Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
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Beckers, I didn't let the ciggies go. I actually carried a full pack of stale smokes (I actually had them the weekend I was diagnosed) for probably 8 months. It was reassuring to see them and touch them.
I have a question ladies, if you had a reoccurrence would you go back to smoking. I saw someone who said the cancer is back and they were diagnosed 4 years earlier. I have honestly put a lot of thought into this. I can say that if that is in my cards, then dammit, I'm having one! I am always so scared that it is going to come back, that I can't get it out of my mind. I've been having some arm issues which I experienced with cancer .... shit, I hope not! Go for a bone density test on Monday but I know that they can't tell my that. I flippin hate this disease!
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Omg Judi, my mom and I discussed this today. I don't think I would go back at this point. What kind of arm issues? Did you have lumpectomy? If it's in your breast still, don't smoke. If mets? Well...may F with chemo. I think it would taste like crap. I hope it's not back!!!! When can you get checked?
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JudiH--I had a recurrence (after 23 years) and no I would not go back to smoking. Even if I was terminal, I would not go back. I remember a client from years ago--Otis--who came to me to quit. He had shared that he had been sober for years and want to quit smoking too. He did and a year later he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I asked him if he regretted quitting--since he had loved smoking so much and it turned out that it was too late for him. I'll never forget his answer--"No (I don't regret quitting) because I'm dying a free man!" He died on my birthday and was 15 months nicotine free.
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Rebecca, I had severe, severe arm pain in the elbow and left shoulder that I could hardly walk. Unfortunately, I could move my arm up/down but the pain was so intense. This was six months prior to my diagnosis. I honestly thought it was from punching the punching bag to many times - LOL. I also didn't even think about the weight loss because I was going to exercise class once a week, and I just thought it was a great thing. Remember, I smoked and was always small. What an idiot. Last Friday, I had two jabbing pains in the left shoulder and my arm is sore. Who knows, maybe it's nothing. If the pain comes back then I'll go to the doctor. Yes, I had a lumpectomy and radiation. I didn't need the radiation but the med onc said that nothing is 100% so I went for it. Could be my imagination but I'm so tired all the time.
VJ, what a moving story. I would never have thought like this man did but he was probably right.
I think I'm just reading too much into this since I heard of the reoccurrence of someone. Sometimes I wish I was just free of all of this crap, and never have to worry. A woman at work said to me that "God gave me this as it was probably all that I could handle". I thought a lot about this and, she was probably right. I got lucky and I sure hope I stay lucky. Maybe just having a down day!
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It's ok Judi. I know I think about it a lot too. One of the girls on my surgery thread was stage 1 for maybe a week and they just happened to do a PET scan and found mets in her liver. I will always think about that. Especially because I am soooo damn tired too! I have yet to get my full energy back. I feel ya girl!!
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Will I start again??? Just diagnosed w/recurrance two years after BMX. Then it was DCIS - clean margins & 2 SLN on each side also clear. Now it's IDC in the chest wall w/mets to the lymph nodes. Stage 2 so far until they can get inside. THis has been a two week saga, but got my treatment plan today - chemo x 6, more surgery IF the chemo shrinks the multiple tumors, then rads.
So what have I been thinking about all the last week? Will I smoke? I always promised I'd start again if I was diagnosed with a life threatening disease. But so far - I think not. It will be 6 years in July. I took note of the prices - $7.50 for Newports. Good heavens. My first husband quit in outrage when the price went up from $0.25 in the 60's. I'm considering that you can't smoke anywhere anymore anyway. Hmmm. So...so far I won't pick one up. I like VJs story. And my onc said I don't have to give up wine except on the chemo days - so there's still some excitement in my life.
So ladies - JUST FOR TODAY !!! Hang in there. Keep trying. If I've made it 6 years - and am still determined to "stay quit", you can do it to.
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(((MinusTwo))) Hoping you do not have any mets. Ladies, life is a crapshoot. Why go back to being a slave to the evil smokes and the money is such a waste. I am still sneaking one here and there, but feel so much better. My official QUIT for good date is April 21st. I made that pact in writing with my counselor so I am going to honor it! HUGS to all. This is hard!!!!
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Dear Minus Two, praying it is not mets, this is just such an incredibly crappy occurrence. May our hugs and prayers for you comfort you and may the doctors be guided to a good outcome. ((((((((Minus Two)))))))). Karen
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What a crappy day for you MinusTwo. and lots of hugs to you. I truly don't get this cancer thing .... you do everything right the first time and then you get dealt lots of rotten cards afterwards. I agree with Karen, may the doctors be guided to a good outcome - I love this saying Karen! Hugs, hugs, and lots of hugs to all of you ladies!
