Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Hi Alyson - I'm in Tauranga and I agree - the rain has just been the pits this winter. Last storm of the year? - I hope so too !!!
Sorry to hear you have to have more surgery. I can understand your not being excited about that - I am OVER surgery too.
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SV ....HOW ARE YOU TODAY ??????
Alyson, sorry about the surgery again...does it ever stop. I just can't believe one thing after another happening, not only to you and me, but to ALL of us....always a problem to get over. Always thinking . 'Well, nothing else can happen now....can it??' but it always does !
I wouldn't mind just one big thing wrong with me, but you just get some sort of acceptance that you have a problem, then another one pops up to compound things.
I can't remember my mother and father having multiple problems. My father had a stroke...never really got back to normal, and died about a year later, aged 69. My mother is in an old folks home in good health, she's just got no memory, so cannot live alone...I think she's about 90-91.
Beautiful day today, sunny, warm and very clear...the perfect day to spend in the garden IF I could. I just cannot do a thing now in my overgrown borders. I think I will just have to let G/son loose with a strimmer to cut the lot down to the ground, and see what comes up next year !!! I could cry when I look out of my windows and see such devastation. The borders are a mix of perennials and big weeds now, all flopping over an unkempt lawn. The paths have been narrowed to half their size, as the plants flop, and in every crack between the paving stones goodness knows what is poking up. My fruit trees have shed most of the fruit onto the lawn, and the climbing plants I have up the house have gone mad, and are getting into the bedroom windows.
I had thought of ringing up our local horticultural college to ask if they might like to help, but feel so damned cheeky !!! Local men will TRY ripping me off if I get them in. I DO NOT LIKE BEING OLD. This time last year my garden was a showpiece, typical English garden,teaming with unusual plants, all well looked after, my lawns were well manicured...I spent hours out there...but, now, its a tip. I feel like painting out my windows so I don't have to look at it !!
Enough ranting for today !!
Isabella.
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isabella - I am sorry you are upset about not being able to look after your garden as you once did. Just a thought but maybe if you try to look at your garden with different 'eyes' you might not be so upset by how things look - the plants are doing their thing and are still creating beauty - it is just a different kind of beauty from what you are used to. Maybe you have a country garden now instead of a manicured garden? Why not ask the local horticultural college though - they may like 'projects' for their students - the worst they can say is no. I have orange and apple trees and I purposely leave the fruit that falls on the ground - I see it as food for the many birds that visit my garden. I just mow the skin shells that are left.
My Mum has just turned 92 and is still living alone and her memory is better than mine
Sunny day here at the moment too but there is a HUGE storm coming from the south and the whole of NZ is being warned to expect severe weather and to batten down the hatches so to speak. We will probably only get rain and winds and it may have thrashed itself out by the time it gets up to us - fingers crossed!
Rae
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Dear Isabella,
Nature is always trying to reclaim its territory. One season not in the garden and things go to he** in a hand basket! You just have to get help... g'sons or hired hands. They can go through it in nothing flat and you will feel so much better when it is done. This is not the time to suffer over the money... just bite the bullet. It will lift your spirits to see it tidied up. You don't need to be worrying about this right now!
Hugs to all!
pam
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GramE - that is absolutely horrid! I love the "I have issues" T-shirt. I need to get some made in different colors and wear them daily so people leave me alone.
Oh Isabella, I so loved my garden but it became too much for me what with working 60 hours a week so I am now in a townhouse. Much less maintenance for me and the grounds are nice but not as nice as mine was.
SV- I hope you are feeling better today. You must be enjoying the taste of fall weather you have been having. It is still hot as blazes here in FL but the humidity has dropped. What a relief.
Alyson - Ugh. Surgery sucks.
Rae, thinking of you as the storm approaches. My mum will be 80 on Saturday and my cousins (her eldest sisters's children) are coming from Texas. She hasn't seen the son in 30 years and it has been 5 years for the daughter. It is a surprise and we are all going to the Tampa Bay Rays baseball game after our luncheon. The game is followed by a concert featuring Adam Lambert (for all you American Idol fans). The Rays do that once a month as a sort of fan appreciation thing.
