Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Laurie....This is a link to one of our friends, and what she has been going through for years....Try reading what she says, and the treatments she has gone through....Best wishes, and take good care! http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/779235?page=11#idx_3090
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Dear wyngator,
I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to try to advise another person on what course to follow in this situation. I amso sorry you and your mother are going through this. It is wrenching enough to have to make treatment decisions for ourselves but at least we know it is "us" who lives with the consequences, the side effects and the pain.
When my mother (older and totally different medical situation) was faced with decisions that would prolong, or not, her life the hospital had a social worker meet with her privately. They discussed what would happen if she pursued treatment and what would happen if she did not. She was weak but of sound mind and knew exactly what she wanted. From that meeting forward everyone in the family understood my mom's wishes and worked to see that she got what she wanted.
A second opinion with a different doctor might help you all get a grip on how aggressive the treatment should be. Seventy-four does not sound as old to me as it used to
but it is impossible to say what I would want hypothetically. None of know until we are faced with the situation. It seems to me triple negative breast cancer, while uncommon, is more common in younger women who are naturally treated more aggressively.
I wonder if you posted in the triple negative thread if you might find someone in your mom's age group? Ditto, I think there are threads for WBR where you could ask if anyone in their 70s has been through it. I wish you and your mother the best in this very difficult time.0 -
Chevy,
What is the word from the ER on your DH? So glad he agreed to go!0 -
pj....thanks! The Doc said it is not cracked, or broken! They took 3 x-rays, showed them to us, and explained the damage from Arthritis & bone spurs, and that fall made it all worse. He gave us prescriptions for an anti-inflammatory and pain-pills.... So at least we found out what was wrong, and what all that swelling was from!
Man, we are so relieved! Trying to get him to use the arm sling, and heat, or ice, was driving me nuts... But it is so much better today than last night! It's like they get cranky when they hurt! I'm just so glad we checked it out! Thanks! xoxoxo
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Good news, Chevy! Doesn't mean he is going to complain any less but at least you know how serious to take it.
WYNGATOR, in this forum there is a thread for older women with triple negatived BC! To find it, scroll up to the top of this page. Look near the top on the left side... There is a line of purple-lavender print titled Forum: Older women with Breast cancer. Click on the second line, the one with the slightly larger print. A new page will open listing all the threads in this forum. down about the ninth or tenth thread is the thread you are interested in. If there is not an active discussion you can private message one of the participants that you think could share some valuable information. Just click on the name as it appears in blue print at the beginning of their post. Now you'll get the opportunity to send them a private message. You could ask them to suggest a thread that is active if this one has gone dormant.
Don't hesitate to ask for more clarification if my directions are not good.0 -
Thank you ALL so much. I have been posting like a bandit today all over the place. People probably think I am crazy. I decided to post in the forum rather than private message at this point hoping to reach a greater audience. Thanks again SO MUCH for you support and help!!!
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WynGator....I too am sorry to about your Mom. Moms are very special, and your Mom has been through a great deal of tx. It is very difficult to know what to do.....and I can see a lot of ambivalence here. I think PJ gave you some excellent advice.....and that would be if you could have a person -- social worker, ombudsman, whomever might be able to help your Mom decide just how she feels about these medical issues......and just how far she might want to go or not.
I wish you well on your search and hope that you can find answers that will greatly help you both to know what to do. People can live a long time with mets and so it is important to get information.
Wishing you both well.
Hugs, Jackie
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Absolutely good advice!!. When I speak with my mother tonight, I am going to suggest we go and get a second opinion. We live here in Florida so I will suggest either MD Anderson in Orlando, Moffitt in Tampa or maybe even Shands in Gainesville. I think we need to take some time to make an informed decision. But, time is so critical ... so hopefully we can get in to see someone quickly. Thanks
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The Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville would be a good choice too. When I was first diagnosed I arranged to go there for a second opinion. DH was already a patient there so we were familiar with the building and all. BUT they wanted either copies of all pathology, films, and the actual biopsy specimens and slides or start from scratch. I could see where that was going to delay my surgery, that I wouldn't want to drive there every day for my radiation tx, and mostly, I had read here enough to learn my particular BC was not a big deal. Except to me
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Hi WynGator,
You've gotten such good support and advice from everyone here. They're an amazing group of people here. We are sorry for what you and your mom are going through. Second opinions are always good. Please feel free to contact us any time you need additional support, or can't find information on the site. We are all here for you and your mom.
