Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Thanks, Chevyboy! It looks as though it will give me good support and is nice-looking as well.
paamboli
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Paam - you're pretty close to Palo Alto aren't you? - there's a group there called Breast Cancer Connections
(650-326-6686) They are another marvelous group who believes in empowering women by giving them good information to make their choices - they have several support groups, educational events, regular ask-the-doc evenings, and much more.
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hi sistas
thanks for all your concern and prayers.i have to go on fri.to sign a release for all my records so they could fax everything to dr #3. If anyone lives in new jersey someone rem.St.Peters Cancer Center.My internist agrees with my choice and so does my gastro dr.
this process should take a while bec.the weekend is coming and then it takes 48 hrs if im lucky for the hosp.to get it and then i first have to go for a consult.im tryin not to stress.
i still cannot concentrate and im still not home.AND I still need prayers bec.i still dont know what im gonna do..
I love my sistas.God Bless
K
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hi sistas
thanks for all your concern and prayers.i have to go on fri.to sign a release for all my records so they could fax everything to dr #3. If anyone lives in new jersey someone rem.St.Peters Cancer Center.My internist agrees with my choice and so does my gastro dr.
this process should take a while bec.the weekend is coming and then it takes 48 hrs if im lucky for the hosp.to get it and then i first have to go for a consult.im tryin not to stress.
i still cannot concentrate and im still not home.AND I still need prayers bec.i still dont know what im gonna do..
I love my sistas.God Bless
K
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Dear Ma,
Are you still out there? I just turned the big 50 yesterday, maybe not the age your wanting to converse with, but my mother of 72 years got cancer a year ago may. Others may be younger but we are still interested in your stories too. I hope you are well, what a fight breast cancer is and maybe more so for the older women. Mothers always say if I could be the one instead of you with a problem of any kind they would, this time as my mother was going thru breast cancer I wish that I could have for her.
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Well ladies, wish me luck. We drive into Seattle tomorrow for my first chemo. I feel fine now, but I can kind of feel some anxiety in the background. Hubby cooked me dinner and did all the dishes. A great guy! Welcome to the new ladies. Don't worry, we'll just all hold hands and get through this.
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Theresa, the love for your mother shines brightly. It's wonderful that she has you and it's wonderful that you are here. I wish your mom my very best and I hope you will find support, answers, conversation, whatever you like here. Best wishes to you.
Susgul, good luck and best wishes with your treatment, I hope it's swift and easy and PG that it works.
Hang in there Granny, we're here for you and wishing you all the best.
Lisa, a simply exquisite rose!
Jackie, I wish I could help with your chores. I hope it eases up soon and that you will be able to have some fun and relaxation.
Lassie, I can't believe this!!! You have renewed my hope of having the curls I so covet! It's barely stubble now with a darkened hue. I will inspect daily with bated breath for the first sign!
Take care, have a great day!
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I have had it with DH...things have been going from bad to worse with my health lately, and DHs attitude towards me stinks. He finally put the tin hat on things this morning telling me I was 'attention seeking'
WTF... I have breast cancer, terrible symptoms with Arimidex, I have Fibromyalgia....that just blends into the background of constant pain I live with....I am waiting for back surgery for 4 slipped discs that are terrible for pain if I remain upright...I walk round like a U bend to alleviate symptoms...if I sit down I get 'whats up, why aren't you doing something?'
Last week I was told I have a diseased aortic valve, and now face open heart surgery, I am quite scared here, BUT we just get on and do what has to be done, if we can, don't we ? I had a bad night last night, my heart was bouncing around, I was sweating and scared. I last looked at the clock at 4.15, and thought I just might not wake up this morning. DH came in and woke me at 7am, for some unknown reason. I normally sleep on 'til 9 am.
I told him how ill I had felt in the night. His reply?? I don't know what the hells the matter with you, you're just attention seeking!!! sheesh....if only. Of course this set my heart off again, and I have just rung the Dr for emergency appointment...though what they will do I don't know, but I don't want another night like I had last night. I am going to re ring Dr and ask for a home visit, it won't go down well, but I don't feel like driving, and am NOT asking DH to take me.
