Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Now girls, you do WHAT with these little things? Ha! I just thought this was sooooo cute!
Isabella....We are 72, & my Husband still climbs on top of the roof to clean out the gutters, & trim the branches....I stand down there yelling at him, that "You're just gonna kill yourself"...& he just says it has to be done! He's always looking for SOMEthing to do also! And we go walking & shopping around the malls here...then stop to "share" a snack, pick up a couple things, & head back home! I know we are soooooo lucky, to still have each other....and to be able to do these things! Just take care of yourselves...AND Melissa, (SV).....let us know how you are doing?....Miss you posting! xoxoxoxoxo
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Go Saints and hope for good weather!!!!
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Have been reading posts and trying to catch up. I grew up eating squirrls, rattle snake, catfish, raccoon, goats, pigs we raised and yep we had a chicken house. My job was to gather the eggs. We had a goat ranch and drank the milk. One of my friends started raising camels and people are paying an huge amount of money for camel milk. To this day I buy and will continue to buy my meat wrapped in saran wrap at the grocery store. Dad made turtle soup. He taught me to shoot and it was my job when a turtle stuck his head up out of the pond I was to shoot it off. It was a time of freedom and we could leave the house on our bikes or ride horses and not be home to dark, kids sure can't do that now. I think that is what is wrong with the younger generation, they play those violent games, watch the violent movies and don't have the freedom of roaming since it isn't safe to do that anymore.
Lefty, congrats on the new grandbaby, ain't nothing like it is there? My granddaughter is coming today to spend the weekend and "take care of me" LOL.
My husband has to keep busy also, thank goodness we both stayed at the same job all these years, him 33 years and me 25 years so we were both able to retire at 55. It has been wonderful. We can travel, keep the grandkids, do all the crafts we want (dear hubby bought canvases and paints and is going to start painting again)
Woke up this morning with both puppies on my chest, biting my nose and licking my eyes. You can't help but smile when you open your eyes and look in their cute little eager faces. Daxies are the best.
SV so glad you are on the right path now. So bad what you went through.
Welcome to all new people. Have a good day mighty PODS, love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hi All; I went to my PC yesterday for my 3 mth check up and blood work for diabetes and hit her up on all I was unhappy about and my open incision of 2+ months. She perscribed Silvadine to help heal and keep down infection, come to find out it is an antibiotic for severe wounds and burns, so now I understand why rads onc might not prescribe it right away and it does come with its own set of SE's.
I haven't necessary liked my PC in the past because she has been slow to get results back to me and I'm an impatient waiter. Also many times i have felt she listens but doesn't HEAR. What I didn't know about her is she is very much for naturalpathic healing as well, she doesn't push it because so many people want the quick way out(surgery, meds) without considering all the SE's that go along with them. She said that if I decide to go forward after I am healed there are natural therapies and vitamins she can give me that will minimize the se's and we would start them about 2 wks before rads started also she understand my concerns about hormone therapies and work with me there also. I finally feel as though I have someone on my side and am more willing to go forward. as i wasn't comfortable doing nothing either.
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Well, at least you came back to the source of most excellent knowledge. Hope that wound heals quickly.
Spar - you crack me up with those puppies, I can't wait until my grandD can come around and hang out with me.
The sheriff's office served the TPO papers to my Son-I-L this morning. All the drama is taking place today, although, I'm quietly at home waiting for the storms to hit any minute and DD is at her home, safe and sound, protected by court documents. He called me, but his head is spinning and he started cursing and I just hung up. - It's pitiful, knowing that they were so good together for a long time. But then, it was so much acting and covering up and downright lying. OH MY, IT'S JUST EXHAUSTING!
I realize how fortunate I am that me and dh have stuck it out for 35 years together. He will always be there for me, not a doubt in my mind. And ditto for him. So, if he wants to house chickens for fresh eggs, so be it. I'm still going to the beach for a week in May with my cousin. Reckon, this year, he will need to stay home and manage his farm.
~Connie
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You know, Connie....all this stuff is just so hard to deal with! It is understandable that you are there for your Daughter....but for that so called "son-in-law, calling you, it just keeps you in the middle of it...He probably does it to get to her....thinking that you will be the "negotiator".....I went to classes once, for battered women....didn't matter if it was physical or mental, it is still abuse... I found out the "average" battered woman leaves that husband 5 times...before she either goes back to him, or breaks it off completely.....AND a restraining order can be helpful IF they both really want it! But if the Wife wants him back, or if the Husband goes after her anyway, the "order" won't do any good. It's sometimes a "lose, lose" situation.