Warmest wishes,
Melissa and the Mods
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Hi WynGator,
You've gotten such good support and advice from everyone here. They're an amazing group of people here. We are sorry for what you and your mom are going through. Second opinions are always good. Please feel free to contact us any time you need additional support, or can't find information on the site. We are all here for you and your mom.
Warmest wishes,
Melissa and the Mods
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Thanks Mods! I know Wyngator can find answers to a lot of her questions here. Also Wyn..... please really talk to your Mom, and ask what she thinks, after you talk to everyone else! See what their recommendations are, then make your decisions that way.....
At my age, 74, and depending to what happens to the rest of my life, I want to know that I am still in charge, no-matter what anyone else thinks I should do..... It doesn't matter if you have cancer or what..... You sound very close to your Mom..... I wish I could have talked to my Mom more, before "they" whisked her off for a triple bypass and a valve job.... She had a stroke while in surgery.....
She had congestive heart failure, (I found out) for a few years before, and all she did was go in for a check-up! She even drove to the appointment.... They advised her to go over to "emergency" and they decided she needed that surgery! She was 82....and yes I am bitter, because she was afraid to not listen to them....so was my Dad... But if they just would have left her alone!
So you have in-put in her decision, but if she KNOWS what is going on, then you can all decide.
My best wishes, kiddo....Take good care! xoxoxo
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Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.
~Mahatma Gandhi0 -
Good morning to you. I hope you are all going to have a good day. It is a great day to be alive. I haven't had many days in my life when I haven't felt just that way.
Hugs, Jackie
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Thank you all SO VERY MUCH!! Really, I feel like I found this website and went bonkers all over the place yesterday. But oh, what great wisdom was shared.
Last night, I called my mother. We talked for a long while. She told me that she "loved" the idea of a second opinion. She said that she was so grateful that I suggested it and it never even occurred to her. She kept repeating to me that "why did that never occur to her?" She told me that while she knew that no doctor was going to give her any type of "miracle cure" ... that she would feel more comfortable hearing another opinion even if that opinion was exactly the same.
She felt overwhelmed and rushed into WBR and that is no way to begin this treatment. So, tomorrow I will make a few phone calls and see how to go about getting her in somewhere for a second opinion. I don't know if my calling to start the ball rolling is best or if we should call her oncologist to do that. I don't know if her medical oncologist will really want to do that since she is the one who sent us to this radiologist who suggested WBR.
But, for now I am just happy that we can take a deep breath and think. In my mind, it is the difference between being "Pushed" off a cliff and "Diving" off a cliff. I'd rather dive.
Thanks again everyone -- you are wonderful!
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Laurie....Good for you..... with your feelings and as well helping your mom re-discover the ability of choice. Everything about a diagnosis like this is scary and sometimes I think it is rather easy to lose your sense of reason and perspective. No one should have to be really rushed into what they do....and though I would not want to cast aspersions on anyone but I would expect a Radiologist to see a viewpoint of a radiology answer, etc. So....second opinions should be welcomed by all concerned. Personally, I would ask the Oncologist.
I am wishing you well and hoping for the best outcomes possible. Give your mother our best.
Hugs, Jackie
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Thank you so much for your responses ladies...I can see that I will have a great support system here...I feel so much better knowing that what I am feeling prior to this surgery is very normal...panic, sadness and then a xanas to calm me down...can't wait until the surgery is over...Feb. 1st...keep me in your prayers...I will let you know the outcome afterwards...I feel as though you are all hugging me at the same time...thank you and God Bless You All!!!!
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barbiecorn....
that is just why were here. Each of us pretty much start out from the same place. We feel alone and unsure, scared and a little torn and battered by having a challenge like this one come. There are usually a lot of other things that we may have thought might happen as we got older......but I think the majority of us never thought of cancer. When I was able to reach a point of hind-sight where this disease is concerned.....I realized that some of the other things that happened to me did not scare and upset me ( make that a trembling wreck of a person who thought she just might die an early death ) anywhere near like the cancer diagnosis did.
For the record....I had a bad thyroid blow-out and was within a few short hours of possibly not making it.....and then later went on to have a brain-stem stroke. With both the thyroid and stroke I had to have several yrs. of physical therapy and during early stages of both I had transitory amnesia. Just to say I had reason to be scared, upset, and maybe worry about dying, but I never did.......that is until the cancer.
So.....many of us stay here because this is not a real easy path and for some reason I feel it is more mentally upsetting than most other diseases. Maybe because many yrs. ago it seemed to be an almost automatic death sentence.....someone was here at BC.Org to give me care and comfort in a very non-judgemental way....to hold my hand and encourage me to hang in there and do my tx. plan and then learn how to enjoy life again. We stay here to pay back what was done for us. I'm glad you are comfortable here knowing we all care and want you to be well and get back to enjoying life. We will keep the prayers going. You are important....and you are one of us.
