Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Sharon,
Whew !!!! A long time at the ER but even though you didn't get very much information for having spent all that time, at least you didn't find anything majorly serious. Sometimes the unusual, small or nearly un-noticeable blessings are all we will get. Hoping the latest round of tests and or CT....will get it sorted out.
I would expect your Mom to be rather tired after all she has been through. I am sure hopeful an answer comes soon. Everyone needs some down/relaxation time I think.
Chevy....sure glad to see you here. You have such a calming influence. Wish you were moving better, but I know when we get to a certain time in life it just seems like the least little out of the ordinary thing will set off a protest. Hope you loosen up.
Cami....Staples or Gorilla Glue. Goodness, hope nothing else comes loose. Just a reminder to me to be mindful of what others deal with and that I forget that sometimes there are rocks in our path. It is not that I don't know it....but probably like you and many others....I just try to ignore some of them as I often do better with things if I exercise what control I can by not falling down under the weight of some things. Sure hope the time passes fast and you can find out just how to 'work' with these issues. I'm thinking about you.
No rain here today I don't think....but more will come. Sounds like it will stay to the south and southwest of us. Ok by me......but humid will probably prevail here. The part of summer I really don't like at all.
Hope you all have a fantastic day. Thinking of you too, Rita.
Peace and love
Jackie
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Morning everyone! Haven't been on in a while. I'm at my Florida home for 10 days to check out my two income properties..one I just rented to my DGD (I can safely assume now it will no longer qualify as "income"...lol) the other is a condo in downtown Ft. Lauderdale that I bought about 8 years ago as an investment that I am now going to put up for sale here while the market is hot...hot....hot! I just bought a beach property in Myrtle Beach at rock bottom price, so will reinvest the money from the sale of the condo into that.
Spent time yesterday with DS and my DGD (the energizer bunny) who treats me like a play slave for the day. I love it, but need recovery time in between visits.
Carole: Glad you are still enjoying your wonderful summer with cool weather...we had a storm here last night that brought 50 mph wind gusts. Felt like a mini hurricane that sent me scurrying for a place for us to hide in case windows started breaking.
Reg: Hope your mother's condition improves...meds can cause so many side effects....sometimes it's hard to tell if they are really the cause of the problems.
Jackie: I love the quote by Wayne Dyer...he has always been so inspirational for me...I have read most of his books and try to live my life according to his principles. To do so creates so much peace and harmony within me. My DGD #2 walks the talk as well. She's back in Florida from a long stay in Hawaii where she lived in a tree hut and gathered food from the land in order to survive. She's a free spirit who now wants to get her driver's license (DD is telling her she will consider it as soon as she learns to close the door after going outside...lol!) One day DD came home to find her lounging in the yard with no clothes on, playing her guitar...yikes!
Chevy: I know you use candling to clean wax from your ears and it improves your hearing. I am trying to get my BF to do the same as he has hearing issues, but so far he has rejected it completely. I'm glad your hands are better. You might try using coconut oil on them as it is anti inflammatory and restores the natural moisture. I actually use it in my nose now to prevent dryness and it completely cleared up the bleeding issues I was having.
I'm coming up on my second year anniversary from when I was first diagnosed. I've been feeling great, but always a little nervous when mammo time rolls around. A friend of mine has had two recurrences and just had to have a double mastectomy. Now she is having trouble healing from that due to the amount of radiation she was given. Her tissues are destroyed. I feel so bad for her. We just have to enjoy each day we're alive and that's what I'm trying to do!
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Chevy and Kaara, I enjoyed reading your posts. You're both always full of energy and life.
Camille, be sure and keep us up to date on your treatment and what I'm hoping are solutions to your health issues.
Reg, I second what others have said about your mother's trip to the ER. It sounds like most of the test results were positive. We all know that meds can have SEs that sometimes seem worse that the problem the meds are supposed to cure.
The campground is emptying out as weekenders head home. DH and I might have the whole place to ourselves by tomorrow.