Three nights in a row with 6-8 hours of sleep!! Melatonin is a miracle drug!! I feel soooo much better. I did get a shrink appointment for Tuesday so I look forward to that. Things are definitely looking up for me.
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Rae.... I HAD a country garden. It just wasn't wild, all old fashioned perennials, it was the lawns that were manicured !....now the lawn is about 6" high, and a very patchy 6" at that ! Some places its twice that, due to DHs style of 'cutting' He cuts where he can go straight, any bends and sweeps in the borders don't get into his line of cutting, and he won't go in between the trees....on the other hand now and then he'll scalp off my best plants, just as they're coming into bloom. That's one of his party tricks. I wait a whole 12 months for some unusual plant to bloom, go off for a wander round to see if its open, and lo and behold all there is is a 6" patch of leaves, which he swears on his life 'was always like that' !!! He cut the lawn about 3 weeks ago...I can't nag him now as we don't speak much !! It must have looked bad to him as I never had to say a word he just went off and did it which is most unusual ! Just wait 'til I get my back operation done, I shall be back !!
GramE....sorry about your insurance fraud...what a time we live in. I really had to laugh at your 'keep smiling, it makes them wonder whats going on' comment. I will remember that one....hopefully!
I nipped in to see MIL today. she has suddenly had a big slip in her memory, she is asking 'is her father coming to see her', and 'WHO is John?'....HER SON !! (not DH, his brother ) Hospital had requested some PJs, so guess who had to do that little job ?? Best of it is the hospital asked MILs daughter, NOT me, but it was passed on to me, as my SIL hadn't time...and I had ??
MIL is picking at her stitches, under her nightie, so they think PJs will keep her hands off the stitches....I don't ... but we shall see. I bought 3 pairs ( I still have her credit card) DH wasn't pleased at all, said I was wasting money...but I was always brought up to have '1 to wear, 1 in the wash, and 1 in the drawer', and I always buy in 3s if I need to stock up...funny how these old sayings stick with you...anyone remember this one ? I asked DH what MIL would do if the 1 pair of PJs he thought I should have bought needed washing, WHAT was she going to do then....no answer. I don't think you can have enough nightwear when you go in hospital.
I keep picking up PJs and nighties for when I have to go into hospital. I hate nighties, but suppose I shall need them with a back op. PJ bottoms will be in the way. I always have to lop 3"or 4" off the PJ bottoms, I seem to have amassed quite a stash at the side of my sewing machine waiting to be shortened. We have a really good quality nightwear/ lingerie chain here, and they have an outlet not too far from me, so it comes in very useful for last seasons stock.
Isabella.
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((((((Isabella))))) & ((((Alyson))))))). Bad day, sleeping all day just to get thru. See shrink on Tuesday and just hoping to get on new meds!! I feel so bad because the weather is gorgeous!! Big bummer is that they decided to tear up the only road out of DUCK!! I sat in traffic yesterday for 1&1/2 hours just to go three miles!!! For real-like why don't the dumbasses think about doing this kind of roadwork at night!! So is putting a squasher on my desire to try to get out of Duck-only other way is north to the four wheel country so we are really trapped. ERRGH! I did have a great night sleep and woke up OK. Then the panic attacks started to set in and i don't know why i am having them. I hate them!! Got out and did a lot yesterday so that was good. But my poor pooches need to be on meds now bec their mum is going luny!! The big issue is my Dad and his trying to "push' me out of the house and arguments over my brother now being the 'executor of the estate.' oh man-I could not be more hurt and worried as $$$ will be gone the minute Dad drops. Hope he lives long. Family s#cks!. All of this is just such lttle crap and i am not handling it well at all. None of it is worth the angst! (((Big Smooshy Kisses))))) SV
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HEY Ladies!
I know it's been a while since you heard from me, so, HI. HELLO, welcome to any new members of the POD.
Since I brought that up, the POD thing, I'll go back and fetch the lovely description...
Gosh I'm sorry to see, hear, feel so much crap is being dealt with. Pity to waste perfectly good energy having to deal with other peoples crap. You'd think we have enough on our plates but the universe thinks different and piles it on. It's quite easy to just escape it all and go to bed. I never stay there as long as I was determined to when I went. End up getting up, shower and moving about as if I have something to do.