If I ring DD DH will get at me again, saying I am doing it to spite him, and make him look uncaring ( as he does quite regularly, if he catches me on 'phone to DD)
I have been considering this step now for a few weeks, but being told I was an attention seeker just did it for me. As soon as I can I will be onto my solicitor, This will be messy, and I don't know if I can do it at this moment in time, but I want him gone now...just gone. The law says everything is 50/50 so I shall have to find a way to pay him out. It doesn't bear thinking about, but I might be able to do this with the money my Aunt has left me....oh no, maybe not. DH can claim 50% of this !! I just want my home and my farm back, and peace and quiet from his constant shouting at me, complaining that I am not pulling my weight, and his shenannigans. I want the house clean again, so sick of trying to keep the floors and furniture clear of the messes he brings in. Sick of him NOT washing his hands as he comes in, sick of opening a door and getting goodness knows what on my hands from thedirty door handles.Sick of him walking around in clothes that stink, and refusing to change them. Sick of biting my tongue when I see the mess he brings in, sick of scrubbing out the shower because he will not turn round and clean up his mess...and getting told 'it's your job' if I say anything.
I worked 5 hours, almost, yesterday, I was wacked, from the pain I am in when I do any work, I would just like to be able to sit down with a magazine and relax, without worrying about caustic comments from DH if he sees I am not working. So ...thats it... enough is enough this time...I just want some peace now. Being away from him for 9 days a couple of weeks ago gave me back my life. Life as I want it, not life as a skivvie, not being able to take time off to relax when I am ill. I need to relax, and get myself in a mood for the surgery I am facing, without any pressures at all. I have proved to myself that being away from him has made me feel a whole lot better, the level of my pain dropped, as I got more relaxed.... I haven't felt this good in years, then as soon as I get back he's driving me up the wall within hours, and my pain level hit me like a brick wall.
I cannot believe that yesterday I was bent over like an old woman edging the lawns, shifting bags of rubbish to a fire heap, sweeping out the back yard, washing the outside paintwork, all jobs that could have been left, but I was expected to be seen to be doing something, I must be mad !!! Before I started all this I was at a hospital appointment, for a heart ultrasound, driving myself thru bad traffic , away from home nearly 3 hours, then I have to get back and look busy to keep the peace. I would have loved to have made myself a coffee, and a sandwich, and just sat relaxing for the rest of the day.
I have just rung Drs ...receptionist was not pleased that I asked for a home visit, was most awkward, but I stuck her out, so am expecting my Dr sometime this morning. I shall tell her exactly what DH thinks of me, whether he comes into the house when he sees her, or not. I shall make him curl his toes with embarrassment now....time to take the gloves off, and let people know how he is behaving, and has been for the last few years. He was fantastic when, 7 years ago, I was 1st dx'd, but now 'its gone on too long, there's always something the matter with you, always some dramatics'....his words ! Dramatics...cancer?...heart disease?, 4 slipped discs? living with Arimidex se's? facing spinal surgery, AND open heart surgery ? I just wish I could see it as 'dramatics', and it was all a bad dream.
Isabella.
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Jeanette, If you will check with your onc. He should have some discount cards from Novartis. If not contact them. I went off mine for 6 weeks because I couldn't get my ins. to co-operate and the day after I spent $63 for a months worth, I got a card in the mail from Novartis saying they would pay up to $800 a year towards my Femara so now it only costs me $7.50. Darla
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Oh Isabella, I'm so so sorry. You need, you must have positive reinforcement every minute with what you're dealing with. Your plate is overflowing with scary prospects. I for one speaking for the many of us wish you the very best, you know exactly what needs to be done and you are to be congratulated on the right decision for your good health. God bless, good health! Julia
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Suz - prayers for you today as you do your first chemo.
Isabella - if I lived in the UK, I would come over to your house and kick your DH's arse! By all means, get the doc on your side and drag in DD as well. Someone need to give that man a serious wake-up call. You need to go on strike and do for you and you alone.
