Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
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OMGosh, Dare I say this. It is not so terribly hot, but making up for it with humidity. I worked for a couple of hours this morning, then went out to feed the feral cats. Then went to my new sitting job. Afterwards, I stopped in at the nursing home to visit with the lady I sat with fort two years. Stayed a bit longer than I should have but that's ok. I don't think she had been having much company ( even I had to postpone a couple times ) so wanted to 'make' up to her just a bit.
Now home and trying to catch up here as I usually get on here early in the a.m.
I feel like I'm a little behind though I'm not....I think it is just from doing things at different times.
Cammi....got a big kick out of that piece you wrote and let me borrow. Always glad to hear when some of these things speak to you. So many of them do me. I bet you had something to do with the one I put in just now Cam. I'm glad you keep me supplied.
I hope you all had a wonderful day.
Peace and love
Jackie
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Camille, You really made me laugh; thank you! I agree; the older we get, the more tired we are; I've been fighting for a happy life for so long, how much can one person take??? You are right; he's not the man I fell in love with & he is definitely a coward! I'm not afraid of being alone; I just wasn't prepared for this bombshell! Financially, I don't know what I'm going to do.
Jackie, You asked if tired of the relationship before the cancer dx; no I don't think so. It seemed to coincide w/ the dx. He didn't seemed the least bit concerned when I first told him. He said I wasn't sick because I didn't look sick! He didn't go w/ me to any procedures, tests, Dr. consultations, etc. He even told me to drive myself to the hospital the day of my surgery! He is a workaholic; never had time for me, so it never crossed my mind that he would have the opportunity to "meet" someone. It just so happened it was a client of his who came to him for professional advice, then it turned into personal advice. I guess he maybe opened up to her about dealing w/ my cancer dx. I'm still shocked & angry about this situation I find myself in. I know you said I have to find complete & total acceptance to make a fresh start but I feel it's going to take a very long time:(
Joan, I know all too well about what life doesn't give us. A few weeks ago I was so happy; for my older son who found a FULL TIME Teaching position. He will be moving to CT in about a week. Talk about bad timing; I was hoping to go back to Long Island to help him pack & move and now I find myself in the same situation, only for a different reason. I wished he could have come here to help me but like I said, he's busy w/ his move to CT. I feel bad I can't help him & he feels bad that he can't help me.
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Linda.....yes, yes, yes. It may take a long time. You are going to mourn for what you thought you had. It was a dream, an ideal, a rock to lean on and all the other adjectives and descriptions we might come up with. It was a bolt from the blue....just like the cancer diagnosis.......and all of these things are the kinds of things that usually happen to other people. I have always found myself to be the one who supported others....got them through negative situations. But little did I know the lesson that was in store for me. I was humbled and I remain humble.....and I remain here because life really does seem so un-fair.....sometimes so hard.....all of the time. I do have crosses to bear.....but somehow, at least most of the time they seem ( a least a lg. part of them ) somewhat insignificant in comparison to what I see others having to deal with.
I do come from a stoic family who just ploughed through, somehow, someway and tried not to make too big a fuss while they were doing it. So for the most part.....that has been my approach to almost everything in my life. That did mean for me though......working with situations --- leaning into them and then relaxing into acceptance. So, I do move away from a lot of things......and become almost an observer of my own life. I guess I've learned how not to give power to most of the negative things and do the utmost to make the outcome as positive as possible. I'm always working on life --- but these last few years have become easier as my approach has become more natural to me. I've had about 16 yrs. of practice in how I approach things. Hope I didn't sound off-hand or too rah-rah. It is a bit of a major undertaking to get away from things that have hurt you by completely removing the power structure that makes it so negative and painful.
I do read authors like Wayne Dyer, Eckart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, Dr. Brian Weiss and most of these authors have quite a spiritual leaning as well.
So, I really do apologize if I sounded glib about things. I have become over time.....because I was working on these issues a good spate of time before I got my cancer dx. sort of used to how I look at things and as mentioned it is somewhat at a point where I am almost an observer. I don't know that you always get the best 'translation' then.
