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Smiles, Chuckles, and Quick Laughs

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  • rhonda47
    rhonda47 Member Posts: 4
    edited June 2014

    image

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited June 2014

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHA good one, Rhonda!!!

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited September 2014

    A woman gives birth to twins and gives them up for adoption. One twin goes to family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal", the other goes to a family in Spain and is named "Juan".

    Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. The woman tells her husband that she wishes that "Ahmal" would have sent her a picture of himself as well.

    The husband remarks, "They're twins! Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited September 2014

    Very cute joke. mom of 2

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited September 2014

    ty  

    My friends send me tons of zingers

  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
    edited May 2015
    deleted
  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2014

    Will do!!!!!!!!!!! Especially the military ones!   Those are the best!

  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
    edited May 2015
    deleted
  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2014

    Navigating to the Base

    Two young pilots had had too many drinks in the local tavern. On their way back to the base they got lost.

    Suddenly one of them stopped and said, "Hey, Joe, we'ze ina shemetery. Here's a gravestone."

    "Whosh is it?" asked Joe.

    The aviator lit a match, looked at the stone, and said, "Don' know hish name, but he sure wash an old man. Says hunert and twenty."

    "Wow," exclaimed his buddy. "Maybe he wash Methuselah?' The aviator lit another match.

    "Nope" he reported. "It was shum guy named Miles to Chatham."

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2014

    Marines

    An airman in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a MARINE joke?"

    The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

    The Airman says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2014

    Which Service Has the Smartest Enlisted Force?

    There is no doubt at all that, of all the Services, the Air Force has the most intelligent enlisted people. This is not just opinion, it's provable fact:

    Take the Army, for instance. When the stuff hits the fan, the young Army private wakes up from a bellow from the First Sergeant. He grabs a set of BDUs out of his foot locker, gets dressed, runs down to the chow-hall for a breakfast on the run, then jumps in his tank. Pretty soon, the Platoon Commander arrives, gives him a big salute, and says, "Give 'em Hell, men."

    Now take the Marines. When the stuff hits the fan, the young Marine recruit is kicked out of bed by his First Sergeant, puts on a muddy set of BDUs because he just got back in from the field three hours before. He gets no breakfast, but is told to feel free to chew on his boots. He runs out and forms up with his rifle. Pretty soon, his platoon commander comes out, a young Captain, Gives his Marines a Sharp Salute, and says, "Give 'em Hell, Marines!"

    Now take the Navy. When the stuff hits the fan, the young Sailor is eating breakfast in the messroom.. He walks 20 feet to his battle station, stuffing extra pastries in his pocket as he goes. There he sits, in the middle of a steel target, with nowhere to run, when the Captain comes on the 1MC and says, "Give 'em Hell, Sailors! I salute you!"

    Now the Air Force. When the stuff hits the fan, the Airman receives a phone call in his off-base quarters. He gets up, showers, shaves, and puts on a fresh uniform he had just picked up from the BX cleaners the day before. He jumps in his car, and stops at McDonalds for a McMuffin on his way into work. Once he arrives at work, he signs in on the duty roster and proceeds to his F-16. He spends 30 minutes pre-flighting it, signs off the forms. Pretty soon the Pilot, a young captain gets out and straps into the Plane. He starts the engines. Our Young Airman stands at attention, gives the Captain a sharp salute, and says, "Give 'em Hell, Sir!"

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2014

    Customs & Courtesies

    Airman Jones is at the maintenance duty desk when the phone rings: "Airman, can you tell me the status of tail number 1203?" The voice on the other end asked.

    "Well, sir, the #1 engine is due inspection, and the UHF radio needs to be swapped, but fat-so Johnson won't sign the release order."

    "Airman? Do you know who you are speaking to?"

    "No sir."

    "This is Major Johnson, the D.O.!"

    "Do you know who you are speaking to?"

    "Not yet!"

    "That's good! Bye, Fat-so!"

  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
    edited May 2015
    deleted
  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2014

    yw The military is always good for a few laughs!

    Hubby is retired Navy. Some of the family has served and are either retired or only served a short time and there are a few still serving.

  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
    edited May 2015
    deleted
  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2014

    Mine was in for 20! Hubby's friends used to call him "the Admiral" even though he was an enlisted man in the Navy. Well when he met me and I got to meet his friends, they turned to him and said "Sorry your no longer the Admiral, you've been demoted to Captain! She's the Admiral now!"

    Had an uncle and step-grandad in the Navy. Older brother and a late uncle both were in the Air Force and they retired. SIL is stil serving as well as a few cousins. Step-dad, BIL and a couple of others in the family served a few years.

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2014

    What do you call a cow that plays a violin?

    A fiddler on the hoof!

  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
    edited May 2015
    deleted
  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2014

    lol

    My friends who send these to me are zany!

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited October 2014

    Love the jokes.  Thanks for sharing them.

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited October 2014

    yw

    Will post up a few more tommorrow

  • robyns11
    robyns11 Member Posts: 1
    edited January 2015

    image

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  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited January 2015

    lol


     

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited January 2015

    Loved the cartoons

  • Lynnie62
    Lynnie62 Member Posts: 1
    edited March 2015

    Needed a laugh - and enjoyed the stories, so I thought I'd try to revive the thread with a cute joke. And a moment to realize that we all have hidden talents...


    Wheelchair Lover


    A woman decides that she's had it with trying to find a decent man in a bar. So she takes out an ad in the paper that says she is seeking a mate who is loyal, rich and a good lover.

    After a few days, her doorbell rings. She opens the door and sees a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.

    He says, "I'm here about your ad."

    Momentarily taken aback, she says, "Well, how do I know you're loyal?"

    "Well, I saved my platoon from the VC in 'Nam. That's where I lost my arms and legs," he replies.

    "Well, how do I know you're rich?" she inquires.

    "I make over $3 million a year. I have my own software company. You can look at my bank statement," he continues.

    Looking him over in his wheelchair, she demands, "Well, how do I know you're a good lover?"

    He shrugs, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"



  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited March 2015

    lol

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited March 2015

    Very funny, Lynnie. Love your joke.

  • m0mmyof3
    m0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,344
    edited April 2015

    that was a side splitter!


     

  • Hoptimistic
    Hoptimistic Member Posts: 3
    edited May 2015

    I'm new to the board, but I know laughter is the best medicine! I had a unilateral mastectomy and created a secret facebook group to keep my close friends and family "in the loop" as to everything going on. The week before my surgery I wrote this "Pink Slip" and posted it in the group. It gave everyone a good chuckle. Hope you enjoy it - I may have an odd sense of humor!

    Dear Right Breast:

    After many years of loyal and valuable service, it has come to our attention that you are plotting to take down the company. Therefore, we regret to inform you that your services here will no longer be required. Consider this your formal notice of termination. A suitable replacement has been found for your position, and a transition plan should be completed by the end of the week. Someone will be by in a few days to help you collect your things and escort you out of the building.

    Sincerely,

    The Management

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited May 2015

    Hoptimistic, how clever, creative and funny. I was so down about everything that I don't think I was able to summon up anything humorous right before my surgery. Like you, I lost the right breast and boy do I miss it.