Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Oh, no SV! You weren't careful about the sun - it's so easy to do that when the temps are cool! I dread your tests for you! I've got several lined up after I'm through with the chemo, but somehow before the radiation. I'm so tired of going to the doctors, and at the same time I want to get it over with. I've never had either of those tests you're getting done, but hope you feel nothing and wake up happy! One of the doctors I have to see in a few weeks is an endocrinologist about my thyroid - uh, I prefer to remain ignorant but I bet he has something to do with the endoscopy. I don't wanna either!0
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Well, ladies. Isabella, 'they' caught you again - you are too kind and caring for others while you need to be minding your own self -- but 'they' won't let you do it. A batch of us here are sending psychic kickass across the pond. Your in-laws need to man up and put on their own big boy britches, their family should take care of MIL, and let you deal with your own problems. Gee wouldn't it be nice if some of them offered to help YOU!??
SV, well you've provided the responsible inspiration I needed to get off my duff and call the gastroentero-whatchamacall-ogist and get the colonoscopy scheduled. I'm due anyway. Ugh. Can't do the big liquid, so have to get pills. Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me sick. But I need to do that, plus a good stress test at the heart doc; and probably ought to see a dermatologist and let him try to make sense out of all the spots on my bod. If spots were money, I'd be rich. And all should get done before first of the year since I've met my high deductible this year, and am not on Medicare until next yr. But, I think I'll wait until my first followup with onc this Thurs and get the results of first blood draw since dx. Trying not to worry and to stay positive about that one. Feeling pretty good, but naturally anxious.
Managed to thin the Christmas decorations boxes by 50% - not the 80 I was hoping for. Guess I'm more sentimental than willing to admit. Found out today there was a death in DH's family (cousin's husb) and will be having SIL here for several days this week. I like her, and as long as she doesn't carry on too much about the deceased's long battle with cancer, I'll be fine. A little too close right now to have a good perspective on that one. So, now have to clear out the spare room -- have been gathering more boxes to gift or give away. Trying to keep DH from looking in the trash can.
Tonight was a fun community fundraiser dinner - an outing. Otherwise, a quiet week.
Best wishes to all.
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Good morning gals...All this talk of colonoscopys is freaking me out....I have never had one and actually have even put off having other tests at my family dr....I feel like I have to go so often to the onc. that I just put the rest on the back burner......Isabella I would like to encourage you to go and get checked out but I know how hard that can be.....Other than the dentist I seem to let all other tests go by the wayside because I feel like I am having tests all the time....I don't know if any one else feels that way but that is how it is for me....I even have a hard time self examining my cancer free breast as I can still remember how that lump felt all those yrs. ago....like my dr. has reminded me that is a no brainer as that is what has kept me a survivor for 13 yrs....the mind is a funny thing though and it still is very traumatic for me..Fear is an awful thing and can be so controlling....Hope all you gals have a great week-end and hugs to all !!!!!
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Morning gals! SV....WHAT is "mac" anesthesia? Is that like eating Mac & cheese before you get put to sleep? I would like that! And who was it that said that you can take "pills" instead of drinking that pond scum before the colonoscopy? I would do it EASIER if I could do that! It was you, Lost creek! Are there actual pills that you can take that do the same thing? I mean I drank prune juice, & Milk of Magnesia one morning, & I thought I would NEver see the light of day. It was the day after that surgery...& I think they give you something to plug you up for months....So in other words, I can clean my clock without that awful tasting stuff!
So SV....you mean you got sun-burned? What am I going to DO with you? You are a walking disaster waiting to happen. That sun not only burns your skin, but soaks through your head, & skin, & hurts your other parts as well! I think you have to get older to realize the things you can & cannot do.
Lost Creek....Is it you that has this "cancer cleaning syndrome"? Also? I am going to work in the basement today...down where the Bailey's is....Ha! I mean we have alcohol down there, from many moons ago....I don't even know what it is nor what you do with it! When our oldest Daughter moved to Orlando, she gave it to us....I don't think Gin...or whiskey, will keep until I start to like it! So it's getting poured out....Then there are the 4 extra coffee-makers, candle-making stuff, extra hair-setters....MAN! I just wish I had someone younger to DO this, & haul it all away. I swear, I am NOT going to hang onto stuff we don't USE any more!!!!!
Marybe.....You are such a treasured friend! So nice of you to want to be with "her" for her appointments! She must be so awfully afraid! Don't we all remember what that was like? I'm so glad that most of us have finished our "treatments"....and we can go on with our lives, & just be here for all the women who need us.