Till your stronger.....one step at a time, one day at a time and remember to remember that hopefully the closing of one door will allow another far better one to open. That is often what is found when we can shake off all the negative tendrills of the past and open ourselves to the great gifts that are often waiting.
I really want it for you......but I'm patient.
Peace and love
Jackie
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Linda, I know that you were so happy for DS and his move. I am thinking that you are now consumed with resolving your own living situation. I hope you are doing OK...I know that I'd be having a really tough time with the changes. Sending positive thoughts your way.
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The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge
into it, move with it, and join the dance.~~~~Alan Watts0 -
Linda, is your son who's moving to CT married? Is there any possibility that you could live with him, at least temporarily?
I've always admired people who come up with practical solutions that might not be ideal, but work. For example, I know a woman who separated from her husband when she was in her 40's and had a teenaged daughter. Rather than try to set up a separate household, she moved in with her mother, who was a widow, and lived in a 3-bedroom home. So three generations of women live together and each has her own bedroom. The arrangement has lasted for more than 5 years and it seems to work.
I could mention a couple more situations like a friend whose husband had advanced Parkinson's disease. She sold their country club home and got a good price before the real estate prices fell. She moved them to the little town in TX where she grew up and shares a house with her sister. The husband has since died and my friend and her sister keep each other company. She's better off than she would be living by herself.
Right now, Linda, you're dealing with the heartache and disappointment of the breakup. It will take time, I would think, for you to heal. We're all pulling for you. I hope you will eventually reach the stage where you look back and are proud of yourself for coping and making a new life.
Hugs to all.
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Carole I was thinking the same thing for Linda--altho it's a different State and maybe that would be a harder move for u, it's really not a bad idea if it's possible. U could really start anew and reminders wouldn't be ther. But I know financially I'm sure u 2 depended on each other to live on that's a very difficult adjustment, not only u'r heart but u'r bank account. The whole scenario is a sad one so I hope u can deal with all of this a day at a time. And u know it will get better.(((HUGS)))
Jackie again another unknown author---smile while light white--whose words do they sound like. Come on now.
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Of course, Cam. You just didn't want to take credit, but yeah......I stole it from you. So....I'm a fabulous fake while your the genuine thing. I would only want to **steal** from someone really, really good. I mean....I have to have some sort of class some way, some where, don't I ??? Love you gal. Your're just too much fun and you keep me on my toes.
Peace and love
Jackie
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This sort of shows -- sometimes we look at things the wrong way....this little guy was looking at them just right:
Once a reporter stood in front of a fire as it consumed a house
and then he turned to see the homeowners and their little son
watching it burn. The reporter, fishing for a human interest angle,
said to the boy, "Son, it looks like you don't have a home anymore."
The little boy promptly answered, "Oh, yes, we have a home.
We just don't have a house to put it in."~~~~Barbara Johnson0 -
That is so what it is. Perception. I do think tho a child sees possibilities where an adult sees hopelessness. It's the way we al look at all of our circumstances and we forget and take them for granted sometimes.
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he's having a good time. Perception
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Guess what, ladies! We were about a week from a feeding tube but...Mom ate a pint of chicken soup, 1/2 piece of pizza and a piece of birthday cake yesterday! All those tests and it seems that it was her seizure med that she has been taking since March. It seems the change to extended release in early July and the increase after that made her vomit every day. The few times before that....well, med + anxiety or delayed stomach emptying is still a possibility. But, at this point, hopefully she can eat enough to start getting her strength back. We have been using wheelchair in house instread of walking with cane and her leg has become weak to even stand balanced on it. The lack of walking and therapy has taken its toll over the last 5 weeks. I hope she can recover what she lost. Hopefully, by switching the med completely, it will eliminate the few times she threw up during therapy (and that wasn't anxiety). I mention anxiety because there have been a few instances lately of mom throwing up and it seemed it was nothing more than someone upsetting her (me telling her she will end up in hospital with tube, her PT showing up unexpectedly, she almost threw up when the speech therapist came for 1st visit).
