Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Barbara....Sleep tight tonight! Don't worry about anything.....you are TRYing, to get help, & you will get it sooner or later....call your Oncologist again....Tell them you need/want help, & you are not getting it!
I just want to say....The way all of you gals came through for Barbara, was just amazing! If I were one of the Moderators, I would give you all $100! You all are what make this thread the best there is! And I just want to say Thanks! xoxoxoxo
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Happy birthday Jackie....many more to come. Have you anything planned, or is it just another day !! (usually just another day when you have animals.)
Barbara, I am 7 and a half years out, and have had to see a psychologist 3 times. My brain just would not take it in that I had cancer... it didn't happen to me...they were wrong...even after double mast. I STILL couldn't digest it. The first time I saw one was just about straight after my op.....I was in total shock and disbelief....she spoke to me at length, but then started to give me 'homework' and I just could not sort this out, nothing was making sense at all, she said the talking had stopped, and it was time to write things down, trouble was she wanted me to write down every hour how I was feeling. I had to give up.
The second one was about 3 years out she was a nut. She gave me whale 'music' to sit and listen to. I found this very annoying, and felt it was wasting time not helping.
The 3rd one was about a year ago...so you see it is always there...she got me doing 'tapping' therapy, and chanting at the same time. I felt so damned stupid. She had me tap the side of my head, and chant 'I DO NOT have cancer ' over and over...I didn't stay long enough with her to see if the tapping worked !! BUT, some people swear by these people. I was against seeing a psychiatrist, because it goes down on your medical record, and reports of what you are saying are sent to your Dr. Whatever was said between the psychologist and me was always unreported.
My BC nurse told me that I had PTSD,( about 5 years ago, this was ) and that it was a normal consequence of bc.
I find that I always get the best help here, 'talking' to everyone and reading their experiences, I am quite sure all my relatives have forgotten I have bc...not one of them has asked after me for years now. I think they think ' THEY got it all' with the double mast, and so I'm OK. No-one at all understands that it is always there in your mind, I don't get a day when I don't think about it, and my blood runs cold. But, thats good for me, because it used to be just about every hour bad thoughts were going thru my head, people get so sick of you wanting to talk, but then you're just repeating yourself all the time. Just take it slowly, don't be pushed around by others who cannot ever understand how this affects you.
Its not just the immediate upheaval of tests, operations, procedures, its the following disfigurement, and dealing with that, then the years of drug therapy, and all the se's taking their toll on your body, the possibility of lymphedema is always there, as is the worry that you might have a recurrence.
Well, its my favorite time of day....bed time !!! I love my pit. I have just had an email from the new owner of the puppy I sold yesterday, telling me all was more than well !!! And to think I was worrying myself that the puppy would be so upset !! The dogs I breed are Cavalier King Charles Spaniels...I think you call them English Toy Spaniels, and they have the most sad doleful look, you'd think I would have got used to their sad little faces by now. I have been breeding them about 45 years !!
Talking of dogs, where's Melissa, hope her new pups haven't grown big and eaten her ! Come on out of the woodwork and give us an update.
Isabella.
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Oh Isabella, I LOVE the Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. They are so loving and such great company ans so smart. Thank you so much for your advice about therapists. I sort of feel the same way that they are all morons but I need to do SOMETHING or I will go mad.
You know, you are always so supportive despite the crazy things going on in your life and I always enjoy reading your posts. Know that I pray for you (for what that's worth) and hope you are feeling better and are not visiting MIL as often.
Good night all. I am taking 6MG Melatonin and I am hoping for the best.
Thanks again for being there for me.
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Wow Darolyn, it is really good to have you back!! I mean the reasons s#ck but glad you are here and good to hear from you and get caught up. You have been thru so much-lordy-prayers are with you. and Jackie, Happiest b-day!!!!!!! XXOO SV
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Whoa, Barbara! I don't know fer shure, but I think 6 mg is a lot of melatonin. Hopefully, you'll sleep like a rock! I only tried it once and decided it wasn't strong enough for me, but I think my doctor told me to take 2-4 mg. I might have stuck with it if I had taken 6 or 7 mg.
