Stop Smoking Support Thread
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Day--since when is offering a FREE product advertising? My intent has always only been to help others go smoke-free rather than promote a for-profit item such as e-cigs or vapors. You have posted sites to buy vapors and/or e-cigs--which are for purchase--that would be advertising--regardless if you are the one making the profit or not. A FREE e-book is FREE information--which I don't understand why someone would start by buying a product costing $80-$100 vs getting FREE advice. FREE advice is easy to discard without feeling guilty about spending money on a product that doesn't work for them.
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thanks April485!
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Seaside and Beckers, I got plenty more where those came from, and fear that hormonal issues will make me even more aggressive. Then again, I look forward to it. I hold a lot of stuff in because I know its not nice to say what is really on my mind sometimes. Discretion and being considerate of others is at the core of my upbringing, but I feel it slipping from my grasp slowly but surely.
Thanks April and VJ.
Lisamarie, how you holding up?
I miss Judi!!!
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Day, I'm sorry but sometimes you come across a little abrassive. I see you have no problem telling others what is on your mind, so I have been thinking over what I need to say here.
Judi, I am sorry that I did not clearly see what exactly was wrong with that quoted reply. I tried to stay diplomatic and hoped that this would blow over. Judi, I owe you an apology and I pray you come back.
We are here to support each other and get support from those who have walked in our shoes. Freedom of speech is a funny thing, while some are fighting for their lives, maintaining their sanity, it is in everyone's best interest to benefit from all who are willing to give what they can to the newcomers. Judi is due an apology. She may never get the one she deserves, but I needed to say this.
Think what you like, dispute it, discuss it. There is a lot to be said for of a complete stranger who made me feel at home and took me under her wing. My silence was an injustice to her...she deserves better for her contribution to this group and to her open-hearted concern for all of us.
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Ladies, thanks for all your encouragement to ignore Day's comment. Shawtez, it was nothing you said. It was Day, who is offensive and has decided to critique our comments "if she doesn't like them". I cannot believe the audacity of such a person to think that they can decide what is right to say or report others. You don't get to make that choice for us. Believe me, I thought of not even responding because you are not worth it, but I see that you believe it is your mission "to correct other's mistakes", as you see them. Unbelievable! Who made you God. We are all in this and it is not by choice. Believe me, I have seen many kind, caring, decent people fight this disease and all of them were positive. Maybe it is not your choice word but you don't get to slam me for that, nor any other person. As well, what makes you decide to report others for what you "believe" is advertising? As well, are you speaking for this group or any other group! Unbelievable!!!! At no time, did VJ ask for money nor solicit anything. VJ is just another member like us who fought cancer and smoking. She is helping others, something maybe you should learn to do. Maybe Day you need to move on from this site and start a site that you believe in. Trust me, it took a lot for me to say this but what is the worst that can happen .... you ignore me or the site asks me to leave. Big deal! I dealt with bigger and better things and people then you. Too bad you don't sit back and see the damage that you can cause others! Everyone is just trying to live a life but you don't get the chance to make that life for that person!
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Judi, sorry, but you don't know what it means when I am abrasive, honestly. If I'd be "abrasive" with you, you'd probably run in a hole and never get your head out for the rest of your life. This being said, why don't you mind your own business? I am sure that whomever it is, it's a grown adult woman and they can take care of themselves.
VSJ, I was only trying to make you pay attention to the forum's rules, just because if you break them you can find your account deleted or banned. I don't care about my advertising or someone else's advertising, honestly, and the only thing I report is spam or when someone gets past the decency line.
This being said, I am truly sorry. That I ever bothered and wasted my time with a bunch of "sick puppy syndrome" drama queens.
I wish you good luck in your future endeavors.
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Hmmm. What's goin on in here?? Judi was here!!!!!!!!!! Dang it! I missed her. Come back!! Shawntez....nice to see you up there and that you feel comfortable to speak openly. Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things we will do. It is so wonderful to be free and we have to stick to our objective now. Hopefully whatever is going on will blow over. I really care about you guys and want you to beat this!
Lisamarie....where are you?? Hope you are okay.
Oh, I am tired. Going to bed now. Nite!!!0 -
Good morning ladies!
Today is a new day.
I hope everyone is doing well. Glad to see you are still around Judi.
Check in later.
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Holy moly, guess all hell broke loose when I left the board last nite. Posts missing and all..I belong to a WW online forum and every once in a while people get a little testy and usually everyone eventually makes nice and it blows over or they ignore eachother if they can't get over it and it works.