Isabella, you are one amazing Woman. How you keep on keeping on is just astounding. Congrats on the decisions you have made. I wish for you, Courage. But you don't need any from me. You know what? those perrinials getting wacked for several years, when they do come back they will have the most glorious show and it will be in spite of your DH. I know it's heartbreaking when they take for rubbish something that we chose because we LIKED it and planted it with care for all to enjoy. And he comes along with no respect. I know, its hard to take. Rest here and all the best on your back surgery. I expect that to happen to me, and I am not looking forward to anything except pain relief.
SV Sweetie, if you could hear yourself, you need to rest. You need to learn to somehow give yourself rest. You had to deal with the seriously scary weather which you weathered and I KNOW that can pump you full of adrenalin and it did because you were posting about it into the wee hours. Then, you did the hugest thing EVER by going with your bff and helping her carry out her final wishes. HOLY SHIT, GIRL.. just THAT would take me out for a week, ten days, easy. Then your funny family came home and got all in your face and threaten your HOME. WTF??? Your Dad went to the Doctors with you as if he cared. OMG, I don't like to hate things but they are so mean to you. I'm so sorry. That's the saddest thing of all. I hope you take out life ins policies on both of them so you profit when they leave this earth.
~Connie
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Alyson - just keep your mind on that nice, new kitchen. That and spring coming will put a "spring" in your step!
Connie - you're right! All this good energy does not deserve to go to others - especially "bad" others! Yesterday was my birthday, and it was a beautiful day here and I spent the whole day in bed! But I have been sick with shingles and now bronchitis on top of this chemo, so I have ZERO energy anyway. But my peeps have been getting me down, and I need to get away from that somehow. I need all my energy for me!
Barbara - glad the melatonin is working so well for you. I've got to get myself some. I've read about time-release melatonin so I need to check on that, because I'm notorious about waking up in the middle of the night - then again maybe just a bigger dose of the regular would do the trick. Definitely couldn't hurt if it messes with cancer anyway!
SV - just eff them all! They're not worth it. But I know that, too. I tell myself that all the time. I guess it's just really hard when it goes all the way back to when you were just an innocent babe. I used to think I would have to outlive my mother before I got some peace, but man, she's going strong and I'm falling apart.
I'm just hoping I can still get my last chemo next week. I'm afraid my WBC is so low because it's trying to fight off 2 infections now. I'm worn out!
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Nobody should have to be fighting this hard. We fight the big fight with BC. Then its as if everybody is fighting other things too. Families are so tough to figure out. The part where we hurt each other, or they hurt us. Either on purpose, for whatever POSSIBLE reason, or by neglect. It's those "reasons", the same ones that have been disturbing the peace in our lives ALL our lives. I have a brother who is a lot like our mother. My DH has a brother the kind from hell. They are completely different kinds of men, our brothers, yet they seem to live to create drama or make demands. Or worse, have expectations and tell us NOTHING about them at all.
We all know that when drugs and/or alcohol is involved that it's scary and unpredictable. They could be so on the edge that with one more Snort or drink they could do something horrible. But when its not those things involved, it might be even scarier. They are just being obstinate for the sake of being an ass.. Or they carry so much anger that they really could EXPLODE. Either way, that's no way to be living and attempting to get or maintain control of our own lives.
I vote for a BC ladies commune. A retreat center would be nice. Where there are counselors and advisors and listeners and fountains and lovely chaise lounges with cushions and poolside service. And lots of umbrellas or trees for shade. Lets' make it environmentally correct too, completely climate controlled environment so nobody gets too hot or too cold. And the Sun shines everyday. I wish. Oh, and it's free.
HAHAHAHAHAAH HAH I crack myself up.
good to be back,
~Connie
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HAHAHAHAHA! You crack me up, too!
But let's make it!
(Let's not forget the handsome waiters!)
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Isabella - I laughed when you said your DH mows in straight line because my DH mows in lines too and doesn't mow the pieces between the fruit trees as he says 'you can't see it and it doesn't grow that fast anyway.' Before my bmx I had mowed the lawns for 20 something years but now I have trouble pulling the mower to start it so he has taken over. The deal was I mowed and he did the ironing but he hasn't said anything about me ironing so I am keeping a very low profile on that one!