Has he ever offered to "get help"? Or have they been to counseling? Does your Daughter really want a divorce? Geez, I feel so bad, for you...and your Daughter.....especially because you probably grew to love him too....Sometimes, things have gotten to such a point, that there is just no going back. I'll say a little prayer for you girls....stay safe! Jeannette
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Gram5 ... my condolences on the open wound. I know exactly how you feel. I am also a diabetic and have had a foot ulcer forever. I got a MRSA infection in it while on Silverdine! That was the reason I was in rehab. I think between the hospital and rehab stays I was in bed or a wheelchair for 5-6 weeks. The only time it was almost healed was during that time. I literally went from the bed to the wheelchair to the toilet. Those were my outings! Plus I was on powerful IV antibiotics. Its just as bad since I got out and had to be on my feet.
Connie ((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))). Wish I could offer more.
Spar ... how are you? Children today don't get to do what you and I did because of the dangers of everyday living. We were outside all the time, running off some of that energy. Gosh, these days if you want your child to go out to play you practically need a bodyguard to go with him/her.
Isabella ... you guys are in so much pain. I just wish you could both go away somewhere and rest for a week ... someone else can take care of the farm - I know, its wishful thinking. Its taken me a long time to come to terms that not only am I not 21 but my body has turned on me and I can't physically even work. Its funny you mentioned taking time off leaves you backed up. When I worked at the animal sanctuary for PETA, we would have people who thought they wanted to open a sanctuary come stay with us so they could see what a 24/7 job it was, no sick leave, no vacation. I think most of them left not feeling so hot about starting such a venture!
Chevyboy ... that picture is adorable!
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Thanks Jeannette and everyone that cares. It's been a really tough day. Today. Hearing the anger and hurt in his voice. He started out like he always does, all mad and cursing at me, I hung up, he called me back a couple of times each time getting calmer and more rational. I know he would like me to be a negotiator, but it's funny that when I offered, he refused. Now that he wants, it's too late. He isn't to discuss her with me nor I discuss her with him.
I do love him, I'm mad as hell and disgusted that he brought this into our lives. I'm insenced that he believes he could care for an innocent baby. But I want to help him because that's what I've been doing for the past 9 years. Helped him find an apt when he was 17 cause his stepmom turned him out. (I should have found out more about why she did that, hmmm). I helped and parented and one day realized that he doesn't use good advice. He knows the right direction, you know? He KNOWS good from bad, but his actions speak volumes over what he says. He's treated her so badly, I doubt I'll ever forgive him completely, much less trust him again. But he is the baby-daddy of my first grandchild, and somehow I suppose we will grow thru this, just like all the other challenges we face every day and develop skills to deal with it.
It would be so much simpler had they not had a child. And these are NOT 18 year olds either, they are both over 25. We faced hardship and we grew stronger.
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I don't think she 'wants' a divorce, but with the trail of addiction in his family and his past, and the unbelieveable truth that he seems to embrace it... it's becoming more and more obvious that the best thing she could do (right now and for her self preservation and the baby's) is cut the cord. But it won't be painless.
I'm just crying buckets right now. It's so sad.
Why can't they just get along? I know they have loved each other. I dont believe that people just change that much, that quickly. I suppose in writing that statement it opens the door to maybe he didn't change. That he was like this all along and just kept it stuffed in a mattress, covered up and hidden way, way out of sight. And he walked a different road when he was dating her, they went to prom together, all spiffed up. Since they married, his true self has been uncovered. Since they had a baby the stuffing started to spill over. Since he lost his employment it has festered. And I suppose, from here, that divorce is likely. Probable.
BUT I HATE IT. FOR HER, FOR ME FOR THE BABY. FOR THE FAMILY. Why didn't he get help? Why didn't THEY? I tried so hard to help them. it didn't have to be this way. did it?
but it is. I'm going to cry in my beer, out back, where it's really dark and everything is wet from the storm. Thanks for all the love and concern. Gawd I don't know what I would do without you.
