Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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{{{{{{{{{{ otter }}}}}}}}}}}}}} That Sucks big time.
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Otter, I too had issues with my mother. I went to three therapists, and read more books than I can remember in order to get along with her. Eight years ago, I gave up. She never wanted children and made that fact painfully clear every day of my life. You aren't the only one who just couldn't get on with the mother. I so hope your life takes a turn for the better. Sending a hug, Maya
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My mom once said to me in front of my therapist that if she never saw me again it would be too soon!
But she's dead now and I'm not.....
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{{{{{{{{{{ barbe }}}}}}}}}}
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barbe- big hugs -here is a card that I think you should have
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From time to time people have told of an inverted suckiness, or something good. The other day I was visiting with my only grand daughter. Her boy cousin, not quite 2 years old, was also there. We had 'met" when he was still an infant,so it was no wonder he was cautious towards me. Finally he warmed up and brought a book over for me to read to him. As we were sitting there, he called me "grandma". It brought tears to my eyes, as I took this as a sign of total acceptance and love.
Hope it makes you smile a little, as it does me writing it. Hugs, Nancy
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That did make me smile Nancy! Out of the mouth of babes.....
Years ago my brother came over with his wife and kids who didn't know my DH very well. There was a terrible thunderstorm and we were gathered by the fire. The 2 1/2 year old was on my Dh's lap - he's a pretty calm guy, a big teddy bear really. All of a sudden she turned her head up to him and said "I love you..." My poor brother burst into tears it was so sweet!!
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Remember Art Linkletter and Kids Say the Darndest Things? Maybe you are too young? TV show long ago in the days before video games and computers...
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Another feel good story... My bff moved to Montana 2 years ago and I have visited her 5 times. She has a 4 yr adopted daughter that I adore. Yesterday, she saw a picture of me and said,"Mommy, when is Juli coming back home?" and "Is Juli my sister or my aunt?" Love that kid!
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Awwww, 'back home'!!!!! Too sweet Juli and YES, I used to watch Art Linkletter. Heidi Klumm is trying to do the 21st Century version of it now.
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My brother (eric) is 4 yrs younger than I am, when we were growing up, he became best friends with another boy from church who was an only child. His friend (doug) now has 3 children of his own and they call Eric 'uncle'. The children are about 7, 5, and 2. The 7 year old asked his dad the other week, Since you don't have any brothers or sisters, how is Eric our uncle? Doug said he just is.
((((otter)))) for what you are going through. My grandmother had the same problem with pnumonia that wouldn't go away.
Sheila
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Just as I pass the 3 year mark since dx, My friend will have BMX in a couple of weeks. She had what they said was DCIS and nothing showing on MRI in lymphs. Lumpectomy and no clear margins (so apparently not DCIS - no further details) and lymphs invaded. My IOS for the day.
Hugs and Blessings, Nancy
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Its been a long while since I have been on here ... just caught up reading the backlog. I always think about you ladies even if I'm not writing.
To further catch up:
Harley contratulations on your 4 year mark!!!!!!!!
Alamik - outrageous ER experience! I remember when I went to an ER for chest pain - had already had one heart attack - and they left me sitting in the lobby for over an hour. Good think it wasn't another heart attack.
Sue - I hate to see old houses torn down but congratulations on your first grandchild.
Ruth - I know what you mean about finally getting help only to have the job unfinished. BTW, I have occasional torso itching over one or the other of my mastectomy sights that cannot be scratched because I can't feel anything there.
Navy - I pray you are feeling better - both physicially and emotionally.
Connie - your poor DS - sounds like an episode of the keystone kops - only NOT funny.
Bookart - isn't it funny that no matter how long you have abstained from your "drug of choice" - mine was cigarettes, when under stress you want it! I haven't smoked in 7-1/2 years and never think about it untill I am under stress. Stay strong.
Nancy - you're right about older patients - they ARE too frequently ignored. I'm so sorry about your friend.
Alyad - like your DH, my uncle is a perfectionist and everything he does is right but he takes forever! Once he was helping me wallpaper my kitchen and at one point he stepped back, looked at the wallpaper and said "I may be a pain in the ass but I do good work." I said right on both counts.
