Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Barbe, bookart, exactly....people sometimes....blech.
My surgery is scheduled for 9/21 at 9:15 am. I am ready.
Love to all of you!
Sue
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Bookart....geezzzzzz, some people wanna spoil all the fun. We have one of those who moved into the nieghbourhood...........MR and Mrs wanna be bylaw enforcers. They have done nothing but scour the area for things to complain about and send the bylaw officer out door to door with notices........grrrrrr, needless to say we are getting alot of pissed-off people around here! Some people just have nothing better to do, I think they need to go grow thier own bubble to live in!
Sue...wow, this wed!!! Soooooooo hoping and praying it goes well for you!
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Sue - Holding you in my mind, wrapped in comforting purple fuzzy blankets, with everyone you love hugging you in a mass group hug. May your surgeon's hands be nimble, your nurses competent, quick and understanding, and your recovery swift.
So just a follow-up. Had a small party with friends at the gallery tonight and the B$%*@#h called the cops. Fortunately, they don't enforce zoning codes, and no one was doing anything wrong, so they were very sympathetic. According to the cop, the woman has medical issues, and if she can't park right in front of her house it causes her distress. So I have plans to fix that - I'll just have to see if that helps, or if she is just being a bee-ach like crazydaisy's neighbor. I'm all for working with people, if it is possible.
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Just found this forum and would like to add my bitch, moan moment.
I've had my BMX, my chemo, my hospitalizations from the chemo, had my TE's and now I'm two weeks from exchange surgery. Developed a red spot under my Lt TE. Went to PS like a good little girl last week, had blood work done and culture and nouthing has shown up as an infection just some continued fluid collecting on TE. Red spot is better, but my PS is freaking out that there is in fact an infection and is talking like he may remove TE or delay exchange. If he removed TE I have to wait 3 months to have it replaced and another 4 before it can be exchanged out. My dumbass PS doesn't understand why this would distress me in anyway. When I made a half joke Friday that he wasn't telling me anything that made me feel good, he actually said, "I'm not here to make you feel better, I'm hear to make you better". Tell you what dick head, I'm going to remove half your penis, now for 3 months you won't have but half a penis and then slowly I will stretch it back to it's normal size. Don't worry honey it will eventually get back to it's normal size, so there is no reason for this to bother you at all. Jerk. His finished product is amazing and he is a god in the OR (I know cause I'm an OR nurse), but I'm thinking it may be time to move on.
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Brain not working since Taxotere. Scared to death.
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Okay, I'm having a pity party today. I am not strong, confident, brave or any of those things people keep telling me I am. I am also not really scared. What I am is pissed off! My DH died 13 months ago from lung cancer. He was my best friend. I had to move in with my mother because HER husband died 6 months b4 mine did and I'm only getting a fraction of the military widow's benefits my husband thought I would receive.
My 24 year old son has to have an ultrasound and possible biopsy for a lump under his nipple. Both of my cars are in the shop leaving me to depend on my mother's car. I never get to see my beloved granddaughter anymore and I am sick of living paycheck to paycheck.
Why is this happening to me? What did I ever do in my life to deserve this? Is Satan playing some game with God like he did with Job to see if I crack and denounce the Lord?
Maybe the truth about me refusing chemo and hormone treatment is really because I don't want to go on. I gave up my breasts and I don't want to do anymore. If I'm going to die from breast cancer I'm going out with all my hair, fingernails, etc. There is nothing for me to go on for anyway.
There, that is my rant for today. However, can't say as how it made me feel any better.