I was just reading up on it and did you guys know that it also has been linked to slowing down or stopping the progression of cancer? I think you have to take about 20 mg each night - I imagine you would sleep pretty darn good with that much in you! I'm going to ask my onco if that would be okay because A: I want to sleep! and B: I'll take just about anything that cancer doesn't like.
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Wanted to get on here again and thank all of you so much for my birthday wishes. I feel so special.
Barbara and Isabella --- I think there are little machines you can buy --- you set them by your bed and they lull you to sleep with the sound of rain, or waves on the ocean or things like that. I have thought of getting one. Usually anything to do with water I find soothing. Water is very spiritual and is healing when you have troubles. I usually do fall asleep fairly well and if I don't --- I turn on ( I have a t.v. in my bedroom ) I turn on the most boring show I can find and am asleep in ten minutes in self defense. My t.v. has a timer so will turn itself off. I know nothing until the next morning.
I had a great day today --- it was pretty much a work - day. As Isabella said -- if you have animals you will be working. Late this afternoon, early evening, I went to my friends house all ready to clean and feed her animals. Turns out she had run out of nearly everything and needed a ton of food for her little animal farm too. So, she very timidly ask if I would do her shopping -- four stores worth. I jumped at the chance. So, it was a nice birthday indeed --- and she does not have any idea that it was a birthday day for me --- it instead turned out to be a day I got to help someone do something they could not manage for themselves --- this is what so ofen makes my days worthwhile. It is part of why I am here --- I think I'm doing karma. In some other life ( partly in this one too ) I received lots of help I'm sure and so it just makes sense to me and feels right when I get an opportunity to do something someone REALLY needs done. The day does not matter --- every day brings opportunities. Life is almost always good to me --- if I can help someone have some of that too.....it makes my day. Over and over.
Must hurry off to my recliner chair....but once again a billion thanks. I am blessed and I thank you and the wonderful Universe and Mother and Father God.
Big happy hugs, Jackie
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BarbaraA - thanks for the B'day wishes. Saw you are a regular on this thread so thought I would come over and say hi to all the ladies here. I was 52 and post menopausal when dx Jan 09 and just turned 54 so 'fit' here I think.
I am sorry to hear you are struggling with life at the present. I think you sum it up when you say in your bio that you were healthy and then BAM - into cancer world. It is just so surreal that one moment you feel perfectly healthy and happy with life and the next, even though you don't feel ill, you are thrown into a whirlwind struggle for your life. PTSD is a given. It hit me like a ton of bricks about 2 months post surgery and I was very low for a good 6 months following that. I agree with SV - one day at a time just now - it is too overwhelming to look at the big picture - and 'there are no quick fixes' - prioritise and pace yourself so you can get through your days until things ease for you. For me now, at 20 months post dx, I sleep (when I am not woken by the hot flashes), the emotional pain has eased and I enjoy the moment but I still don't look very far into the future and my new 'emotional' normal is quite different from what it was. Hang in there - the joy we can see behind your smile will return.
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Heartnsoul.....yes, I had read the same article you are talking about, I think! About the melatonin maybe helping the Tamoxifen inhibit the cancer cells? Or something like that? I found 2 web pages talking about Melatonin & Tamoxifen, also interaction with other drugs.
http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/melatonin-000970.htm
http://www.annieappleseedproject.org/comcancari19.html
I think I mentioned this before, but I took it for about a month or two, & really could sleep better, but I found I had to buy bottles of Imodium AD to counter-act the side-effects. I think it was the 4 mg. I finally put 2 & 2 together, & had to quit the Melatonin! I also know everyone is different, & metabolize drugs in their own way. Just know, that sometimes, any little insignificant drug we take can cause side effects, even weeks later. Barbara.....I just hope you sleep better!