And where did you go Claude? Love you gals! xoxoxoxo
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CB, yes it's me with the cleaning virus. I still have the rest of the garage, the spare room closet, and the outside shed. DH saves everything (you'd think HE went through the great depression, not his grandma!); then I try to sort it all out and get rid of the accumulated detritus...I leave his big shed and shop alone but I get real testy when I'm ready to pitch a piece of unused/junk and he tells me I might "need" it in the future. What I need is less junk, less to dust, and more space on shelves! And yes:
re Colonoscopies, there are pills for those of us who can't tolerate that gallon of golitely or whatever it is. I think there's a lot of liquid with the pills, but not near as much. Last time (I've had 3 of these, and the first one was the polyp-finding 'lifesaver'.) I tried the liquid and could only get about halfway through it before it quit staying down. Then went to doc for my appt and explained my predicament and they rescheduled, and gave me the pills. It may involve a bit of less eating the day or so prior to test, but as I recall it was much easier than trying to stomach the liquid. It's been five years and I've forgotten most of it except the yuck part. I always ask to be semi-asleep and they give me a sedative with some "forget" med in it. I really don't want to know or think about what's "going on."
Marybe ditto what CB said; you are a true friend!
GD, hang in there.
Best to all; health and love.
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I am at my Dad's....today we sort and pitch things that are in the room you pass through on the way up to the 3rd floor....we always called it the sewing room and maybe my mother actually did have her sewing machine set up there at one time, but I dont remember. I do remember that she could really sew. When those Thermajack outfits were hot....Remember those, some were wide whale courdoroy, a creamy white was a very popular one and the blouse that went with it was a large plaid with a beautiful blue and green in it.....the jumpers were all one piece, blouse part of the jumper...there was a brown plaid one that had a line of reddish orange in it, and the attached blouse was white....just a straight jumper with the scoop rounded neckline . Anyway, I loved that brand and I think I actually had the plaid cotton one, but they were sort of expensive so my mother copied them and I had a white corduroy one as well as a tourquise one. (doany of you remember this brand....it would have been when I was in Jr high, so early to mid 60's) She could make anything IF she felt like it. In latter years we would be out shopping and I would see a pillow or other accessory that I really liked and she would copy it.....made beautiful things and was so talented in so many ways. Anyway she would buy material on sale and we had a whole cabinet full of it which my father did manage to get rid of. She was always going to do some project, but would never get around to it. So we are thowing out patterns, thread, cording, buckles, all kinds of things because most of it is so old....that thread has just been sitting around for 13 years so it is probably rotten. We got rid of a lot of the craft stuff a long time ago, felt, rickrack, bias tape....Mama used to make egg ornament at Xmas with a little scene in them and would use the trim to go around the shell edges. I remember one year she and I both did eggs at Easter....blown out eggs, we would do characters....clowns, Holly Hobby with her little cap, raggedy Ann and Andy........so there was a lot of yarn and embroidery floss to get rid of also. After she died and we started cleaning out cabinets we found at least 30 cartons of blown out eggs.....at the time I had a patient who had a son who was an artist or something and she said he would love to have them so they at least found a home. I still have some of the eggs we did and instead of throwing them away when I am supposedly cleaning out my basement, I just take them out and look at them. Anywho ( one of my mom's expressions) sorry to get off the subject, but that is the history of the room we are clearing out....the sewing room. One day it is going to be the computer room IF we ever get around to moving back here.....as for now we just need to clean out cabinets and dressers so we can get rid of them and make room for Ron (my old beau who is doing some work here) so he can get in there and put in the replacement windows and patch the ceiling and walls. I have been working on the house for almost 18 months now and it is getting to be less fun as time goes by. My husband doesn't help at all....sometimes I wonder why he even comes with me. Right now he is out having breakfast and went off and left the tv on CNN which I can hear from the other room. I hate the news and he has it on 24/7...ask him what they just said and he can't tell you so I dont even know why he has it on. He will go have his breakfast then he will come back and sit with his earphones in and listen to his IPod or he will sit in front of his computer or he might play his ukulele and then at around 4 he will start drinking beer.
I have moved to the porch with the dogs....the sun is hitting the chair I am in so it is real nice. This house has a big front porch....an old house on an old street and I still think of this place as home even though I have been in Cincinnati for 24 years. My friend Kris is going to come help me today....she.s a good worker, but she will probably bring her bottle of champagne with here...she isnt supposed to drink, but she doesnt feel champagne is that bad for her. Sometimes I wish I still liked to drink, but I just dont find that it tastes good since chemo. However, I cannot say that about marguritas...they do taste good, but how many of those can you drink? I don.t like having blackouts and that is what tequilla always used to do to me......back in the day when I was drinking Tequilla sunrises and Long Island IceTeas..........ahhhh, those were the days.