I think both Judi and Day add something to this forum and feel that we should all be able to just play nice. I am one of those old hippies who likes to keep the peace (but don't mess with me or I'll show you the City girl who knows how to take very good care of herself
)Judi, I hope you don't stay away. I know you finally vented and got it off your chest before the mods took it off so now you can come back, kay?
I don't know what Day said that was removed but whatever.
Now, for the thread topic!
I have not smoked at all since Friday~ wooohhooooo! Did not want to jinx myself yesterday so did not mention it. But, doing well. I am using the tank and reading that book and I can't explain it, I guess I just felt as though I could make it through this time. Let's hope it lasts cause I know it gets harder.
Have a lovely day ladies! ALL of you!!
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Sorry Beckers and Shawntez, everything seems crazy here at the moment .. JUDI I MISS U ... I tend to get uptight as well when I come here so I stay away sometimes .. I think we should just be able to come here and get support from each other . and I dont think it should matter what methode we use as long as we do something .. so I get frustrated .. sorry Ladies ..
I hope you are gonna be well Shawntez .. you seem like a strong person .. keep up the good work ..
Thanks for that amazing smile Beckers ... It makes me smile ...
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Hey LisaMarie, that is the nature of online communications. People dont see the person's face and so things are misconstrued sometimes. Glad you posted. I don't like when people get upset either since I am a peace loving person for the most part (unless backed into a corner or someone messes with my family - then watch out!) so I understand why it makes you uncomfortable. Hopefully all will calm down for a while.
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Hey Lisamarie, glad you're okay. I feel the same way sometimes, it's normal.
Hey April, I saw what was deleted, and decided to neither respond to it or allow it take me out of my element or purpose for being here. I hear ya on all counts. Everyone, and I mean everyone, here has something to offer. OMGosh! A hippie,for real? I love it!
I think I need to stay off-line for a bit. Some things are better left unsaid. I won't be far just need time away until things blow over and I simmer down, no desire to fan any flames. We're all ladies here.
Have a good one. Love, hugs and kisses to all
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LOL...yup, a "hippie for real" as I grew up in the late 60's and early 70's. Just missed Woodstock (was 14) but did go to Watkins Glen NY which was even BIGGER (more people attended) than Woodstock. Anyway, I think your post was fine Shawntez. Don't be a stranger! I am not one to let anyone keep me away if I need this thread.
Beckers, I agree, your smile is infectious! I love it when I see your photo.
Guys, really, peace is not over-rated. Life is too short to be pissed off. Having BC has driven that point home in a very big way as I take a closer look at my own mortality. I lost my Mom last February and I miss her so much. Life is tenuous at best and although I may very well sound like "Pollyanna" I am far from it. Just older and wiser than many of you here and have been around the block a few times.
Life is short so let your anger be short as well. It is NOT good for our bodies or our soul to be angry. My take on the anger thing is this. Would I rather be pissed off at the world or would I rather be calm and happy. I choose the latter!
Hugs my friends. Have a peaceful tobacco free day! xo
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Hi girls. Shawntez, don't go. You defended Judi. She deserves that. She has given so much of herself to this thread and consistently. I can't afford plane ticket to East coast and Canada to come chase you girls down. Of course, you don't need added stressors I am sure, so take a breather if it will help you.
It is freeing to speak your mind. I just think some people may be past a point and it comes off as rude and is not well received by most. Being a healthcare provider, i am not an administrative type, but an empathetic, listening, caretaker. We need folks to be direct at times, maybe not appropriate in some situations though. Sometimes it helps to look further into a situation. I did some profile reading last night and it helped me understand. What I really understand most is we need each other.
I do think we need to move ahead. Don't look back. All that being said, does anyone have anything exciting planned for St. Patty's Day??0 -
April, in all of this, I missed that you have not smoked since Friday!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!! You go hippie chick!!! Woot woot! She did it, she did it!! Uh huh, she can do it....two days....oh better keep reading to see what you said today!!! No, I'm not drinkin green beers already!!!
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Shrek? You are cracking me up Day. We just love our Judi. She is warm and fuzzy and hurting and struggling people gravitate to warm n fuzzy. She's mother bear. Your etank cig contributions are equally helpful. I hope we all get past this.
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Not going anywhere, just taking a step back to gain some perspective and refocus. It's not a big deal, not running away, just chilling out. Too much drama gets my blood pressure up and I have to stop and realize that as nicely as I try to put things not everyone is going to like what I have to say or agree with it. That is one of the many things that makes us all unique. What we say, how we say it and our intentions behind our responses...these things are often impacted by written and typed communications.
