Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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BRIE... Girl, you've been SICK. Treatment is torture and all the other crap is thrown on like confetti at a new years eve party.. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK... and scuse my french, but Fv<KK those opinions that don't get it. You don't need to listen to them... Listen to yourself and CHILL... NOTHING IS NORMAL, and you can't get back to where you were before this all started. I think you may need counseling for post traumatic stress, there's a thread for that in BCO and you'll be pleasantly surprised that a lot of others are in the same or worse position.
NO, you shouldn't have to deal with it. It's our environment, food additives, little-tested medications and all that crap that caused it. HEAR THIS; IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. And husbands can be the worst jerks of all because they are scared, and you are the safest easiest target for his ignorance. He needs counseling too so he can support you properly.
Now that your treatments are over, you feel lonely because all those techs every day or week were 'there for you', they still are, you just have to seek them out because they are busy dealing with new dx's and new patients, so the done ones are left to fend for themselves. SUX..
WE are here for you... BRING IT . we can take it. call those people names, rat out your husbands behavior, It truly does help to write it out... hint. write your posts in a word program, save and cut and paste to the board because we all have lost long posts and that is frustrating. In addition, you will have a journal of sorts because it's all in the computer and you can share it with us, share part of it, or not share any of it. It's just good therapy to write out what you are feeling.
I'm sad for you because I know how you feel, sort of. I've had a rough time of it too, lost my job, fell a bunch, hurt my back forever, got neck surgery, had ER appendix surgery, had colitis, ear infections and massive urinary tract infections involving giving myself IV meds at home!! Everyone around me is sick and tired of me being sick and tired. I don't care what they think. I'm doing what I need to do to stay as sane as possible and still get something done everyday. Try filing for Social Security Disability, you have had a cancer dx and they consider that strongly. It may take a while, but I did it. I hated doing it, but now I have income and soon I'll have USA Medicare and quit paying all my money to insurance.
YOU'RE NOT CRAZY. You just got dragged into the holding tank for crazy. Telling us about it is the first step on the ladder out of that tank. We will be waiting for you to return and will always listen.
Sheila - I love your philosophy. ANd congrats on the upcoming bundle of joy.
Leisa - THAT SUX
Jane - yep, it's hott everywhere. I run my wrists under cold water, it helps cool me off all over.
TTFN - I was insane before I found all of you. Now I'm just nuts.
~Connie
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Brie, you are entirely entitled to feel angry. I am learning to not let things slide when callous remarks are made. Today after itook my shower and had to clear the drain 3x due to hair clots, I came out of the bathroom to find one of my least favorite friends [toxic] waiting for me, she proceeded to tell me about the idiot remarks her gyn had made to her, just a routine visit mind you, not one of our "OK you get to freak out cause another test is coming up". She then said she couldn't respond since she waas in a brain fog. " Try radiation and hormone fog" I said. She then asked if she could use that, I said oh no you have to earn that one. She looked at me funny and left. Maybe next time before she hands me a no brainer remark, she'll think twice. Save me from [toxic] people. Karen
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Ack! I've been away from the thread too long and have some catching up to do. THAT SUX for everyone. For me -- been chomping on ice cubes to cool down. And I'm really getting tired obsessing about pooping, or, not pooping, to be more accurate. Oh well, it can always be worse...
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I just love you girls.
Jane, your post cracked me up!! LOL!
Brie....like Connie said "Bring It!"
((hugs))
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Konakat, you have to have a stool softener AND a senna laxative EVERY night like clockwork...and you'll be... like clockwork! I know from whence I speak! Hydromorphone and Oxycontin and Oxycodone can do the best of us in!
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I had a slightly sucky day today due to my youngest son being involved in a car accident that was his fault. He lives about four hours drive from here.
He was at a T-intersection and didn't look to his right as he turned right to enter the highway which made up the top of the T. He walked away with a sore wrist although his work car was a write-off.
I got word through his work place and then had to let DH know while he was working on board a ship, about a days travel from here.
Son has now followed in my footsteps with similar accident, although I wasn't at fault in mine. Luckily we both got to walk away. He will be fined $300 and lose points off his licence.
Spent the day texting the other two sons and DH, then waiting for updates etc,.to then relaying messages back. At least I got to actually see and speak to all my sons on the one day without it being Christmas day.
I don't know how I would have coped if there had been a worse outcome.
How thin is the thread that our lives hang by?
Sheila.
