Smiles, Chuckles, and Quick Laughs
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My dear departed father was often called "The Joke Machine" and this was one of his favorites:
George is convinced that he has the smartest dog in the world. One day they are walking through town and they see a sign in a window that says "Help Wanted". George and his dog go into the business and George says that his dog wants to apply for the office job. The manager looks doubtfully at the pair and says, "This is not a job for a dog. This job involves taking shorthand and typing". George replies that his dog is so smart that he can take shorthand and that he also types 60 words per minute. The manager feels compelled to test the dog's office skills and, sure enough, he aces everything and seems qualified for the job. He says to himself, "This is ridiculous, I'll be the laughing stock of the office if I hire a dog." He then has a brilliant idea for how to get rid of this guy and his dog. "I'm sorry," he says, "but the applicant must be bilingual".....to which the dog replies, "Meow".
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lol
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(Do not mean to offend anyone here who is Italian, heard this joke from a former co-worker of mine back in the late90s)
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia; Luigi stopped by his old
barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da trip?"
Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."
"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia , she pack a biga basket a food. She brough ta da vino, some nicea cigars for me, and we were lookin a forward to da trip, and
open upa da luncha basket.
The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat indisa car, you musta use a dining car.'
So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!
Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car. While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar.The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car, you musta go to a smokina car.'
"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.
Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a
voice...
'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !'1 -
Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?
Because they taste like sheets!
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