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Isabella.....SOMEtimes, you just have to just take care of yourself! I went through all that one time. And it sounds like there is nothing left, to "hold onto" with you guys. Once you make your mind up to do something, it starts getting easier! I am just glad, that you CAN see a way out of the biggest drag on your heart and your mind. You are still the "care-taker".....and it should be the other way around. But you know, no matter what we say to them, or try & get them to straighten up, it will not happen........ They are just who they are! And anything we say to them doesn't matter. Sure, you know he probably cares about you in his own way, but with me, "his own way" was abusive to me. There is mental, & then there is physical abuse....and they both hurt the same! Barbara is right....he needs a serious wake-up call....she means with an iron-skillet on top of his head!
Yes, you can cover up for them for just sooooo long, then all the "beating down" they do to you, just stops you one day, & you are.... done! You will get a lot more support than you think! Some Husbands just get older & meaner....I mean whether they drink or not. And it's us who gets to be their audience. And it ain't fun. You have to have some GOOD times along with all this bad.....& if it isn't happening, then we make a choice, & hang on!
Theresa.....I loved your post.....I thought at first, you were "talking" to your Ma....And it made me think of mine.....Only I don't have her....Wish I could talk to her also....She had Breast Cancer too, & it must have been soooooo hard on her, with me in another State, & so afraid....She got through it all, but I don't know that I would have told her that I got it also! I felt like she was up there, watching over me, but I wouldn't have told her at least until it was over. Funny how we always want to protect SOMEone from something that hurts us.
You take care Isabella....we're always here! You GO GIRL!!!! xoxoxoxoxo
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Isabella, we'd all thump him for you! But failing that, we all support YOU! You have every right to a peaceful and safe home environment. I am so sorry that you have this new burden, and will keep you in my prayers. Best wishes.
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Oh Isabella, my thoughts and prayers are with you! It sounds like you are surrounded with lots of problems and stress, which is not what you need right now! Hang in there, honey and come here and vent when you need to get rid of some of the stress.
Melissa, I am still around. I have been busy with golfing and yard work. I also bought an older pontoon boat that was pretty well "preserved" and we've been getting out on the lake alot to cruise and fish. It's so peaceful out there in the early evening hours. I read most of the things on the thread but don't post as much as I did. I guess I need to get back into the posting mode! I'm so glad you're enjoying your summer and your MO surroundings! I think about you everyday when I look at my "cats" that sit on the curio cabinet!
Hang in there Granny! It's a new day and perhaps this new referral will be the one that answers your questions and provides just what you need. Hugs!
Special hugs to you, Jackie! I can see that I'm just going to have to drive south, kidnap you for a day, and get you away from work for a few hours! You are just TOO kind and need some time for yourself, gal.
Well, I have a work day around the house today so I need to get working before the day is over. I hope all treatments go well today and we all find a little sunshine in our lives on this Thursday!
Rita
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And Pam.....that wasn't me in the picture with the bra....Ha! I wish it were! Nope, not so lucky...
Isabella.....I went outdoors & watered the lawn, & I'm still steamed! All I can say is ignore everything that doesn't make you happy....Don't talk, or expect sympathy....because it sounds like "it's all about him."..... You go on with life, with or without this "nuisance" and it makes you stronger. See, we can say all we want about our own DH's, but we don't want to hear it from other people. I mean about what smithering, complete outlandish dinks they truly are. So feel strong, girl.......go about your own ways......draw strength from us here......and most of all, just take care of yourself! (((((Isabella)))))
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Chevyboy,
My friends and I were talking about on-line dating or meeting a guy on line and we agreed that you can be anyone you "want" to be in the virtual world. SO... on here we can all be the girl in the bra picture :-) Who is that old woman in the mirror anyway? NOT ME!
pam
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Ok then, I confess --- the girl in the picture is me. The me I've always wished I was anyway. Well, the good Lord in his mercy make me almost as happy being exactly who I am and not all that unhappy about my defects. I may not be the girl in the picture --- but how do we know she wouldn't choose to be one of us. We never really know ( we usually think it is so ) if anyone is as happy or as well off as they appear. There can be lots of grief and unhappiness behind pretty pictures too.
