Chemo in Sept 08
Comments
-
Hi everyone. I've been here every day....just didn't post anything. The Dr. changed my antidepressant and I don't think it's doin the trick. The Prozac helped me more than anything I've taken....but I can't take it with the Tamoxifen.
I just have the blues.....can't snap out of it. I play Mafia Wars all day long.....Mina that's my weakness..........we all have our addictions on there......smile!
My son threw me a HUGE curveball this evening and I just had a meltdown. He is only 9 and in no way understands all this Cancer crap...........cause it's hard enough for us as adults to understand. Well........he drew this picture of two stick figures. They both had the biggest smiles on their faces and one had lots of hair. Above the stick figures he wrote the word "then" He had them named "me" and "mother". Down below those figures he made two more. These had frowns on their faces and teardrops falling to the ground. He wrote the word "now" above them. I started crying so hard when I saw that. Because I KNOW that's how he perceives all of this now. He is such a soft hearted little boy and I had no idea how much this had affected him. Just broke my heart. I don't know HOW I'm gonna do it..........but I've got to get back to that mom he had before cancer. How do I do that when I feel like a major crap case most of the time????
Love you girls........
0 -
Hi Girls,
Genia, you poor thing, I wish there was something I could do for you. It is true that our children also suffer when we are ill, cancer is something that affects the whole family. I know it's easier for us all to pretend that life is alright and that no one is worried about the future, but we all know it's on the minds of everyone. As you said getting back to our new "normal" isn't always easy, especially if you are clinically depressed. I am sure the drs are doing what they can, but it is obviously not enough. Can you think of anything that would help you? I am sure we would all be happy to have a slot each day to talk to you on facebook. Even if it is just a few words of encouragement and someone to share your fears with. If you want to do this, please put me at the top of the list. You need to take one day at a time, and try to be happy for a part of it, even if it is difficult. Think of all the things you like and that make you smile. Talk to your son and tell him how you feel and that it sometimes takes a bit of time to recover after cancer. Look up post traumatic stress disorder and see what you think. There is an online quizz you can do to see if you have it. Are you seeing a counsellor and if not ask you dr if he can refer you? Please come back to these boards and let us know how you are daily. It is alright not to be as happy as some others. It is very important for you to tell yourself positive things, don't let that little voice get you down, push it away and replace it with something good. Please PM me and tell me if you have certain negative things that always come to mind and upset you, we can work on turning them into something positve and get you moving again. You WILL be happy again and your lovely little boy with have his mommy back soon.
I have met a lot of ladies recently who are struggeling with life after cancer, and they have realised that it is now that they need support more than ever. I have designed a programme called "life after cancer" and will be starting to run it here very soon. There is nothing out there for people like us and I intend to change that, I am just sorry I can't reach everyone.
Come on girls, left give Genia some support and help her get back to the new better normal.
Thinking of you all. Singapore Chris x
0 -
Hi Girls,
I came across this audio cast about weight lifting in the gym and lymphedema, it is very well done, thought you might be intersted.
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/healthreport/stories/2009/2715309.htm
Take Care, Singapore Chris x
0 -
Hi Girls,
I have found the link to the post traumatic stress disorder, please read below"
Breast Cancer Can Cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
May 13, 2008 by Karen Lynch
Filed under Women's HealthPeople newly diagnosed with breast cancer have very specific mental health needs. Check out the facts cited in a 2006 Psych Central article:
"While nearly half of newly diagnosed breast cancer patients experience clinically significant mental anguish before treatment begins, the disorders are often unrecognized and undertreated. In a new study by Dartmouth Medical School researchers, virtually all newly diagnosed women admitted to experiencing some level of emotional distress, and 47 percent met clinically significant screening criteria for emotional distress or a psychiatric disorder, including major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Studies have shown that significant emotional distress, including mood disorders and related functional impairments, afflict up to one-third of breast cancer survivors for up to 20 years after treatment."
