Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
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Rg I wish u luck and u'r mom sounds a bit better so maybe it won't be so difficult for u to leave-u definitely need some u time really bad, and I hope u get it.
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Morning ladies! Who would believe it...a cold front in August in the Carolinas! It was 63 degrees yesterday when I woke up in the mountains. I put my beautiful home on the market for sale because I'm just not spending that much time there. If it doesn't sell in a couple of months I will lease it. I'll let the "universe" decide for me as my DGD always says.
Yesterday my BF and a couple of guys drove up to the mountains and picked up my ellliptical machine and brought it back to Greenville. Now I can get more cardio training which I am missing. I have some hand weights that I will start using as well. I have really fallen off my exercise program lately and walking with my BF is more like strolling to me...lol! I'm up about 8 pounds over the summer:(
Rita...so sorry to hear about your Dad...a very sad time for you I know. Sending you prayers!
Chevy: Thanks for the info on the ear candling...I mentioned it to my BF but he is stubborn as a mule about anything. I really think his hearing could be improved dramatically but he won't listen. He has some of the same symptoms as yours...ear itching....so it's probably the wax.
Reg: Glad your mother continues to improve.
Hope everyone is having a break in this ridiculous weather...rain...rain and more rain!! More coming this weekend along with flash flooding. Glad I'm on high ground!
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Morning gals.... Sharon, I'm so glad your Mom is doing better.... ! That makes it a lot easier for you, even! Good luck on finding someone reliable to help take care of her...
I tried this with my Dad, when he got so bad.... I promised I wouldn't put him in a nursing home, even with me being 1500 miles away. I called a San Francisco Nursing place, to see about 24 hour care... Well Dad loved her! Of course, of course! Even kidded me when she would help him shower!
Then one phone call, worried me.... about taking Dad to the bank to draw out money... She wanted MORE! I was paying directly to the Nursing Center. I called Dad's neighbor buddy, told him to go get Dad's check book, and get it away from there... Then Dad called, and said "She" had her mom there in the bedroom, and they were talking about stuff that he didn't understand! She was supposed to take care of Dad "alone!"
Found out she had taken some of Mom's coin collection... Dad was panicked! I called the Center, and she was fired! No, I didn't want to press charges.... But I was just sick over it all.... Didn't want to try another one...
I went out there, got things managed.... Dad was doing "alright"....but falling sometimes.... Finally his buddy said he had to call an ambulance, because Dad had fallen, and he couldn't get him up..... Went to the hospital... Called my Brother to come be there too.... Dad never made it home again.... Just too many things wrong.
So just watch carefully who is in that house.... And what they are doing!
I myself think that maybe 2 people, taking turns, is better than a 24 hour person...or a "live in".....
Best of luck.....xoxoxoxo
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Rita, you have my heartfelt sympathy on losing your dad. I still miss mine and he died in 1995. My mom was still healthy enough to care for him and keep him at home, where he died while under hospice care. My mom, my younger sister and I were with him that last day.
Reg, I hope you can find a couple of kind, competent and honest caregivers to help out with your mother. It's too bad there isn't another family member who could/would come in and give you some time off. Or long-time family friend or neighbor who could use a little extra income. If only Jackie lived near you! She would be my FIRST choice!
Rita and Kaara, looks like we're in the same weight gain boat. I'm trying to get back on track with my WW guidelines. Yesterday I had one egg for breakfast instead of two. Half a sandwich for lunch instead of a whole sandwich.
On the hearing issue, I can tell that my hearing is gradually getting less acute. I plan to have my hearing tested when we get home.
Yesterday was another beautiful day and dh and I went fishing twice, late morning and then late afternoon in the borrowed boat. It is so serene and lovely out on the lake once you anchor the boat and cut off the engine. An eagle flew over us making its screeching sound. And the loons makes a distinctive sound kind of between a warble and a whistle. I love the sound and we can hear it here in the campground.
I do miss being at home but this has been a very nice summer here in north MN. If our weather at home were more comfortable, I probably wouldn't leave any more except for shorter periods of time. But the temps there have been up to 100 degrees with high humidity.
Kaara, I know you hate to sell your wonderful mountain home. I wish I could afford to buy it. Then we could go to NC for the summers. It would be closer and maybe some family members could visit us.
This morning I plan to go for a walk. We don't have anything planned until this afternoon when we're playing golf at 4 pm during the cheaper twilight golf time.