Isabella -- thank goodness you are looking at your picture and doing something about it. Seven years seem to have brought such change. I think some men think cancer gets treated and then you are fine. Unfortunately, it is something that never really goes away --- and then along come the other little blips from life to interfere ( bad back, heart, knees, or whatever ) and most men seem more concerned that you might not "hold your end up " than anything else. If I said right now how much I wished I could trade places with someone healthy --- and I said if you feel the same hold your hand up too......I would be far from the only one. No one wants the drama of disease. We would all like to be the super duper, take care of everyone and everything women we were --- but being in this life means taking this part too....where you get sick, slow down, need medical interventions and can't always quite "carry your part" all the time. Thank goodness for the men in life who "get" it, and great shame on those who don't. We are holding you up high Isabella. You deserve some serenity in your life and the ability to come and go as you see fit --- IT is your LIFE. Big prayers and lots of love and many, many
Healing Hugs, Jackie
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I'm sorry girls....I mean I found a better picture of me!
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Hi Paamboli;
Welcome!
You mentioned you were having Vertigo? I have been suffering this for months now and apparently there is no cure or medicine to help. I get vertigo whenever I lie down, then again when I try to get up. It is very bad and almost feels like someone is forcing me down again. The room is spinning. This did make the Rads very difficult for me but the technicians were kind and held me while gently laying me down and up. Just finished them yesterday and am so glad that it behind me. Now I started Tamoxifen even though I am post menopausal and have had a hysterectomy. My doctor said T for a few years and then Arimidex. Her reasoning is that the Arimidex type causes bone loss and osteoporosis.
Anne
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Oh Michelle, happy happy dance-I would write in caps but I don't want CB having to move anywhere near nc to read my posts (tee hee). She is already moving to the next county and I am not sure they have Nascar there. I simply had no idea the impact and your computers must be tuned up like a micrscope. the caps look very normal to me. and CB as to make up on my face-i have the best of all of the bare minerals and clinique lines-I love to wear it, but everytime I use it now I get eye infections and I am using the best stuff!! and buying new.
Worldwatcher - OMG too funny. and i think your theory right. I had to go to my magnifying mirror this AM to discover that my nosehairs are beginning to make my face look like "THE THING" (opps caps and shouting) from, lets see, or was it 'Cousin It' from oh crap, senior hour is upon me. Morticia was involved in the TV series. Oh' The Adams Family" and now i have a whole new set of problems-how do you wax nose hairs?? When I look in my real mirror-it is just as bad-and hhere i have been looking at everyone else's nosehairs in church and wondering-don't they know? And earhairs?!!! oh let's not even go there.
Isabella, I just love you and if I can afford a plane ticket, would you adopt me? i do quite well living in chicken coops and i can at least plant visqueen on the windows correctly (skills learned from years as a hippy gal). And Dh would not stand ahcance with tow of us-or we just simply would not mind!!
Frankly awful day and am boo hooing again. my third round of thyroid test came in yesterday and my thyroid is still blown from chemo-reason for mood swings.
Just to top it off, i was bitten by a black widow for the first time ever on Monday and lordy I haven't been in so much pain in my life. at the ER getting morphine drip as that is all they can do-unless ya go into shock and stop breathing and then they give you the anti-venom-huh? Still sick as a rat today. I have spent my entire life avoiding bites from bugs and i cannot believe i got nailed by this freakig little monster. i mean these bugs are like chemograde weapons!. tells me that i am really getting old-lesson wear thick gloves when working in the garage. Love to all, SV
ps, oh lordy i was writing and missed a bunch of posts. CB, how did you get my photo and do others know that you are trying to look like me???
GD waiting for good news dearest!!
And as to veritgo-I get it from dehydration and radiation really dehydrates. it can also destroy inner ear function which controls whether we are verticle or not!
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Hi lebrecht,
My vertigo comes from my nasty but benign brain tumor, aka meningioma. I'm pretty much OK as long as I don't get up too fast, lie flat without a pillow, or bend my head forward or back. Good to know that the rad techs were helpful.
I'm trying to maintain a semblance of sanity as I wait out the 2 1/2 weeks between diagnosis and surgery, but in truth, I'm not managing the stress very well. I bless my bottle of Ativan every morning when I wake up shaking with anxiety, and it helps a lot, as does a puff or two of marijuana. I wish that my Fairy Godmother would fly in and put me into a dreamless sleep for about 3 weeks. Unfortunately, she passed away several decades ago.