Thank you for your support and encouragement. I still get email notifications.
P.S. My favorite aunt was a hippie, had lunch with her today. She used to hang in the Village. She had the same sentiments about anger, love, and peace. I hear you. I get it.
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Hello girls! Perhaps this is a good time for me to jump all in and say that I (of course) am still smoking and appreciate all the support from every single one of you!!!
I have not posted in a few days, and not sure what happened on these boards. All I can say from my own experience is that sometimes written words don't express or convey the correct message that we intended, and/or can be read with an interpretation that is different from what we were trying to say. Sometimes we can be offended by something that we would not have been offended by if we had the same conversation face to face. I am a horrible writer and have gotten in "trouble" with friends and family more than once because of the way I phrased an email. Again, I don't know what happened but I hope that every one of you comes back!! United we stand, divided we fall!
I have been dealing with the most ridiculous, insane insurance red tape it is making my head spin! I find that I smoke more when I feel that I am backed into a corner like this. Like, "Why even try to quit now when it's going to be forever before I even have this surgery!" I know that is a poor attitude, I know I am only hurting myself, I know I should be quitting for good, and there are days when I really want to give this up and start the 'second half' of my life as a non smoker. But more days than not it seems "easier" to continue smoking and wallow in my own self pity.............
VJ: As you can see, I haven't progressed very far since the last time I spoke with you over....uh....probably a year ago! However, one thing I have discovered recently is that I seem to NOT be motivated too much by consequences. Would you agree? Those being poor surgical outcome, not being able to take ERT, and other health risks. I have noticed though that during those VERY few moments where I say to myself "Maybe I actually CAN do this" it is usally at a time when I am thinking of a reward or something postive! I know, that's not a whole lot of progress but to me it's a baby step in at least trying to identify what MIGHT work. Any suggestions for how to expand on that?
I hope that everyone is enjoying St Patrick's Day! I cooked 3 corned beefs for 3 people! OMG, just realized that's one entire slab of meat per person! What was I thinking??? Well it's cold here in NY today with more of that 4 letter word (s....) in the forcast. Maybe I was thinking it would make the house smell delicous so I could forget about this cold and dreary weekend!
Dear friends, I am thinking of ALL OF YOU!!! Beckers, Shawntez, Judi, April, Day, VJ, Lisamarie!!
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LOL Beckers! No cigs today either (at least not yet
) and much of this is due to DAY! The tank is working for me. The first day, I did not use it enough. I got a few flavors and tried the 0 nicotine first..did not work. then I put the full nico in and bam! Like magic. Vaping my way through the day. With the book that VJ sent me, I am getting a handle on it! Wahoooooo! I feel pretty good. I did want a cigarette a little while ago when my brother called and pissed me off a little asking for MORE money from my Dad's account (I take care of his finances cause my brother is a recovering heroin addict and when he was paying the bills for my parents, somehow over 100K went missing! and yes you read that right ONE HUNDRED ThOUSAND) so now I hold the purse strings for my Dad. My brother is his caretaker full time which is a lot of work cause dad has dementia and can barely walk and is almost blind so I know that I know how much work that he is!Anyway, I am good. Vaped my way through the anger!
Just sending some hugs to you all and know that all of you make a great contribution to this thread, at least for me.
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Lisa-I agree--consequences often aren't very motivating--because we compare those "maybe" consequences with the real benefits of smoking. Smoking is often see as part of our "self-care"--an effective coping technique--a low effort one. I always try to reframe motivation into the benefits of becoming smoke-free, not on the benefits of quitting--while it seems this is the same thing--it's not. Until the benefits of being smoke-free are more important than the benefits of smoking--it's a struggle.
However, I admire that you are still working at it--at your own pace. It took me 3 years to become smoke-free--and I kept beating myself up because I felt such guilt and shame--guilt that I was still smoking and shame because I felt there was something wrong with me--that I didn't just quit after my BC diagnosis (actually I relapsed during chemo). Believe in progress, not perfection--you have a lot on your plate and it's hard to replace our one low effort coping mechanism while we're going through so much ****. Be kind to yourself. We all here know how hard it is BUT it is worthwhile--Edision "failed" 1000 times before he created the lightbulb--but he never felt like a failure--he just found 999 ways it didn't work. Each step, no matter how small (like just posting here today) is a step forward. You'll get there--I know you will. VJ
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Wanted to let you know I heard from Judi. She said to tell you she is thinking of you and thinks you girls were nothing but kind. If you need her she is a PM away.
Gnite all and here's to a smoke free tomorrow!
Oh yes, it was so nice to hear from the Lisa's today!!!!!!!