Yesterday we were treated to a boat ride and fishing trip out on the lake. Once again we didn't catch anything but the outing was fun. It was a beautiful day to be out on the water. If we're lucky enough to be able to come back next year, we may just have to buy a used boat at a good price.
Hi to everyone.
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Carole Im glad the weather is good for u 2. And that sounds relaxing just being on the boat even if u don't catch any fish. Just a couple more weeks for u too, I can't believe August is starting up. WTF happens to time. Enjoy.
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Thanks, Jackie
I was sleeping on the ambien but did not really realize how bad it was affecting my quality of life. I could not get up in the morning, felt drug out all day. Now I can get up and have some energy. The new Dr. I went to told me that it can be deadly and many people have bad falls while taking it. I did fall a couple of times and DH could not get me awake so he put a blanket on me and in the middle of the night I would wake and think what in the world happened. I would rather have a couple glasses of wine and then a good nights sleep.
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Cami, I will put up pix....I think tomorrow is free after my group therapy....which I really need....am having trouble adjusting to my DD#3's family moving way off to Boston area...after DS left for Chicago less than a year ago.
We had a perfect day today - DD's family here for our last beach week end together before they move 9/1. Usually they are here through Labor Day, but that tradition is now over...and I will have to adjust.
Fighting off the sadness....hanging on to our memories and hoping to make new ones. Is it possible to love my grandaughters too much??? I don't know how to let them go....
DD#1 had BD today...DD#2 had BD last Tuesday...now I have 2 over 40 ... wow.
I have to catch up on reading...it's quiet here now.
Joan0 -
Joan I don't blame u one bit. I would fall apart too if my DD's moved like that and to take grandchildren away is the roughest part. Especiall when u;ve been a close family, When u'r raising u'r kids u don't think about all this stuff but when u'r older it's all about family (to me) and of course my dear friends but it's the whole picture that makes our lives complete, I hope therapy is good for u especially this week. Acouple of my best GF's have kids all over and it just is different for them
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Cami, thanks for validating what I'm feeling. It means a lot to have someone understand and not try to tell me it's OK. I feel kind of ridiculous because I am healthy and can drive/fly/train any time I am off from work..I just have to work through the genuine sadness....it does change the dynamic for all of my family as DD's home was where we gathered since she lived in the middle...and I would think nothing of driving 2 hours for my grandaughter's recitals, school programs, etc. During the hurricane, with no power anywhere, I drove there for DGd's BD and to bring them gas...they have always treated me as the most special person and I know they still will!
It is a beautiful day today and I need to get out there and nourish my soul!
Joan0 -
Whoever you are, there is some younger person who thinks you are perfect. There is some work that will never be done if you don’t do it. There is someone who would miss you if you are gone. There is a good reason for becoming better than you are. There is a place that you alone can fill.
anonymous0 -
Morning everyone....Wow Joan -- I think I'm one of the ones who would have tried to make things better by saying it will be ok.....Cami really DID HEAR what you said. Mindfulness....sometimes it is hard to master. Seems your daughter felt the need to alter her situation for her growth in some way. It is hard though to adjust to 'changes' and harder yet for us with a bit of age. I am also one of those who thinks there really are silver linings to so many things......there again, sometimes it takes time and patience to recognize them since they often don't feel much like anything good will come in the beginning.
Anyway...I do wish you well and as little discomfort as possible while this transition is going on.
Maybe some rain here today. Been threatened with it a couple times already so today might be the day. When I have plenty to do....I do less whining about the weather -- so whatever comes, just comes.
Thinking of all of you and hoping you have a marvelous Monday.
Peace and love
Jackie
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Wow, I didn't realize how long it's been since I posted. Glad to see familiar faces here.