My recent post on dealing with depression lists a few steps people should take if the breast cancer blues are bogging them down.
But PTSD is entirely different from the blues, and requires a much deeper look. So I talked to Dr. Paula Rauch, Founder & Director of the Marjorie E. Korff PACT Program at Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center (Parenting At A Challenging Time), and she shared this with me:
"You can imagine that it is ‘traumatic' to go from feeling you are ‘well' with some symptom to receiving a cancer diagnosis that leaves one fearful that one might die from the cancer. Many people describe the feeling that after hearing the words ‘you have cancer' that everything feels surreal or terrifying, their hearts pound, or they don't hear anything else the doctor says. It feels like an acute life threat and can be difficult to integrate, and thus can be like other more commonly imagined traumas such as being held up at gunpoint, or a war experience."
So what are the symptoms of PTSD when the trauma is a breast cancer diagnosis? Truth be told, they're not dissimilar from the symptoms of PTSD stemming from other events:
- Intrusive thoughts (unable to get them out of your head)
- Hypervigilance (constantly watching for potential threats to your wellbeing)
- Flashbacks (seeing the ‘picture' of where you were when you were given the news)
- Difficulty sleeping
And, don't be surprised if you find yourself dealing with these issues down the road:
"Many people are left with a pervasive sense of loss of safety and many will say that life is never the same after one has a real taste of mortality," says Dr. Rausch.
The good news is ... it's never too late to get help. Here's a great assessment tool, sponsored by the American Psychological Association, that'll help you determine where you are in terms of healing and the personal growth after facing the trauma of your diagnosis: A Post Traumatic Growth Inventory.
Like this topic? It's the b5media Health & Wellness Channel's May Theme Day and it's all about mental health; our host this month is Alicia Sparks at Mental Health Notes.
So ... where are you with your mental health these days (please specify if you're newly diagnosed, in the midst of treatment, or living the ‘after cancer' life)?
Click on the link below:
0 -
Well Chris I have ALL the symptoms of PTSD. Here it is 2 in the morning.........my time.........and I'm still awake after two ativan and my anti depressant. The other morning it was 6 before I went to sleep. I'm exhausted all the time.....and nothing I take is making me sleepy. If I could take Benedryl it works.........but I can't take that with the Tamoxifen either.
I appreciate so much the offer to talk to me.....means so much......and I will try it. Most of the time...when I get really down....I shut down and don't wanna talk to anyone. Including my husband......which is almost where I am right now.
I'm in a really bad place right now and I hate when I get here. Don't like the thoughts that go through my head either. I'm crying as I type this........I really need help.........desperately! There is only ONE........yes I said ONE Psychiatrist in our area. Very hard to get in to see them. Takes months and months..
Thank you.......hugssssss
0 -
Hi Genia,
It seems to me that being on tamoxafine is too high a price to pay for you. Why not talk to you oncol about changing to aromatise inhibitors, if you are not in memopause you will have to have a monthly injection to shut down your ovaries or have them out by keyhole surgery, then you will be able to have the AI, there are not so many side effects and you MAY be able to have your other drugs and not feel so bad, please consider talking to you drs. You must get help. Explain to your oncol how you are feeling and get him/her to make the appointment for some counselling for you.
The first question is can you take benedryl and prozac with Al's. Tell your dr that you have PTSD and ask what can be done. Please email me everyday and let me help cheer you up. I will PM you my email, you really are not alone we are all here for you. Try to talk to your husband and one of you reassure your son that this is a normal part of having cancer and that you are getting help. make the call to your oncol and get an appointment asap, tell them it is urgent.
Talk soon. Singapore Chris xxx
0 -
for me farmville is a little bit of fun in a crazy life...I fon't however get upset if my crops die or go into dt's or anything like that. If i succeed at farming great and if not oh well-
Genia- big HUGS to you girl. I have been in that place and it isn't fun. I don't sleep well anymore either and YES it is frustrating...just know that I LOVE YOU and hope you feel better soon. People just do not know the true impact this disease can have on people.