Happy Thursday to everyone.
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Well It kind of sounds like smmer is winding down--it's so chilly here this morning I have a terry jacket and blanket around me--Unusual for this time of year, but it's OK with me.
Rdg I hope u can find someone like we did for my dad, she was with us for almost 3 yrs and wonderful--in fact even after she's call me to see how our family was and tell me what was going on in her life. She was from the Ukraine, her English was great and learned how to cook what my dad liked and was always with us, not to take care of my dad we all just liked her so. So there are good ones out there. She lived with my dad and when she'd want a weekend off she would get someone from her church and she would say don't worry she's not a gypsy, she''d get good people so they knew themselves who u couldn't trust among themselves.
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Regbeach, You might call your local hospice and ask if they have anyone they could recommend. It's just an idea, but they might have on-call nurses who could do a short term stay.
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To have striven, to have made an effort, to have been true to certain ideals--this alone is worth the struggle. We are here to add what we can to, not to get what we can from, life.Sir William Osler
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I am here late today.....for some reason I have had several of those late days in a row. I think our weather is a little un-usual all over. Today it is chilly ( or passes for chilly for us ) as I think it is only about 76 outside. That means the house is getting really cool inside. Just one door open and it is only 74 in here. With no bright sun outside.....and nothing to warm the exterior of the house.....along with knee pants ( pedal pushers )...I'm a bit on the chilly side.
The past couple of years have been very odd....but anythng in summer that doesn't have the deep humidity attached to it I can handle.
One of the things I learned in my wt. class this week was the importance of getting a good night's sleep. Well, you know you get told that all the time......and for a variety of reasons....I just didn't realize that if you sleep a little more....you'll likely weigh a little less. This is where I wasn't so smart as if I got it even close....it is the hormones produced while sleeping.....that un-stress you, and actually in the end help you regulate food desire along with being more aware of your eating patterns. It got a little complicated for me.
Sharon....I really do wish I were there. I do think though that there really are a lot of compassionate people who enjoy trying to make other peoples' lives a little happier, quieter, smoother and richer in any way they can the life of our loved ones. Here's hoping the next person you interview is that one.
Peace and love
Jackie
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If you wish success in life, make perseverance your bosom friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother and hope your guardian genius.
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It's cool here today, too, Jackie. I don't know where our "dog days of summer" went. Usually August is our hottest month. I golfed today in capri's and a long-sleeved shirt and was still chilly. It's more like autumn weather than summer.
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Camille, your experience with your dad's caregiver should be very encouraging for Sharon. I'm sure Jackie's right in saying there are good people out there interested in such jobs.
It's slightly warmer here today, about 76 degrees, but we're comfortable inside the camper with the ceiling fan on and windows and door open.
Today was laundry day and the trip to the laundromat went well. It's a clean laundromat with good machines of different sizes and today it wasn't crowded. So now we have clean clothes for another two weeks and clean sheets on the bed! DH was commenting on the way back to the campground that we have just one more laundry day before we depart Pine Hollow Resort and start our Sept. travels.
Half our summer trip is over. The time has zipped/is zipping by.
I'm really looking forward to the prime rib dinner tonight at a nearby restaurant.
Hope everyone is having a good Friday.
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Rita...been meaning to write you something. I'm being lazy and not making time. Soon.
Jackie
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Healing is the journey. The destination is yourself. The full recognition of all
the different aspects of yourself—your joy, your sorrow, your pain,
your pleasure—all lead you to the source of who you are. Only by
having intimate contact with this source can you experience the fullness
of your life. Only by fearlessly looking within can you embrace the landscape
of your life and open yourself completely to all the love
and compassion that lives inside you.Philip Berk
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Jackie, I thought this was going to be the "final" chapter in my life. After the death of my husband, & raising my two sons alone, struggling financially most of my life, I envisioned this would be how I lived for the remainder of my life; in a domestic partnership w/ him. I know we all have bad things happen to us in life, i.e. cancer, & that life isn't fair, but for me right now, it is very hard to look @ positive things. Everyone is telling me the exact same things; about one step @ a time, one day @ a time, etc. The hardest part for me is waiting for that door to open, that will lead me to a better place in life. I want it for me too, but with all this stress, patience is about the last thing I have right now!
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Joan, my son did move to CT on Thursday. He is excited; not about moving but about his new job. I feel terrible that I haven't been much support for him but I am consumed w/ my own situation. Keep sending positive thoughts; I really need them.