Isabella....you always help someone else, by talking about your experiences! You have come a long way! And yes, I love those little Spaniels also! No WONDER you want to keep them all! I see them on the shows, like the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show....
raeinnz ......Nice to hear from you! Hope you can pull up a chair & stay awhile! Someone can ALWAYS use our experiences here!
Talk to you later! xoxoxoxo
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Thanks for the sleep wishes. Heartnsoul, I only took 2MG to start and actually slept 7 hours. I will try it again tonight and see what happens. Hope to get a shrink appt today. THanks Rae and I think you are right...live in the moment not in next week. Hard for me to do (type A organizational freak). I think I will just have to try being less anal and more messy.
CB, I read that article, too so if this works, I will gradually up the dose to the therapeutic level.
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Good morning gals, Love all your posts.......it is true only those that have been here can really know our inner feelings.....Like I tell my hubby even though he assures me he feels all my anxiety and pain that there is NO WAY you can get into my head and feel my inner thoughts....Barbara I can tell you you will get to the place where you don't think about it all the time or every day.....After 13 yrs. I still go through the anxiety during testing time and onc. appointments but I can say I can let it go for the most part....Isabella a big AMEN to everythng you said.......My family doc. does give me a small pres. of Xanax to take during testing time and it does relax me during that time of anxiety.....This was the first yr. I declined to have a bone scan as I sometimes feel like all that rad. has to affect us also....they were okay with it ....after all it is our body...I also have told my dentist I only want xrays of a problem area....I think I have gotten just paranoid with all the tests.....reading all your posts are so special to me and I am most thankful for you all .....hugs to all Claudia
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SV It is so nice to be back. I had a lot going so didnt have time. How are you doing? Any more chemo? I remember you were overdosed.PAINTERLY Thank you so much for the info on rentals in Florida. I just dont think I dont think I can take another OHIO winter. ISABELLA4 I am a new owner of a puppy. I love him to death. He is a maltese now 12 weeks old. The other day found myself rocking him in my rocking chair I rocked all five of my kids. I took Femara then switched to the generic for arimadex. I get such hot flashes and joint pain. I am not totally convinced the joint pain is from the drug. Nice to be back Dar0
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Oh man, I having another rought day and not sure what is going on emotionally. i am doing a lot of reliving my old life in my head (when i was young and vibrant) and looking at what i am now. I meet with shrink next Tuesday to try diff meds as I think the chemo blew out my brain and the prozac isn't working anymore. I am also back in therapy but damed. i just hate this depression. i am immobilize, exhausted, no energy and i am slamming vitamins and all of the good things i am supposed too! I just don't know and just break down in tears at the drop of a hat. David doesn't know what to do and he is really lost and not used to me being like this. i have gone back on my Celiac Spru diet bec i really went off of it and that truly affects me, emotionally, spiritually and physically. This is just a really down day. my dearest friend of thirty years has ovarian cancer and it has mets-so we spent the past few days planning her funeral (though she is stable) and in remission. But we wanted to do it in a fun way because she is so matter of fact about it and does have a wonderful sense of humor. And she wanted to get it done. i am so sad! Hope to cheer up later, XXOO, SV
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CALLING ALL SISTAS
SV NEEDS A GROP HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
WHERE ARE YOU GIRLS?????????????
CHEER UP HONEY.NO WONDER YOUR HAVING A BAD DAY.WHO WOULDNT.PLANNING A FUNERAL.SHIT...
im sayin a prayer for you right now.God lift my sista up off her knees.Please.
this is only a test.your gonna make it.luv ya
K
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SV MELISSA! What did you do? Do you know what started this? Can't you just go sack out on the couch or your bed & give this a day? It isn't doing you any good to think about ANYthing! Don't take any drugs, just try & relax, get close to your pups!
