Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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TooManyCocktails - Of course you can request a waiver. My request was multiple pages explaining my cancer diagnosis and the reason I was late filing for 2 years. I also included copies of my diagnosis and other documents including a print out showing long term chemo and Arimidex side affects. If they cut it in half, that will be a HUGE savings.
I typed it up and sent the letter to my accountant to make sure it was OK. He wrote back and said sure, now listen to my story. He went on to detail his recent struggle with brain cancer which was much worse than anything I went through. You're right, cancer is a big sucky cow!
To everybody going through hell, keep going!
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I am wide awake @ 2 am and I have to leave for work @ 6:30. Insomnia wasn't such a bad thing while I was on medical leave, but how am I going to function now that I'm back to work?? My mind is racing, full of "what ifs"...UUUGGGHHH
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miasanta.......go to bed!!! LOL, your going to need to get your clock back in order! Insomnia sucks, work with no sleep sucks more! Hope you get a few winks!
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TOO MUCH SUCKAGE!!!!
(....now, listen to my crap!)..
Got the pathology results today on my recent surgery. Margins were NOT clear. I totally didn't see this coming. There's a "tumor conference" Thursday at UT Southwestern in Dallas and apparently my odd sternum met will be presented before some experts. That's great. The possibilities are....They could recommend that we go back in and remove the rest of my sternum, or they could recommend chemo and/or rads...don't really know what to expect. I am so tired, disappointed, shocked, AGAIN....all the signs pointed to clear margins and being completely cancer-free. THAT's what I expected.
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Sue..........I think you get the SUCKAGE prize of the week!!!! CRAP< CRAP< CRAP!!! Good luck with the tumour board, this just sucks!
XO Viv
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Sue, I logged in today to see if you had updated anywhere only to find this major SUCKAGE. I hope the heavy hitters can come up with a good plan. It totally sucks to go through major surgery like that and have everyone acting all so positive and then get hit again. Damn.
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Ah crap Sue!!!! That is NOT whwt you needed to hear!!!! Hugz from me to you, sweetie!!!
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Hi, I'm angry on all sorts of levels, can I post here??
Angry about this stupid cancer.
Angry that I thought I was done with surgeries, but now I need to have another (revision).
Angry that because of this surgery, I'm going to have to scrap training for my (first!) marathon in January.
Angry that deep down, I feel like I'm not entitled to have the reconstruction issues corrected, since after all, I'm cancer-free now, so I should be HAPPY, right? So what if the implant is too big (like I told the PS from the beginning) and is sagging through the Alloderm? It's purely COSMETIC, and therefore TRIVIAL. There are much more important things in the world to be angry about... grr....
Angry that I was shortsighted and opted for the UMX, and now I'll have symmetry issues for the rest of my life. Oh, and not to mention that I still have another breast to worry about....
Angry that people don't even get it when I'm being sarcastic. I'm tired of people. People are stupid. There's no cheering me up at this point. GAAAAH!
heh, how was that for an introduction?
~Esther
PS - Oh, and you can blame chabba, she sent me here.
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Esther, you go girl! If there is a better place to let loose about suckage, I haven't found it yet. Welcome.
Sorry about the crappy news, Sue.
I don't post much on this forum, but I read it every day. I'm with you all in spirit, and if anyone hears audible groans from a westerly direction, they are probably coming from me.
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Oh, and I forgot one thing: I am sick to death of all things pink!! Has pinktober always been like this??
Thanks for the welcome dutchgirl6. I'll try to tone it down a bit now...
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Orangemat...so sorry you had reason to join up with us....Suckage loves company and you're in the best of said company here~
{{{{SUE}}}} DAMNIT all girl...You don't catch a break ever! I had no idea you were still waiting to hear on this, I figured all was well by now not hearing. I'm so very sorry to hear about 1) the close margines and 2) the possibility of more surgeries and tx hon....Suckage has found you, but do NOT let get a hold on you lady. You WILL beat this thing...danged 'c'...it's creepy, crawley and so very evil!!!! Please know you are and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers hon....
'c' sucks..and NO, I will NOT capitalize that evil word either! ;(
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Esther, I'm glad you found us. Yes it sucks. And your problems are NOT trivial. We all deserve quality of life and that includes boobs that look like what we want. I hope that like so many of us you find some relief in venting here.
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Thanks again, chabba, for the recommendation. I really am not the sort of person who complains all the time... in fact, that's probably why I'm having such issues lately, because I tend to try to stifle my complaints. So yes, I agree, it's good to let things out. Hugs to all here.