SV, hate to tell you, but a lot of people must have felt Liz could act....didnt she get an Oscar for at least one movie....maybe Virginia Wolfe? I remember this one movie she was in, think it was Three Coins in the Fountain and her husband locked her out in the rain and she caught pneumonia and died and it was such a tearjerker...think it took place in Paris or somewhere. She was always one of my Dad's favorites....her and Marilyn Monroe. Heart&soul....OMG, Clark Gable....he was always my man.....I knew he had played Rhett Butler before I read Gone with the Wind so he was what I had pictured when I read it....Be still my heart. I had posters of him all over my BR when I was young. Elvis, now him, I didnt really go for, but my grandmother certainly did....this was my mother's mother, my cool grandmother who smoked the Virginia Slims for me so I could get a You've Come A Long Way Baby tshirt. I used to take boyfriends up to her apt after we moved her to OH so she could meet them.....ones my mother did not approve of. I dont think she was much of a mom since she was very young when she had my mother and she was a career woman and liked to drink and party and my mother had housekeepers and cooks and such to take care of her and she got shipped off to an Aunts every summer in Pittsburg, but she was a great grandma....very hip. My other grandmother was all grandma.....short plump, a wonderful cook, always had a cookie jar full of cookies, did her laundry on Monday and ironed on Tuesday. But there was 20 yrs difference in the grandmothers ages even though there was only 1 yr difference in my mother's and father's. Jaja Barry only lived to be 72, Jaja Brunner got to 96....so maybe there is something to be said for clean living. I have no idea why I am going into family history today....maybe the house brings it out in me. Jaja Barry ( that was the word that came out when I first tried to say grandma and it stuck) loved Elvis and had all his records....she would always say, That Elvis, he's a good boy. The Ed Sullivan show that sticks in my mind was when we got out of youth fellowship early and all went over to the parsonage and watched the Beatles on tv. I think I would have been in 8th grade?....somewhere around there. Anyway, I did get to see them in person. My parents drove my friend and I to Cincinnati to see them because we did not yet drive. They had on their gray suits with the black velvet collars and they flew them in to the middle of the stadium in a helicopter....now that was a thrill. Gotta send now as battery warning came up and cord is in Tims truck so will be back later and comment on some things you all wrote Byyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Good morning ladies!! WOW, I woke up to a dark and rainy day. CB, too funny-I ouwld love it if it was a MAC with cheese and fries. Unfortunately my drug tolerance is so high that they cannot do procedures on me unless i am completely knocked out with all of the gas and meds and whatever it takes. Even then, I woke up during BC surgery when my doc was cutting into my armpit. I remember saying a few expletives and people grabbing my head and trying to intibate me and waking up with a huge fat lip and bruised eye after lumpectomy. Truly I am terrified to do this but my tummy is really not doing good and I need to find out why. But it takes forever to get the anesthesia out of my body-that is what scares me the most-especially after chemo. hey, after the big "C" these procedures should be toast but they are not!!! I haven't read everyone's posts bec i haven't had coffee yet (that is a no no and makes my stomach flip-but my mouth has other ideas) Isabella, get back to the hospital!!!!! xxoo, SV
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OK, I am back....now on Tim's computer which is actually plugged in.....guess there are some advantages to him taking off....I get the computer. Well, now where was I.....in the middle of babbling I guess and others have posted while I was writing about nothing. CB and Lost, I dont have to worry about that cleaning syndrome...it will never hit me. We are sorting today, but only because we have to get those windows in. My house is a wreck....you cannot even see my DR table because that is where I deposit everything when I come in from work or shopping and also my husband puts my mail there to add to the mess. I don't always even see the mail and that is how I get late payment charges. I HATE to throw things out...when I do, it never fails I need that something a few months later. I have furniture in the garage I have drug home from other neighbor's trash....like this low long coffee table I thought would come in handy if I ever have another Chinese party. I did have one once and it was great....everyone dressed up and I fixed some great chinese dishes and had a buffet line in the garage and we had little lanterns strung up all over the back yard and in the pergola and I had fancy drinks with little umbrellas.....called is my August Moon party since I could never get it together to have one when Chinese New Year hit. But that was pre chemo....now I cant organize my thoughts enough to have a big party....let alone organize the house. I save old out of style clothes thinking they might make a good Halloween costume....one part of the basement is nothing, but costumes and hats (my mother was the queen of hats...she had one that looks just like the BeefEaters wear..also another one that looks like a fisherman would wear....one of those with the sort of flaps on the side...it is yellow felt....and there are fur hats which look very Russian and of course the pillboxes like Jackie O wore. I have the entire Wizard of Oz costume collection....can't sew very well since my mother didn't teach me due to my lack of patience, but I did make the costumes...6 of us dressed up and we won a prise that year....I was Dorothy. My spare bedroom is where I pile laundry and my clothes when I take them off. I have been looking for my bathing suit for about a month now and it is probably in there...not that I wear it often, but when the gals I and go to Florida in Nov, I will need it. The only time I clean is when I have company coming. My Dad's house is much the same way.....the basement, attic and garage are full....sometimes he will say we have to get rid of things, but really he is as much a packrat at my mother was. But in some ways it is good....we have my grandmother's wedding dress and shoes and the newspaper article telling about her wedding. I found a letter my mother wrote to her parents when she was 7 yrs old last night and was looking at pictures of my grandfather and his brothers and pics of Daddy when he was in the OSU marching band (they still wear the exact same uniforms today) and a lot of my friends don't have any of this stuff because their parents didn't hold on to things....my mother saved every report card, the program from anything i was ever in, letters I wrote when I was a GS camp, everything. And I love looking at this stuff. Jeeze, I am Ms Nostalgia today, aren't I?
Colonoscopies are not so bad these days....you drink this stuff you mix in with gatoraid or whatever liquid you want to use and yes, you do take a pill....I think ducolax maybe and you take two pills two different times if I recall. I had this about a year ago and it was soooo much better than the old prep. It was always the prep that killed me.