I still have bouts of extreme fatigue from the Cyberknife treatments I had to my brain 3 years ago, so the plans of distracting myself with Giant Housecleaning during this very stressful time have been dumped into my heaped-up laundry basket. Phooey! None of this is what I had in mind. Two of the scariest things are a brain tumor and breast cancer, and now I've got them both!
paamboli
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StillVerticle....So sorry about the spider bite. You don't need that on top of everything else!
Isabella, my heart goes out to you. I have lived with someone like your DH, and it just beats you down so hard...I got out of the situation as soon as I could and that saved my sanity and my life. I pray you will be able to do so.
Granny, still hoping you find what you need. Prayers up!
Paam...that anxiety can be so debilitating. I had panic attacks for several years. They made me just want to crawl under the bed and hide! To borrow from the AA people, "one day at a time". It's hard, but it helps.
To all the other ladies, you are a treasure, and it is so helpful and hopeful to have this thread to visit on.
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chevyboy,
Great photo of you. You look so familiar... have we met somewhere? :-)
pam
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Oh Paam, I am so sorry-what is up with God in all of this? my Lord, a brain tumor? benign does not mean much if it has enormous side effects-i would give the world to have a magic wand to fix us all. The waiting for results is the hardest. i would love to give advice but i am still stuck on the couch and share a blood supply with it at this point. I have a TV sat dish and have seen every movie 22 times. i so wish i could give advice to help you with the waiting for answers. Cancer blows! Normally, I would be outside doing what I love to do to get thru the one day at a time. but not now. My friends are all going fishing today and called to invite me but it is sunny and too hot to go out for me. After the chemo, I get sun poisening in a heart beat. So they may opt to take my sorry ass fishing tonight if cool enough. i cannot deal with the stress either and have suffered from panic attacks since a child, i am on permanent klonopin and other meds but stress - I still cannot tolerate it well. David called to go sailing yesterday and I could not do that either. He is swamped with work right now and i do not have him to play with right now. i am just sick at heart and still crying. I never live in the house, Before chemo-being an outdoor girl was my life and this (being trapped in the house) is killing me and I really mean it. And Isabella & others, i so understand the DH prob. i live with two alcoholic men-my Dad (84 years) and very ill, psychotic brother (40 year old) and I am an adult now. I cannot believe all of this has circled back on me. i know i made my choices and apparently i really made the wrong choices. i do not know how I got here. I left home at 15 to get away form alcoholic mother and father and here i am again. i do have a seperate apartment but it is small and try as i might i cannot avoid them. I know we all have major family issues and all i am doing is praying for the money to get my ass out of here and the health to do it. i am just so afraid all of the time. Growing old and ill and losing the physical and mental capacity to do a whole lot is just so wrong. Docs have given me no hope on cancer treatment and i feel like i have a death sentence (i mean i know we all do) dogging me. Everyone dies but i just magically thought things would be different. i don't want to live with this hanging over me. i feel so very trapped by cancer-i just never thought it would be me or any of us. lord we have gone thru enough. And please don't anyone yell at me for being so down. I cannot take it. I so wish i was a ray of sunshine today but i am not and am sinking deeper. i know it is way past time for me to be taking a break in the psych ward for a tuneup and a new sense of hope. Sheppard Pratt is the closest hospital for psych "trauma" victims like me and it is in maryland. I need to get my ass there and get to a safe place. Airline ticket, pack a bag and end up back here. i thin not-been to Sheppard pratt before and it was a godsend. But I went back to different circumstances and did not have cancer. I am so sorry to be so down. Just need to vent-again. i love you girls so much and truly i have not met a more courageous and more understanding group of women. sniff, sniff. love you all, SV
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Oh Stillverticle, Can you feel me gathering you in my arms and rocking you gently? Your spirit is in such pain that it has taken you into despair. Is there nothing that you can do to improve your living circumstance? Is there no other extended family that could help you? I don't know the American Social Welfare system, but is there something in that system that could possibly help you or perhaps a Social Worker at your nearest Hospital? You have to try to get something or go somewhere that is more conducive to better health as where you are now is not allowing you the freedom of mind and spirit to heal. I do so hope that you feel better tomorrow. Love, hugs and a wealth of spiritual strength is coming your way. chrissyb
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Dear SV,
I hear you loud and clear. Sheppard- Pratt is a great treatment center, and I hope that your stay there will bring you some ease.