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Sheila }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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I would gladly trade sons with you anyday. My son does nothing but complain about not having a job, complains about having to eat the same types of food everyday, and has no money to do anything. I am so sick of worrying about him (24 years old). I even pay the bills for him to live at his house because of not having any income. I am tired, it seems like it never ends. And I am so afraid that I will stress myself out to the point that the beast will return. Thanks, I vented.
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Sheila, sister, I feel your pain. Kids, once grown up can get themselves into the worst kinds of trouble. When they are younger but adults, you still have some influence but long after they get out on their own they still come to mom for help with their situations. It's good in that you know that they know you will be there for them and that they do talk to you. It SUCKS because the trouble is really theirs and they have to own it AND pay for it. it's hard for a mother to know that one of her kids has to do it the hard way. My oldest, DD just turned 30 and she's a mess. The economy didn't help and she lost her job, got arrested for DUI and it spirals downhill from there.
When ex son in law lost his job he lost his mind. He turned into a different person. I don't even know him and it's remarkable because he could have been a good husband and daddy but he chose to leave and now he's paying the price. He can't even see his daughter, 14 months old. Hasn't even tried to see her, doesn't even call to see if she's OK or needs anything... nothing.. and this is not the man that I knew.
I could go on and on about raising young adults. Or guiding them. We have 3, they are 26, 28 & 30. OMG I can't believe I have kids that old.
Hey... I grow aloe vera. My best friend gave me a piece years ago and it's really taken to my lack of attention and failure to water. I did, however, put it on a piece of rotting rail-road tie where it's been thriving for a long, long time. It's huge, and it has lots of babies. If you might like to try growing it I'm happy to send bare root baby plants to you. I know some of you are going thru radiation and if you are fair skinned and burn, this stuff is like a little slice of heaven. when I needed it, I would slice off a leaf and split it open putting the outsides together and placed it underneath the breast that was burning and under the arm that also blistered up pretty bad. This is the real deal and it really helps burning skin feel better. PM me if you are interested.
Looking forward to a weekend. It's so HOT it's almost unbearable outside. And we are so humid if you moved around out there you'll perspire like in a sauna. Just awful. Even tonight the low is 80. ACK!! Even the water in the pool is warm, ick.
~Connie
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Thanks Barbe, and Connie I can't believe how fast the years have gone by either. DH asked me yesterday how old our middle son is, thinking that he is about 28. When I told him he was 32, he didn't believe me! He thought the eldest boy was about that age, "Nup," I said, " he's 35," at which he asked me how old he (himself) was. Giving him the correct answer, he replied with, "You must be right then."
Why wouldn't I be right......I was right there at the time.......DOH!
I went on to ask him if he knew which of our kids were twins, which he laughed at. "We didn't have twins because I would remember something like that," he replied. "Never-the-less," I told him, "we currently have twins which happens every year at this time." Yep, would you believe two children born ten months apart? For seven weeks of every year, two of our kids are the same age so, on paper at least, they are twins.
I had my first at 28 and they are all taking their time about starting the next generation. Thank goodness one of them has decided to break my grandkid drought and it will end sometime next month..........YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!
The son and D-i-law had a 3d scan last month and it was beautiful to see the perfectly formed little face for the first time. How things have changed in 35 years.
Sheila.
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I get my first grandbabee in September mid-month and a second one the week after the first! I am "expecting" 2 grandsons! Those are my carrots....
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OH Barbe... If you've mentioned that little nugget of information, I missed it and apologize... congratulations! It's just like everyone says.. it's the best. the BEST. I can give that trying, crying baby back to her mommy for all the real issues of child rearing. although, the dynamics have changed since they moved in with us. DH is taking a real Pop-Daddy role. She brightens up when he comes home. Today, he was cutting the grass and some spots were really dry, throwing up the dust and baby was standing at the edge of the deck waving at him as if to say, "Pop, get outta that mess and come up here and be with me". And some days it's like I get happy cause if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. And I start singing because she's a happy girl and I'm not worried about their wellfare anymore.
At least I'm not concerned that they are being abused. The abuser is out of the picture. Thank you all for the support during that trying time of separating my girls from an abusive spouse. My DD is a much happier person and the signs of trauma are dimiishing as time goes by. What a trial!
Sometimes I have trouble believing that all this suckage is happening to and around me. Especially as quickly as it does. Seems like ever since I got finished with the BC stuff there has been challenge after challenge. Sickness, surgery, infections. DD and soon to be ex-hubby drama month after month then week after week, then day after day and that was eventually enough to have her finally and firmly put her foot down and say NO MORE and mean it.