~Connie
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Connie - You really have a bucket of junk going on there. I really feel for you. It is not easy at all. Actually, a good cry right now would probably help you feel better. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully things will look brighter. Sleep tight. Chris0
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Dearest Connie, take this from an expert, I had a feeling that "alcoholism/addiction" might be involved in his behavior. Please know that there is nothing you can do but set firm boundaries and take care of yourself. The addict (whether using or not) does not have relationships with people. The addict takes hostages and lives off of that. The significant other is addicted to the drama of the addicts behavior. This is not your fault. As a recovering alcoholic, coming from a long line of alcoholics, the programs that help me the most are "alanon" and the book by melody beatte, "Co-dependant, no More." I love you my dear and hate to see that you are in such pain over this. And I am so sorry that a baby is now involved. If he does have the "disease" learn all that you can about it so that you can bring up a healthy grandchild!!!! I know I am likely making many assumptions and overstepping bounds, but you need to know that there is nothing you can do about their behavior. And again, this is not your fault!! That is why we recovering folk use the "Serenity Prayer." We can only change ourselves and our attitudes. Please do not be a victim of his outrageous behavior-like telephoning you several times-he knows which buttons to push. His behavior is unacceptable and he will not change unless he 'hits bottom", whether it be emotional or whatever. I am sorry to sound so hard, but for over 20 years (actually my whole life) I have watched this disease destroy loved ones who do not even use or drink!!! I don't want this for you and there is help out there. Again, sorry to be so forward, but this is not a matter that has a "quick fix". Please, Please, do what you need to do to find some serenity and some peace for yourself. All you can do is pray for him and DD. I am so sorry you are in so much pain over this. I love you and hope I have not been too hard on you. It is just that I "have been there and done that" a gazillion times and nothing happened until I changed. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Love you very much, SV
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SV, you took the words off my screen. I'm not an addict, ex or otherwise, but did work in a psych hospital's addiction ward for several years and all you say is absolutely true. The counselors I worked along side constantly told family members the same and that book was at the top of their recommended reading lists for the family.
Connie, you really are out of your league as your SIL needs to hit his own personal rock-bottom. It's not necessarily the end as I saw many broken marriages come back together when both parties really wanted and went for help, both individually and as a couple but they need professional counseling.
Spar - Ewwwwwwwww, can't believe you eat all that stuff!! Good thing Foots brings treats to eat on the mountain or I'd starve..
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Please, don'[t hold back.... lol. seriously, i'm like so green in the area of addictions its probably pitiful. I did see some of the abusive behaviors.
There are no bounds in here to step out of. I need all the wisdom of the PODS.
You are so right. I've been reading, between rantungs, there's a lot of information out there. I worked with students most of my life, predominately college students and I was their ROCK.
BUT.. tonight the tears for everybody are on me.. BRING IT. TELL ME again and again that it is a disease and that it is HIS. I didn't have much to do with it really. He needs so much help, but I will stop, she told me to stop talking to him. Buttons and all, I never thought that a man other than my dh would be pushing MY buttons, but you are right. I needed some closure, I needed to know, as a mother, that what she is doing is absolutely the right thing. I wouldn't leave an injured animal unless I was sure there was nothing I could do or provide to help it.
That's how it made me feel, to talk to him... I told him I would collect his mail and a bathrobe and drop it off at his Dads tomorrow. Then I will be done with him for now.
I thought about packing some of this pain away, but laughed at myself cause if I do that, I'll just pick it to death and I cannot afford to do that, with this, now. And I know that...
I'm just having a pity party tonight and I'll be stronger in the morning. I only had one beer, I swear.
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One last thing and I'll leave you alone. Your DD should also go for help as a co-dependent, even if the marriage is over. I encourage her to seek out groups such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, even if only to attend a couple of meetings for support and information. It's not easy for the co-dependent to move on without feelings of guilt or anger and if they don't learn the signs and workings of the addict they many times repeat their enabling behavior.
Now stop beating up on yourself and go have another beer on me.