I am sitting here waiting to hear from PCP who ordered a chest x-ray yesterday to make sure this cough isn't going into pnemonia- they do not MAKE cough medicine that works and the exhaustion is horrible. I am running low grade fever, this is my second day out of work so I don't know if it's pnemonia or flu or what...I just know that last night i was ready to throw in the towel
Hang in there girls Farm, or play or do something that puts a smile on your face!
Love you all
Lisa
0 -
I lost and entire post back soon...off to Rheumy
0 -
NY1 news says stimulus money is starting to flow and construction is going to pick up.YEAH!!!
0 -
I went to the Onco today. He's sending me for a PET scan tomorrow to make sure this bone pain isn't METS. He doesn't think it is........but he is being cautious. I was scheduled for one on Nov 10th but he didn't want to wait until then. He's going to keep me on the Tamox for a little longer. He said it takes time for the body to adjust......but if I can't take it he is more than willing to switch me to an AI with Lupron shots.
I'm not so down today. I'm praying the new anti depressant is starting to work. Thank you all for being so good to me. I've never met a group of ladies like all of you. There is so much bickering on other parts of the board..........it's hard to believe.
I will let you all know how the scan goes.
Lisa...hope you feel better soon and they figure out what's goin on with you.
Chris....I sent you my email address. Thanks for your kindness and caring.
Love you Mina!!!!
0 -
Evening everyone,
WHEW! I'm glad to be home. Genia, I hope your new med works. I went without my Effexor for more than four months--who knows why I did that--but when my mom died. I started crying non stop 24/7 and didn't stop for nearly three months. I wish Effexor would help my hot flashes but no such luck, yet.
bye again. I'll be back soon. I starteding FirFireFox last weekend; it doesn't allow cut and paste operations, so I have to fix that *hee* NOT!
I love FF...It's fast and accurate but with my brain...I may HAVE TO share this NYT article via IE.
xoxo
mina
0 -
I can't wait. I've been dying to share this article since this morning. I'll figure out Firefox later. I share for another reason...I had been beating myself up when my good friends here made me stop. Now read this today
nytimes.com/2009/10/21/health/21cancer.html?em
Cancer Society, in Shift, Has Concerns on Screenings
By GINA KOLATA Published: October 20, 2009 The American Cancer Society, which has long been a staunch defender of most cancer screening, is now saying that the benefits of detecting many cancers, especially breast and prostate, have been overstated.
0 -
-
I can't wait. I've been dying to share this article since this morning. I'll figure out Firefox later. I share for another reason...I had been beating myself up when my good friends here made me stop. Now read this today
nytimes.com/2009/10/21/health/21cancer.html?em
Cancer Society, in Shift, Has Concerns on Screenings
By GINA KOLATA Published: October 20, 2009 The American Cancer Society, which has long been a staunch defender of most cancer screening, is now saying that the benefits of detecting many cancers, especially breast and prostate, have been overstated.
0 -
This article might explain Suzanne Somer's great outcome without conventional therapy.
shh...who knew.... Some cancers don't advance and may even disappear... Who knows anything anymore. I take care of this cancer as much as I can via my readings and my ONCs and then I go play Farmland.
xoxoxo
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/25/health/25breast.html?fta=y
0 -
so doc's office says no pnemonia- now what is it??? I told her my sinuses felt like big city grid lock and that evey time i cough i fell like my head is gonna pop off..and as long as i don't try to sleep i don't cough...low grade fever for days now so no work....ARGH!!!!!!!!! I am sick of being sick...they are supposed to call back...(with their track record i imagine I will be the one returning the call)
0 -
Genia,
My heart is so sad at your little boy's drawings!! What a beautiful way to express his sadness. Kids are so great.
I know your Doc wants you to wait a bit on the Tamoxifen, but honestly girl, if you have had it, make up your mind, go in there, and say "I can't take it anymore, I want to switch to an AI and Lupron shots". you can try, you can always go back! Lots of people moving around to this and that, trying to figure out what works for them.