Claude, Bravo to you for keeping up with your dental appts. With some people that is the lst thing they put off.
CB, I am not such a good friend or I would tell her everything I know, but I only tell her if she asks. I don't want to scare the crap out of her. Also me going with her was partly for me...she wouldn't know what some things meant so she didn't recall the words and her husband was even worse, would give me parts of what the onco said and forget the rest so I went for my own peace of mind. I wanted to know what was really going on with her and although I do not think it is a good thing that she still had residual lobular cancer present After the chemo, it sounds like the onco has a reasonable plan of action. I guess lobular is worse....the onco kept calling it sneaky....can you imagine having it, but the mammo and sonograms don't show it so they keep telling you, it's OK? Now that is scary.
Isabella....I think you need to move somewhere and not tell DH or any of his family where you are.....but I know that isn't possible. I work with a woman who has a FIL who is in bad shape....he was in hospice after a fall he took and I think has congestive heart failure, but they decided he really was not going to die right away so they sent him home and he needs someone there all the time....they have a nurse come in and I think someone they pay to be there during the day, but when she gets off work it's off to her father-in-law's. She cooks and cleans and sleeps there and has dogs at home and she said the other day they were on their own for 10 hrs and she is just wearing herself to a frazzel. The family had plans to go to Boston and she really wanted to go, but her husband made her feel so guilty for wanting to go that she didn't and they stayed home with the father in law. He is German and last week some relatives came to visit and as she said when relatives come to visit,they stay with you...no hotels for them. So then she was cooking for everyone. She said on Sunday she had melon and rolls and things out for breakfast and he husband comes into the kitchen and said They want bacon and eggs and Dad wants a waffle.....so she said she started getting the stuff ready for that and just had tears streaming down her face and was sobbing. Her BP is something like 190/ 140 and if she doesn't have a stroke she's going to have a nervous breakdown. When the relatives were there her husband and all of them sat at the table and ate and drank and laughed and she was in the BR feeding the FIL who has to have everything pureed in a blender. She is supposed to go to some special baseball deal with one of the other women at the office....some sort of luncheon and then the game, and she wants so much to go because this was planned a long time ago, but I know she probably won't go. I say this is bull. She loves her father in law and she wants to help him out, but Jeeze enough is enough. And the same for you Isabella. Although I am sure it is easier said than done and will probably find myself in the same situation one day with my father, but the catch is it is MY father....both Patty(my coworker) and you have the actual child of the ailing parent on hand, so I think the majority of the care should be their responsibility and if they can't do it, they should pay someone to do it. Especially with you, Isabella since you have problems of your own to deal with. What's wrong with people? But something else my mother used to say, some people do and some people just don't.
My scans aren't supposed to be til Oct which is sort of good since my onco must think I am doing OK or we would be doing them earilier. A zero cell search was good, can't get any better, BUT the tumor markers are still up there. However. last night when I was at Kroger in the checkout line, I don't know if I sort of had my arms wrapped in front of me when I was standing there or what, but I felt a lump . It's a very little lump, more like a tiny little bump.....I had both Tim and my Dad feel it and finally Tim felt it, (lucky guy....I normally don't want him to touch anything on my person) but my dad couldn't because hes got neuropathy in his fingers (not due to chemo, just old age), bt it's there. Also something that has been going on for at least a month, maybe two is my stomach area is sort of bloated...just is sort of big and sticks out and sucking it in doesn't make it go down. Now I have been doing WW and I have actually lost weight, am at goal, but this stomach is there.....and that was the one area I never carried weight, always had a little waist compared to the rest of me, was out of proportion in fact. I always had to have pants taken in in the waist and carried my weight in my legs. I fill out this green sheet when I am at the oncos with all those run of the mill questions....do you experience night sweats, blood in your stool, trouble sleeping, diarrhea, constipation, shortness of breath, blah, blah. Well, it asks about bloating and I always mark it along with a few other things, but they never pay any attention to it....like this deal I have going on with my throat....sort of lose my voice at times and it feels like I have a collar on that is too tight, but I don't even have a shirt with a collar on. I am sort of thinking this is acid reflux, but don't know....I have commented on it and they just look at me. Well, Wed. I see the PA, one I dont really like, but at least I am seeing someone and I am going to have her feel this place..it is not a pronounced as it was last night, but I can find it and feel it...it's right under my rib...more to the outside than where my liver is so of course I am thinking maybe it's gotten out of my liver...maybe it's moved on, but my cell search was zero so I think that means it is at least staying put and not travleing in my blood stream. This is a typical case of a little bit of knowledge being a bad thing. I don't think oh my, I need to do sit ups, my stomach muscles are shot, No, I think uh oh, maybe it's a tumor and it's filling up my stomach. So am I worrying about nothing? I have almost made the area sore because I keep touching it to see if it's still there. I should start cleaning and get my mind off this. Say, I have an idea, maybe we should all sell some crap we really don't use in a yard sale and save the money to use toward rental of a place for our no longer discussed much get together. We still want to do it, don't we?