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Sweetheart, I work as an addictions counselor/crisis worker/casemanger at some of the top hospitals. And patoo, bless your heart for working with us "loonies" (when we are using), thank you, thank you. You are a hero! Ditto to Patoo's comments-get to alanon or seek help to recover from co-dependence! Connie feel free to talk by PM if you need, or we'll just keep going on this thread until you get it in your heart that you are not to blame. The untreated disease is more powerful than love, relatives, children, wives, ANYTHING. I had to learn to let go with love. I had to learn that I had the right to get healthier *better, weller' than my family-several who CHOSE to continue to use and to act out in their disease. You are worth so much more than you believe! Love you, SV
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SV Melissa ... your advice was dead-on. You are yet another woman who is so compassionate and caring andf so wise. It took me many years to slow down my co-dependency and I had read that book years ago. It was only during my breast cancer that I realized it. My family was not there for me as I would have been for them. What an idiot! I was brought up by a highly dysfunctional family. I don't believe my stepfather was ever an alcoholic but he was a "dry drunk." They trained me early to be co-dependent; afterall, someone in the family had to be the "responsible" one!
Connie ... I feel for you and love you too. This is NOT your fault; however, your granddaughter will need you more than ever. You will have to counteract the damage he'll do to her; i.e., loss of trust. I spent many years trying to undue that kind of damage. I grew up feeling I was not safe in my own home; distrustful of almost anyone; always believing that people will not follow through on promises; waiting for the "other shoe to drop;" As a teen and young woman I was "attracted" to men who were emotionally unavailable and just as dysfunctional. The "exciting" men to me took me on an emotional roller-coaster in the relationship while the nice guys were "boring." Lord, please send me a "boring" guy.
Just keep coming here. These ladies are awesome and so loving and caring.
Sorry. Didn't mean to go on and on about me. Its just that situation brought up some painful memories of unhealed wounds.
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Geez Connie.......I hurt so much for you.....and for myself, & for all the other women who have lived around this....And it's true.....the way to help them both, is for them to BOTH get help....Your Daughter needs to see "other" women who are going through this, like to go to meetings for "Abuse"....I did that several times, & cried through all the meetings....because I wanted him back...like the other women did....almost no-matter WHAT they did! And HE has to get his own help..... He has to WANT it...It's probably either going to be his life, they way he knows it, or his wife & baby. He can't have both. He must be like a Son to you....that's what hurts you the most. And you are NOT to blame....and you can't be blamed for loving him either... He has let you all down, & maybe with God's help, he can find his way "home" again.
I cried for my neighbor....because of what SHE did, left a little 6 year old, alone again!...Her Mom is in jail, her Dad in prison.....her little 4 year old brother with the GREAT GRandmother, so the little one is now with her 21 year old Aunt! ALL of them were/are on drugs! So because of her "drugs," and all of her "problems".....she couldn't take it anymore....I just pray to God that my "little girl" neighbor will someday find me again, & will find a better life for herself....
You mighty Pods....your thoughts & experiences are invaluable.....I always know I can come here, & find a little "sunshine" out there somewhere....Hugs to you Connie....Love you.....Jeannette
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I so agree with all that has been said. My first husband was/is an alcoholic. We made it through ten years and two babies. I won't repeat what others have said -- it's spot on, but Connie, just know you can't live someone else's life --- because they are in a denial they wish to be in -- and it is their life to live. It is hard to take a stance with those you love, but this calls for some tough love and in the end the truth will set you free as it will them. As all have said though.....you have to get to the place where the lie of your life is painful enough to make YOU/THEM personally feel a deep longing for change. Only then can you draw a line in the sand that will stay.
I also know that it is all so right and wonderful, near perfect in the beginning, but rust always breaks through the luster of the paint. You can only keep defects out of sight for so long.
It finally quit raining yesterday and snowed --- the kind I love with the big fat flakes...love to go walking in that kind of snow, but I was at work watching out the window. Of all the luck....we have had a string of events lately, furnace not going properly....needed new shower hardware and it still has a minor leak behind. Fortunately, behind our shower is a little cupboard with the tank less water heater....so we have a small bowl catching the drips. Almost exact same thing when changing out our kitchen sink....small leak and we have a bowl under that. Then yesterday Dh came for lunch and had to leave after for work -- starter went out on his truck. He left it where I work and took my car. Today is going to be interesting. I have a ton of things lined up including feeding the feral cat colonies around town. Sigh !!! Tomorrow I'm due to go early to help with the House of Hope Humane Society spaghetti dinner. I think I see just as many challenges going on there....hmmm. If it weren't for life's curves -- I'd be bored. I'm once again praying for boredom...bring it on.