April485, keep going - you are doing great!
Rebecca, I won't pick up a smoke yet but sometimes I think, how much can one deal with. Boy, life throws a lot at you!
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I keep ping ponging back and forth with the whole thing .. I have been sick for almost a week now , I believe I have bronchitis .. and am too lazy to go to the doctor ... I guess I should since the damm coughing just wont stop .. or should I mention everytime I smoke a cigarette I hack even more ... I feel so much like a failure on this .. and I know beating myself up is not the answer .. the answer is to keep trying each time I fall .. then well there is the drinking issue ... I was sober for a year .. and now I am no longer ... I started out with a few drinks here and there .. and now I am almost back to it being a daily thing ... after work maybe one .. then on my days off .. who cares .. but today I woke up to come to work and I feel like my pancreas is starting to hurt me again .. and that scares me as I was in the hospital for a week last time due to pancreatitis and they told me no more drinking or it will get worse .. and then kill me .. I don't understand myself at times... does or will anything ever scare me enough to just get healthy ...I don't know anymore .. I just don't know .. well as I spilled the beans on my life .. I am sorry , I just feel I don't have anyone to talk to and I know I always have you girls ... have a great day xoxoxo
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Lisamarie, it must be the weather because lots of us are feeling off. I worry about you?????????????
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Minus two, I am so sorry to hear you are one of the ones with recurrence after BMX and now this???!!! Does the stress of it make you have the urge to smoke at all? So chemo for now. ((big hug)) hang in there.
Hi Lisa, sorry you are not feeling well. Bronchitis....yikes. When I smoked, I had bronchitis so often my MD started talking about COPD. I had a cold a few weeks back and it went to my chest just like when I was a smoker and I haven't smoked since June. Kind of a bummer to think I damaged my lungs with this stupid smokes!!! Hope something will click for you to help you see the seriousness of it all. Thinking of you!
Judi, good topic of discussion. Food for thought for sure! You hang in there. Maybe arm pain is referred from muscle spasm in neck or shoulders. Do you have neck problems??
I need to get my butt ready for work. Good to see you all. Hugs!! Happy Thursday.0 -
lisamarie...boy can I relate to the struggle with trying to quit. I have smoked a long time - like 25 years. Never smoked more than a pack - if that and usually either Marl lights or 72s but still smoked just the same. I have quit probably 4x only to go back when a crisis developed. Crutch - you betcha every time. I told a lady who quit for good this time that I look back on the terrible times I have been through the past years and as stupid as it sounds believe that cig preserved my sanity. Of course in reality that is a horrific way to try and stay sane but in my mind I thought I was losing my mind. It would take pages and pages of a timeline to explain it all and its one that I look back on now and cant believe I made it through and the thing is one particular concern - a big one still exists with my son and of course my BC. I am using the patch now which is what I used when I quit the last time. I do think though unless you want to quit it doesnt matter what you use to help you do it. I have a friend who is taking Chantix. I used that once and you def dont want to smoke but I didnt know what to do with myself either and that is key. My son quit last Labor Day. I was so glad because he is only 24. He didnt smoke much but he still smoked. Not if I can only control his drinking to excess. That would be one of the problems to date. Everyday is a struggle for me to quit totally. I am down to half a pack. I have changed my way of doing business too in that I dont take them anywhere. No smoking in the cars - never smoked in the house. My husband doesnt smoke - never has and he said if I would stay off the phone I wouldnt smoke at all. All of this is leading up to I feel your pain in trying to end this addiction. You have so much on your plate. I think childbirth was easier than this but I also think you need to do it your own way. A friend said she quit cold turkey....good for it. Not for me. I have to do it my own way. This same friend has diabetes, just had hip surgery, may have asthma and is very overweight. Just saying we all have issues to deal with - not just smoking. As for drinking no one wants to hear a lecture about that. I drink. Not every day but I drink and I like it. Mostly beer. Cheap drunk..haha. Husband doesnt drink either - cant. Did for years and he almost lost his life from depression and drinking. We appreciate all the support and encouragement we can get but we dont need to add the guilt to go along with it. Its on you and only you. I know several people who quit several years ago and still got lung cancer and one who never smoked and died from it. Doctors are at a loss as to why non smokers get it or some people get LC and others do not. Regardless, this is a great support forum and a lifeline. I had bronchitis when I was pregnant with my son almost 24 years ago and havent had it since but my mother was constantly suffering from it. Hope you feel better. I dont intend to give up trying and everyday is a challenge but dont beat yourself up over it. Diane