Oh and two boys! How wonderful. Boys are special. It's up to us to raise them right with respect for women and themselves. The world will be a much different place for them to live in and make a living in.
gotta go. dh is getting grumpy cause I'm not listening to him. you know how it is.
HAH.. thats the truth.. Connie
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Hmmmm....Carrots............that might be a good name for the 'bump'...... ya think?
We don't know the gender yet, so there will be two surprises on the 'birth' day.
It does make shopping a little more difficult, but that can be overcome by buying both a pink and a blue version of everything wearable. Lucky for me, they are planning another baby in a couple of years.
Sheila.
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Sheila, why 2 surprises? Are they twins? I bought a lot of yellow and green in the beginning before I knew. Then when I found out the one I was kinda hoping the other would be a girl....but it's all good of course!
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a big that sucks to all who need it....today I have fallen victim to what I can only assume, was a bad meal of cream of crab soup. I went to bed fine, I woke up not so fine. All day I've felt like I was on the USS Minno when it went down. And....something weird has happened to my computer...all of a sudden, the battery light indicator is flashing red on and off...even thought it says I'm at 96%. If I shift the pc in a way that the a/c plug comes out, it crashes immediately. I tried Dell support, but no luck...so I guess when my stomach is better, I'll have to take it over to the geek squad to have them try to fix it...buggers! It's always something, as Gilda says...
(((hugs))) ladies...
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For all of us: Thursday will be a great day!!
Leisa and Traci --Thanks for the hugs and validation. Hugs to you too.
Connie -- You sound like you are in a great place. Thanks for your support and words of wisdom as well as for all the suggestions. You are right about the sick and tired.
Another thing that feels weird to me is that I don't want to talk about cancer anymore, I just want to get on with my life and talk about normal things, things everyone else is talking about. But I can't, I still talk about cancer all the time. And I can tell that everyone is sick and tired of hearing about it. They are done with it. They always change the subject, or try to relate to all my issues by talking about something that happened to them. Like it is somehow similar!
Karen -- I hear you. Everyone thinks they can relate. But they can't.
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girls girls girls what are we doing to ourselves.i just read a post where it asks if stress is related to cancer.....well if thats the case..WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OURSELVES.BITCHING,MOANING,GROANING,SCREAMING,CRYING...IS THAT STRESS???if that is the case i think im gonna die from this giant monster that has just invaded my body...i was born with stress and i dont know how to get rid of it....
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Stress is a human condition and it is proven that if you are not under stress then you are not growing, learning and improving your condition. Not everyone under stress gets cancer...
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You've heard the expression it will come back at you tenfold. I have a daughter who is now 45. She has 2 teeangers 13 andf 16. Her husband is deceased and only missed by the kids. When my daughter was 16 my husband said "if we put her in a convent 200 miles from civilization, she will befriend the only nun who is on drugs and pregant. Anything she could come up with, her children can do better and there is 2 of them. Don't think they don't love their nanny and all in all I have faith they will survive. In Winnipeg 13 year olds go back and forth at lunchtime. They live about 5 blocks from the school. The thirteen year old was going to be late yet again so she called a cab. They say they are going to sleep over and then she gets a call at 3:00 A.M. the oldest one is screaming her head off. Someone is chasing her because she set off a car alarm when she passed a parked car. Why did she leave - because she was bored and wanted to sleep in her own bed. They aren't criminals (at least not yet). What they are is the village idiot.
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Barbe, about the two surprises, I did answer straight away but it looks like it's gone off with the 'E-faeries'.
The first surprise would be the day the baby is born, I hope, all going well. The next one is the gender thing. The young mum-to-be gets a bit rattled if we refer to the bump as a 'he/him' too often and then when we say 'she/her' in deference to her wishes. I don't like saying 'it' because it's not a 'thing.'
Ahh well, not long to go now.
Mary, at least they are filling a need in the community, every village needs an idiot, doesn't it?
Sheila.
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Grannydukes, I'm not sure how to read your post? I don't know if you are chastising us for moaning here -thereby making more stress for ourselves? Or, if you are chastising the post that said stress gives you cancer? I'm with Barbe...I don't think stress gives us cancer -if that were true there would be a LOT more cancer in the world!! Either way, really, I find it to be a stress reducer to get it off my chest! I think bottling it all up is the worst thing we can do...