Hope you all have a wonderful day. Even if its a day with difficulties...just do it the best you can....then let it go. All anyone can ever do is their best on any given day and time. Don't beat yourself up about it -- sometimes our best isn't much but little by little God helps us ( as we help ourselves ) get to our feet and get stronger. Hang in there -- if your chest is moving in and out you have an excellent chance of doing today ok.
Love and warm hugs, Jackie
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Dearest Connie, how are you doing this morning? Pleaseknow that women of our generation were raised to put ourselves last and to "accept any unacceptable behavior" and THEN, to be grateful for it. This disease kills people who don't even use, but who get wrapped up in the hurricane of the people we might love who are addicts/alcoholics. We are trained to believe that we have to fix them and if we don't "we are the failures." It is a no win. I want to see you in a 'win-win' life that you so deserve. It sound like it is time to break the cycle. the bad news is that as smart and wonderful as you are, you cannot do it alone, the good new is that you don't have too. Lots of Love SV
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Connie, you have my full sympathy. I understand your heartache and stress because I and my mother and sisters have to deal with my niece, soon to be 28 yrs, who has serious mental problems. Borderline personality disorder for those of you with some knowledge of mental illness. She has two children by one man, who currently has the children. He is a gentle person but a loser. Now she has a 3rd baby, just 2 mos., by another man who is also a loser but abusive as well. We do what we can to make sure the children have nice clothes to wear and food to eat and we play Santa Claus at Christmas. We've all taken on the role of the bank, lending financial support because of the children involved. But it's a sad situation overall. To our great relief,she did have a tubal ligation with the birth of this 3rd child.
I do wish that people who aren't fit to be conscientious parents wouldn't bring children into the world.
Hugs.
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What wonderful friends. You aren't afraid to share highly personal experiences and that's just what I need to hear. I'm tired and feel pretty sad, but there's sun on the patio and it feels good. I slept in today, really long, but I know I needed it. After we get some lunch, and unless DD needs me, I'm going to the pool and swim. If she does, maybe I can go there after my swim.
LOVE and THANKS and thank God for all of you. We're going to survive this. Maybe with some bruises and scars but I raised good kids and she's smart about what's happened and in charge, probably more than me, about what she did and is doing.
SUNSHINE TO EVERYBODY TODAY. I love you too.
~Connie
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Oh Connie, please do send some of that sunshine here to melt this snow, Just finished a little while ago shovelling a foot from my driveway and steps.
Love seeing things coming together for SV and Connie.
HUGS all.
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One possible good thing about being "older", neighbor man, Bob, who is in the Coast Guard, shovelled most of my little driveway. We measured 18 inches and it was still coming down. IF I had eggs, I would make him a cake. NO WAY am I going out to get eggs...!!!!
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Lefty if you got an angel food cake mix and a can of pinapple or frozen strawberries (the sweetened kind in juice) then you got a cake and they are really good.
Kathleen, give me a boreing man anyday, they are so exciting to me. LOL
Connie, I know what your going through, I am going through basically the same thing with my son and the woman he has lived with for years, she calls me and he doesn't like her calling and she also lies to me and my grandson is an addict and he has been out of rehab a few weeks and already messed up again. He asked my son to give him one more chance, if he doesn't straightened up this time it is off to a stricter longer rehab. I find my self crying a lot lately, one day I say let go and let God and then the next day I am crying for them again. Where they live they got over 25 inches of snow today.
The 8 year old granddaughter is here for the weekend and trying to make a valentine box but we only had one shoe box and she says she messed it up and is upset because we don't have anymore. All she wants to eat is ramen noodels. She loves playing with the puppies though. I don't understand, we buy toys for the puppies and then they always want to play with Emily's stuffed animals, they were dragging her cabbage patch doll around by the yarn hair and the doll is bigger than they are. It looked so funny.
Patoo, now you know if you were starving you would eat some of that stuff, I'll bring you a taste to the mountain. LOL What was my favorite though is when daddy went wild mushroom hunting, mom would roll them in flour and deep fry them in lard and they were so wonderful.
God bless all you wonderful PODS. I love you guys.
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-- ATTITUDE --
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There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only only three hairs on her head.
'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.'
So she did and had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
'Hmm,' she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.'
So she did and had a grand day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.
'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail.'
So she did and had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
'YAY!' she exclaimed. 'I don't have to fix my hair today!'