Don't go scarin' old Dave, because you need him to make you laugh! It's just so nice that you are there for your friend! She needs you, but I don't think it is very good to be planning a funeral, because she IS in remission....We, I mean none of us know when our time is up....And maybe THAT is why you are so depressed! Planning ANYone's funeral is not my idea of something to do on a Summer day. We can be aware of our immortality, but we don't have to dwell on it.... That is something we have to do after someone passes....It's hard enough then! So just go do something fun right now. Like eat ice-cream!
I think I am finished getting rid of 53 years of collecting & storing EVERYthing on this planet! We made 4 trips up to the "Shelter" and I just have one more bag left. I mean we loaded up the back-seat, & the trunk, 4 TIMES!!! I just don't think I will need 4 more drip coffee-makers, 2 bread makers, 2 foot-fixers, etc! I saved everything because we didn't have anything when we were younger...besides my Grandma, & my Mom, saved & used everything they had. I'm finally getting rid of some of THEIR stuff! NOW what will I do, Ha! I just can't "collect" any more stuff like that! Besides, I didn't want that "Hoarder" show to come a knockin! And so many clothes & coats that I haven't worn in 20 years! I think I am very proud of myself!
Okay, okay.....that's all.....Just shake it off SV....or go get some help....((((((((SV)))))))))) xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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SV just thinking of you... chin up, girl...I hope you can shake off this dark time before winter sets in. What is the fall like on the Outer Banks, do you get some balmy days ??
DAROLYN, pleased to see you back....and a MALTESE aarrgghh |!!! I just love their little cotton sox. Quite a rare breed over here, I don't think I have EVER seen them on the street, only at dog shows.
Today, I did a supermarket shop, killed me, but nevertheless I did it ! Now I am not considering what DH thinks I am making this my last big shop. I had my groceries delivered for years, but one day DH saw there was a charge for the service, and moaned and moaned until, to shut him up, I stopped getting deliveries, and went back to tramping the store again. I must have been mad, my right arm has neuropathy from surgery ( when I think this was WHY I started getting things delivered ) and lifting in and out my car was hard. Anyway, I am going back to my deliveries next week, I shall get some stick, but what ho !! He had a go at me yeaterday, thought he was back in my good books again, as I have been visiting MIL, and had a go at me for 'throwing good pots and pans away' He'd been in my bins again, I shall get a lock on it soon, better still I will get some of that paint that doesn't dry ( to deter burglars ) and paint the underside of the bin lid.
I am following you gals and chucking out things. These 'pots and pans' I had been so naughty and thrown away were old....and I mean old...were my G/mothers (and she's been dead 35 years) I had cleared her house, stored them, and will never use them, so out they went ! They were still boxed up, just as they'd come out of her old kitchen. I shocked myself, because normally I am quite quiet, but I ranted at DH, and told him to mind his own ******* business, it was nothing to do with him. Its just a good job I have no near neighbours, they'd have got a real earful. DH tells me he has 'seen another side to me, he knew nothing about' !!!
DH had got himself some new boots today, and was carefully stashing his old ones in one of MY outbuildings...the same boots that he has been nattering on about that were 'leaking badly' He'd taken to putting his feet into plastic bags before he put the wellies on. This had been going on 2 or 3 weeks, but today he got a new pair. I dread to think where his filthy sox are ending up, to be sure I'm not washing them !!! He was keeping the old pair, 'incase I need them' HOW can anyone EVER need boots that leak !!! I don't know where he took them to, but I shall look tomorrow, and they'll be on the fire heap if I find them
Just off for another glass of wine to take to bed, there's just one left in my bottle, its taken me 3 days to get thru it, so not too bad. It'll be another week or two before I open another bottle.
Isabella.
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Ladies thank you all for the support. I just seem to fall into these dark holes somethimes. I see my therapist tomorrow-so, we'll see. XXOO, SV
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SV - I hope you'll feel better after seeing the therapist tomorrow. I guess what helps is just talking, talking, talking. Heck, if no one else will listen to me, then I'll just pay them and make them listen! hahaha! But seriously, nobody else seems to get it - it's like it's hopeless talking to them anyway.