Right now for some reason I am just going all I am able to. Am going to MO with my Dad to visit his brother in Oct and am going to Fl in Nov and the end of this month have to go to a dental meeting because I need some CE credits, but I am going to spend the entire weekend and do some things with my friend Cyndee. Travelocity keeps sending me these notices about these really cheap airfares to Zurich and it just makes my mouth water and I want to go soooo Bad....but I keep forgetting to get the stuff together to get a new passport. Now that was a bad thing to lose, but it's been years since I saw it so know for sure it is gone. My car keys I still keep hoping will show up, but so far nothing so I just use my spare. Not only did I lose a few pounds, I lost my mind, but I am sort of used to that cuz it's been like this for maybe a year or so.
Hope I didn't bore you all too much, but I have enjoyed babbling away, drinking my coffee, enjoying the nice cool air. Husband came back and is gone again...is going out to his friends who lives in the country....I am sure there is some sort of a pot deal going on. He said he will be back to watch football at one. Talk about bore......if I did as little as he does in a day, I would shoot myself. Tschau....have a nice Sunday.
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Ah yes --- Chevy --- some people just never grow up I guess so stay in the sun too long. I guess there is something to be said for that -- who wants to actually grow up. I just worry about the reality check at the bottom.
Hmmm, Liz Taylor --- gorgeous and JMHO that she was a fine actress. I think her personal life had enough hills and rocks in it ( didn't she almost die 3 or 4 times ) including failed marriages etc. to give her plenty of inspiration. Some people are able to ** get** inspired, I think Liz got a lot of hers from her real life off the screen. I don't think it was her best by any stretch, but I did like her in Butterfield 8. I think she won her first academy award with that one. Also loved Cat On a Hot Tin Roof, and Sweet Bird of Youth. All quite good moves. It is in the eye of the beholder as always. For the record one movie that I keep replacing because I wear it out is Trip To Bountiful, with Geraldine Page and as well, When A Stranger Calls with Carol Kane and Coleen Dewhurst. The latter is one that still almost sets me on the edge of my seat --- after all this time --- just some of the music used is enough to give me chills. There have been remakes and even a sequel --- but give me the first one --- it still gives me goose bumps.I don't get the time I'd like ( so easy after a long day for me to doze off ) to watch movies like we once were able -- but I keep trying.Well, I have rambled on enoughHave a great Sunday,Hugs, jackie0 -
This is a rant so stop reading if you're not in the mood.
I have a high-power high-profile job that had to go on hold for three months with the BC. I am back and I am NOT doing well. Although I love the job, BC changed my life so totally that getting back to a new normal has been impossible. I think I am suffering from PTSD. I dream about BC every night. Probably every 2-3 nights, I wake after a BC dream (having slept 4-5 hours) and lay there until I surrender after a couple hours and get up.
This is, hopefully, not normal. I called ACS for a BC therapist referral. They called back with one Friday so my goal tomorrow is to call and make the appointment. I hope I don't have to wait too long because I am strung really tight.
I really need this job. Insurance first and foremost at this juncture but my darling DH is a working musician so not much help there in the day to day $$ stuff.
I would try an anti-depressant but found out with genomic testing that my body does not metabolize anti-depressants and also pain killers. I finally understood why 1/2 a Vicodin laid me out in the bed for 2 days. Also, the test said St Johns Wort won't work either. So it's up to me and the shrink.
I hope he/she does better than me alone because I ain't doing so hot.
Sorry for the rant. Going to take a hot bath and drink a dirty martini.
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Barbara - sorry you are having such a hard time! I've finally been able to sleep without the use of a very effective sleeping pill - temazepam. Perhaps you should ask for a prescription and use it a couple days a week so you are able to catch up on sleep from time to time. It was a godsend for me because the way it works - it turned off my brain which wanted to keep processing information (especially breast cancer treatment decisions) in the middle of the night. My doctor gave me a bottle of 60 - 15 mg pills with instructions to take 1 or 2. I always only took 1. And I think they even come in 7.5 mg strength. They were capsules so I couldn't cut them in half; otherwise, I might have tried it. Might be worth a try. They are pretty cheap in the big scheme of things.
Michelle
Hope you can get some rest and hang on to that all-important job. Does your employer offer an employee assistance program? That's another way to get some help.