We reduced her old med back to where she was the first "isolated" time she threw up which is reduced 1/3 from where she was when she threw up every day. We also set up a faster schedule for getting off it. Other than that and it being my nephew's 6th bday...she's eating and hasn't thrown up (fingers crossed).
Her sister called Thursday after a feeding tube discussion with dr, after mom throwing up, etc. Told me not to give her Gatorade that it can cause seizures, basically asked why we gave her seizure med because it can cause seizures and weren't they worse on med (answer is no) on and on. I lost it and told her that if she wanted to come here and live 24 hrs. a day and not give someone seizure med and then go upstairs every morning and hope she didn't have a seizure and stop breathing, then she could do it.
I can't imagine how long it takes to gain lost weight, nutrients, energy and muscle lost in 5 weeks of not eating especially for someone who sits 99% of day.
One step at a time, I guess.
Sharon
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Sharon, that is good news that your mom is eating. Ditto to what you told her sister. If the sister wants to run things, she should come and take over and give you a break.
I'm happy for my mother this weekend because my sister who lives 2 1/2 hrs. drive from my mother's house has come to visit and stay a few days. Nothing makes my mother happier than to have her kids in the house.
DH and I were up early this morning (8 am!) so that we could go to the farmers' mkts in Park Rapids, which opens at 9 am. I bought beautiful tomatoes for $1 apiece! How I remember those good ole days when my dad was alive and healthy enough to raise a big garden. He used to give us buckets of tomatoes, so many that I had enough to make sauce to freeze for later use.
I also bought nice cucumbers for 50 cents each, not bad. Two little baggies of yellow snap beans for $1 each. New potatoes and an onion. Home-made bread, cookies, and jam.
I'm thawing out steaks for dinner and we'll have some of the new potatoes boiled in the jackets and a salad with tomato and cucumber. Yum. Yum.
If we stayed home through June, I could raise a garden but my back starts to ache just thinking about it! I love growing veggies but hate weeding. Plus when those veggies start coming in, you have TOO many to deal with. So I guess I'll stick to buying fresh veggies and paying dearly for them.
Linda, I'm thinking about you and hoping you're doing ok.
Hugs to all.
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Sharon finally some improvement, u must feel better--just to see u'r mom eat. Oh I hope it just gets better and better now.
Carole a garden is so much work and like u said it all comes in at the same time. It's better to go to a market and buy whatever u want. Just a few more weeks of summer, school starts soon. I can't believe it.
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If I want to feel younger and look younger, then it's only natural that part
of my daily routine is to laugh more. Laughing gives the muscles of my face,
chest, and abdomen a workout. A hearty laugh stimulates my heart rate,
causes me to breathe deeply, and releases happiness hormones, my endorphins.
Laughter is one of the ways I express my gratitude to God. As I laugh, I
release the gladness of my soul into the environment--creating something
that's good for me and good for all those around me.
unattributed0 -
Good morning -- I know, I'm opinionated, but it is not raining and its a rather cool start today. Though sometimes a bit warmer than I like, we seemed to have ( for all the rain this yr. ) not had the horrible humidity we normally seem to fall heir too.....and that always makes me happy. Hot, I can do, but coupled with lots of humidity and I don't want to move.
Sharon.....it does sound like maybe your mom may have turned a corner here and a good one at that. If she can get past the problem of holding food down.....she can do therapy again and take back her previous gains. I know everyone here has the same hopes as you --- that things are going to move in a much better direction...........in every way.
Peace and love
Jackie
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None of us is perfect. We are all just trying to live our lives as best we can, facing what life throws at us with as much grace as we can muster, being the best person we can be. ~ Concetta Bertoldi
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My MO recommended avoiding soy due to estrogen concern, especially since I was strongly Estrogen and Progesterone positive. Nutritionist said if I drink milk to only drink Organic as the concern with milk is the hormones fed to the cows whch shows up in the milk we drink.