Handsome waiters - definitely required!!!0 -
Dear Ladies,
As we are edging back into some of the language I don't really care to read as in ( WTF) I guess I will finally stop posting here. We have a huge dictionary full of descriptive words and petty though it might seem, IMOHO I just can't see why it must always come down to the basest of them. You are wonderful ladies, so many of you --- and though I don't consider myself a prude -- I'd like to think everyone would want to rise above the bar room or men's locker room. As for me, I just don't think it typifies or glorifies the soul of anyone to use that type of descriptive language. I feel fairly certain we are all better than that. I don't want to stir up a hornet's nest over this. I'm not reporting anything to anyone and I could just disappear without explanation but because I have gotten so many deep and loving feelings and so much hope for so many of you.....I just wanted to let you know. Just know that whether I post or not, you are in my heart and I care very deeply that life will get well and go well for you. May blessings always surround you and may you always be able to recognize them when they come.
Many hugs, Jackie
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Jackie, please don't leave......I know what you mean, as I'm sure everyone here does also. We don't need to pepper our posts with anything that will/maybe offend anyone. My DH and I were walking through the Colorado Mills last Saturday, & we saw two really young gals coming our way, talking such TRASH, that a bunch of us shoppers just turned around, & looked at them, thinking "Did they just say that?" The two girls were amusing themselves by seeing which one could shock the most shoppers I think! I just wanted to go after them, & give them a smack up side of their heads! Such trash talk! If I ever heard my Daughters talk like that, I surely would have gotten out that bar of soap!
I remember when I was in grade school, & another little 8 year old dared me to write down the worst word you can think of. I did, & of course I got caught...the teacher grabbed it, & made me stay after class let out, & she commenced to scold me till I was in tears. I'll never forget that.
So don't get mad at Jackie gals....sometimes we just gotta say what bothers us....We don't want to lose such a good friend on here! xoxoxoxo Jeannette
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Hi everyone,
It has been such a stressful week, trying to decide what to do about my 2nd capsular contracture, dealing with raging pain from osteoarthritis and a herniated disc, and trying to solve a family problem without making things worse (tricky). Anyway, I've broken it down and decided to do what I can -- talk to my daughter who seems to be going through her twenties all over again, although she is in her early 40s. She has a 9 year old boy and he is with us more than with her. He's a wonderful, delightful child, and I love having him -- just not so much -- so my daughter and I need to talk and I need to be careful not to offend her (difficult when you are angry). Next, the implant.... I've thought about it from every possible angle and am about 90% sure that I'll have it removed and use a prosthesis. It makes me a little uncomfortable to think about it, but it seems like the right decision. The neck, back, leg pain ... I've had one fusion, done PT several times, had steroid injections, take Celebrex, etc., so am going to try acupuncture next and see if that gives me some relief. I can deal with the pain pretty well during the day, but it wakes me up at night and then I have to take pain pills and they make me groggy the next day -- it's a nasty cycle.
Thanks for letting me vent. --bonnie
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IM GUILTY.GET THE SOAP.
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Jackie, maybe you do need to find a place more comfortable for you. Handling BC is hard enough without the constant moral epathets and put downs from a certain group of women on this thread. There is a thread for you on the Christian thing. Put on your big girl panties and either woman up or go to where you feel comfortable. Just sick to death of certain people taking moral inventory and having to be so guarded as to not to offend a few. And yes, I am realizing that I am coming up on a year since my diagnosis in October-i can feel another lump in my breast and i have 'cancer sweats' that won't stop. I have lost an entire year of my life and my entire family. Most of us have bigger things to worry about than an occasional 'WTF'. AS to my new symptoms, I haven't told my surgeon bec I cannot get out of the house bec of the panic and depression and I have whiplash from going from angry to just sobbing. I don't appreciate coming on the board to be with women I truly love to have a dissidant or two scolding the group for launguage 'they' don't approve of. Take your own freaking inventory. I could care less about the language used on this board sometimes and i mean sometimes! I am not here to be "Christained' to death! SV
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StillVerticle: My thoughts entirely! Arimidex makes me an emotional wreck and the last thing I need is to have to be concerned as to whether or not I say one or two words which may offend someone on here. I thought the fact that we have abbreviations is so we can express ourselves and our anger without getting overly obscene. When I see someone write "WTF" I know they are upset about something and I appreciate the fact that they are at least using the abbreviations instead of using the full words. I use "crap" a lot but it means the same as another word so is that offensive too? I think we all have more important things to worry about in these groups than to censore each other's posts unless someone is "really" pouring it on. So far I have not seen any real toilet mouths on the forum.