Just a few minutes ago, I started crying a little for no reason and then I realized it was because I have had a bad day, with my brothers and my mother being hateful to me and I have no idea why. It's about money, somehow or another, but I don't know what the "f" they're up to. It's just so sad when people you've loved your whole life can be so hurtful without blinking an eye. And of course, I started crying because of the whole "everything piling up on me" feeling.
I just saw that movie "Up", and in it the old man moves his house by attaching a bunch of helium balloons. I wish I could just pick up my house and move far, far away.
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Happy birthday, Jackie! Sorry I'm a day late. Hugs to all those who need them.
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Love n big hugs to you SV, hope you are feeling better soon.
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SV - sending strong vibes to you! Hope the therapist can help.
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SV, hope today is better, and you get some relief! "Perseverence furthers." (means hang in there)
xox
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SV do you still do the photography? I have to catch up. You sent me a beautiful card (I think it was from your store). Go and find the wild horses. I remembe a picture of your car. You always made me laugh. Now I am trying to make you laugh. I would give anything to be in the outer banks. I am hoping to get to Florida this winter. You should live here in Port Clinton you would really be depressed. PAINTERLY I went to both the sites for Florida and didnt see anything I could afford. I am worried I wont find anything I can afford. I think $1500 a month is enough. Its so nice to be able to communicate with everyone. Dar
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SV I'm sorry you are feeling so low. (((hugs))) Darla
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SV.....have been thinking about you and wondering if you are doing any better....remember the sun is always shining behind those clouds and it is hard for us to comprehend that when we are in the middle of a trial....my thoughts and prayers are with you and I pray you have happy days in your near future......hugs....Claudia
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SV.....have been thinking about you and wondering if you are doing any better....remember the sun is always shining behind those clouds and it is hard for us to comprehend that when we are in the middle of a trial....my thoughts and prayers are with you and I pray you have happy days in your near future......hugs....Claudia
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I have been reading but not posting. My tshirt with " I have issues " is the best way to describe what is going on with me. Two new front teeth (crowns), blood work shows low Vitamin D, so parathyroid hormone level is being checked (that blood test was today). Endocrinologist appt in late October (earliest he has), but am on the list in case of a cancellation earlier. Mom is out of the hospital and back at the nursing home. She is 97 and a 48 yr BC survivor - from back in the days when it was either Cancer or not - no stage, er/pr status, grade or her + or minus. Radical Bi lat mx with entire lymph node removal, no chemo or rad.
I am a victim of insurance fraud from when I first diagnosed with BC 2 yrs ago, and that hearing is next month. "restitution" will be provided according to FBI investigator who is handling the case. Then the hospital gave MY sign out sheet with insurance info to another patient and I had to put a fraud alert on everything. And i did not win at bingo...
Hugs and Blessings for all. Keep smiling - it makes them wonder what is going on !!
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Oh GramE, I am so sorry-like cancer is not enuf to deal with!! And relatives can be the ugliest in at least in my relations. Noone would say or do the things my closest kin do to me. Incredibly hurtful stuff. So my heart goes out to all with family issues. I did get a chance to meet with therapist today and will meet with psychiatrist next week to look at a med change. i feel like the chemo blasted my brain and the prozac isn't working anymore. i just feel brain dead!! So taking steps to get in a better place! I cannot thank you all enuf for all of the support-you don't know how much it helps me. Lots lof love and hugs to all, SV
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Hey SV, hang in there as it really does get a bit better.
Love n hugs. chrissyb
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Hi all, hope you are feeling a bit brighter today.
If its not the BC its something else. Saw Gastro doc today- look as if I will need surgery for my hiatus hernia - oh what joy. That and the arthritis cause real problems for me. I seem to take so many meds just like to be able to throw them away.
The last storm of winter is meant to be on the way hope it is as I am tired of the rain. But I am happy that my new kitchen is on the way. Just have to decide on flooring and curtains.
oops nearly lost that.
Big hugs to all
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