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Linda....you will have all the very positive thoughts I can muster. I'm sorry that it is so difficult for you. It is hard when you are use to "living with less than you wanted" always. I guess I did see some parallel in your situation with mine.....but it takes patience, some long times of introspection and of course, in the end learning how to make less be almost exactly what you wanted. It is a frame of mind...and it won't just come.
Again.....I am sorry that there are always more mountains to climb....I know it seems un-fair. I will leave you with this piece that I read often when I was trying to get trhough my "living with way less than I wanted" days. It took a long time for it to make sense to me, and Linda I really do wish you enough.
Peace and love
Jackie
"I wish you enough!"©
By Bob Perks
Contact BobI never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to "hello" and "goodbye."I must have mentioned this a few times while writing my stories for you.
I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.
Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.
On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check in, the woman said, "How are you today?" I replied, "I am missing my wife already and I haven't even said goodbye."
She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you...Oh, my God. You will only be gone three days!" We all laughed. My problem was I still had to say goodbye.
But I learn from goodbye moments, too.
Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."
They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.
So I knew what this man experiencing.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.
"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he
were reciting it from memory."I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much
bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."He then began to sob and walked away.
My friends, I wish you enough!
by
Bob Perks0 -
Joan, my only son and his family lives in Mississippi and I live in Illinois. It's tough to have them so far away and I often feel that I'm missing so much but we have found ways to stay close. We skype, talk on the phone, share pictures through the mail and through facebook. I take my grandsons each summer for their own special week and send little things through the mail to them. When I get to missing them too much, I just get in the car and head south! It will be a big adjustment for you but you will find ways also that work for you, too. Hugs!
Today I played in the Calcutta golf tourney at our club. It was a a four person scramble and I was on a team with three other guys. I was pretty nervous at first but they ended up using my drive three times on the front side, not because my drive was so fantastic but because all of them were in some type of trouble. We didn't win but we had a good time. Too bad we couldn't get it all together because the winning team won $5,000. I could have had a REAL shopping spree!
Linda, hugs to you too as you work through this hard time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are such a sweet person and surely didn't deserve this! Hang in there. When one door closes, another opens.
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Linda: Sometimes life is a bitch and you need to stomp & scream to get out the feelings. In addition to all the great positive messages, don't forget we're here to listen when you just need to vent or explode.
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Linda I'm up in the middle of the nite and just read what u wrote. And I can understand all of this. When I was younger my head just went into the mode of my parents life--they had a very nice life--oh problems yes but always together, sickness yes but they were there for each other until old age.(very old) and I guess as I was watching this relationship growing up and as an adult I thought my life would be similiar cuz that's what I wanted, I didn't want riches altho I wanted to be comfortable with money as they were, but I wanted to enjoy this part of my life knowing I did the right things for all the years before. But I'm alone, I do live with my DGT not by my real choice altho I shouldn't complain they are very good to me. But nothing is what I planned so there is a sadness in my heart for maybe my choices and some for why??? I never really thought of life as being fair or not--it's just life and we live it the way it's dealt and for some the right cards don't come up at times--but sometimes they do too. So we're stuck with things not the way we planned--but just the way it is. I hope u find comfort soon and have a better feeling towards u'r future.
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Morning gals! Jackie, that was beautiful! I sat here with big tears in my eyes... That story probably means a lot to most of us... We are all in it.
And Linda.....I truly understand what you are talking about... I don't think you can wait for another door to open.... It just will, and maybe you won't even KNOW it!
Maybe try and get out, and just walk around more, or go to the Mall, and just find some time to get out of yourself.... Things happen to us, without us even knowing it... Without us realizing it... but we can find ourselves going down another path, that we didn't even know was there.
My friend also lost her Husband... She was devastated! She missed the closeness, and their trips they always took together. But she tried going on one herself.... just a short one. She DID it....! All alone, with with the group she went with... but she didn't have him, just a bunch of new friends.... a lot of them in the same situation she was in.
This was about 15 years ago... And now she has been around the world, and so many new and exciting journeys... always making friends, and enjoying life.
Most people can't afford what she does.... but if you can find some joy in life, some way to keep putting that one foot in front of the other.... If only it's just walking up to the nearest Starbucks, and having coffee, and watching people.