As for Granny for each one cuss word she may say, she has said hundreds of "I love you" to her sistas and sent hugs. One "I love you" cancels out a hundred cuss words, IMO. I hope Jackie will reconsider her post and let's all get back to helping one another cope with surviving this disease. This has nothing to do with being a Christian but more to do with being caring human beings.
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We have been through this same situation months ago. Our thread was almost shut down over it and many people dropped out. The way to deal with it is to BLOCK posters who annoy you or use inappropriate language. Then you don't have to be exposed to their inoffensive language or their pontificating, depending on your point of view.
Been here, Done this... let's move on.
pam
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For REAL. I used it last and as soon as I read my reprimand I felt that guilt rush that flushes your face then sinks to your stomach and felt like a 2nd grader getting taken out into the hall.. I'm so glad, thank you for sticking up for ABBREVIATIONS. It's the new world order. I don't like it either and very rarely do I speak it out loud. IMO it fits the threats and explained that I'm shocked and apalled at the actual event of that threat happening to one of US. I'll never understand why family members insist on hurting each other in ways that are easily avoided. It's almost like instead of family, those become adversaries and make it their mission in life to provide for the suffering of others. EVEN when they are part of the sufferers own misery. There are plenty more issues to take up.
Cake decorating used to be one of my hobbies. The dog tore up my perrenial garden. One of my hummingbird feeders was invaded by a LIZARD!!
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Ditto Pam...tho' I really don't want to see Jackie go...please reconsider Jackie, you are a very much loved and valued member of our group.
At least we aren't actually writing down the words, abbreviations do the job, as I know people of our age group are NOT comfortable with this sort of language.
Sometimes we are driven to it by ongoing situations, and sometimes it actually helps to cuss. I know I have suprised myself since BC with language I would NEVER have used before.....mainly spat out in anger, frustration and pain.
Isabella.
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Past history-this happened when I dropped the F-bomb about ten months ago and i was so incredibly ill and my Lord-the attack I underwent by a certain group of arm chair Christian women on this thread was beyond profound. It was viscious and hurtful and very public 9people who want to hurt people need allies!). Many of the minority refused to confront me directly.They worked behind my back in PM's to try to destoy my character with one even claiming she had "googled me" and bec she could not find my name on google, concluded that my bio was a complete lie and she spread that all over the map. After much digging and working with moderators i found out this small group had and continue to have a nuber of ongoing issues. And to think that they have the right to judge me and the ladies that i love on this thread for truly talking candidly about cancer-hey guess what, there is no cure and we will all likely die from it--UNUH!! it it'd going to happen again with this minority. The moderators have been alerted and we can go thru all of this again or use pj's sugg-but keep you mouth shut. Go find some else to scold-for real. God I am so pissed off! Had I not investigated the first time around i would not be so outraged to find out who was actually attacking me. BTW, many of their pm's trying to get the group to knock me off the thread for using the f-word one time, were forwarded to me by close friends on the board to my emails and on to the moderators. So to those who take such great offense and feel they need to be the playground judges-GET OVER IT! And jackie, you did this recent attack in public like you did it the last time instead of maybe pm'ing the person and explaining your concerns. Sorry ladies, but i was the target of the last attack, i was new to the board and did not know what to do. I was so hurt i left the board. I could not take that pressure. After a long investigation, I kept my mouth shut and came back on the board, but here it is again!! And by the same people. You all knew and know what is on this thread-if you truly need to passive aggressively pick on someone, go do it on another thread. Sorry to be so angry but the damage it did to me and the 'holier than thou' attitude' over 9 months ago was unbelievable and during my darkest days, I was so hurt, i left the only support i had which was this board. I do not want to see that happen to anyone else-noone should go thru what i went thru back then. SV
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Still-Verticle: I am so sorry for what you have had to encounter as if fighting bc isn't enough. I saw my other bc support group completely destroyed because of inner problems. I urge us all to think about why we came to this group in the first place and work together to keep it from being destroyed. The help and knowledge I have been given in this forum has been more important to me than anything else since I was diagnosed. If someone wants to give me helpful knowledge with a few cuss words mixed in, I would still be grateful!! We are not school kids and we should not try to tell others how to post.