Barbe - if I win the lottery I am going to make sure you never have to work another day. BTW, you should have used your marksman skills on your father! My stepfather is dead and has been for over 20 years and there are times, when I am dwelling in the past, I would like to dig him up and smack him.
As for me, I moved into my new place and there are bins piled to the ceiling. I did manage to get the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom straightened out.
Now for the suckiness - I fell getting up to go to the bathroom and smacked my head on the corner of the wall as I fell. I had a goose egg-sized bump on my head and was quite dizzy. My sister drove from Loudoun to Maryland to pick me up and back to Loudoun to admit me to her hospital. I was there for 4 days while they tried to figure out why I had fallen, wracked up one hell of a hospital bill and still don't know. One funny moment - the nurse who checked on me around midnight one night came back at about 5 a.m. and did a double-take. My eye turned black and blue during those four hours!
Then, I was showering, sitting in my bath chair when I shifted positions and the chair tipped over and threw me out of the tub! I had the hand held show head in my hand and water was gushing everywhere.
I can't seem to stand on my own two feet - emotionally, mentally, financially and literally.
Hope everyone else is having a better time. Love.
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Kathleen! I have been worried about you and obviously justified in doing so!!!! Did they do a brain scan, sugar levels? Iron and other bloodwork???? We just can't leave you alone, what are we to do???? If you win the lottery, I'll gladly take a cut, but you need the rest for a full-time hunk to take care of you! I had hoped you were off on a vacation somewhere and there you were in the hospital!! Did you keel over in the hospital shower or at home???? Is your blood pressure too low????
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((((kathleen))))
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Barbe ... it was in my own tub AFTER I got out of the hospital from the first fall. I like the idea of a hunk to take care of me but I honestly think I need a big bubble around me - or maybe bubble wrap.
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{{{{{{{{{{ Kathleen }}}}}}}}}}
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One of my bosses continually suggests that I live in a bubble. I hope you get it figured out Kathleen!
My suckiness: Going out to take my partner to the hospital for scheduled surgery, found that all three teens' cars had their tires slashed (not the only ones - more up the street). Pisses me off first that some a-hole decided that was fun, then also that the boys' granny came and had one boy's two tires replaced that day, while we can't pay for the others' tires because we are the ones that pay to support all the kids, including everyone's insurance and health insurance and medical bills (the car belongs to his dad, while the other's cars are ours) So that's pissy.
My partner had a hysterectomy and the surgery went great. But they used propofol, and this is the second time that she has had projectile vomiting following it, and this time she missed me by inches - no fun for either of us! Of course, the anesthesioligists insist it's not the anesthesia - it's anything else, but not that. It's a good thing I was there, the nurses were overwhelmed by too many patients, not enough staff.
My parents weren't great but not bad, either. But my partner and I did contemplate her ex-green beret/black ops brother's offer to "disappear" her ex-husband. No one would ever have known. We regret saying no some days. Ok, who's kidding - most days. A-hole.
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kmccraw423
Thanks! I think I get more nervous, the closer I get to the FIVE year mark, since quite a few of my friends have had recurrences at or around the five year mark.
OMG! So sorry to hear about your accident!! and your hospital stay. UGH... I went once to the emergency room, with pains in my right side, many years before my breast cancer dx. They could NEVER figure out what was wrong, either. The pain just stopped, just as mysertiously as it started. And doctors, being doctors, since they couldn't find anything wrong, they just gave me a Rx for antibiotics so they could close out my file, they decided that I must have some kind of infection... Nuts!
So many people who are clueless really believe that 5 years is some kind of magic number or something. Last year, in October, I did the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk, in Wilmington, NC... They asked me to speak as a survivor... back then I was saying 3 1/2 yrs... One lady who was totally clueless. came up to me and said ... Congratulations! I said ... on what? The speech??? or .... she said; on being almost 5 years out!
I just shook my head sadly and told her: We need to have someone, maybe a doctor, come out and speak, to let everyone know that 5 years means NOTHING... with breast cancer....
so anyway, I'm off my soapbox now...
Harley
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that's funny ... I went to the emergency room (years ago) thinking I was having a heart attack with pain in my upper side only to be told it was shingles without the rash.
