Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
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Fifish, glad you got it as one of your favorites. Got a lot of work this week but will try to check in and reach out to all of you.
Hope your day has gone well and your smoking program is heading in the right direction. Wish I had something interesting to post. My tournament head count is low, looks like I am going to lose money this time. But it isn't just me, it's all the promoters too. Bad month! So I am shaking this one off and will start to work on the Oct event because that will be awesome, especially having some of you with me. I will make a BC Butt Fondler booth so keep those shirt ideas coming. I have asked around and a lot of people like Lay Down For Boobies, lol.
Peace,
Janet0 -
On a more somber note, the dead pics could represent all the women who've lost their lives to BC.....in an obscure way.
Love the begining! You're awsome Janzin.
UImmm, anyone heard from pantufas?
Thiniking of her a lot today.
xoxo
Lursa
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Hi All,
Got the path results today and it's LCIS. Been chain smoking all day and compulsively glued to this site researching. Totally have no idea what I am going to do as far as treatment goes. Since it is not supposedly cancer I can take my time deciding what I want to do treatment wise goes. I cant take tamoxifen cause I smoke and I don't think I would want to take it even if I didn't. I do know that my quit day is not going to be tomorrow
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((((hugs))) Cleo! If you're anything like me, I was stunned for about 6 weeks after my DX. This site will help you with all the info you need for an informed decision and all the love and support we can give. Keep us posted!
xoxo
Lursa
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Best wishes to you Cleo. I was interested in your comment about Tamoxifen. I have been on it for over a year, and still smoking on and off. My oncologist never mentioned that I should not be taking it, he only mentioned that there would be an increase in blood clots if I continued to smoke. Look into ALL your options. Get second opinions. It is your body, your call. Best of luck to you.
Hugs to all you ladies! I am off for my walk before it gets too hot. Ugh, high of 94 today and heat index of 100....greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttttttt!
Ellie
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Hugs to everyone. I am still smoking, no specific date set to quit, but one of these days it will happen. ((( Cleo ))), the diagnosis words just went in one ear and out the other for me. I got a copy of the path and looked up all those "medical terms" and scared myself silly. Then someone mentioned that before it used to be "just" a yes or no, cancer or not. Now we have all these factors: stage, grade, size, er/pr, her2, lcis or dcis or idc, etc. They can target a specific treatment - individualize it for YOU. Very scary, YES... but we are here to lean on, to listen, to cry with you.
Hugs and blessings for all, Nancy
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Hey Nancy, don't feel bad, I am still smoking too. I really think it would help me to quit if I could feel better emotionally. It seems like lately, I go through the motions, but I have a hard time remembering back to when I was really just happy. I have tried anti depressants--didn't help. I have tried going to church--nothing. I have tried exercise--helps for a little while, but then wears off. I am tired of this blah feeling that I wake up with every day. Janzin, I think I feel like you did a couple weeks ago. Smoking seems to be the only thing that gives me joy these days and now I am suppose to give that up. It just sucks. I guess today is a "crying day" a "boo hoo feel bad for myself day" and then I will wake up and try again tomorrow. Sorry to vent, it just seems a little overwhelming today.
I wish the best to all who are not smoking! I also send my love to all who still are smoking!
Ellie
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flfish- thank you. I haven't posted in a few days because I have been in SUCH a bummer mood. I mean, really down. I mean, I laugh on the outside, for everyone around me, because I hate for anyone to see me break, even you guys who I dont really know, but know on a level that I dont want to bring you guys down with me....anyway...I've barely been able to hold it together. I called the docs office today...STILL waiting on more results....you'd think that they would have some more compassion! I don't know, I guess it's just everything compiling up at once. I'm getting ready to "celebrate" my 24th birthday, and for over the past month or so I've been anxiously awaiting result after result after result...and not finding a damn answer! I feel like I've aged 10 years in the past month! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....
I guess it's just a pity party day for me. I'm too overwhelmed with everything...so Im gonna throw my own damn pity party right now...bc I am getting pissed...
First of all, I started getting sick in January, like really sick, doctors running blood work, couldn't figure it out. Then about 5-6 weeks ago, I found "the lump"...that still no f*ing doctor can give me an answer to. I am 23 years old....almost 24. Up until 4 weeks ago, I was a non-stop woman. I worked 75 hours a week between my full-time and part-time job, and went to college at night, with straight A's and B's. Then I would come home, take my dog for walks, and hang out with my roommates. I never stopped. I loved my life. Now, I can barely make it through an 8 hour day. "the lump" has gotten bigger in just the small amount of time that I've noticed it, and it effects my movement, and it's extremely painful. It's now visable to others (it's higher up on my chest), and it hurts when I breathe, and damnit...I am a smoker.