We did a lot of traveling, on a break til end of Sept. Had to make an unexpected trip to my brothers in Birmingham, as my sister-in-law passed away unexpectedly from a massive hemorrhagic stroke. She was only 57. A few days home, wash and pack, took both of my daughters families on a Disney cruise. Everyone from 5 year old grand to the adults had fun. We all did a Dolphin experience. I love Dolphins! Then home again and pack , off to Ft Collins Colorado for a Germans from Russia conference we attend. Home to recover now.Catching up on our dr. appts.
I have my mammo on friday, getting a little nervous.That side is still larger and more tender than the other. Not looking forward to the squeeze!
Take me a while to catch up on all your activities.
Joan you have been blessed to have family so close.I have a son in Vegas, Amy, my daughter who passed from BC's family in Tx and Daughter in Maryland. I know it will be a change for you.
Gotta run. Hopefully won't be away for so long this time.
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Joan, sympathies for losing frequent close contact. Is there train service between NYC and Boston? You could get up and move around and maybe not be in so much pain. Maybe you could skype with them. It's not the same, but better than not seeing them at all. Our younger GSs are 4.5 hrs away and the trip gets harder and harder.
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Thanks for the understanding words...
Jackie, I think you have the experience and wisdom to tell me it will be OK - I would certainly believe you!
Wren, you are right; there are many ways to do things differently...there is plenty of transportation for when I can't drive....and I will have to figure out how to plan ahead more and not be so last minute. Skype is a great idea.
Bonnets, I've been missing you around here. Was a little worried because of all your family has been through...So glad to hear you had the family cruise...it sounds like so much fun! And I just returned from Colorado myself....it's always an adventure and a beautiful place. Your conference sounds like it would be a fun place to connect with people. Did you meet any friends there?
Still beautiful day....
Joan0 -
Just letting you know my life has been turned upside down in the last week. I am now living @ my Mom's for awhile until I can figure out what the hell to do. My boyfriend of 11 yrs, living together for 7 of those yrs. told me that around the same time I was diagnosed w/ breast cancer, he started a "personal" relationship w/ a client. He said that they are more than "friends" & he wants to see where it will lead. He said our living arrangement would no longer work & that I had to move out! He lied to me, betrayed me, cheated on me, while I was dealing w/ cancer & he hopes we can remain friends! I am so overwhelmed & confused; I never thought that I would be a homeless person.
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(((((Linda))))) This must be so shocking and difficult for you. And very hurtful. I hope that you are healing well from your surgery and rads, and that your emotional healing can begin....
As if cancer isn't enough....so sorry to hear this. I hope you can be comfortable at your mom's until you decide what your options are. Sending positive thoughts and prayers...
Joan0 -
Linda,
When our DD was diag. with hodgkins when she was 19 and Pregnant the father of her child could not deal with it. The baby was taken 6 weeks early so she could start chemo.
i kind of know how you feel. Keep your chin up, something good will come of this.
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Well I have been on the run since Sat. and am tired. Tonight DH gave a broom demostration at the Prude Ranch for a fitness group from all over Tx. Went real well.
Will leave on Thurs. to take DGD to Mississippi to meet her Mom and David so she go back to FL for school. Sure will miss her. There is a Living history park in Lafeytte, that we want to see also.
Busy summer. Hope all is well with everyone. Hugs
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"Appreciation can make a day - even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary."
Margaret Cousins0 -
Oh my....just when I'd like to be here for a bit.....but work is calling and then a trip to Marion for Dh to be fit for a back brace. Linda....I will be back later. Thinking of all of you.
Peace and love
Jackie
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Linda,
So sorry to hear of the situation with your long term boyfriend. I have lived with mine for 16 yrs. and now that I am taking care of my mom, our relationship is close to non-existent. I can empathize with you in many ways. I did alot of reading about relationships- after going through a previous ordeal of being cheated on also, and am currently listening to some audio seminars.
In our culture, we are surrounded by so many influences that don't honor commitment (how easy it is to lease a car, switch a utility provider, people don't work at the same place for their lifetime anymore, commercials urge us to think of our own needs to be happy and independent, buy "this" and you will be gratified instantly, etc.) On top of it, we don't receive information about how to have strong relationship habits even though many people grew up with only the experience of seeing less than ideal relationship habits (lots of divorce around). We are urged to be independent (an extreme from previous generations of dependency and specific roles in relationships), rather than interdependent.