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Bookart, your partner might have a hard time with the surgery, don't be surprised. I've had tons of surgeries, but my hysterectomy brought me to my knees. Surprised my DH and me too! I actually went for counselling!!! I think now it was the drop in estrogen, but at the time no one knew. I had to walk with a cane for the first couple of weeks as any jarring movement was agony, too. My hormones were shot to hell and I was in pain. Not a good combination. She loves you, you know that, so don't take anything she says to heart right now! Seriously.
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Bookart .. how is your partner? Is she recovering okay from her surgery? I will have to ask my youngest sister what they give her because she has the same reaction as your partner after any surgery (hers are mostly plastic surgeries!).
I didn't fall today ... we'll see how it goes tonight!
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Hi Gals, So sorry to be away for such a while, think I just needed a computer break. Here's a BIG F U to all the suckiness surrounding us. mothers, tornados, hospitals, missed opportunities and... it just doesn't end, the suffering, that is.
Sometimes I wonder, if life just goes on without us in it, what fun is that? I mean, when I go, I would like to think that my living has had a positive impact on SOMEBODY. I got one mother's day card, from my spouse, nothing from any of three kids or my sister or mother or MIL. But I got all of them cards. Makes it feel like a one way street and that's not very happy. I can't decide if having the same or similar issues with so many of you is a good thing or not. I suppose it's good because it helps me see that others have to and do survive suckiness too, but in my super-princess mode I believe that none of us should HAVE TO live with so much, so difficultly.
I do want you to know that I was able to go to the beach this may with the girls. And we stayed all week and we drank a LOT of alcohol and ate a LOT of shrimp. We laughed and laughed and cried and cried. We had terrific weather and the shortest week in history, which as we all know, means success. I was complimented upon my return, on the glow in my face and it wasn't from the sun. The moral here is that girls + girls means peace of heart. And when I can't be with my closest girls at the beach, I have all of you. It's kinda sad that suckiness is what brings us together, but it sure is nice to have that peace of heart that I get by sharing, and reading and getting to know you. Even tho we are miles and sometimes oceans apart, we hold each others hands and we feel each others pain. Girls ROCK. Men just don't get it.
My one efriend was harrassed on this site until she left and I miss her here. I have been away from the shock of what happened to her. I know that this site is open to the whole wide world to read and I'm OK with that now, must remember that some cyber-bully's exist -even in here - and how sad for them to be them. I much prefer the special closeness that I feel with a special group of you and you know who you are!
Also, a special prayer goes out to Konakat and her struggle, its not going too well and she hasn't been heard from in a couple of weeks. She's one funny gal. HANG ON KK, we need your humor.
Thanks for the heartfelt words regarding my DS. He was another reason I haven't been online much. We have spent a lot of time together since he returned home, never to step a foot in CO. again. Now, he is considering enlisting in the Navy as it offers him a lot more future than the nothing he is doing now. Different kind of suffering, he has endured. It will make him stronger, I just know it. He's a good man and did NOT deserve what the 'system' did to him there. How "the state" can issue permits then prosecute the permit holder has darkened my view of our freedom. Rampant greed and ugliness is running this country now. I'm ashamed of it and am having a hard time calling it "Freedom". NOT intended as an insult to anyone serving or having loved ones serving in the armed forces, definately intended as insult to crooked people in seats of power. May their children have to endure the insanity their actions will bring and may they live to see it.
How hard for the younger generation dealing with trying to earn a living in this horrid economy. How hard it is for those of us that have been expecting to retire with a nest egg. HAH, our eggs cracked. The next gen. eggs are prematurely rotten. With or without education. I so worry for all of us. It's really hard to keep positive when we can't fix the broken things and can't replace the worn out things, much less make improvements. I'm glad for the solid roof over our heads, and then tornados, earthquakes and sunamis take so many of those away. Retirement is a dream that a lot of us will never realize. Taking baby steps gets OLD. then we get old and all we can take is baby steps. Seems to go full circle. I hope to be around to see some particular individuals karma smite them smack in the face. There's energy left to laugh when THAT happens.
Seems I needed to rant. Yet again. Guess smelling the roses is still a good way to spend a day. Must remember to not step in the manure. (Trying to stay above it.)
Holding on by a thread,
~Connie
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Connie welcome back, you have been missed!