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Hi gals, Sounds like everyone ison a cleaning frenzy.....should make me feel guilty but the weather is so beautiful that my window washing will wait a few days.....snow will be flying before you know it....yuk....Barbara after reading your post it brought back so many memories of my own...while I was going through my 6 months chemo and having had a masectomy and reconstruction I decided I would work myself to total exhaustion even though I was so sick I just wanted to be mentally and pyhsicaly my old self....I worked all day in the classroom with 3rd graders during which time I would run to the bathroom and vomit, then I also took an after school tutoring job and started a job at our local Herbergers store nights and week-ends.....after going on like this for quite awhile and feeling totolaly zonked I decided to go to talk to my onc. to explain that I knew I was trying to work myself to death so I could forget the bc....She told me at that time that I was being very normal and that we have to go through a grieving period and it will either be sooner or later so she would like me to try and get though it without drugs as at some point I would have to deal with it....I took her advice and did make it through that rough spot so I can tell you that you will also....Now as I look back bc has made me such a different person and I am thankful for some of the changes that God saw to see fit to make me the person I now am....oh I have a long way to still go but I do live my life different now and appreciate so many things I took for granted...I don't want to bore you with all my rambling but trust me you will come out with a new outlook and be happy once again...love to all my bc sisters....I need you all....Claudia
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Barbara,
You are SO not alone. Not all of us have the kind of responsibility you carry but sure do know what you are going through. You are still so "in the middle of it" as to emotions and realigning your thinking to include this life altering event. Why do all the "what ifs" come out at night? I guess our brains are occupied during our waking hours but the fears are all queing up for nighttime. Getting to talk to a therapist should be a big help. Just being able to verbalize your fears is a great relief. That's one reason so many us come here. We are all here for you, We may not know the right thing to say, but we sure know how you feel.
Love and hugs,
pam
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Barbara, I'm thinking of you and hope you can get an appointment soon, and that you really click with the therapist. It IS rough, no doubt; and I can only imagine a high-profile job. My imagination tells me these folks work through Armegeddon & expect the same from all. It's tough when you love your job, yet your whole life perspective has changed, but THEY haven't. I will be thinking of you this week, hoping you can find peace and get some good rest -- the good rest is crucial. I've had too many 4 a.m.'s lately to give advice. I'm looking into yoga for some mind-body repair work myself.
xox to all
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LuvRving....I take Temazepam....I have been taking them since I was dx'd.
They are a godsend to me. I often try and get off to sleep without one, but after about an hour tossing and turning I always end up reaching for my bottle.
I take 10mg, used to be in capsule form, but the druggies were injecting the liquid from inside the capsules, so now we have no choice, it's tablet form or nothing. I have to sign the 'poison register' when I go for my prescription...sometime some loud mouthed assistant will shout 'will you sign the poison register for me'....just when there's a queue of people to hear.
Today I have had a quiet day. Big Formula 1 Grand Prix on TV, not much will move me when I settle down to watch it. I was in trouble last night for not going to G/sons engagement party. I SHOULD have gone, but I really felt tired and rough, so rang with my apologies. DD had a go at me saying I should have rung earlier...which I should, but I was feeling tired and just could not muster up the strength to go and get changed. Seems quite a few people had rung with apologies, all our side of the family, of course, it was the first time ever I had not attended a family do, so felt bad all evening. I just was not up to loud live music, and catching up on the infighting thats going on in part of the family...( mainly DD and SILs arguments, and another SIL who has had to be warned off getting too close to her own daughters boyfriend ( my niece by marriage) !!!!!!!!!!) I was dreading being cornered by 1 or 2 of the family and given their versions. DD had a little rant at me, so much so that I put the phone down on her. I will not be told off when others can hear.
DH called in on me this afternoon, just as the motor racing got underway,wondering 'if I was going in to see MIL' He got a resounding NO, and pretty quickly got out of my way ! I am cutting visits down now to 2/3 times a week, as it looks like its going to be long drawn out thing, going into months from what they say. MIL always asks me 'when are you coming again?' I haven't involved her in any disagreements I might have with her son...she's 92, so doesn't want troubles on her mind at this stage of life....I suppose I could get by never telling her, that'd be the best way I think....she is asking me about her little dog, and intends to have it back, but I don't think that is going to happen, so looks like I shall be stuck with the little monster! She is thinking she can go back to her home, but thats not going to happen either, she's just not safe anymore....I am keeping out of this telling her where she's going, or rather where she's NOT going. Her memory is going fast and she repeats herself so much I could pull my hair out. I am TRYING to involve my 2 lazy SILs, it is their mother, one cheeky monkey asked me last week, 'are you taking the washing home from the hospital?' I just said 'no, its down there in the locker, can you do it I haven't been too well' I felt bad, but its their responsibility, not mine.
SV loved the pic of you on the beach, and your dogs look lovely, my brother had Springers for many years. I would love a trip to the coast, but it ain't going to happen this year now, the days are drawing in fast now. It will be Christmas before we know it.
Off to bed now, not to sleep, I can't get straight off so I have a film lined up to watch for an hour. I am thinking about a little puppy I sold today...its her first night away from me, first time owners, and I can't get out of my mind it will be lonely...I have given them loads of printed advice, and tried to explain about 'first nights away from home' I just hope it went in. It was a particularly pretty little thing, and she gave me the most sad look as I handed her over...I had tears in my eyes as it was driven away....sometimes I feel like chasing the cars and saying ' here's your money back, just give me the puppy back !!!!'
Isabella.
