Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Well, my cobra payment goes to $540 next month, so I"m going to forgo any health insurance. I still don't have a job to provide benefits and with the leg/foot neuropathy and chronic back pain, it narrows the field. It worries me but I can't spend my savings on that...just tooooo much $.
On a good note, I upped my onc visit to tomorrow and I'm going to beg for a scan, so I know my current status before I go commando. Should I tell her my ins is lapsing and that's why I want a scan or just focus on some aches I've got?
Finally got to see my son last weekend, but I got all the symptoms of a torn retina, and I was worried the whole time. I called my opth office and they said to be there first thing today...so I was and there was no tear, yay! If it happens again, I need to go back...but for now, no tear=no treatment. Bad part is you have all the annoying flashes and I have a spot at the top left clouding my vision that may or may not come back. He said it was 'part of the aging process'. Oh to hell with that!
ANd, I did have bliss for a short while, but it took a lot of work! You have to be in complete control of your mind, and it was exhausting for ME.
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Still waiting....filled up my week this week with a visit with my sister tomorrow, and a dentist apppointment (cleaning only) after I do the pre-op on Wednesday. Biopsy Thursday morning and I am TRYING to tell myself ahead of time there is no way I will have results before Monday. Yes it is the place I dropped a canoe on once. BUT they have been watching it for two years and this time it was bigger. I still have hope it was/is inflammation from the bronchitis and the coughing. Thanks for the kind words!!
Love,
Sue
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hmm bliss. I wonder if its when we stop worrying about we need and don't have and want and just enjoy whats there..is that possible? I don't know. I know I feel better, happier, more settled having a sandwich and iced tea on the deck with my feet in a pan of cool water than I did at the club, with (un)dh and the pool and all the "beautiful people" I have nothing in common with, nothing interesting about them etc.
Barbe - when I stopped working it was an awful shock. I knew I could not continue working, but to all of a sudden have all this time, knowledge, expertise and not be able to use it was hard. I have found, eventually a way to plan out my day so I am not too tired, but get to do things and fill up my day. People I worked with and who worked for me thought this retiring was so great...like I was off to play every day, do all kinds of things. Noooo I was retiring because I COULD NOT do things. sigh. It does get better, promise.
Hoping all the bumps, bruises, irritations, pain and unknowns heal FAST and everyone is well again.
Hugs, Elaine
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I have to confess...since my insurance lapses at the end of this month, I made an appt with my onc a month early and complained of random pains so they would order scans and CTs. I felt awful about it but know they have to document why tests are being ordered. I did mention the insurance info and asked them not to put that in my chart. They said ok. Hope my ins. company approves them. It was really stressful....I had to sit in the exam room almost 45 mins and fret about it. Just needed to get this off my chest. If everything comes back clear, I will cheerfully ignore all aches and pains until I'm insured again!
But I will go on to say that I feel crappy all the time, even tho my last chemo was almost a year ago.< Insert string of cuss words here>
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... ANd, I did have bliss for a short while, but it took a lot of work! You have to be in complete control of your mind, and it was exhausting.
HAH!!!!!!!!! That explains A LOT. I really just need some more income. I'm OK with what we have. Could stand to sell some things and throw away some others. I'm just not in control. I'm not. I got all messed up - worrying about the cost of meds, worrying in general and neglecting to refill my antidepressent. Now HOWS THAT for an irony? Worrying so much that I screwed up my prescriptions and missed a week of Effexor and ... Oh, for God's sake, depressed.
ding bat. maybe it's the heat. cheapskate dummy. me.
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tnbcRuth, desperate times call for desperate measures..why should you feel awful? Screw the ins. cos! They're the ones with all the money!
Bliss, schmiss..yea I want it too, but for now my life sucks!! I know it could be alot worse though.. I could have cancer...or whatever...maybe I still do, that would really SUCK!
Any way, on Thursday, round 2. The implants will be taken out and replaced with TEs, and it will be done as an in-patient procedure so the ins. will cover it! (yay) please let everything go fine this time! I promise to stop bitching if it does!
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Mia, I'm so glad you were able to get in-patient and get it covered! Yay for you! And you can still complain...you're not out of the woods yet. btw, love your tag line!
Connie- get it together girl!!! Proper meds is at the TOP of the list!
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I would give up my pain meds before I'd give up my 'mind' pills!!! I HATE the feeling of my mind going out of control...it scares me!!! I have a chemical imbalance and it is SO scary to actually FEEL my brain panicking. I can't even describe it right......
Ruth you did the RIGHT thing!!!! This will give you a baseline to work with for later IF you have to get future scans $$$$$. I would be dead right now if my treatment had to be paid for. Thank God for universal healthcare in Canada!!! Our doctors run the system, not an insurance person. The doctors know MUCH better what we need and when!
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Yays for bliss and inpatient status! There is suckage here.
I had the biopsy of my sternum today. Afterward, Biopsy Guy (now called Scary Biopsy Guy) came into the little recovery room and said, "I fully expect this to come back as metastatic breast cancer." I said, "Why." He said, with a "Well, duh.." tone in his voice, "Well, just from the PET scan." It's like this--HOW would that ever be a necessary or good thing to say to someone at that moment? I did not ask him what he thought during or after the procedure. If it has to go that way, let me hear it from my own doctor please. What a Jerk!!