Well...it feels good to finally "spill it"...but I feel a little guilty. I don't know anymore. I am just so fed up with all of this crap. I don't know how you ladies do it!
Best of wishes to everyone, sorry for the blah post today...and as always
Much Love To All
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Never ever apologize for putting your true feelings on the table....We are here to help each other and all of us have days when we need to get the garbage out. A trouble shared is lessened. A joy shared is doubled.....
Please hang in there, Butterfly and continue to "take the garbage out". Just like in a house, if you leave it inside, it really starts to stink.
Love and best wishes to you and all the awesome ladies on this thread.
Mary Beth
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I just HAD to post a few minutes before the doctor called. Well they are telling me it "looks like a bone fracture on the anterior rib that has calified".......ok Im REALLY sorry ladies, but I am gonna have to blow my lid.
First of all, when I went to get the CT scan, the radiation guy overran the docs orders to get the dye injection bc he didn't think it was neccesary. So, I had perfect x-ray results come back. Then the ultrasound came back, and that showed the growth, and abnormal sized lymph node that looked to be of normal architecture. And I have a major history of cancer in my family. But no, no dye neccesary. The dye would have shown right then and there if there was any blood flow going to this lump. Instead, they left me again with half ass answers of "it looks like it is an old fracture that has calcified"
You know the womans gut instinct thing...well how come as soon as I called my mother, I could hear her voice sink, like she just isn't satisfied with this answer. And when I called my roommate, neither was she. She was actually more upset, and she said, "Beth, how come I can see it more and more now? I see it all the time, not just in certain lights."
I don't know anymore. I am just so exhausted, and so overwhelmed. Sure, who wouldn't want to believe it is just a bone calcification and not cancer...but at the same time, the "what if's" are taunting me.
I need your opinions ladies...all of them...I don't care what they are, I just need some direction, because my mind is moving at a thousand different directions right now.
Much Love To All
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Butterfly - How horrible for you to have to deal with all this uncertainty...I am so new to this forum myself and a horrible writer so I usually only pop on to ask questions and the rest of the time I lurk, gathering information and soaking up support. BUT I had to reply to your post...I wish I had all the answers for you and the uncertainty and 'hurry up and wait' is the WORST!!!! I would get a 2nd and 3rd opinions...Doctors are human and make mistakes (lord knows the doc's in my town suck - I am driving 120 miles south for my surgery and dx tests and got two more opinions there before making decisions). I am hoping and praying for you that it is just a bone calcification and not cancer...you are just too young to be joining this club
My 10 yr old daughter told me something the other day (I think it is a quote from a movie)...anyway when ever I see your avatar name I think of the saying, I smile and I get this funny visual, I hope it does the same for you... "In my world everyone is an Unicorn, we all eat butterflies and poop out rainbows..."
Much love and BIG Gentle Hugs your way
Michelle
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Michelle~...AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH....I cannot tell you how much I needed that laugh! That was hysterical! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE children...they have no idea how their perfect innocence can really make the world seem to stop in that bliss for just a moment!
Much Love To All...
~Bethany
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Hi everyone...I haven't had time to post..just read....I put buttfondlers.com into my fac places already. I like 16 and 18. Today is day 54!!! C'mon girls get on the wagon with me...please!!!
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Hi All: A few days ago I had a dream where I picked up a cig and started chain smoking again and it keeps coming back, UGH!!!...now I wake up craving a smoke
I haven't given in to the urge but it is soooo hard!!!!! especially with the anxiety of surgery in less than 2 wks and starting a new job (which by the way is going very well - so nice to focus on learning new things NOT associated with BC). candie1971: today is day 34 for me...
Janzin: thank you for taking on the BCFondlers website...its saved to my Favorites too.
Cleomoon: I am still reeling from dx as well and got several opinions before making decisions...its scary and overwhelming, but this is the best place to come for information and support...
fllfsh: I am so sorry you are having a rough time and battling the blahs, sending Big Gentle Hugs and positive thoughts your way...
Lursa: so glad to have you back posting regularly, I worried about you after all the complications you had with surgery...
Has anyone heard from Pantafus??? Haven't heard from her in a while, I hope she is ok and out of hospital.
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HI Butterfly, Boy oh boy are you getting the run around. But let me get a few things straight.
So far they have not said it is cancer? right Have u had any needle biopsy or mri biopsy- I don't know depending on the location maybe that's not possible.