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Ah, Connie - thee travels down the road I do try to shirk! I play Pollyanna and try to stay positive even when I see suckiness all around me. Then, when I least expect it, suckiness overwhelms me and I lose it, big time. I hope to have my time in the sun later this summer, and there have been some great people helping me stay up, so maybe I'll make it out sane.
My partner has had it rough; she has an infection, hormones are making her CRAZY and sweaty and achy and she has cabin fever bad - she gets too tired to get out, yet. I'm being a duck and letting it all roll off my back, but whew, it's been hard.
Kids are making us both insane - son one tempted fate by leaving everything to the last minute - moving out of his apartment on the very last day of his lease (and he was really sick that day but he had to go anyway - HA!) and not checking about his financial aid until the day before summer classes start and it was messed up and he got dropped from his classes bc he hadn't paid and it was a huge stressful mess. Of course we told him so - but did he do what we told him to do - NO!
Son two has his girlfriend living with us - break up, get back together, break up, get back together, break up ARRRGH! All with high drama, tears, slamming things, moving out in the middle of the night, moving back in by morning, etc. She's manipulative, controlling, and a user and he's co-dependent and would rather be used than alone with his feelings even with his bong for company. He knows it's just a matter of time, and I think it would be a relief, but they both keep prolonging it. She moves out this weekend, with any luck, and with any luck, that will be it - please!
I have three art exhibits to get ready for, and all this has me a bit stressed...
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What art do you do Bookart? Or is that a dumb question. I can't 'perform' when demanded, so don't us my art for my living. My art changes during life's issues, that's for sure!
Here's some suckiness for you all - my gas was cut off TWO WEEKS ago so I've been washing in COLD water!!!! We just don't have the money right now to get it hooked back up, and the social services that I called for the first time in my life, all say that I make too much to qualify for help. Obviously not, but hey, maybe I should take up smoking, drinking and bingo playing and then they'd help me!!
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Barbe - THAT SUCKS. And you have a brother who "could" help out, if he wasn't such a prick. My brother is unwilling to even discuss helping, even though he could. Once we had no hot water with 3 little kids. we heated water on the stove (elec) poured it into the tub and bathed everyone quickly. it worked, but it was hard. Gas is expensive now, I'm so sorry you don't have hot water, I would help you if I could. Not having hot water here is one thing, but where you are!!!!!!!!!!! geeze.
DH's business is so bad, we are struggling more than ever before, selling things worth a buck to make the mortgage. We've been here 27+ years, so little time left on the note but it seems like forever. The kids are only finding work in bartending, even with bachelor degrees. But they are still hunting for better, thank goodness.
Bookart, There's NO WAY I would have the gf or bf of one of my kids living with me. when she's gone, change the locks and the phone numbers and do NOT let that behavior continue. She's using YOU and, sorry, that's not allowed. Plus they are dumping their drama all over ya'll and OBVIOUSLY neither of you need that. They need to grow up, Now! Or go dump on her mother. Your partner needs to see an Endocrinologist to get the hormones in balance AND improve her immune. I know my hormones are all screwed up, makes one feel so depressed and worthless. DH is using a dermal T, one night he put a HALF a DROP on me and I felt so great for 2 days it was crazy but felt SOOO good. Thats where my drive, ambition, energy and feelings went, they left with the estrogen. And I had many, many infections. Now I take huge vitamins and have only had one infection this year!!!!!!!!! Yay for that.
In local news, a kid I grew up with is missing since Thursday. He's no kid anymore, at 52. Our families were good friends. They lost their Dad last winter, that's the last time I saw him. There's no trace and the police are asking for citizens help to find him. THAT'S A NIGHTMARE!!!! Kinda puts other things in perspective, ya know? My little struggles are nothing in comparison.
GAWD, it feels good to be back.
Connie
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WELCOME back Connie!! Remember, you were going to win a lottery and then take care of me and you. I haven't forgotten!!!! Still waiting!!
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Still playing. seems like yet another dead end. But I'm still playing. Just want you to have hot water before I win.
and Thanks for the welcome back, missed you.
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I missed you too! Your life was about as crapppy as mine so I used you for a benchmark!!!
At least we're saving on our gas bill right now. Ya gotta put a good spin on this shit, right?
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