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Sue,
A true jerk - I am so sorry to hear that he said that to you. Was is in Irving at Baylor? I had a radiologist there do an ultrasound of the lump and declared "Boy, this looks invasive!" She did a biopsy, which came back b9 - I think she missed the mark as I had IDC. I think they must have gone to the same school when it came to manners.
Hugs and wishing for b9,
Trish
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Sue - he's an ass.
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OMG!!! What a an ass waiting to be reported! Surely you should say something when you see your own doctor Sue. Maybe when you go into your appt, say something when he walks in the room to see you like, Well, I'm not even sure why I came in, the Biopsy GUY....already told me it's metastatic......and wait for his response...
What a ass.....I sure what goes around, comes around for this man....
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sueper13: what an s.o.b.!! wth is wrong with people?? He sucks, That is all.
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And the agony of it is it came back as cancer. Isolated met to my sternum. I won't know about grade, er status, etc for a few days. But the oncologist called this morning and said there are definitely cancer cells in the sample. After the shock and sadness and some preliminary exchange of information (she wants me to do radiation).....
I immediately ratted out Biopsy Guy.
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Well CRAP Sue!!!! Battle gear on...ready to go!
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There's another woman on another thread who is also being tested for an area that was previously damaged. I wonder if we're on to something here....?
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Sue- sorry to hear it wasn't B9, but YEAH for ratting out Biopsy Guy!!!!! Hollow victory, but take what you can get.
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I started Abraxane on August 16 after finishing CMF in July. It only took two days for my scalp to start burning! Did anyone else have problems with a burning/sensitive scalp prior to losing their hair from chemo? I guess that I'm going to lose the little hair that has grown back.
I didn't have to take Neulasta shots with the CMF; but I got Neulasta the next day after the Abraxane infusion. I took Claritin (because I heard that it helps to stop the pain); but it didn't work for me. I hurt all over, especially, my upper thigh bones. Whew! I've been taking Norco around the clock!
I am hoping that this is the only reactions that I have to the medications; because the reaction that I had to Taxotere was much worse! Maybe, I can do this; but it ain't going to be easy.
That's my suckage report!
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Sueper13: So sorry to hear about the diagnosis. What crap!
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Sue ~ Sorry to hear your dx. The good part would be that it sounds like it is isolated to just the sternum area. I echo Barbie...have to wonder about the site of an earlier injury. The biopsy guy was way out of line. You did the right thing by reporting him! I send you good vibes and warm hugs! Hang in there!
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Sorry for all the suckage...listen to my crap
I won't go into details, but my husband is such a loser, I can't wait to get well enough to divorce his a**. We've been married for 24 years and I thought he would step up emotionally and financially when I got my diagnosis and had to stop working for a while. But nooo...I've always been the one to work hard and try to do the best for my family, but now I'm helpless -I can't work! I tell you something though, it's such a relief to realize I don't love him anymore.
Ok, thanks for letting me vent. Again.
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Mia- that sucks!! You can only carry the relationship alone so far...and it becomes a burden.
I hope you treat yourself with special care now that you don't have that responsibility.
Warm hugs to you!!
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Mia, you are so cute!!! "listen to my crap" you say and then you don't tell us anything!!! hehehehehe You'll have to do better than that to scare us away!!!! Baby steps, sister, baby steps...
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Ouch, Barbe, I was just trying to follow the rules of the thread..but just trust me, it's a whole lot of CRAP lol
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hi friends...welcome to the new faces! always glad to see new people find us and use our little form to vent. We're always in good company, thats for sure!
im a bit hopped up tonight, so no reading the missed pages -but chiming in on Sue's suckage - sorry girl, that gets the suck of the day award! i concur with FL on the isolated part though! I know thats not really any consolation; just know we're here for you as you have to figure out what this means and where you go from here. Good on ya for ratting out the tech...some jobs you just have to keep your opinions to yourself!!
Mia...no ouch, and no apologies! I could here barbe's googling in her post, i know she was being light hearted about the lack of details...but good for you on the vent. What a sucky way to have to be during all the crap that bc comes with.
Typing one handed now...carpel tunel is acting up bad these days. was hoping thgiswas just a flir up - like the tendonitis and tmj i had last winter. Doesnt seem like this is grtting better...f*ck cancer, and chemo, and AI's....
Connie...how r u holding up? I dont remember the details...but I know you had some crap going on...
has anyone heard from Harley? She too had some crap going on and I'm worried about her...
off to surf some headlines...love to you all...
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Mia....rules??? There are NO rules on this thread - so no 'ouch's' allowed!!! Vent away sister!!!
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I have GAS!!! Real gas, the kind that makes hot water!!! Woo hoo!!! The inheiritance finally got into our account yesterday and we paid the bill and a couple hours later they came and turned on our gas. I haven't used it yet, but it's there!!!
Off today to buy a washer and dryer.
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OH HOORAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So glad for you! We need to declare this a 'No BitchMoanGroan Day' because the day you get gas is a WONDERFUL day!0
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Barbe, congrats!!!!!
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Hot Water FTW! Happy for ya!
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