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Well said Diane! I sometimes struggle with the right thing to say. Like you, we all experience many things in life - maybe not as much as the next person. As well all know, there is someone else next to you that has it tougher. You know, your post got me thinking. I sometimes wonder "why me, with the bc" and worry all the time. Yet, I should be looking at the greener side of things like I got to spend 3 more years on this world, and more to come. I have forgotten the pain my older sister went through with being bulemic and anorexia, as well as being an alcoholic. Unfortunately, she was in denial and did not seek help. You try to help but if it not accepted, you can only do so much. My heart goes out to here. Then, my older brother dies from cancer. Again, you try but if help is not requested, you can't do it. You are so right about people doing it their own way. Trust me, I smoked for 40+ years and would be still smoking today had I not got bc. For some unknown reason, I was able to gather strength that I didn't know existed to quit. My dad did the same thing when he suffered a heart attack - quit drinking on the spot, and he was a big alcoholic. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and we don't know when that strength will rise but we will get it when we have to. Sometimes we have to take little steps to get to the big step, but we will deal with it. I agree with not beating upself up over it. I know for me I beat myself up but I kept doing it. I read this today and think it applies to all of us: "when you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, there is always hope". I loved this quote by Pittacus Lore.
Rebecca, you are probably right about the arm pain - probably pain associated from the bc surgery. I wish I could find spell check on this MAC computer. I wanted to use a word but can't spell it properly. Oh well!
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lisamarie, don't worry about spilling your guts here! If you drink and pancreatitis is an issue for you, it really could kill you honey. At least cut back to one drink here and there. Smoking is another issue...ahh, if only any of this were easy. Hugs sweetheart. We understand and no matter what, you can always come here.
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Sorry some of us are in a funk. ((((((big group hug)))))) hang in there !!! XOXO
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Hi Ladies!
Been away a few days. Been taking a puff here and there, no full cigar. Get 2nd cycle of AC chemo on Tuesday, hair is beginning to fall out. It is actually kind of cool, to me this indicate the chemo is working. At least that is how I am looking at it. At this point it is all about perspective and being positive. I didn't quite realize what it meant that I am HER2+, of course I did some research, and I am ok with it. I am enjoying my life and combing out chunks of hair, it is what it is. It's only hair. Most of the women in my family have worn wigs all their lives, I'll fit in now, LOL.
Lisamarie, the weather is getting warmer maybe we can meet in the city soon. The next two weeks are going to be hellified for me with the chemo but in 3 weeks I will feel well enough to get on the train. You sound like you could use a shoulder and a hug. There are plenty here.
Sending hugs and kisses to all
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Shawntez, you tooo... I hate that you have to go through Chemo .. I hope that all goes well . I think of u often ... big HUGZ back to you too .. and do you honestly think we are going to be seeing warmer days ahead .. this cold crap is really depressing me as well... great to have such good friends here ..
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April showers.....lol. Yes, Lisamarie, there has to be an end to this misery. Chemo is not so bad, thank goodness for anti-nausea meds! If it helps me, cures me, kills cancer, then it's my new bff.
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Glad to hear things are no so bad for you Shawntez! I agree with you ..... cures you and kills cancer - those are the words you want to hear! Take care and keep motoring along!
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Beckers: Intellectually, the fact that I have recurrent cancer SHOULD make me want to smoke. So far I've been too busy gettings things set up. I still miss it even after 5-3/4 years, but I guess the urge to actually buy cigarettes is not there. And I don't really have any friends who smoke anymore so bumming a fag is out. Keeps me safe.
Hang in there ladies. It gets easier every day.
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hi ladies thought i need to check in got my cyber appt on 17th the i think i'll start rads on Mon 22 just like you April for me it seems 2 be 2 steps forward then back went 3 days with just tank then smoked 3 cigs today well i guess i'll get back up. i want to be off completly by the 22 so help me keep that commitment. for me the chemo hasn't been bad i've been on xeloda for almost a year now. hope everyone has a wonderful weekend love and blessings to all !
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Hi shawntez! Glad you are feeling well enough to post. A few puffs here and there is doing great in my world..yes it is!