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welcome orangemat - this is the place that's helped me through the last 8 months - please, let it all blast out here - it really really helps to have a place where you can say it all & receive lots of understanding.
martha
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i saw my pcp this afternoon - for the 1st time ever, i feel i got my $s worth! i used up my appt & probably 2 others - hee hee. i bent his ear talking non-stop hitting all the highs (that part didn't take long) & lows (needle-core biopsy). he's renewed my tranks no questions asked & will be setting up a colonoscopy appt for me as i cancelled the one my oncologist made - she wanted me to go for a consult 1st - i didn't want to have to pay another doc just to tell me the procedure which we all well know is drink lots of s**t to make us s**t.... for some reason, i have no patience with docs who don't listen to me.... lololol i'm going back next week for some steriod shots in my shoulder & knees for pain that the pain pills don't touch - caused by radiation. he did talk me into taking my arimidex which i'm sure is a good thing. one bad thing i told him is i discovered lymphodema - i now have a small boob on my upper arm. i'm very bummed about that & wondering what "they" will recommend for treatment. i also got my flu shot. all in all, it was an excellent purging!
martha
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Way to go, Martha... I like to go in with a list Yes, I'm a list-maker. it helps me make plans and get stuff done... anyway, use up the entire 90 seconds they allot for each of us and get all your questions answered.
I did the MRI last week. Get the results tuesday. I'll vote for a short report that shows nothing remarkable.
Connie
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Well, I'm a rookie to this page so here goes. I hate October and not just because it is pinktober. I'm Canadian so our Thanksgiving is this weekend, always the first Monday of the month. Seven years ago my son Ronan died on Thanksgiving Day. Last year I started my chemo the day after Thanksgiving. I always have a hard time leading up to this weekend, but this stupid breast cancer makes it even more stupid. Also I am still on herceptin which for me causes fatigue and severe joint pain. Well, I guess that's it for me. Life sucks and I feel sorry for myself
Christine0 -
Christine - My sincere condolences for your son's passing ... from my heart to yours ...
I'm suppose to be saying "that sucks ... listen to my stuff" (according to the instructions for this thread)... but, I just couldn't bring myself to write that after reading your post ...
my stuff sucks, but can't even imagine what you're going through ... you're a very strong woman! You're a survivor!
I just had a bmx (with TEs) on Monday, and I keep asking my BS to please take that 2 ton elephant off my chest ... it's soooo painful ... argh!
And, now I'm worrying about losing my hair after losing both my breasts ... just keeps getting better and better ... it's a roller coaster ride, and not a very fun one!
I was very attached to my breasts, and I feel like all my womanhood just went on hiatus ...
Love~Peace~Joy
Trinity
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I have SUCKAGE!!!! I lost my job due to BC. I have completed treatment and recovered from surgery. I am still in OT, but ready to go back to work, but have no job to go to. I have been looking for work, submitting resumes and applications, but no calls, responses or interviews yet. I am single and broke and having a PANIC ATTACK!!!!!!!
If thats not enough...I can add more. I rent the house I live in. I 've been here for 2 1/2 years. Last week the owner of this house I live in was served with forclosure papers! He has not paid the mortgage since April of 2010!!! WTH??? What did he do with all the $$$ I paid in rent? I need to start looking for a place to move, but WHO is going to rent a place to me WITHOUT a job??? PANIC ATTACK!!!
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This seems like a good place to vent! Sorry! Why can't people except the way that I deal??? I am just recovering from a mastectomy and really am doing fine. The recovery was awful and yes I had my days when I felt sorry for myself and that I was not like everyone else! I feel I am ok now , returning to work in a couple of days and just playing the waiting game of what is next in this fighting game we call Breast cancer treatment! I can't understand why people are all there for you when you are recovering and you don't really want to talk and hang-out and then when you feel better no one is there? It's like they feel they did their part and now they can go on with their life. grrr I feel like saying " you know what don't bother !" I also wish that people would not bring it up all the time, when I talk to them! They must have something else they can talk to me about ? I also hate when they do talk to me about it ,and ask questions I feel they always turn into negative comments and negative thoughts and I feel like shit when I get off the phone or walk away. Well I feel better now , and Im sure I will be dealing with this for a long time , I just hope it will get easier to deal with! Thanks for listening
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{{{{Ladies, one and all}}}}That SUX!
Sorry to the newbies you are having to deal with this and sorry to the oldies for the suckage you are continuing to deal with....