But what you do know is that it is growing- right.
Is your Doctor a Beast Surgeon- not a surgeon who deals with breast- there is a huge difference especially it these kind of iffy cases.
When I was 32 I went to countless Drs for my right breast being enlarged and I could feel and people could see the lumps getting bigger I had 12 of the 24 mammary duct filled with calcifications and they hurt really bad besides they were growing. I was given more meds and antibotics than I could shake a stick at. NOT One Dr would even give me a mammogram- said I was too young?????
Until one woman directed me to a breast cancer spealist surgeon. It was like wow- she finally ran the right test. AT that time after surgery they found /removed that calcifcations and pappalomas. (HPV). precancer. That Dr always told me listen to your body, demand exact location testing. Which strangely is how my cancer was found this time. I demanded they needle biopsy exact location - only that location showed cancer. Which later turned out to be invasive.
Your so young and I can tell very scared -- vent ask questions. WE are here for you. I am sending HUge hugs and prayers you way.....
Fifish, - I ditto your feeling these last weeks have been horrible emotionally for me. I cry every morning and I am just getting so angry that I don't have my hair, keep over heating all the time. I can't find a bathing suit with these huge tissue expanders. I want my life back and I think I have realized it's gone and I am now in limbo with no real control of anything- my cigs are my only vise and I am holding on to then so tight. I know it's stupid but I so want a normal life.
My last chemo is June 23rd and my nieces wedding is the 27th--hopefully soon after exchange surgery now that we can't wait due to the leaky TE.
Ok ladies picture this- my TE's are expanded to close to 700cc'c even my leaking one which is now at 800cc I am 5"1" Usually a size 4, bald with black and gray hair 1/4 long, no eye lashes. My son asks me why I'm crying, Mom you'll hair will grow back next month just like mine, I tell him, no it won't, them he says oh but 2 months isn't that long...I say oh probably a year or more to get back to my short hair do.
Then with his shocked look he say's oh Mom you need a hug all the time- Now I know why cancer woman always looked like they were crying. maybe they shouldn't look in the mirror when they wake up.
And when they do look they should just be proud of who they are. ......
Janzin, boy you bounce back your ideas are just great, I have been reading everyone posts sounds exciting. I suggest we have a spot for inspirational sayings. OH and how did you make out with those tornados we heard about on the news this past week. HOpe all is well.
To very one thanks I send huge hugs, many prayers and think of you all everyday.
Malle
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O2healthy---- thoughts in my sleep...... that exactly what happened to me --- I got up an went outside at 2 and 3 am to smoke. Don't given in. YOur doing so great push that horrible thought away.
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Malle~
Thank you for your support. I am going to find someone who will listen and not shrug me off. The very first post that I put on here was about how I was scared to tell my mother because I was afraid to hurt her, since she has had to burry both her parents (her mother due to BC) and her father to cancer so invasive that the doctors were never able to pinpoint where it started ( I know because I helped take care of him until his last breath). But, this lump is higher up, about an inch (two fingers) down from my collar bone. It literally is growing at a very rapid rate, it used to be very small, and I could fit my first three fingers in between my collar bone and the side of the lump. Plus, it is feeling more and more rigid. Anyway, sorry I got off track, the first post many woman told me to talk to my mother and have her beside me throughout this because she would know. Well, my mothers response today, says it all. I know that SHE knows this is something more, and while it's comforting to know she is there for me, it is frustrating not being able to console her. I will definately ask about the biopsy, too!
Malle, hang in there. I will definately have you in my thoughts and prayers, and I wish I could come give you a huge hug! In a twisted fate of irony, I have long black hair, that I cannot style anymore, barely able to brush actually. So, I cannot say that I completely understand your plight, by far, but I do feel some of your pain...some of it. Just think...you are almost done the chemo! WOOT! We will have to "celebrate" together, and do a drink at the same time across the internet!
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Malle, thanks, you helped my mood. You have a reason to be bummed.....sometimes I act like such a baby. I have a lot to be thankful for, starting with the fact that I have my hair. I can't imagine how hard that is to have that reminder every time you look in the mirror. I also laughed at how you said that you are "over heating all the time". What a great way to explain the hot flashes!! I didn't think I would have to deal with those for another 10 years, but Tamox threw me right into them...ugh....I could power a small town with the heat I give off at night! heehee...overheating, just like the junker car that I drove in college!