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Barb. I think that we suffer enormous brain trauma that is physical in addition to 'getting' PTSD. This is for real and if you are going to survive your job you will need therapy and you will also need to find new coping mechanisms-keep it simple-one day at a time-first things first-easy does it. I have heard the same story from many women who have gone what we have gone thru. Chemotard lasts for a good year and no, your brain will not work not matter what YOU want! It sucks. Do you have an employee rep at your firm. BY law, if you have had something like cancer and cannot perorm in your usualy capacity-federal law says the company has to provide you with a temporary job thatw meets your ability to cope with the stressors. I was a nurse and they had to put me on duty as the hospital telephone operator. Try tylenol PM but really, a doc needs to evaluate you and prescribe. There are no quick fixes-I am still in a daze and if i am stressed I am paralyzed and I am 8 months out of just one chemo treatment and lumpectomy. You are not alone, but you must devise a plan with some advocates to help you get thru your workday!! And Isabella, I so worry about you. Please get to the doc. You just sound so worn out and depressed. Plz, plz go back and get checked out! I am very tired tonight-way overdid it out in the sun-crap!!! One day of fun and four days down on the couch!! I hate it! Alyson, I am watching the lord of the ring series to see NZ again-awesome!! XXOO, SV
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Isabella -- hats off to you. I would not be able to part with any thing ( and I haven't ) if I shared life with them from first moment on. I know you are a breeder so could not keep them all. I only had one litter of kittens -- a feral Himalayan mommy who we did not know was about to give birth when we took her in. Had 6 and we still have five. One passed from a kidney problem. Good for you -- doing what you need to do for yourself. I hope those who care about you will see that they have not been helping you and so you have finally over-looked them to do what you have to in order to get as well as you can and have some kind of life. We see to others needs all the time -- if they are not smart enough to see that the same shoe fits on their foot, then they will have to be left behind a bit.
Barbara -- the others are so right. You need to give yourself a bit more time. People have diabetes, strokes, heart attacks and generally speaking I never hear of them "needing" to accept a new normal as we with bc do. Some how these other diseases, while debilitating in many ways, and some with long recovery times don't seem to cause the PAUSE in life that canser does. Somehow the people with these other things may need to address some issues, diet, exercise, or whatever, but they are the same people and just go on. We go on too, but with a strange cloud -- sometimes a big one hanging over our head feeling a little threatening. You are very normal ---- though I do think talking with someone --- and perhaps getting something for sleep ( a huge restorative ) will have many benefits. You are struggling and these things could make it easier for you.
It is always easier for someone not going thru something to say -- this too shall pass so just take it easy and don't do too many what if's because it is likely that few if any of these things will actually happen. All we really have is now --- this moment. Yesterday is done and we hope we did the best we could with it --- but it is gone and we need to LET IT GO. Tomorrow is not here and no one --- not even you sweet lady, can predict with any accuracy what will or will not happen tomorrow --- so save tomorrow for when it actually arrives. It is difficult to live now when your projecting tomorrow on today --- bad overlay. Now is all you will ever have and each second you live is a new now -- past is done, future has not come ---- so though it is easy for me to say and something I still work on all the time too -- if you can just stay still or rather quiet your mind enough you will stay in your now. Hoping peace and serenity catch up to you very soon.
Hugs, Jackie
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Barbara - I have this psychiatrist that I just love, and one of the things I like the most about him is that he is very chemical-oriented. Whatever he prescribes, he thinks and ponders and ponders and thinks about. He is REAL big on SAMe for mood disorders and melatonin for sleep. I like that he thinks outside the box and doesn't put me on Big Pharma stuff all the time.
Both of these "supplements" are well-known for being effective, although that's not really the right word. Look them up and ask the therapist about them. They are both natural components in our bodies and you may not have any problem metabolizing them. I'm only taking prescriptions to help me sleep right now, but I'm going to ease off of them and into melatonin because I'm so tired of all these crappy drugs in my body.
Everybody - everything you told Barbara helps me, too. I don't think I'm really dealing with this yet, but reading your posts helps me comprehend this complex state we find ourselves in now. We definitely need to adopt a new outlook because of this cloud following us around. There's no escaping it, so we have to accept it. I don't know about y'all, but I print out people's posts that affect me so I can refer to them to comfort myself when I'm starting to freak out.
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Happy Birthday!
xx(((((((((((((((((((((((Jackie)))))))))))))))))))))))xx
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Just reading all your responses brought tears to my eyes. Thanks so much for the encouragement. Heartandsoul, I am going out to get SAMe today and give it a try tonight. Sleep can only help. Also, I am calling the shrink referral I got from ACS. Thanks for the support. You are the greatest.
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Barbara....I'm with ya' kid! These women all came through for you! I just read your post, & thought "Oh no".....but I kept reading, and saw the heartfelt sincere wishes the women on here posted for you....... no better medicine!
But yes, talk to your Docs & anyone else that can help you.... About your sleeping......just be a little careful, because when I took Melatonin, it doesn't do well with Tamoxifen. It causes things to steam-roll right through your body without any apparent reason! And it doesn't happen until about a week after taking it, so it's hard to tell what side-effects are caused from what....Just ask your Doc.....I also took Tylenol PM...but I'm always afraid it will tell the Tamoxifen to not work.....Ha! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JACKIE!!!!! I tried to post a picture of a cake a few minutes ago, & lost the whole post..... Sooooooooo I won't try that again...yet!