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shawtez
I too take the subway to get to my tx's. It does happen just as you say, people shoving and squeezing into seats. I don't let it stress me out though. I am much more stressed by the long waits for tx's and dr. appts. Anyone out there have a helpful way they cope with long waits? Really, sometimes I think I will lose it all together at these offices.
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Day 4, no cigs...today was the worst day ever at work (long story but if you want to know look in the forum about insurance issues etc under FMLA issue) and I really wanted a smoke but I didn't do it! YAY Me! Night is still young though..lol
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Hi ladies! Hope you are all doing well.
Day, I publicly offended you without intent and would like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize for having done so. I think we should be able to speak freely here, and saw no harm in doing so. I guess I was wrong. I cannot fix everything and not everyone is going to like me or understand me. I can accept that. I just wanted to make peace. I'm not going to discuss this again. I like syrupy porn, you don't. It's all good.
April, I am proud of you and happy for you as well. The fact that you were able to combine both the tank and the book speaks volumes of what I have been trying to say in more complex terms.
Waitingforthenextstep, funny how I have adjusted to the waiting and hate public transportation. I take a goody bag of snacks and puzzle books or something to distract me and fill the time. I have an ipod, game apps on my phone. Basically, I take a variety of whatever I am in the mood for for the day. Most importantly, I tell myself that I will be there the better part of the day.
No matter what you all say, I am sorry, it's who I am. Even if I wronged one individual, or said something that led to others disagree I feel responsible. I am sorry that you were impacted by this. It is what it is, no need to respond. You cannot change who I am or how I feel. I am sorry to you all. I wish you all the best. You are a great bunch of ladies, each and every one of you. You have made me laugh, think differently about my BC, and see the value in sisterhood. It has been a once in a lifetime experience getting to know you and getting valuable information and support from you. For that, I am eternally grateful.
My love and best wishes to you all.
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Shawntez, that was not a goodbye post, was it? I sure as hell hope not.
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Hi all. Happy Monday. Ugh. Hope it was a good day. How's the quit coming? Hope okay. It's all good shawtez, I understand wanting peace. It will be just fine. I feel it. Now, when does treatment start.
Hi waitingfornextstep. Welcome? Or have you been here? Maybe you know Shawntez from subway?? Ha! Waiting is so hard. I think I would emotionally check out at times to be honest. Must be a coping mechanism.
Hi April. I'm so proud of you!!!
Lisa65, how's the cabbage you are gonna be eating for the next 2 weeks?
Lisamarie, hope you are well.
Braids, where you hiding at?
Ok, Annie is here and will be hijacking my iPad when she's done with her bath so I may not check in til tomorrow. Hang in there!!!0 -
This is a friendly thread, looks like I missed out on some drama around here. Hey Shawntez, sometimes I do get a seat on the train and then it fills up with people. Then I am like, " am I going to be able to squeeze through all of them before I get to my stop?" Sometimes I just stand. It is a challenge though. Hi Beckers, today my first day on this thread, glad to meet you....
By the way, all of you have the ability to quit smoking. I did almost 14 years ago, and I loved smoking. Keep trying...that's the key, you must keep trying.
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April, thank you for being you. Not going anywhere. You are my anchor and Beckers is my party planner.
Waiting..., I bet we could share some interesting subway stories(lol). I quit once before, but it was for someone else. I had no choice and I am slowly realizing that I need to quit again for the same reasons, except I am the one with cancer this time. Still looking at things from the outside and not the inside. This port I just had placed has brought me to a place of acceptance; this is real and I have to come to grips with the changes that will occur voluntarily and involuntarily.
Lisamarie, honey, I hope you are doing well and look forward to that coffee date when the weather changes.
Beckers, I'm assuming that treatment will start on Monday. My Onc set me out to accomplish a whole bunch of stuff in preparation. Go for pelvic CT scan tomorrow and brain MRI on friday. I assume these tests will rule out or confirm metastasis. Nothing on the chest wall, but tumor is abutting it. I don't have any definitive results regarding my staging and probably won't until time for surgery which could happen sometime in the fall. Signing up for LGFB workshop and maybe some anger management workshops. This will help with some of my anxiety about the treatment and quitting.
Lisa in NY, don't beat yourself up. Something will click for you eventually. P.S. You were thinking YUM! (about the cornbeef, lol).
Wishing you all a stress free day, extra hugs to those who need it.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyIJo7VCdPE&feature=youtu.beThis is a 12 minute video from a Canadian doctor that I htink is quite good. I hope you enjoy it too.
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