I love the way the side effects of Tamoxifen are downplayed. Let's see, side effect #1--weight gain (great, I have to work out for one hour a day to keep my already chunky figure steady), #2--mood swings (by that they mean curling in a corner in fetal position sobbing for 2 hours a day, no big deal) #3--hot flashes (they should add the NO SLEEP to that side effect because it is not possible to sweat that much and sleep at the same time). When I mention them to my oncologist he just says "well, it may save your life one day". How the hell do you fight with that? You don't, you just grin and bare it and thank God for places like this to vent! Only 4 more years to go
Candie and O2bhealthy, you are my heroes. Keep up the good work. I hope to join you as a non smoker someday.
Ellie
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By the way Malle--thinking of you going into your final chemo round on June 23rd. It can't come quick enough.
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By the way Malle--thinking of you going into your final chemo round on June 23rd. It can't come quick enough.
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By the way Malle--thinking of you going into your final chemo round on June 23rd. It can't come quick enough.
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Sorry about all the "deletes"...heehee....I got a little punchy with the Submit button! heehee.....my patience is wearing thin.
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Malle, so glad to hear your last chemo is June 23rd!!! What a happy day that will be for you!!! It was for me!! I thought..."omg, I did it" It was so tough!! But I did it!! and so will you....yipee!!!
o2bhealthy..34 days, oh how great!!! That's a long time...so proud of you and keep on going..I know it isn't easy, but I have to admit that I feel better.
God love all of you!!
Hugs and prayers,
Candie
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Thanks for the hugs and support. I am moving out of the constant anxiety mode now. So quitting has moved back to the top of to do list. Big hurrahs for O2B and those who have maintained there quit. YOU GO!!
Any one planning on giving quitting a try sometime this month?
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Good morning ladies! Off to take my walk in effort to keep my mood up. Sorry about my past venting, but thank you for listening. Feeling a little better today. I have to remind myself that I am thankful and lucky. I cried about it to my dh last night, and all he did was sit and listen, which was wonderful. He didn't try to "fix it", he just listened and said "I am sorry you are feeling this way, I wish I could help"...perfect answer, so for that I am lucky.
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flfish...glad to hear your dh (im assuming that means dear husband?????) is such a wonderful man!!!!!!!! Hand in there chica!
Cleo-keep your chin up, and try not to let the anxiety overwhelm you...I know I know, easier said than done
Candie- good to see ya!!!
O2B- super proud of what should now be 35 DAYS!!! WOOT
Janz- Where you be???????
Lursa- Where you be too??????
As for me....Im holdin' on today....just holdin' on. Kinda numb today, emotionally, so that's all I got!
Much Love To All
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Hi to all,
Here's hoping that you are all having a good day.
Day 55 for me.
C'mon Cleomoon..join me and O2bhealthy!!
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Hi, All;
I have been reading alot but not posting. I was hoping for some support here on the "non smoking" thread..... It has been 8 wks for me, smoking one lousy cig maybe every other wk; they taste horrid but do not make me dizzy and sick (drat), but the REALITY here has really hit me. I have Cancer.
It can come back.
I would be dumb to smoke and invite CANCER into my lungs, which is one good place that breast cancer likes to spread. Breast Cancer also likes to go the the brain. The bones. The liver. I hate my liver.........but that is another story......makes me smile...........
I did see my onc 5-20
told him i gave up all of the following:
my husband( died 3 yrs ago)
my boobs( bilat mastectomies last Jan 28)
my dog (died mar 22)
my butts.(Quit April 15) ..........
LOST ALL MY BEST FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and wanted to rip his face off as I was so sad over all of these losses.
So he said.............are you ready for this??????????????????????????????????
GOSH, u LOOK GREAT!
AMEN
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Wow Sue, I can't imagine losing all those things at once. You are one strong lady! I have never lost a husband (thank God), but I have lost a dog, and believe me it is not easy. I put my yellow lab (Aspen) to sleep 4 years ago, and even though I now have the best dog (a golden retriever) EVER, I still think of my little Aspen EVERY day. It is tough to lose your best friend. Keep up the good work on quitting smoking. Hopefully we will all be there to join you someday!
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Wow...Sue- all I can say is kudos for keeping your wits! I'm barely keeping my mind together, and maybe it's because I have yet to gain anything to lose, so I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I haven't lived yet, never been married, never had children, only 23. So it's no doubt your wisdom, and my lack thereof that is blatantly smacking me in the face right now. I am encouraged SO much by your post right now, I really am. I am at a loss for words, so I will just leave it at simply encouraging you to keep your spirits as high as possible, and thank you so much for your post today!!!!!!!!
Much Love To All
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