Isabella....doesn't it just drive you nuts when our DD's try to pretend they are the Mom's? And they want to scold us, & make us mind? Man, I avoid those conversations as much as I can...
But how "sassy" of you to tell your DH "NO".....! Ha! I would love to do that! I might try it soon! It probably seems like all around you, people are trying to pull you in all different ways!
And I'm sorry you miss your baby pup.....I know.....you have the sweetest most caring heart...I'm like Jackie...I would probably keep them all....so I couldn't be a breeder. How's the MIL dog doing? Is she conforming as best she can? Better than DH, right?
Just thanks gals! You came through for Barbara in a big way....you are all so wonderful! xoxoxo
((((((((((((((((((((((((Barbara))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKIE !!!!!!!!!!!!! hope you pamper yourself and have a great week.....that wish goes out to all you w
onderful gals.....hugs Claudia 0 -
Sorry about the goof....some advertisement got posted on there and I couldn't get it off....What I really wanted to do was wish Jackie a Happy Birthday....hope all you gals have a great week...still praying for you Barbara and knowing this too will pass.....know that you have many of us who deeply care and think of you daily....Melatonin really helped me also and I went with a pretty high strength 5 mg. which I still do take when I have one of those nights....I was told it is perfectly safe to take so felt comfortable taking it.....hugs to all Claudia
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Dear sweet ladies this is DAROLYN I was on this board quit a while ago. Had 2 lumpectomies with dirty margins then the mastectomy. Am now on arimedex. Having hot flashes like I was a young pup. Lots of joint pain. My next visit think will try a different drug. It seems so nice to see all the oldies (just kidding) on here. SV and Marybe(you had just joined) another Ohioian and Illinois Lady. Just a few names I remember. The old brain isnt what it used to be. I need some help from a Floridian. We want to go to Florida in January- February and maybe March. How do we go about finding a place to rent. I dont care which coast just something that isnt outrageous in price. Again love to all
ARo
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Darolyn,
I got my first rental from VacationFlorida.com and Gulf Coast Rentals is another. I understand that there are lots of good deals for this coming winter.
Glenis
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Hi Chrissyb thanks for your message and I too wear a hair piece on special occasion's, but with my hair being so thin sometimes the hairpiece hurts my head. But otherwise I know I'm lucky as I'm keeping OK these days,I'm seeing a great herbalist which is helping me giving me pills to help my aching joints & hair I'm just wondering when we finish the Arimidex does our hair&joints get back to normal again, bearing in mind I'm getting older as well. So how are you doing bye for now Love Whitechocolate. P S When I was going through my chemo one the things I could eat was whitechocolate hence the name whitechocolate
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Whitechocolate -- I don't think I said hi and welcome to you. I'm thanking all of you for the ever so nice birthday wishes. Until I got on the BCO this morning I had forgotten today was the day. I am 65 years young today. Feel about 47 --- except on bad Arimidex days -- however, basically even the bad days are ok. Or put another way -- it sure beats not having any days at all. I am just thankful there is something that we can take that helps us ward off recurrences.
Well, it's onward and upward for me. Started out by taking my Bishon-Poo, named Poncho to the Vet. He has to stay overnight --- having his second and last heart worm treatment, so this was previously planned.
I hope all of you have a great day and glad you are encouraged by all of us who are hoping that you get good answers and help Barbara, and do well. You have a lot of been there, done that friends here and most of us inn one or other are still doing that. We are with you.
Hugs, Jackie
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hello my sistas
first i wanna wish jackie HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Barbara i too dream about bc every nite.that suks.hopefully one day our minds will shut off.i take valium at nite and it still doesnt shut off the brain that never sleeps.lol
Isabella with the full plate.....WORRY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW.
Sv and Chevy...hope you both are stayin out of trouble
and to all the rest of my sistas God bless all of you.I pray for each and ever one of you day and night.where would we be without each other??????
huggggggggggggggggggs
K
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********HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKIE********
Thank you for all of the inspirational posts!
Have a good time today!
But don't get in trouble!0 -
Happy happy birthday Jackie! You are always so inspirational and supportive. We are all blessed to have you as a friend.
On the shrink front, called ACS (as I told you) they gave me the name of a doc. I Googled this AM and her website (she's in NY-wouldn't help me any) is all about her book. So didn't bother to call to be told to buy a book. I want to look 'em in the eye. Called my onc. They called back and said they had a shrink on staff in the onc practice and the secretary would call me back. This is at 10AM. It is now 5. Good thing I am not suicidal.
Regarding anti-depressants, getting the proper dosage would be very tricky as I don't metabolize them, just like pain killers lay me out when I take 1/2 pill. I will keep looking for one in the meanwhile, I did order SAMe from the healthfood store and it should be here tomorrow. I plan to take melatonin tonight.
Thanks to all of you for lifting me up, patting me on the back and kicking me in the big fat a$$. I know I need a shrink and I will find one.m And I know I need to sleep to let me try SAMe for anxiety and melatonin for sleep.
God bless all my sistas.
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