Denise
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chiluvr-Oh dear lady what a huge burden you have had placed on your shoulders. It is not my place to tell you not to give up, I don't know the hell your living in. What I can tell you is this, I have found myself in the same dark nightmare that you are in. Same hell, just different levels of it. I remember wanting to give up, throw in the towel, give in to the pain. It seems so much easier to do that then to face another day when I couldn't see any reason to go on. Funny thing, for one small reason or another, I would think to myself "okay I'll get through today, but tomorrow I'm giving up". It could be something as simple as the drive thru lady at McDonalds being extremely nice to me, more so than she had to be, or walking in the park and stopping to actually see the beauty around me. It took a long while, but before I knew it and will alot of mental work on my part I realized the things I was so sad and depressed about where in my past, regardless if it was years past, or months past-it was all in the past which meant my future was what I was going to make of it. You can't always do something about things, like money issues, or your son's possible biopsy, but you are really the only person in control of how you I'm sure dealing with your DH illness and death has firmly planted you in the darkest reaches of hell, but try try my friend to remember a time, when all was well and you felt in control. Don't just remember it fondly, make it happen, you are the only one who can. You can get there, even with cancer, financial trouble, heartache. It isn't easy, but you know in your heart it is worth it.
Does your cancer institute provide counseling? Your church? Please seek help dealing with all this. We all fall down, it's how we get back up that matters.
Sending you love and encouragement.
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Sue,
I am so sorry to hear that your results were not B9, as we had all hoped....
TRULY SUCKS!Navygirl,
I am here...
I forgot if I mentioned it on FB, but my bone scan was NED.... YAY!
The Issue of Suckiness is... it is arthritis in my spine!! WTF?? I thought you could only get arthritis in your JOINTS!!
Harley
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Harley-Congrats on NED, awesone news. Yes you can have arthritis in your spine because it's made up of alot of small joints or vertabres. I have it and it suck, where all my bone pain was during chemo.
Nouthing really to moan about today but I have noticed the change in weather (rainy and cool) has put a definant damper on my mood.
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Denise, GREAT rant!!!! I find that when I DO allow dying as an option, that I get calmer. If it really does become too much, I can always bail out. That actually makes me feel like I AM in control. Silly as it may sound, but it IS an option. One we only get to use once, but still, our choice.
I live paycheque to paycheque and right now being on short-term-disability and working towards LTD, it is pretty nerve wracking, to say the least. I just don't care anymore. I'm still waiting to find out if the node in my neck is benign or not....don't really care either way. I'm done.
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Barbe - we sound like 2 peas in a pod! Too bad we are so very far away from each other. You could join me in my occasional pity party. :.)
When do you find out about the node in your neck? I still have the swelling in my clavicle area but it doesn't look as bad as it did last week. I'm hoping it's just lymph nodes doing what they are supposed to do after someone has surgery.
Denise
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Dawn I don't know if my cancer center provides counseling but I do have the number of a therapist in my area. However they can't change my circumstances. Sometimes it just all piles up at once and you just want to say f*%k it". If I knew how to post a picture I have a really funny one that would lighten this thread up a little.
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Diane, try clicking on the picture and copying it, then come back here and paste it into where you type your comments. You have have to override a pop-up question and keep saying yes until it finally copies.
The doctors office STILL has no answer!!!
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Breast cancer is never found at end stage. Sometimes it is just a fight to the finish!
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This should be titled "The Cat in The Hat Regarding Cancer".
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That is so funny.
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awwww Barbe, hope tomorrow looks brighter! Fingers crossed for good results!
Sue, hope you are having a peaceful nite. Fuzzy warm thoughts and we'll be crowding the OR tomorrow to make sure they all give you their best skills!
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Cat in the Hat is always a fitting story
Thanks for sharing it~{{Sue}} I'm hoping this is being posted as you are sleeping soundly girl.... Rest assured we are all going in there with you to keep an eye on you and your galley of docs and assists....prayers for an uneventful surgery and good news when you awake girlfriend. Hang tough, you've got the gutso to do this hon~ We're with you in heart and soul, even those of us, who are forgetful on the support end like myself dear.
Many gentle {{hugs}} tomorrow.....