Many and often are the hugs, prayers and good thoughts as you trial through this CRAP, the 'c' caused ladies...gotta get work, but just wanted to yell over to you all that I THINK it all sux too
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Some reasonably sucky posts...but I think we can get a bit more ANGER out can't we??? We fight our best when we feel sorry for ourselves because then we fight for a piece of what everyone else seems to have.
Heard on the talk-radio this week, but not the whole segment, about people who play by the rules (me), work hard all their lives (me) and then find at the end that they are WAY farther behind than their peers (ME!!). Having been in commission sales for most of my adult life, I tend to get highly paid, but the stress is unbelievable and you have to be fairly aggressive. I tend to want people to like me, so I crumble in front of confrontation and become passive aggressive.
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Barb.......I hear you, now here is my problem.............I have always been up front, say what I think, say it like it is, very assertive, and a "I can take care of myself type".............(mostly since my husband passed away 20 years ago)........................so I get the attention when I really, really, need it,...........................but have the label of being "very independent, able to always fight the good fight, she's a tough cookie, man she gets the job done regardless of who she has to stand up to, to get what she wants.....................so when you really "need some pampering, kind thoughts and words, a little bit of "its going to be ok",.................everyone thinks, (and its mu own fault)......................SHE CAN DO THIS WITH HER HANDS TIED BEHIND HER BACK................little do they know how far down a BC patient can go.................but I would not change the way I am for anything.................when you lose a huge part of your life, at a very young age, you learn someting..................."THE MOST HELPING HAND YOU WILL EVER GET, IS AT THE END OF YOUR ARM'......
Ok, I'm done, gonna go fin the Vodka...................................
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Hi Ladies,
I'm not new to the site but never post much. But I've been very angry and feeling sorry for myself these days. 4&1/2 years ago had squamous cell ca of lt breast. Had mastectomy, rotten, nasty chemotherapy & 7 wks rads. Because it was squamous cell - so very rare & triple neg, they treated me very aggressively. This past March was dx with DCIS in my rt breast. Yay! Lucky me. Had lumpectomy and rads again. Had to wait until after the surgery to find out definitively. Had I known before from just the biopsy, I would have had mastectomy. So now all I hear is how this time was no big deal! No big deal for everyone else perhaps, but certainly not for me. I'm just tired of it all. Life does go on, but we still feel anger at times and should certainly be allowed our feelings. Thanks for listening ladies.0 -
duckyb1 ~ I second everything you just said! and I guess that is why I loved the last statement!
THE MOST HELPING HAND YOU WILL EVER GET IS AT THE END OF YOUR OWN ARM!
ps...hope u found the vodka! lol
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Christine - My sincere condolences for your son's passing ... I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through at this time of year ... from my heart to yours ...
And, to all the other ladies with "sucky" stuff - Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!
And, if someone could please remove this 2 ton elephant from my chest, I'd greatly appreciate it ... bmx with TEs performed this past Monday ...
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First of all, there has been some major suckage posted since I was last here!!!
Wish, I love you back! I am so glad you are posting here again, because I will just be honest and say it, I NEED YOU.
Newbies--welcome. Glad you found us. Sorry for the reason and sorry it is Pinkfeckingtober. Note my avatar. At Home Depot, October is Fire Safety Month!!! The people in there totally didn't understand why I was smiling so big and taking pictures of the sign with my phone, it was great.
Orangemat, I can't remember your post because I am Officially Depressed, but welcome to you. Sorry you are here, but venting here is something infinitely precious and useful because WE GET IT and I promise if you post again I will pay attention. Although I will say, THAT SUCKS!
Esther, I already love you. Please come back, I speak fluent sarcasm. NO APOLOGIES.
Connie, hope your results are short and SWEET.
FLWarrior: SUCKAGE OF THE WEEK. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Hopingforthebest, that sucks, and I have felt that. It's a thang, people who haven't been here CAN'T understand it.
barbe, thanks for the "that sucks". I think the disappointment was harder the second time, after everything looked so positive. It kind of cut me off at the knees for a few days. Um, meanwhile, barbe, non-confrontational? really? ( note to Esther: sarcasm).
ducky, I can totally relate to what you wrote. I was an air traffic controller for 31 years. The last 3 years I worked in Quality Assurance, where I investigated pilot mistakes and controller slipups...that was the work I was doing the first time I went through treatment. I got a lot of support so I was lucky, but I understand the feeling of people thinking you can do anything, without it costing you.