Mary...I LMAO reading your post...I think I was teh village idiot too. And, if I do say, I turned out mostly ok
Aussie...when abouts is the due date? I'm so jealous...it was hard enough not being have to have children when all my friends were starting families, now I find myself going through some of the same feelings with all those kids, now having kids of thier own. Two of my best friends are grand-mama's...and I wanna be one too!!! wahhhhh!!!
Brie...it's like a break up, you want to move on -but still, you find yourself talking about your ex -A LOT...and all of your friends are really tired of hearing about him...they want to you just get over it. And, you will...but not until you've gotten to that place for yourself. The day will come, in the mean time...do what you need to do
((((hugs)))) ladies...I'm better today, but still at home taking it easy...I'll get some work done, but until I'm sure I am steady on my feet and done with the pukes I'll be taking it slow.
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Awww, poor Navygirl, you've been sick entirely too long. You are kinda like me in that big ole wads of goo hit the fan, often. Wether it's a broken bone or busted tire we're in it together.
I agree with Navy, we come here to let it go, a way of relieving our stress. By bitching, moaning and groaning, we learn why we needed to learn whatever it was that we learned by experiencing the event we are bitching about. There are lots of threads where everyone only brings niceness but we bring it all. People have sucky things happen and it's NICE to know that as I am dealing with my crap that everybody else in here is living thru their crap. We can release words here that we may feel would be judged if a "certain" person actually heard it. Plus, there's a fear we all carry that taints our emotions every day. recurrance exists. Long lasting side effects exists. Maybe It's a reality thing.WHATEVER... I don't care why we come here to bitch and moan I'm just really glad there is a place where I can do that and NOT be judged.
It's true that what we write is not secure information. Anything we say in here could be used against us should someone be so inclined, so we don't use real names but blowing steam in here keeps the peace in my house on many, many a night.
~Connie
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Connie......LOL!!!!!!!! So true sister. So true.
Brie, that's one of the reasons this thread was started. Early, early on, I knew that I would not be able to continue to bitch about cancer and the BS that goes with it, to my friends and family. (That don't also have it.) Well, not really 'couldn't' but shouldn't. You know? Here, everybody can relate and that makes it so much easier to hear.
Navy, glad you are feeling better. Keep taking it easy Sister.
My bitch of the day: I can make my stomach look like a butt. I'm not kidding. I was looking in the mirror the other night and I pushed my tummy (gut) forward from the sides and then 'creased' it where my belly button is and it looked exactly like a butt.
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hey connie; tell your ins. your appealing their decision, and get the forms. it all has to be in writing, for sure..i was successful in appealling and my ins. paid for an out of netwofk hospital; because it was an emergency, and therefore i had no choice but go to the closest hosp...at the very least, they cant bug you for any of the money while the bill is "in dispute" i hope you can get it, girl..even WITH ins. its backbreaking. will be praying for you. light and love, 3jaysmom
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I was going to post something but I forgot as I got distracted cause now I have to go run to a mirror to see if I can make my gut look like my ass!
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I'm ok with my gut looking like an ass, but if I start being able to put my cheeks together to do that....
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OOOH, Navy, my butt just gave it's opinion when I laughed out loud at your bum jokes.
My first g-child is due in mid to late August. I hope mum-to-be organises birth dates as well as I did. The 25tth would be a good one for me.
Two oldest sons b-dates are so easy to remember as in 13/3 X 2 = 26/6 (day first, month 2nd) the other two are 5/8 and 15/8. I have difficulty these days remembering what days of the week they were all born on but I don't think I will ever forget the dates.
......And.....Barbe? The cheeks..............?
Sheila.
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Everytime we go down this road...we end up someplace we don't want to be!! :P
Aussie...following your b-day may made my head spin...
GOOD NEWS PEEPS...I got the boot off!!! Yay!!! I can walk, I can walk....ok, it's still a very stiff and ginger walk, but I am walking - and other that the tendons and muscles which have to get back in shape, it's pain free walking! I feel like I have received a miracle
(((hugs)))) gotta go eat lunch...
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ooh navy girl... virgin skin=congrats.
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I was out DANCING last night!! Ok, no rhythm, off balance and kind of hobbling back and forth from he the table, but I was up and out there !!!! We even managed to pull several other chair warmers out there with us. One I told them "life is short, play hard" ...they couldn't not come out and dance too! It was such a good time. Now today I'll only swim or walk or use the stationary bike because that's what the doctor ordered for the next 3 weeks. But we are definitely on our way back from these horrible 2 years...a big thank you to all the ladies here who have made me laugh and cheered me up on the days I just didn't think I could keep going. This is such a wonderful place to share it all
Love you guys!
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