But, I know all that doesn't help...But, since it's the culture we live in, we can be aware of its influences and figure out how to have strong relationships in spite of it. Of course, the next problem is doing it consistently! Learning about relationship issues and knowing I wasn't the only one going through it, really helped me (much like I imagine this discussion board helped you).
I encourage you to check out marriagebuilders.com - there is an infidelity discussion forum. It will give you some insight into what is going on in his mind (I recall one general post- that explained it like his mind has been overtaken by aliens, not even joking- it went on and, honestly, described the statements and the actions that I witnessed to a tee.) I also like marriagemax.com but, right now, I think reading the discussion forum on marriagebuilders.com will really help you begin to process everything and decide your next steps.
Thinking of what to type to end this email...having been where you are, there is really nothing I can say that I think will give you more understanding and even more hope than the discussion forum I mentioned. It is what got me through each day.
Hang in there,
Sharon
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Linda, what a disillusioning experience you're going through now. I hope you can deal with all your hurt emotions and come out a stronger person. I don't have any respect for a man who can become involved with another woman at a time when his partner is battling cancer. The "other woman" isn't getting a prize.
Joan, I can't really empathize with your situation except imaginatively since I don't have children or grandchildren. You'll definitely miss out on a lot that will happening in the daily lives of your grandchildren, but I feel confident you'll manage to stay in close touch through phone calls, e-mails, skype, facebook. Maybe the together time will be that much more enjoyable because of the distance.
Mommarch, I have a friend who takes half of an Ambien some nights to help her sleep.
We're having a cool rainy day. I enjoyed watching some cooking shows this morning on a pbs channel. Now we're in town. DH dropped me off at the library and ran some errands. Now he has joined me. I noticed as I sat here that the sun popped out a couple of times. Hard to believe it's August and I'm dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved tee shirt. If it clears up, we might still get in some golf this afternoon.
Jackie, you haven't mentioned your daughter and son-in-law in quite a while. Are they still sharing your house?
Bonnets, I'm glad you checked in. I've been missing you. Sorry about the death in your family.
Hi to everyone else not mentioned. Hope everybody is having a good day.
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Thank you all for your concerns, understanding, prayers & hugs. Yes, I do feel hurt, betrayed & even angry but still trying to wrap my head around how he could be so deceiving, especially @ a time when I needed him! I guess he just couldn't handle me having cancer or he just didn't give a shit. Like you all said, he doesn't deserve me! I have to keep telling myself that! I don't know how he could think we could remain friends!
After the death of my husband, I thought my life was over but somehow I survived & raised 2 children by myself. Now at my age, I find myself facing another life crisis. I know I will survive this but I just don't know where to start, where to begin. I have struggled financially my whole adult life & now this will only make life harder & more complicated for me. I know life isn't fair & there are no guarantees for any of us. Unfortunately, life waits for no one.
Thanks for listening,
Linda
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Oh Linda when I read u'r post I got so aggrevated how can someone be in a relationship and treat it o shabbily. like OK I'm tired of this so I'll move on. A$$ Linda u'r not homeless at least u have u'r mom until u get on u'r feet and can figure out what u need to do. I think tho the older we get the more tired we are for fighting for a happy good life. But we still fight and somethings work out. I know I don't sound optimistic because I'm a realist at my age but I do believe in even stevens in a way so he'll get his. And u'll go on and find peace alone or with another, I'm alone now and believe me I'm fine now, Ive raised my kids mostly on my own and they are my rocks (altho they do get overly involved in my illness) They mean well. Please take a deep breath and be thankful he's out of u'r life==he's not the man u fell in love with==he's a cowardly cheating @$%^*()(&^$@@%) tht's for sure
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Linda, all the others have said it so well there is little I can add. I did feel today at one point while driving......did he tire of the relationship a little bit before the cancer dx or after it.
