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Smiles, Chuckles, and Quick Laughs

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,875
    edited January 2018

    Super Blue Blood Moon. The first in 150 years. This link has a fairly good explanation. Plus it has a chart where it can be seen in the different times.

    https://www.space.com/39208-super-blue-blood-moon-...


  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited March 2018

    image

  • Alive4Five
    Alive4Five Member Posts: 2,225
    edited May 2018

    A married woman went into a Pharmacy; walked up to the Pharmicist, looked him straight in the eye and said, "I need FAST KILLING POISON FOR HUMANS!" The bewildered Pharmacist asked, "Why? What for?" She replied, "I need it to poison my husband!" The Pharmacist shouted, "Lord have mercy!! I can't! It's against the law! It's a sin!". "Absolutely Not!" the lady shouted back. She reached into her purse, pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the Pharmacist's wife. The Pharmacist looked at the picture, and screamed "Why didn't you tell me you had a prescription!?"

    I had to.... 😂 LOL!

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,875
    edited May 2018

    Hahahahah :)


  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2018

    lol

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2018

    Ole and Lars were working for the city public works department in Wisconsin. Ole would dig a hole and Lars would follow behind and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one digging a hole, the other filling it in again.

    An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked Ole, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'

    Ole, the hole digger, wiped his brow and sighed, 'Vell, I suppose it probably looks odd because ve're normally a three-person team. But today Sven, who plants da trees called in sick.'

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2018

    Little Ole was sitting at the kitchen table doing his school homework. He had a puzzled look on his face at he considered the assignment that was due--writing an essay about his origin. He turned to question his mother. "Mama, vere did Grandma come from?" he asked. "Da stork brought her," answered mama Lena. "And vere did yew come from?" asked Little Ole. "Da stork brought me," his mother answered. "And vere did I come from?" Little Ole inquired. "Vell, son, da stork brought yew, tew," mama Lena replied. With a scowl on his face, Little Ole picked up his pencil, turned to his school tablet, and began writing his essay: "Dere have been no natural births in our family for three yenerations."


  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2018

    One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

    Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

    The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

    Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

    "Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

    Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

    The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2018

    After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in New York to say hello to his friends.

    Giovanni said: "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treepa?"

    Luigi said: "Everytinga wasa perfecto except for da traina ride down."

    "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

    "Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. "She broughta vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were looking a forward to da trip. Everytinga wasa Okey Dokey until we getta hungry and open upa da luncha basket.

    "The conductore come a by, waga hisa finger at us and a say: 'No eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car'. So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a biga luncha and start to open a bottle of nice vino!

    "Conductore walka by again, waga hisa finger and say: 'No drinka in disa car. Musta use a club acar.' So, we go to club car. While drinkina vino, I start to lighta my biga cigar.

    "The conductore, he waga his finger again and say: 'No smokina disa car. Musta go to smokina car.' We go to smokina car and I smoke my biga cigar.

    "Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boomada boomada and the conductore, he walka through da hall shouting at da top of hisa voice: 'Nofolka Virginia! Nofolka Virginia!'

    "Next time, I'm a gonna take a da bus."



  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,875
    edited June 2018

    Hahahaha

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2018

    Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?

    Too many cheetahs!

    —————————

    What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?

    The purrpatrator!

    ——————

    What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat?

    Hiss and Tell!

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited September 2018

    Monastery Life
    A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

    The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monasterywhere the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

    So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing,
    "We missed the "R" ! , we missed the "R" !" His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

    The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"


    With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...CELEBRATE!!!"

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited September 2018

    image

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited March 2019

    Posed to me by a friend tonight during a conversation on FB:

    Do the undead use ghoul whip on desserts?


  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited March 2019

    A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan while she was making breakfast one morning.

    He asks, "What was that for?"

    She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it."

    He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."

    She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper while the wife was making breakfast when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

    He asks, "What was that for?"

    She answers, "Your horse called."

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited April 2019

    image

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited April 2019

    Knock Knock.

    Who's there?

    Ether

    Ether who?

    Ether Bunny!


    Knock Knock.

    Who's there?

    Nother.

    Nother who?

    Nother Ether Bunny!


    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    More.

    More who?

    More Ether Bunnies!


    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    Cargo.

    Cargo who?

    Car-go 'Beep Beep' and run over the Ether Bunnies!


    Knock Knock.

    Who's there?

    Boo.

    Boo who?

    Don't cry, Ether Bunny be back next year!


  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
    edited May 2019

    image

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited May 2019

    lol


  • Nonnie56
    Nonnie56 Member Posts: 8
    edited June 2019

    LOL!😂😂😂😂😂

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2019

    lol

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited June 2019

    image

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2019

    A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack.

    "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation."

    Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

    "Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager."

    Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

    "Sure, how about this," said Kermit as he produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

    Patty walks into the manager's office and proceeds to tell her, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $50,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." Patty holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

    The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2019

    image

  • dragonfeathers
    dragonfeathers Member Posts: 4
    edited November 2019

    SmileHaha...very cute! Thanks for all the funny posts.

  • dragonfeathers
    dragonfeathers Member Posts: 4
    edited November 2019

    HappyHehe...love the joke and your motto!

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited November 2019

    Thank you

  • Jase_Rimmer
    Jase_Rimmer Member Posts: 1
    edited August 2020

    Yesterday, my wife told me she has breast cancer.

    "Honey," she said, "there's a couple things I need to get off my chest."

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2020

    Pretty inventive