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Hello everyone! Back from my Florida trip and I must say it was good to get home to my BF...he definitely missed me and was glad to have me back.
Linda...I've been in many relationships and really, I always have a back up plan...a place to go if something happens. We learn as we go, but it usually works out. Who can say why a relationship dies...I got out of one last year after almost 15 years, and it is never easy, but a year from now you will be glad this happened. I saw something on my Facebook page yesterday that I willl quote for you:
"When everything seems to be falling apart, what really may be happening is everything falling into place" I send you lots of prayers and positive energy.
Sharon: Glad your mother is able to tolerate food now and even better that you found out what was causing the problem. It's nearly always tied to medicine in some way.
Carole: Your fresh veggies sound wonderful. My DGD is going to grow a community garden in Florida...she has collected many different kind of seeds and is asking for neighbors to pitch in and help. They will all share in the harvest. She did this in Hawaii and loved it.
The deal went through on my beach house so I'm excited about spending some time there in the fall. I'm putting two of my existing properties on the market, including the one in the mountains. It seems all I've done this year is weed pulling and cleaning...lol! Time to move on...I'll be busy for a while on this new project, getting it ready to put in the rental pool for next summer.
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sbab49....I wanted to thank you for your information. I saw that you are a somewhat new poster and we just ( I think -- can't recall totally ) had a conversation about milk/soy proteins just a bit ago which you were likely reading. I must confess most of my PCP's generally say not to worry much about milk consuption at all............that milk is for babies and though we need some of the vitamins in milk....we do not really need it by itself.
That then is why I've come to not get too excited about the amt. I have.....it is a very small amt. Less than half a cup for breakfast oatmeal. The oatmeal is steel-cut oats as well. The Mother's brand ( cooks in 1 minute ) in my humble opinion is almost totally useless. The 5-min. Mother's is ok....but the steel-cut is not only better, but has a richer taste and actually makes more to boot. Red Mill makes the steel-cut and I think has come out with some as well.
Just a few thoughts here. We do need to try and get lots of benefit from what we eat.
Peace and love
Jackie
spell checker is hiding somwhere so sorry for any mistakes.
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There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year’s course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word “happy” would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.
Carl JungEach day I am thankful for nights that turned into mornings, friends that turned into family, dreams that turned into reality and likes that turned into love. ~~~Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross
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just breezed through the posts and hope everyone is doing well.
We are at our son's in College Station, TX. We left last Thursday from home, drove here spent the night and then drove on to Pensacola. Took Kimber back so she could start school next week. Miss her. Left Pensacola yesterday morning drove back to sons and will leave for home tomorrow.
Ready to get back to my mountain, have had a dose of reality. We spent an hour and a half last Friday with I 10 being a parking lot, and then it was again yesterday. Four accidents.
Going to cook dinner tonight for son and family. Everyone stay well.
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Hi gals,
My Dad passed away on August 2nd and we once again headed to Tennessee. It's funny, isn't it, that we can think that we're ready for something like this and then find out that there's never any way to really be ready. I know he is no longer in pain and is in a better place but I'm sure going to miss the ol' guy!
I am still trying to regroup around here. The flower beds that were so pretty earlier in the summer are in bad shape. The laundry basket was overflowing this morning and the refrigerator needed restocked! I got a start on all of it and now I'm going to go out and hit that little white ball as hard as I can this evening.
I will once again try to get caught up with all of you tomorrow. Hope everyone has been doing well and enjoying what is left of summer. It's unseasonably cool here today for August.
Hugs to all of you.
Rita
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Hi gals! I'm so sorry Rita.... brought back memories of when I lost my Dad.... It was just a little over a year after my Mom died. He really IS in a better place.... He missed Mom sooooo much..... Even though they did not get along all of the time, when she died, he was just lost.
