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Smiles, Chuckles, and Quick Laughs

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Comments

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited March 2016

    Um, Cindie, you can't solicit on this site. It's against the rules. Also, that "idea" is not original. It would also to make sense to have both lines on the front as not everyone sees the back.

  • BeeRod123
    BeeRod123 Member Posts: 2
    edited April 2016

    Thank you for sharing this!!

  • nancyartcrafts
    nancyartcrafts Member Posts: 24
    edited July 2016

    image

  • nancyartcrafts
    nancyartcrafts Member Posts: 24
    edited July 2016

    uimage

  • Valz
    Valz Member Posts: 22
    edited July 2016

    image

  • loral
    loral Member Posts: 818
    edited August 2016

    HappyAgree!!!!

  • Valz
    Valz Member Posts: 22
    edited August 2016

    Nerdy

  • nancyartcrafts
    nancyartcrafts Member Posts: 24
    edited August 2016

    Wearing lipstick in a Catholic School.

    According to a news report a certain private Catholic school was recently faced with a unique problem.

    A number of twelve year old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was of a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

    Every night the maintenance man would remove them; and the next day the girls would put them back.

    Finally the principal, Sister Mary, decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls into the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

    To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, Sister Mary asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

    There are teachers..... And then there are educators!

  • Valz
    Valz Member Posts: 22
    edited August 2016

    hahahaha

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,875
    edited August 2016

    OMD I'mm Choking hahahhhahahahah

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited September 2016

    Needed a few laughs this week. It hasn't been a good one for me

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited November 2016

    image

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited November 2016

    A man was in a clock shop trashing everything. When asked by the police what he was doing, his response was: "Killing time."


    (This was sent to me by a buddy from high school)


  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited November 2016

    Inhaling coffe does not raise the caffeine level faster, it only make you cough and sputter.

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited March 2017

    Your Duck is Dead--


    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."


    The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"


    "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

    "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."


    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
    strolled out of the room.

    The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."


    The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

    The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"


    The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

  • Loveroflife
    Loveroflife Member Posts: 4,243
    edited March 2017

    Bahahah 😂😂😂

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited March 2017

    The dead duck joke was sent to me by a friend

  • ShetlandPony
    ShetlandPony Member Posts: 3,063
    edited March 2017

    Laughing. I really like that one, M0mmyof2!

  • kathindc
    kathindc Member Posts: 1,667
    edited March 2017

    Good one MOmmy!

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited March 2017

    Thanks gals!

  • Lucy55
    Lucy55 Member Posts: 2,703
    edited March 2017

    Mommy ..HaHa ..Just read it to Hubby 😂

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited March 2017

    When I read it to mine, he never even laughed

  • moodyblues
    moodyblues Member Posts: 393
    edited March 2017

    Ha ha. thank you for the smile!


  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited March 2017

    You are very welcome!

  • rhonda47
    rhonda47 Member Posts: 4
    edited May 2017

    image

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited May 2017

    lol

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2017

    What do you call the drunk Irishman who kept bouncing off the bar?

    Rick O'Shay

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2017

    Sargeant Williams was the newest drill instructor at AOCS, Aviation Officer Candidate School and as such was always trying to impress his company commander and the other officers in the Command. Daily he was seen jumping all over his officer candidates and yelling at them as he supposedly developed them into future Naval Officers. We were lined up behind his company awaiting our turn to go into the mess hall for lunch. We all listened as Sargeant Williams yelled at his company, " you will eat in a military fashion, enjoy this delicious meal and fall by in formation at 1215, do you worms understand me?" "Yes drill sargeant." "There are only three rules in this galley, shut up, eat up and get up, do you pukes understand me?" "Yes drill sargeant." "Then proceed. Company forward march." When they got inside, they were surprised to see several Miss Florida contestants getting a tour of the mess hall. Not one to let an opportunity slip by the drill sargeant yelled at the top of his lungs, " bravo company what is the first rule of the mess hall?" To his chagrin, his company all yelled out in unison, "shut up Drill Sergeant!"

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2017

    Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2017

    Sargeant Williams was the newest drill instructor at AOCS, Aviation Officer Candidate School and as such was always trying to impress his company commander and the other officers in the Command. Daily he was seen jumping all over his officer candidates and yelling at them as he supposedly developed them into future Naval Officers. We were lined up behind his company awaiting our turn to go into the mess hall for lunch. We all listened as Sargeant Williams yelled at his company, " you will eat in a military fashion, enjoy this delicious meal and fall by in formation at 1215, do you worms understand me?" "Yes drill sargeant." "There are only three rules in this galley, shut up, eat up and get up, do you pukes understand me?" "Yes drill sargeant." "Then proceed. Company forward march." When they got inside, they were surprised to see several Miss Florida contestants getting a tour of the mess hall. Not one to let an opportunity slip by the drill sargeant yelled at the top of his lungs, " bravo company what is the first rule of the mess hall?" To his chagrin, his company all yelled out in unison, "shut up drill sargeant!"