Just don't go to that airport... Or yes! Maybe DO! And maybe you will find that man wanting to be with his Daughter! Sometimes when we are comforting someone else, it brings the greatest pleasure to ourselves..... and WE find a reason for living. xoxoxoxo
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"Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do."-- Pope John XXIII0
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Raining out right now...hmm. Last day of the Balloon Fest. We went last night again as they have glows on both nights. We sat right by one of the balloons as they put it up....what a treat. We usually put a bit of distance, but last night again it was cool.....65 degrees the first night....and about 70 last night. We didn't mind the little bit of heat that emanates from the balloon at all.....brr sort of welcomed it.
Had jackets with us both nights and needed them. I bought a pottery bowl as I do every year. They are so versatile and are usually colorful if you are taking a dish somewhere for sharing.
You all had such good thoughts to share this morning....several times I caught myself shaking my head yes. I am learning new thoughts here too......and so good to know other people that I look up too have such caring, lovings thoughts --- very un-selfish in hoping the life of each of us is or will become very good.
Hope you all have a great Sunday.
Peace and love
Jackie
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Hi all,
I talked with my BFF today. We have been best friends since grade school. Her Brother who is 62 has prostrate cancer that has gone to lung and now brain. She has been very concerned and his care giver. It is getting bad and his mind is not good and telling everyone off. I told her to let him decide his treatment and if he chooces to do nothing then to accept it. I know it is very hard for her. My heart goes out to her.
Hope all are doing OK. Actually got to chruch today for the first time a a few months, was good to be home.
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Life is never going to give up on you because there is something important for you to do. One of the primary purposes and processes of life is the development of character. Your character—your nature, the distinctive qualities of your essence, what makes you you—is developed through experience. If you do not understand that character development is an important process of life, you may be tempted to give up when things get rough. . . . When life detects that there is an opportunity for you to advance the nature of your character, it will send the perfect situation and people your way. Your job is to respond to everything in a manner that develops and strengthens your character.
Iyanla Vanzant0 -
Life is never going to give up on you because there is something important for you to do. One of the primary purposes and processes of life is the development of character. Your character—your nature, the distinctive qualities of your essence, what makes you you—is developed through experience. If you do not understand that character development is an important process of life, you may be tempted to give up when things get rough. . . . When life detects that there is an opportunity for you to advance the nature of your character, it will send the perfect situation and people your way. Your job is to respond to everything in a manner that develops and strengthens your character.
Each day I am thankful for nights that turned into mornings, friends that turned into family, dreams that turned into reality and likes that turned into love. ~~~Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross
Dx 9/27/2007, IDC, 5cm, Stage II, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-0 -
Life is never going to give up on you because there is something important for you to do. One of the primary purposes and processes of life is the development of character. Your character—your nature, the distinctive qualities of your essence, what makes you you—is developed through experience. If you do not understand that character development is an important process of life, you may be tempted to give up when things get rough. . . . When life detects that there is an opportunity for you to advance the nature of your character, it will send the perfect situation and people your way. Your job is to respond to everything in a manner that develops and strengthens your character. ~~~~Vanzant
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mommarch....So sorry to hear about your friend's brother. I think you gave her good advice.
gosh, cami...I wish I would have known you were up in the middle of the night. We could have chatted away and kept each other company! :-)
Today was supposed to be our fishing day. We got up early, hooked the pontoon onto the truck and then discovered that the boat motor wasn't going to start. We had to order a part for it so no fishing today! Darn! That means I should get busy and work around here instead or weed my flower beds. They have been neglected for the past month and it seems a rather difficult task to tackle....almost overwhelming! Maybe I'll work on it just an hour and see how much I get accomplished.
Hugs to all of you as you start a new week!
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Hi, a late checkin here...I got back from my trip to Colorado and Arizona where I took a geology course and a few side trips. I still haven't posted my pics anywhere...
Rita, am thanking you for your words of enouragement. You are right, I will have to step up the gift packages and skype...am here in NJ now with them...and having a good time but I get moments of sadness...watching their wonderful nanny hugging the girls a little longer...and teaching them things they need to know for life. It isn't easy.We had a vacation at home...beach, golf, winery, boat, movies...it turned out well.
I had my first birdie in a golf game..a 2 on a par 3.(((Linda))) I hope you are finding your way but most of all that you are mostly OK on the emotional front.
I have a few pages to read back, so I'll be busy.
Five days straight of grand kids is doing me in....0 -
Joan I'm glad u'r having a good time.
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"Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places." Un-known
so probably Cam.
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