Hugs, Jackie
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barbiecorn: Your welcome. Jackie: Well said!
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It's not until you have the courage to step off the ledge that you'll realize you've had wings all along. ~ Gail Lynne Goodwin
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LOL...Jackie....I found those wings this morning when I went for my rads app't and found out I had to be scanned and go into one of those narrow tubes! I'm claustrophobic and it would have been really easy to freak out, but I decided this would be as good a time as any to suck it up and not act like a baby, so I did. I hated every minute of it, but at least I didn't make a fool of myself! I think I was in there for a grand total of about five minutes, but it felt like an hour! Anyway, I'm still alive...imagine that! This fear of closed in spaces runs in my family....we are all like that for some reason.
Have a nice day everyone!
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A man may conquer a million men in battle but one who conquers himself is, indeed, the greatest of conquerors.
- Buddha0 -
Yay, Kaara. I may have to try that sometime. I too hate those tubes and usually have to have a little pill to help through it. You did good though. This disease comes with many challenges doesn't it???
I think we have good news on Dh's cataract surgery. He goes back this morning for re-check. He is still pretty light sensitive, but I think that is normal. Says it is getting better and better. I dread the day I have to do it....hmmm, maybe I'll be lucky and won't have too. I only actually have one eye I can truly see out of.....so I'll really have to watch out if I have to do anything that involves my " good " eye.
Hope you are all going to have a stunning....sun-filled day. It is bright and pretty here this a.m. after way too many grayish days to suit me. I feel like blooming.....and the sun just makes that possible.
Hugs to all,
Jackie
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Beautiful day here too Jackie. After I returned from the gym I did some work in the yard...fertilizing the flowers. I feel much better today after being traumatized by that machine yesterday! I would have loved a little pill if only I had known what was going to happen to me. How I managed to live 71 years without ever having to go into one of those things...I guess everyone assumed I would know what to expect. Another obstacle of life conquered!
Enjoy the day everyone!
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Thank you ladies...I am not alone - never realized how many of us there are....my daughter is getting married in June...she is my only child and her bridal shower is in April....I just want to be well enough for both of those wonderful occasions. I want her to see me well and happy..Please pray that I am okay for those wonderful occasions...I never thought about cancer...never thought about death but this has scared the heck out of me...I am trying to stay positive..can't wait for the surgery to be over...thanks for your well wishes....I just want to send a great big hug to all of you.....
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Morning gals! barbie, do you have help at home? You might need help right after the surgery...
You should be good to go by April! Did you read up on Juliana Ransick that had a double MS last month? Guess she had immediate implants, or something like that....I don't know all the details, but there are a lot of women on this site that can answer any of your questions....
When are you going in for surgery? Remember all of us here are "with" you... Just don't think about what "could" happen, and try & just live for today, and don't let your fears take over... It's easy to get caught up in worrying, but it won't do you any good, sweet one......
Pretty soon it will all be over....we were ALL scared to death! But we all came through that dark tunnel...so now we're waiting for you on the other side...! Hugs to you too!
xoxoxo
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Barbiecorn, just wanted to send you a hug. Having your daughter's shower and wedding is something for you to look forward to, and that's a very GOOD thing. It will help you through the days ahead. Think about those wonderful days, visualize them, plan for them. It will be a wonderful way to keep your mind from less positive thoughts and it will make the days go by faster. We all need something to look forward to!
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Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.
John Updike0 -
Good Morning! Got an interesting update from my RO this morning. She was trying to plan out my radiation treatment from the CT scan on Monday. She informed me today that she was not able to locate the site of my tumor to do the planning...it was healed completely, as though it never existed!
Translated that means I can't have the partial breast rads because they can't locate the tumor site, even with the marker that the BS put in, so that only leaves me with the option of WBR. I can do the short term version...three weeks, or just do nothing and they will observe me closely.
I see my cardiologist tomorrow morning and my nauropathic doc in the afternoon. I have the weekend to make my final decision before I begin next Wed. What a delimma.
I can only remember the prayers of my DS and DIL, asking God to remove the tumor, as though it had never existed. Those were the OR's exact words.
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Wow !!!! What a dilemma to be in....and yet, we all believe in miracles, don't we??? I sure do, but I do understand it possibly makes your choice now a whole lot more difficult. Wishing you well with this new challenge.
Hugs, Jackie
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