Attitude is everything.
Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly....
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass....
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I just saw this, & thought of you girls.....xoxoxoxoo Jeannette
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AWW.. That rocks. The sun has gone down on another day, I did pretty good today, didn't talk to him at all, he's called several times, but i went to the pool and swam slowly for about an hour, with the hymn, "Onward Christian soldiers" playing over and over in my head. I'll do that, repeat scriptures that I've memorized, like Psalm 100, or John 3:16. The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. and swim to the tempo that my brain makes up.
I felt today that there had been a death in the family, but nobody brought over any food. HAHAHA silly me. PODS are wonderful. I haven't had friends like you since high school. Really. It's rather sad how those friends were so all important then, but after graduation everyone went their own ways and we just don't ever reconnect, not like this anyway.
I loved all the stories about chickens, and the funny foods we consume in different parts of the same country. I'd also like to apologize as I feel I hijacked this thread with my heart hanging out. But the message has been received and gratefully so.
What's this about an angel food cake mix and a can of fruit?? no eggs? milk? how to do that for real? DH is doing most of the shopping and meal prep these days, doing a damn good job of fixing fine salads and healthy dinners. We'll go out tonight, it's our standing date night. Maybe we'll stop and rent a movie before we come home.
Have you tried netflix? It was really fun for a while, you rate movies you've seen and they make recommendations on similar features that you haven't seen (or haven't rated). I like the part about no late fees cause if I forget to mail a disk back, I just don't get another movie until I do. I got tired of the monthly fees and suspended my membership cause I just haven't been in the movie mood for a while now.
OH and it's Superbowl Sunday tomorrow... as if I care, for real. I do like when sis and her dh do a superbowl party, he cooks pounds of ribs and chicken and way WAY too much food and they have a giagantic screen TV too, which makes it fun. They havent invited for tomorrow, she just went back to work full time (LPN, in a military hospital). Guess it's too much this year.
Nancy, where are you with EIGHTEEN INCHES OF SNOW?? Holy COW, I would be taking my life and the lives of everyone on the road - would you believe I've Never in my life seen that kind of snow. now, THAT'S SAD. We've got the ocean nearby, decent trade off. I think.
Here's to a new day, a new week and structure for those that need it and freedom for those that don't.
~Connie
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Oh Connie the ocean and snow??? I would say that was a terrific trade off.
Really a box of angel food cake, a can of pineapple, stir it up, but it in a bundt cake pan sprayed with pam bake at 350 and start checking after about 30 minutes. the top will spring back when its done. They are really moist and good.
Got to go help granddaughter take her bath and wash her hair.
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No apology Connie - that's exactly what we are here for. It's not all about BC - we do have lives (or you ladies do and I'm living through you all!)
I keep thinking about netflix but there aren't many movies I'm interested in. I'm an old fogey and if it's not G or maybe PG I probably can't stomach it. Have to psh myself for PG-13.
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Connie...sorry for your DDs troubles, but as everyone says she really will be better off in the long run. You really need to get your g/daughter out of the situation before she is aware of what is going on.
My father was an alcoholic, he made our lives an absolute misery. We were 5 children, in a terrible situation that neither parent would resolve. My mother started divorce proceedings after 3 kids, but changed her mind, so it just went on and on until one by one we got out. It wasn't an upbringing, it was a nightmare.
My mother was as much to blame as my father, maybe more so, because she would inflame the situation all the time. Father would come in legless, and she would shout and screech at him, they would get into fights, where my mother would always come off worse, she had broken arms, ribs, nose, and even a hip after one fight. The furniture and crockery would end up smashed, and the police would be called. Very rare a w/end went by without the police in attendance! We became 'That Family' It was awful. Being the eldest I would gather up the young ones, into prams or strollers, and tramp across town in the dark, in the wee small hours to bang on my Grandmothers door for refuge.
My father went on to have 3 more children, in and among us 5, all with women who ran the pubs he drank in. My mother, in retaliation, had affair after affair, my sister being the result of one affair. My father never knew, he believed my sister to be his to his dying day. My mother charged me with this secret when I was about 10, she told me all manner of things a young girl should never be told. She went on to work in a pub, the biggest 'knocking shop' in the area, while I babysat my brothers and sister. She told me that 'going with the men was part of the job'
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