Chris, you and I will be going through rads together my friend. Mine will be over in one week since I am doing that clinical trial of dose dense, 2x a day for 5 days, but I will cheer you on through the rest of yours! xo
My "quit date" is written in stone since I gave my word to my counselor that I would never smoke another cig again after the 20th. My rads start on the 22nd and I am a wreck, but hey, I gotta do this and I am already doing it pretty much but I cheat here and there. I get dizzy when I smoke now cause I do it so infrequently. I am vaping less now that I started the wellbutrin finally.
Ok, gotta run. Hugs to all!
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You know ladies, through all of our ups and downs and the desire to smoke or not to smoke brings a chuckle to me. We are living every day life. MinusTwo, I'm right with you and bumming a "fag" is out. I haven't heard a smoke called that is so long but you know you were a real smoker. Only my neighbour smokes and she wouldn't give me one even if I cried and begged. MinusTwo, I'm sure you are so busy getting things set up and I'm with you all of the way. Reoccurrence has been on my mind now for awhile and I don't know why. My thoughts are with you.
April, you are so lucky. One week of rads - keep me posted how this goes. I so wanted to have one week's worth of rads at one time and they just laughed at me. It was so tiring to go every day especially when I had a late rad treatment and then one early the next morning. I live 1 1/2 hours from the hospital but even if I lived 3, I would be there come hell or high water.
Ladies, treating myself to a facial today - skin is so dry since I tried changing my facial cleanser then screwed it up more. What a luxury for me but I would prefer to buy clothes. However, crappy face won't make the clothes look good, so I'm doing this first.
Lisamarie, how are you doing today?????????????
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Good morning!
I finally branched out today. I found a group of ladies who are triple positive like myself. I hesitated as I wanted to focus on quitting before I dealt with my Dx. I hope they are like you guys.
I am so grateful for the care and support I get here from all of you; it is a blessing and a relief on my good days as well as the bad ones to be able to post or just read what someone else is going through.
Hope you all have a great day. Hugs to all.
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Shawntez, so glad you found this group - they can offer you the insight and support that I never could because I don't have your diagnosis. But, I'm here as a friend come hell or high water ... my new saying today. No truly, happy for you!
Had a facial and I feel wonderful .... not young but wonderful! And to boot, bought new clothes. Tried on lots and seem to be going up a size. So I said to myself, that's it. Buy what you can but not in a bigger size .... so off to exercise tomorrow and a new way of eating!
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Shawntez, great to hear from you. Hope you and Lisamarie do get to meet soon. Is it still way cold there?? Hope you enjoy new +++thread. I'm part of a few of them.
April and Chris, thinking of you with upcoming RADS. I was so nervous about rads I ran straight to BS after meeting with RO. Decided on BmX and never looked back. I'm grateful that was an option.
Good luck with new eating plan and exercise. I'm still not there. Hoping for a new attitude one of these days! :-/
Good luck minus two with treatment planning, etc.
Have a great weekend everyone!
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Just sharing....I shaved my head today. I must say it is a very liberating and in-charge experience. As I mentioned, I started losing my hair a few days ago, but it was getting a little funky so I washed it. What happened next sent me into a quick bout of mild anxiety. I combed my hair and when I was done, I looked like I was in a bad cat fight and lost, lol. I was so upset I wrapped my head and went to bed. I knew it was going to happen but it's been slowly coming out and to have so much come out at once leaving so little to look at, I was in a bit of shock. So this morning I pulled myself together and sucked it up, I planned on cutting it first then shaving, so one step was omitted. I am free of my thick, wild, mind-of-its-own, graying hair! I saved some to make my own scarves with bangs. I am going to have fun with this. In the end, I didn't lose my mind and smoke a pack of cigars. I wanted to get drunk and smoke my brains out, but that would do the chemo no good, and it wouldn't change that simple fact staring back at me in the mirror...my hair is gone. It's going to be gone for a long time at least until next year. So a self-destructive pity party will serve no purpose other than an immediate numbing of the shock and pain. You can't live life numb, that's not living. I had 1 small beer and 1 cigar that I smoked throughtout the day (just enough to get me to sleep).
Hugs to all
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Dear shawntez, you are one courageous trooper with a grand attitude re. "self destructive pity party" - you go girl. Karen
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Shawntez: Karen is right - what an amazing attitude. I hope I'm as brave when I face the same thing in about 20 days. Having a hard time getting anything accomplished before my son flies in tomorrow. Port installation Tueday. Chemo to start Wed or Thurs. Thanks again for your inspiration.
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