Mina, I also heard about the head of the Nat'l Cancer society poo pooing Mammograms last night. They totally suck. Arcane screening technology, totally inadequate. WE NEED BETTER SCREENING but we also need MORE FOCUS ON CANCER PREVENTION.
Who wants to get cancer and then detect it early? Wouldn't you rather NOT get cancer at ALL??? This is where we need to focus. I am not a conspiricy theorist nor am I an activist type. But, in reading and taking in what's happening, it is clear to me that the big drug companies and others are making money w/ breast cancer awareness month, for drugs, for mammo machines.
A cure for cancer may be out there in a non patentable form, and nobody is looking into that, no money to be made. Sorry. Don't want to be a downer, but just realistically, the situation needs a lot more "prevention" focus, rather than drugs drugs drugs. ugh.
0 -
BIG Hugs to you Genia! Your little boy sounds like such a sweetheart! I hope he puts a smile on your face every day. He loves you and so do we. Hang in there. We all need you!
hugs
0 -
Thanks to you all...... I had my PET scan today....I go in to see the Dr. on Weds....but I'm gonna see if I can change it because I have Herceptin on Tues and I may as well kill two birds with one stone. I have 3 appts next week....yippie.....I love goin to the Dr.!!! NOT
I've decided if I'm still having the Tamox se's I'm gonna get him to switch me to something else. It may be my imagination....but the hot flashes haven't been coming around as much for the last couple of days.....so MAYBE my body is getting used to being on it.
Hang in there Lisa......hope you feel better sweetie
love ya'll
0 -
Genia - Maybe you could take 10 mg of Tamox instead of 20 mg? That's all I take.
My onc said I can't get my port out until my tumor markers are checked one more time. My next appt with her is 11/20. Hopefully, I will get my infusion of Reclast then too (if my insurance approves it). I told her it has to come out before the end of the year. I added up my BC contributions for the last 15 months... over $18,000.00! I'm sorry, I can't afford this disease anymore.
hugs
0 -
Genia, let us know about your PET results and all. When are you done with Herceptin?
I will be done with chemo 1 year on Nov 10th. I am having terrible "cognitive issues" - my husband has arranged to have me "congnitively tested". I dont know if it's chemo brain, being in menopause from chemo, Tamoxifen, Zometa or what. UGH
This crap aint for sissies!!!!
0 -
Beverly....I have 4 more treatments.
I have problems with my memory.......and staying focused on stuff.
I'll let you all know when I hear from my scan. I was on that stupid table for 50 mins.....I don't know why it took so long. They told me it would be about 20-25 mins. My back was about to break when I tried to get up.......
0 -
Spring - I definitely have chemobrain. The other day I was telling my son I had some bags in my truck...then busted out laughing. I meant to say "trunk". I don't have a truck! LOL
hugs
0 -
Me too Jules...I find myself struggling to find the right word - and sometimes it's a simple word. I also have a hard time describing where something is (you know, husband wants to know where the wine screw is) " it's down below in the thingy next to the other stuff" or something ridiculous like that.
0 -
Do you think this "chemo brain" damage is permanent? Or have any of you heard of it wearing off? I miss my old brain. ha.
0 -
my onco says chemo brain is real- an last for up to a yr after chemo ends and sometimes with meno the cognitive issues stay around longer..while i guess it stinks to get old it beats the alternative- if only i could forget i was in pain or forget i had a port...but NOOOOOOO i can't remember the name to the thingy in the kithen in the second drawer either.....OR i find my cat food (kept in a folgers can) in the fridge and my coffee under the sink!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sinus infection is better but cough is still going strong- we have resorted to JD, honey and lemon...still coughing but feeling happy while i do
Juli- guess that will leave me as being the only ported one in the group (course i can't remember) but i have been told two years (at least) so much for me having a deportation party any time soon.