That said....many people, and not just the men in our lives find it very difficult to continue to relate to us after a cancer dx. Good friends, sisters, cousins.....all with I think a variety of reasons. I've always had the STRONG sensation that many of them were so glad it happened to ME and not them that they lost the ability to have a calm flowing camaraderie with me. That might happen to some men....I don't know. I do think with a lot of men.....they don't want anything to change and we all know how many changes can come with this disease.
Still.....that he would SO seemingly use the opportunity to 'look' around and find someone is rather appalling. I'm not sure why he wishes to be friends.....does he not think things will work out with #2 and he doesn't want to RISK losing out if she doesn't find him charming later on and dumps him.
You know......I think of that quote " I didn't say it would be easy, I said it would be worth it". If every thing went just perfect....what would we learn ? How would we grow? How could we perceive that we needed to change something??? Relationships are not perfect....and it is over-coming the imperfections that make it worth it.
I do believe though that for any kind of change, and we always hope it goes to something much better.....we really have to find total and complete acceptance. I know it is hard to do, but when you do that.....you are free of the bonds of memories, feelings, longings, and can make a truly fresh start. If you can BREAK from anything old that binds or hampers in any way......you have opened a new door that can't be closed.
I am wishing you well always.
Peace and love
Jackie
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Carole, thank for the encouragement. I felt a little better today but still wishing things could stay the same for awhile....
Linda, I don't know why this is happening to you....sometimes life doesn't give us the choices we wanted...look for better times ahead. You deserve it.
Jackie, you are so right about relationships being affected during/after BC. Today I connected with a long time acquaintance who was just diagnosed. She comes from a huge family and has 2 adult kids. but after we talked she said she felt so much better because she felt she could tell me or ask me anything.
I thought about all the faces I wore during surgery and treatment....brave for my kids....not wanting to appear sick even for a day for my coworkers..."fine" for my MO...etc.
But here, we can be ourselves ... And that's why we are here....0 -
Just a page I happened across:
To "let go" does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.To "let go" is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization that I can't control another.To "let go" is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another.
It's to make the most of myself.To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To "let go" is to fear less and to love more.
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Jackie, I've been meaning to say how much I like that lovely rose. That poem held a lot of messages for me. I fall into the category of a "fix it" person. Even on this thread, when one of you confides a problem, I immediately want to come up with a solution and that's seldom possible, to "fix" someone's problem.
Camille, I think it's sweet that your children want to get involved in your illness. They appreciate your raising them by yourself and they don't want to lose you to this dreadful disease.
Yesterday afternoon I was so tired of the inactivity of a long rainy day that I put on my walking shoes and went for a 3-mile walk during a break in the weather. Which turned out not to be a break after all. About a mile from the campground it started to rain and the raindrops came down for about half a mile. I got pretty wet but didn't really mind. It wasn't a downpour but a shower. And most of the walk was dry. That's looking on the bright side, Jackie!
Today it's sunny. We have a 3:30 tee time.
Linda, sending comforting hugs to you and to Joan and anyone else who could use a hug.
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Carole YOU wouldn't let a little rain stop u, that's for sure. And golfing YAY
Jackie that was beautful, even when I wrote it.
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You make me laugh, Cami!
Jackie, I am going to pass that post on to someone on another thread...I think there is something for everyone there...
Yesterday I read the Carlson book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" - read it at the beach in one sitting. There's enough wisdom in the book to keep me on track for awhile.
Carole, I sometimes wonder what all the fuss is about getting a little wet....glad you took that walk. Happy golfing today!0 -
I will not wish thee riches, nor the glow of greatness,
but that wherever thou go some weary heart shall gladden at thy smile,
or shadowed life know sunshine for a while.
And so thy path shall be a track of light,
like angels' footsteps passing through the night.Author Unknown
But Very Much Appreciated!0