If I missed anyone I am sorry. Now, listen to my crap: I think I posted this part already but the tumor board said no more surgery. (That sound you hear is me sighing in relief). It would be too much hurt for not enough chance it would be curative. Their consensus was also that this has been here all along in my sternum. Also, I have weird, lazy cancer. Totally in character.It is still estrogen positive and I will be doing radiation and Xeloda (home chemo! in a pill!). Then I will fight anyone HARD who tries to take me off Tamoxifen---because I believe the Femara I took from August of 2010 to July of 2011 allowed this to grow. It was stable from initial diagnosis to June of 2010 when I had my last set of scans. I just told them I didn't want to do the scans every six months anymore, and now not having had them in January is kind of haunting me. I guess I will never know if that made a difference. Oh, and I am deeply, deeply sad and cry every morning. It just hits me new every day. I sure hope that part gets easier and better. Right now I could use your prayers just not to be so damned sad. It hasn't even been a week yet since I found out about the margins so I guess I should be giving myself some time, but it's just hard to be this sad.
I said no apologies but I am sorry for the pity party.
Bitch On!!
Sue
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Oh Sweet, sweet {{{SUE}}}
Honey, there is NO reason to apologize for the pity party. Sounded more matter of fact then a pity party. Any one of us here, would have the same emotions hon. It's hit you blindsighted a 3 rd time. One with the intial dx, then the second, and now the close margins and still present Sweet lady, of course you are depressed and sad, I'd be worry about you if you weren't, you know?You know you well loved and very well wished for with prayers and good thoughts, but if you need anything else that at least I might offer, please, don't hesitate, K? I can not imagine in my wildest dreams or nightmare what you are going through. Hope I never do, but not sure I could be as strong as you are now lady. Be strong and bounce off us anytime you want dear
Lots of love, prayers and {{hugs}} hon~
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{{{Sue}}} Wow, a double shoutout, to both my "names", I'm honored! (and that was sarcasm, just in case you missed it, heh).
Humor is my shield and my sword, as well as my comfort. Barbe, I get what you mean about generating more anger, but personally, I just have trouble maintaining it. Maybe I suppress too strongly, and too naturally? Who knows... who cares...
So on Thursday I called a new PS, at whippetmon's suggestion, to try to set up a consultation regarding the revision surgery. I was told they'd call me back to set up the appointment. Several hours later, I called again (sue me, I'm patient) and still got the same response. Friday, I ran out of time to try to call (had to prepare for the holiday AND I needed to go run 8 miles -- yes, I do have my priorities), and still no call back. So now it's Monday and I'm feeling stupid for calling once again. But didn't I just advise someone else (forget who, forget where) to not take "no" for an answer when asking questions from the professionals? Damnitall, I am entitled to having my voice heard, as well as making that consultation appointment. But see that's the thing, I have serious entitlement issues (I know this, but it still doesn't go away). My cancer wasn't as bad as someone else's, I didn't need to have chemo or any other treatment, blah blah blah.... sheesh, even my therapist is getting sick of my whining.
So I ask you ladies here, please HELP me feel more angry, more ENTITLED to my anger, so I don't let myself continue to sink into this stupid pit. We're all entitled to getting what we want, even if we didn't have BC. The diagnosis is just bonus. (there's your sarcasm again, Sue
) ~Esther (aka orangemat, aka OM)
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{{Orangemat}} Where did you get that name for yourself
You are not as mat as you know, you ARE entitled to answers from any doctor you choose to see or 'HIRE' regardless of how much 'c' you have, had or anything else. They are PAID persons, just like ourselves in our jobs. It's their JOB to answer your questions and help you make INFORMED consent when considering any surgery or tx, so............NO, do not take it lying down, or running down the street or absorb it as your problem. Remember that there are OTHER professionals who can do the same job as the one you are attempting to contact, and NEVER let them belittle you by not returning your call. Good Heavens, I think sometimes they feel the longer they wait to return our call, the smaller the conservation will be, b/c we'll forget what we even wanted. NOT likely with informed patients, especially from BC.org. Write down your questions and keep them with you, b/c I know from experience, that the madder I am, the softer, kindlier I try to be, to avoid saying things that SHOULD be said about their arrogance and unprofessionalism in not returning my call. I know, I should let the 'mad' out at the person who caused it, but I don't and never/rarely do.
Entitlement is earned and it sounds like his butt is losing the honor of your trust dear.
Oh, and hon...'c' is 'C' as cancer is to Cancer...it's all the same, just different for each one.
Go get 'em 'orangetigermat'
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