $160.
Two days later Huge red spot rips open and drains underneath my good boob. Doc, $20.
I was lined up for cortisone shots in my hips for bursitis thats taking me down, but was cancelled due to Hives.
Referred to Urologist. try Cipro... orders MRI kidneys. $30. Dang, you are resistant.
Also referred to Dermatologist... looks like an allergic reaction... $25.
Call from Urologist... stop Cipro, this but is resistant to that too. The only thing that will kill it is Macrobid.... but you can't take that. what to do? ... referred to Infec.Diseases Doc.
Visit with real PCP, not his PA. he says, WTH? THIS IS INFECTED!!!!!. And whats with the hips deal?, and the UTI deal? He actually said, I'm sorry you're going thru this! ! ! !
I'M SCREAMING IN MY HEAD... but say, THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. HELP!!!!!
. . . . Sure feels good to rant it out in here. Boob is swollen, UTI still burns but I'm on Keflex for the skin eruption infection and have an ointment and wash and apply 3x a day. And I visit with the Infectious Diseases Specialists on Monday.
I'm just so sick and tired of this. And I want a Doc who will look at all of it and put out a treatment plan that affects my entire body, mind and spirit. Guess thats just too much to ask of overbooked PCP, URO, DERM, professionals. And I've lost my job, paid for COBRA, got approved by SSD, and have been living on about 50% of what I was making for over a year now and you know what? THIS SSSSUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSS.
That's all for now. Thanks for being my rant buddies. My vent to girls. My weep with my tears friends, and my ego boosting, creep busting, cake pushing, OK to get a cold beer just for fun, even if it's NOT 5 o'clock yet, great GALS.
~Connie
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I hear your pain about the girls not getting the same coverage as the boys. I suspect it has something to do with most of the news directors who make the decisions about what to cover having fond memories of being Boy Scouts rather than Girl Scouts or Girl Guides, and maybe knowing when to anticipate annual events coming.
It is definitely the job of the local council staff to alert the media about large events like that, so they are the ones you should complain to. They should have sent out a press release announcing the event several weeks beforehand, checked in with the media a day or two before to know who to expect at the event, and followed up with photos and a short blurb about it the next day.
For smaller events, I've always found that if we let the local daily paper know about our event a few weeks ahead, we had a pretty good shot at getting a reporter/photographer to show up. It also helped to direct the email to the editor who covers community events/education/Scouts. We did best with the local weekly papers if we sent them photographs and an article that they could edit. It also helped when someone associated with the organization was a regular contributer.
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Connie...I'm soooo sooo sorry you're dealing with all of this, if anyone deserves a rant, it's YOU! I sure hope they guy you see tomorrow has an answer for you. ((((HUGS))))
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Gee Navy, what is the point of the insurance company pre-certifying a procedure if they are going to deny payment after it's done? Seems like it would be cheaper to skip the pre-certification process, and just have clients take their chances on the surgery being covered in a kind of high stakes gambling game. Too bad the client almost always looses in that scenario.
Connie, what can I say, but THAT SUCKS!!!!
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Navy, Google for their medical policy for that surgery and see where it says it is experimental. Sadly, even when you get prior authorization they always tell you prior authorization does not guarantee payment blah blah blah, procedure must meed medical policy when submitted. I have often wondered what the point is with the prior auth, but at least if you had a prior auth you can fight the appeal with the fact that you told them ahead of time what you were planning on doing and they have the green light at the time.
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Oh NavyGirl -- don't you want to just reach through the phone and throttle them -- they have to pay! Sometimes I think they just like to toy with us (I had a few problems with insurance when I was in the US).
Connie! I think you just defined absolute misery! I wish I could take it all away for you. May Monday come fast, and with some answers, and comfort. You definitely deserve a quiet, healthy, serene summer. Gentle hugs.
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Connie!!!! }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} (those were gentle hugs sweetie)
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Ah, Connie - THAT SUCKS! My partner has done the "let's guess what's wrong with you" merry-go-round in the past. It's expensive, frustrating and pisses me off. The hubris of these "infallible" doctors drives me loco. There are fantastic doctors out there, and thank God for them, but then there are the rest. And then the insurance companies don't want to pay for it. Fun again. It sucks!
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awwwwh.... thanks, girls. its just that so much heavy crap has happened in a relatively short time. it gets harder to bounce back. I've heard real stories that had harsher features, like barbe - girl you keep me coming back just by your genuine hardships and amazingly strong sense of humor. And Elizabeth, your stuff would be enough to send a lesser woman right off the edge, but you hang in there and always have sweet input. Navygirl, I'm so glad you are recovering and getting movement, thats what counts. Consider the fight against the ins co. as completely their responsibility and don't let go until they pay. Drag 'em around by the balls, verbally, if you have to..Always ask to speak to a supervisor and if you don't get action from that one, ask for the next one up, keep dates, NAMES and notes. Play the BC card, (whatever it takes), you pay dear premiums to be covered, it's a damn shame you still have to fight for payment. I consider fighting with and berating the staff for not paying part of my weekly job these days. They never see me coming, but I call on a regular basis.... .cause I file claims on a regular basis. You have to watch every little thing cause either the companies are programmed to rip us off, or it was human error, either way its NOT your fault. Demand they pay, ARGH.
Bookart, I never formally welcomed you here. Welcome!, your input and insight are welcome too.
TRACI, we miss you. I'm so sorry you are having to work so hard, Did you ever consider moving to florida? You know you want to. 86 Texas. I don't think you've liked it there since you moved.
I just needed to vent today. I swear I don't make this stuff up, it really happens as I write. I must have been born under a dark cloud. They seem to hang out around my life. Gets old.
~Connie
And to all the others i failed to mention in this post. Thanks for reading and sharing. It really makes my day. Partly because I realize I'm not really alone, in here we are all sisters. That sounds like a line from a seriously cheesy chick flick, but YaYa for US!
Connie
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We ARE all sisters here Connie,for the wrong reason, but it's true. I have never felt closer to women than I have with you ladies. There is no hidden agenda here, it's all out there.
Navy, if I'm not mistaken, you work for the Feds don't you? So that's Government insurance working for you????
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