And prayers for those who are just having a rough time and wanting it to end....been there and fight it. Seems it's always something popping up and pooping out...you know what I'm saying, I know you do
Hang in there girls...there's a lot of life waiting for us to fight through...and fight we shall!My b*tch...this danged arimidex kicking my arse...i'm tired of feeling like 90 when I'm only 50+. Been on it 3 1/2 years and thought I was nutty, as I'm feeling so badly..aches that come and go and come again, even my hair hurts so badly some nights, I'm awaken from a dead sleep when I turn over....WTF??? One day I said enough....quit all my meds for what I planned was 4 days....it's been 10 and arimidex is the only one I've returned b/c I'm scared, scared of a recurrance....good Lord, I was only a stage one...but that sneaky ILC is in the back of mind...two tumors, two differences, and what is really my chances....what % chance is enough to continue or quit...I never knew how really poorly I felt till I took that time off....It's amazing how much of life of I've missed b/c of that drug over the last few years...is it really worth it??
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Wish,
Only you can know if ithe drug is worth it. Most days I think it's a big balancing act for all of us!
Off to surgery...there is wifi at the hospital and I will post when I can!!
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{{{{HUGS}}}} go with you Sue~
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Good luke Sue.
I agree, all of this crap had been such a balancing act. What treatment, surgery, drug do I take and are the SE, problems worth it. Will I get a recurrence anyway? Am I wasting my precious life by not feeling as good as I can. It all sucks, it sucks that we have to make these kinds of decisions anyway. Thank god for all the research that has saved, extended our lives, but for Gods sake, how long does it take to come up with a vaccine against this shit. Not just BC but all cancers.
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Denise,
I haven't lost my DH, but I have been where you are financially and did not go through what you are talking about with a granddaughter, but did with my neice. Your son certainly has some grounds here and I hope you will get the help you need form legal aide. I know you don't feel like you have anything to go on for, but it sounds like your granddaughter really needs you. You are right that counselors cannot change your circumstances, but they can sometimes help us see options and potential outcomes that we are blinded to due to our own emotional involvements. Just one day witht he social worker at our cancer center really helped me a ton. You might want to check to see if your cance center has one. Mine was able to set us up with some financial, cleaning and food help. At this point, every bit helps. My heart and prayers go out to you with everything you have been through. It sounds like you could really use a break and I hope you will find it soon.
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Wish,
I know just how you feel. I think the Tamoxifen has maybe accelerated the progression of this darn Arthritis, but I don't DARE stop taking it!
I was taking only 1/2 while I was waiting to get my tests, and I thought I may be feeling better...
But, I was also taking other supplements, and I found out the culprit was iron.... I was taking it because I had low red blood count... so now I am off the iron.
I have only ONE more year on the Tamoxifen. I don't know if I'll go back to one of the AI's when I am done, because the Femara I took last year threw me into Osteopenia, and I don't want to have to take yet another drug!
Hope everyone has a non-sucky day today.
Harley
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Sue
Good Luck!! I'll be thinking of you today.
Harley
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{{Harley}} You're right hon, it's a big decision deciding for certain...As for osteopenia...same thing here. Had a baseline done after chemo and BD was great...a year later it was osteopenia....I'm imagining it's probably osteo fully now with as bad as I hurt all the time, I'm surprised I've not broken anything. There are side effects I don't want...many of them as you know. Are you doing any Calcium and D3 and/or osteo med? That's a whole nudder worry with fx showing up from them! UGH!!!! I hate this!
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Wish,
I take Calcium, and Vitamin D3... Twice a day. I am sick of all these supplements...
I also take Curcumin, 500 mg, and I think I will keep taking it, as my onc. said it was a very good cancer preventative... In fact, he said:
It's a powerful ANTI-CANCER drug!
Hugs
Harley
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lwarstler - thank you and everyone else for your kind words. You guys lift my spirits more than you can possibly know.
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chil we all come here to have our spirits lifted when needed and to help others when they need,
(((hugs)))
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Curcurmin? I thought that was one of the herbs we were all told to stay away from while in Chemo? What's it supposed to do then Harley?
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Wish,
While you are getting chemo, you are NOT to take ANY anti oxidants, or any supplements AT ALL.
But now, we can. My onc. told me that it is a very powerful ANTI CANCER supplement.
Harley
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