Jackie: I don't know much about you but if your upbringing makes you so uncomfortable with a bit of profanity here and there then IMO, you will have a hard time finding many discussion groups nowadays without people venting using certain words. You must never watch TV or go to movies because unfortunately, our world is full of a lot worse words than I have found in these forums. I hope you will come to terms with "your" problem and allow the rest of us to keep our forum functioning so we can continue to support and help each other. Thank you for your understanding.
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I am getting very upset over this.my sistas are upset too.DONT WE HAVE ENUF WITH THIS BC FIGHT. can we just move on.The point was made. OK.we got it.lets drop it please.
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I agree with Jackie's objections to the direction this discussion forum has taken. It's not a question of Christian or non-Christian. It's more a matter of manners and consideration for a wide range of personalities and backgrounds. I think the answer is to start a new thread for older bc'ers who can express themselves without coarse language and can share the joys of life as well as the trials.
Personally I miss many of the people who have dropped out, like Rita Jean and Jo and Spar. If my memory were better I would mention others.
Those of you who find this thread helpful and satisfactory, I wish you the best.
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caroleh: Maybe I am disfunctional or something but WHERE are all these posts which some of you find inappropriate? How can we know what we are doing wrong if no one will make it clear where all the problems are coming from.? I take responsibility for saying once in a while "crap" or "damnable".Is that considered offensive in this group? I don't intend on dropping out so can I get some clarification here? Who are all these personalities and backgrounds that are being upset?
The new thread for older bc'ers you suggest starting, how will we know which category we belong in if we don't know "what" words are acceptable and which words aren't? I think it is time for some clarification here. At this rate, even the Pope would probably have a difficult time posting in the forum. Thank you for your help.
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caroleh: Maybe I am disfunctional or something but WHERE are all these posts which some of you find inappropriate? How can we know what we are doing wrong if no one will make it clear where all the problems are coming from.? I take responsibility for saying once in a while "crap" or "damnable".Is that considered offensive in this group? I don't intend on dropping out so can I get some clarification here? Who are all these personalities and backgrounds that are being upset?
The new thread for older bc'ers you suggest starting, how will we know which category we belong in if we don't know "what" words are acceptable and which words aren't? I think it is time for some clarification here. At this rate, even the Pope would probably have a difficult time posting in the forum. Thank you for your help.
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Excellent solution, Carole. While I am a Gnostic Christian, I did not have that in mind when I wrote. I suspose if others feel it adds to their sense of health and well being perhaps they should have an area where they can speak as they wish.
Hugs, Jackie
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Look now this is unfair. How do I know which ARENA "I" belong in if you won't tell me what is really offensive in these forums? Also, how do we know which ones of us are supposed to leave? I feel like some of us have been banished and we don't know who we are. If I stay can I still say "CRAP" and "Damnable"? How touchy are the others? You may find you are going to end up with just the two of you talking to yourselves if everyone else decides to go to a new forum and you get to stay here "alone". I'm going wherever the ones with the most knowledge go. They can cuss all they want as long as they answer my questions!
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Sweetie, if you stay on the thread you will know who you can trust and who will love you and accept you unconditionally. The unfortunate rampage is part of a longstanding argument and you will find that in some cases, this is not a hotbed of sanity. The same ladies objecting now, objected before and chose to leave-i do not know why they came back fi anything upsets them so or if they did not create what they need on their new thread for christian women-and ther ewere only a few who left. Basically, take a look at the "George Carlin words" that cannot be said on TV and you will get the idea and issues that touch some women who have with unrealistic outlook on life. AND I am on the thread where i can speak as I wish! Nice try jackie, but not giving my power away this time. And Medi, You can PM me anytime you need to vent. Lots of love, SV
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