Spring- i am not really a conspiracy person either but there IS big money in treating cancer- I am convinced that if a cure was to be found it would be so expensive all us regular people wouldn't have a fighting chance at it...
0 -
Morning
Time for bed...I think farming may be my form of cognition training. I may spring for training now that I have gone back to Medicare and gotten a secondary. My neuro says I need to consider it ASAP. Maybe that's why I love and hate this farm game and then love love love it.
I'm not safe for work, not to deal with patients, not even their paper work if I can't figure out Farmland I feel so damned stupid and angry and unable to function...yep, I hate my brain, so maybe I'll try to afford this training. Anything please. How do our sweet kiddos survive school with attention problems?
I love farming and I may add the chef app. Thanks for all my chef gifts, I'll be there soon.
Has anyone looked for their glasses with them sitting on their nose?:):) hahahahahaha
I didn't finish any of my library books though I enjoyed what I did read....arrggh.I miss reading books though magazines/newspapers are OK. Anyone have an E reader? Maybe that would help me...I get so tired,. who knows.
The last book I read was Seven Pillars of Wisdom approximately 6-8 years ago. I was so prideful of my brain, my ability to think fast in ICU/ER/RR. I miss it so much. Maybe God wanted to take me down a notch. arrrgh
End of Cognition whine.
Please don't let me bring anyone down, but I think my R breast is feeling lumpy. I know breast cancer is not an emergency but I am worried about my weird feeling R boob. I may ask MD to let me go to another more accessible Radiology site...the hospital Radiology site is full until late November.
love,
xoxo
Mina
0 -
Lisa - I know Robin still has her port.
Mina - hope it's nothing!
hugs
0 -
I do still have my port. I've got one, little tiny vein that's starting to roll and hide for blood draws. My port's good for infusions, but it's developed a fibrin sheath over the tip so draws aren't possible. I asked where they'd try for blood if they can't get it from my arm, and they said "Oh...we can get it from your jugular or the top of your foot."
um...
NOT!!!!
Chemobrain is a reality. So is short term memory loss after chemo. Mine's getting a little better...haha.
Love you,
Robin
0 -
We should form a port club...NOT!
Robin, I'm with you on the blood draw possibilities...NOT!
I hope it's nothing too Juli...it's probably my over-active boob handling that's making me nutso. I hope your tumor markers behave.
Genia, love ya. kicking those scan people in the booty for you.
Lisa, I think about the cost of treatment too. My gf's mom bought cancer insurance years ago when I was in my 20s; I couldn't understand why she did that. HAH!
Sharing this article. I need to share because of how much help I get here. Please tell me if this is not a desirable place to share. The the doctor and nurse in the article changed the way they listen to and empathize with their patients because of personal experiences and that's all good.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/25/health/research/25anderson.html?em=&pagewanted=all
I like watching Bridezillas--I know I know--cause it's all about normal women? going berserk about normal stuff and it makes me LMAO:)
Sharing this article because I can't imagine losing a 40 million dollar nest egg.
http://www.dailyfinance.com/2009/10/22/did-the-accountant-murder-patricia-cornwells-nest-egg/2
excuse typos etc,
0 -
Mina....that was a wonderful article about M D Anderson. Thanks for sharing with us. I hope what you are feeling in your breast is nothing.....
I'm trying to clean today. Not an easy task for me. But I'm doin it....that's what counts. I've had a Lortab and 3 Motrin and all it did was ease the pain so I could so some of my work. I think I may ask the Dr. if he will switch me to the shots and AI's.....just to see if makes a difference in how I feel. If it doesn't....then I'll go back on the Tamox. I can't live like this......the pain is really bad in my hips, lower back and left arm. I could handle it if it were just one place....but not all over like this. Ok done with my moaning session......
Bev....I hope chemobrain isn't permanent or we're all in trouble.....lol. I forget SO much. I mean important stuff. Thank God for calendars or I would be hurting. I write everything down that I need to remember. It works tho......
Ok...back to my laundry. I'm so behind.......ugh
love you all
0