That is when I became so close to him..... I never was before, but even being about 1500 miles apart, we finally established a beautiful Father/Daughter relationship. He would call me every day, telling me how he missed Mom....
In other words I "found" the love my Dad finally was offering me. He had been an alcoholic all of my life.... and most of his. But it was like a miracle.... It's like I forgave him for everything I hated.... for treating Mom the way he did.... and for seeming to not even know my Brother and I were growing up..... So I found my Dad, by losing my Mom.....
But I'm forever grateful for that special time with him.... Lots of memories, and many more laughs! He was just like my best buddy!
Sorry you lost your Dad...
Kaara, the ear candles are so important to me! Wearing hearing aids, causes you to build-up, or "keep" more wax. The last time I went to get a hearing test, (because I couldn't hear out of my R. ear), she said I won't give you a hearing test, because you have so much wax in there! I felt lop-sided.... because my R ear had gotten so bad! I thought it was my hearing aid! She said it was fine....
So when I got home I tried yet ANOTHER ear candle. Got lots more out..... The next day, I did another one, thinking that it was still my hearing aid. AGAIN, there was more wax! The next day I did another one...(just because she said it was full of wax.)
Then the next morning my ear "popped" open! I still couldn't hear well, but I could hear BETTER! So I kept using more candles. FINALLY after about 10 candles in 2 weeks, I could hear ALL the time! I STILL get wax, and I do them both about every week. Somehow, even using one candle, it never got the wax out! It caused my ears to itch like crazy, and I couldn't hear, hardly at all! So I make sure I candle every week.
Glad you are home Mommarch! It's ALways good to get home....
Sbab.... Glad to see you here.... I see your diagnosis is about the same as mine? Maybe your Doc has a point, but I still eat, or drink a little soy products.... Not a lot, but I'm almost 4 years out, and doing good!
Now Cammi you sound just like my DH!!!! Carole, don't listen to her.... See, DH thinks that the fresh eggs I get from the "girls" next door don't lay any better eggs than the ones you can buy! He is full of snot! And my fresh tomatoes from my own plants are MUCH better than the ones that you can BUY!!! So Hah! So gardening is the life and breath of our being! Stick THAT in your pipe little Cammi! See if I bring YOU any fresh eggs!
Sheesh! xoxoxooxxoxo ! Love you guys!
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Good morning. Another chilly morning here in north MN. DH got up first and turned on the heat pump. We're in a warming trend for the days. Yesterday it got up to mid 70's and by this weekend the highs are supposed to get up to low 80's. The weekenders will love it. Sleeping is really nice having to snuggle under a blanket.
I had "scales" shock this morning. Stepped on the scales and saw I'm up about 5 lbs. Those home-made cookies from the bread and pie lady and the trips to the soda fountain have packed on the weight despite exercise. Not to mention a few dark chocolate candy bars now and then.
Jackie, have you had any success with dropping a little weight? I remember you were taking a weight-loss course a few weeks back.
AND tonight we're invited to a fish fry. Actually late this afternoon, about 4 pm. Weight gain or no, I will enjoy that fried walleye.
Later this morning dh and I are taking out fishing poles out on the lake and get some arm exercise casting. I doubt we catch anything since the fishermen go out EARLY in the morning when we're still sleeping. If the fish can't bite at a reasonable hour, to heck with them!
Hugs to everybody from chubby me.
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Compassion is the ultimate and most meaningful embodiment of emotional maturity. It is through compassion that a person achieves the highest peak and deepest reach in his or her search for self-fulfillment.
Arthur Jersild0 -
Beautiful cool morning here today as well. It won't get hot today and I think the humidity will continue to stay down. Sure hope so.....I'm actually more of a hotter weather person for the most part.....it is that drat humidity here in our part of the country that messes it up for me.
Ah yes.....those darn "eating plans", Carole. Well, I have lost about five pounds now. Likely due to the influx of vegetables that I have started to eat....along with a mild increase in exercise. That has been a hard one for me. I've been out of that habit ( shame on me ) for long enough to have difficulty trying to fit in anything I think would have good benefit for me. The upside to it all is that I have not had to give up quite as much as I thought I would ( eating those extra veggie's ) and have not noticed any TRUE hunger.