I have great admiration and respect for The Warrior Women, but I am sure as hell not one of them, and I'd like to stuff all the "cheepy-cheeries" into mousetraps.
I wish that someone would do something about the useless pap on daytime TeeVee for those of us who are pretty much stuck at home...
paamboli
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ok everyone.its time for a group huggggggggggggg for SV. are you ready.each time a sista reads this post think of all of us and spread your arms wide open so we can reach her from all over the world..im prayin for you right now.Amen.
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SV...so sorry for what you're going thru...do you have a claim against docs for giving you much too much chemo ? I feel that is behind all your woes, you have had one thing following another since that episode. Go after some cash, maybe you can spread your wings that way.
I know it sounds simple, and it certainly won't be, but it could give you something to take your mind away from one damned thing after another! I could do with you over here, plenty of chicken houses, but no way to treat a guest ! DD came hollering down today, and tells me she is thinking of moving in with me to 'help' aaarrrgghh. The last thing I want, so things could be getting a bit crowded here..... there's method behind her thinking tho'
Right in the middle of all my woes DD tells me today she is 'starting to get fed-up' of her DH...and I thought they were set for life. She has this bright idea that if she were to move in here, it would give her breathing space from her DH.... but.... it would also entail 2 grown children, one teen and a 3 year old, plus dogs and cats, and probably her horses. I would go completely mad if my house were to be taken over with them all....so I might be hoppin' on a plane for the Outer Banks !
I had a locum Dr come visit me this lunchtime, he was appalled by DH telling me I was attention seeking...he said my condition is quite serious, but to cool down, rest up , get my 3 day ECG machine fitted tomorrow, and 'we'll take it from there' Ok, so what if things 'get bad and won't wait'...'call an ambulance' he says !!!!! He was a bit concerned about my pulse which was around 90 when he was here....but my BP had fallen to about normal....how I shall get thru' this next w/end I don't know. The atmosphere is quite strained between DH and me, he was quite bothered as to whether or not I had told Dr what he said to me, and 'does it go down on your record?' Yes and yes .
Right, I am off to feed my puppies, feed the cats, get a shower and off to bed for some recorded TV. I have been sorting out all my jammies this evening, in case I have to fly off to hospital in the next few days. I just feel something might happen....don't know what , but I just don't feel altogether 'with it ' at all , my heart has been 'wobbling' on and off all day, and it worries me, never had much of this sort of problem before, so don't know what to expext. Never had a problem with heart trouble 'til about a month ago ! I don't want DD rooting about thru my drawers, and not being able to find anything because it's being washed, or on the ironing pile...I need everything to hand for her.
Thanks to all for your thoughts and good wishes.
Isabella.
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Sweet Isabella, Lordy, I read your stuff and man, what incredible loads so many of us are carrying. I am so angry and this is no not right for any of us. And thank you all for the group hug-I just so need it-I simply do not know what to do. So I ate two "tollhouse ice cream sandwiches" and a giant bowl of chocolate ice cream; downed 3 Vicoden and headed for the nose hairs. I tried tweezing but it was like pulling my eyeballs out. So, yes, I went for the doggie clippers. It is a jungle in there and lord knows, I did it without my glasses on. So I have no idea how my nose looks! I am just looking to get rid of the nosehair mustache and right now feeling no pain. Good Lord! I am just not patient with being ill (the chemo truly did me in and I would advocate that noone get chemo). I have had no quality of life sense then and just been left extremely ill with many organs damaged due to the chemo. They do us a terribly if not evil disservice in not warning us of the aftereffects (at least my ONC didn't) and yes, I wish I could sue them out of business. I have three years to file a claim. If the weather cools and I can get outside, it helps me enormously. I love you all and promise to try to get myself in better shape or in a better mood at least next time I post. xxoooo, SV
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hey SV glad to see your laughing about the facial hair.and i thought i was the only one....dont we girls have enough...damn.i get uglier every day.where did my life go before bc?????it was only last year.shit it seems like a lifetime ago..
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