One of the things the class talked about was 'mindless' eating. That would fall under just eating something because it is there.....not necessarily because you are hungry. Also taking seconds when you might by-pass it if you don't just sit and look at it --- big recommendation here to fill your plate from the stove or side-board area and not have the 'yummies' sitting too close to you. If you have to get up to get it....you'll be thinking more about the extra calories etc.
Then if you are like me......you might not. But, I have been pretty good and I have tried to slow down my eating more. It takes at least ( some people I think a bit more ) 20 minutes after you've eaten something to realize you are likely satisfied now. It takes 7 mins from the time you swallow what is in your mouth for it to reach your stomach. That was something I didn't know.......I thought SWALLOW......THUMP...its down there. Don't know if the 20 minute satisfaction point is included in that 7 minutes or not......and it does seem that I need more than 20 minutes most of the time.
Another thing I think is just to get up and begin to do something else......removing yourself from the meal/eating/pleasure mode. Change your stimulation into another kind of mode.
This class as well is a lot about ( for older ages ) NOT skipping the exercise. It is about do what you can do.....30 minutes a day and if you need too....make it 3 ten minute segments. Walking....one of the all time best along with being in water....swimming or walking or doing mild water aerobics.
Anyway.....enough of that. I'm once again driving dh to the V.A. Hosp. He has a hernia he needs checked. No wonder I get so little done.
Hope you have a wonderful Wednesday everyone. Carole....your fish fry sounds so tasty. If I were there I'd help you not over-do by eating some for you.
Peace and love
Jackie
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Hey Carole, Fish get hungry at all hours so I hope you catch some on your fishing trip. I love to fish. It's just so relaxing.
As for the weight plans....I need one! I haven't exercised like usual this summer and it shows. There are just so many good things to eat during the summer and then Fall comes and all the Fall festivals roll around and there are just so many good things to eat and.....the good food cycle just seems to continue. Hmmm.....
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Rita I'm so sorry to hear of u'r Dad passing--They never seem to stay with us long enough.
Carole u'll be home soon and back on track so enjoy u'r self with u'r DH--this is a good time.
Chevy I know how u acquire u'r eggs so just to let everyone know I am not the witch she makes me out to be. LOL
Well summer is almost over and it's been OK this yr. we could leave our homes in comfort this year.
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ritajean, Wishing you comfort in your time of loss.
Everyone- I thought of all of you yesterday morning- with your weather reports. We had a terrible storm. Mom slept through it- blame the meds, I guess! Thunder that literally rolled from one clasp to the next with barely a few seconds of silence, downpour of rain, and so much lightning. I went upstairs to check on mom when I heard it all, then got a tornado warning text message. I hated to sit in front of a sliding glass door on the 2nd floor for it all, but could look at a TV and be closer to mom if she woke up. 1700 lightning strikes in 15 mins. It was scary! Turned out that a 2 mile tornado hit about 5 miles from here. We are not in tornado country. Strange phenomenons in the last year- hurricane Sandy, a water spout recently, and a mini-tsunami that wiped a couple people off a jetty, and now a tornado. We have had warnings before but they usually (knock on wood) don't pan out.
Mom is eating a little more each day, still not up to a full meal but at least eating multiple times per day now. Her walking has really suffered. I am supposed to go to boyfriend's sisters on Sat/Sun. Had a new aide scheduled earlier in week but she cancelled today. It is unbelievable. Someone else agreed to it but she is older and I hope is going to be OK helping mom move around. I told her to use the wheelchair for the hallways.
I have a European lady coming tomorrow for an interview. We'll see if communication is too difficult with her accent. We started this caregiving thing with a live-in from Russia- lasted one week. It was a disaster. I am supposedly going on that postponed VT trip next weekend but have no aide right now.
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he's having a good time. Perception 