Catholics
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Welcome TrustMary-
Laura I have been thinking a lot about the sisters that were here with us in the beginning too, I really miss ANGEL's posts, but don't think she is even on BCO at all anymore. I will pray for all of them and Especially Jeannie who was so regular, then got so ill.
I also wanted to mention that our Priest gave a great homily on the BEATITUDES last night and it was so amazing. I think it is very appropriate for all of us that are going through really tough times and it is uplifting.
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what a beautiful thought Laura lets pray!
Welcome to this thread TRUSTMARY, you will find comfort prayer and new friends here! We will pray for a smooth recovery and treatment.
ThanksJanet. I knew it was coming just not ready for it. Poor thing didnt even make it to see the doc. He was my daytime company... Now he is at Rainbow Bridge with my other kitties...
MMM5 That is wonderful news !!! so happy for you.
Maria
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TrustMary--what a great name--and all new to the thread. We are a loving, welcoming bunch! I continue to pray for all my bc sisters and for the grace to prefer His will above all others. So hard sometimes, I know. But I am in awe of the strength, caring and wisdom of our own little group here. xo
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Michelle,
I am so happy for you!!!
TrustMary....welcome, welcome.
I am keeping this shorty short short as I must lay down, but catching up with you all, and Laura, great idea. I too have Jeannine on my mind, and prayers know no boundries.
Be back soon
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TrustMary - welcome! We have Friday evening prayers at 10pm Eastern time (unless we fall asleep like I did last Friday!) It's very healing and soothing. I will keep you in my prayers. You might also look at the Catholic Intentions thread and Catholic Prayers thread... two threads born from this one.
Maria and Pat - It's so hard to lose a pet. I'm living with my best ever doggie, Miss Lucy, and she's getting old ... she's getting more white around her muzzle and her legs. It will be so hard when it's her time. No more pets for me. It's too hard to say good-bye. But Janet, like you, we always had pets growing up and I made sure my kids had pets. It does teach responsibility and love and respect.
Ellie & VA/DC/MD ladies - I work in Arlington, travel through Fairfax and Loudoun, so I can meet you guys anywhere, really. I'm convenient to Crystal City Metro or Pentagon City, etc. If it's the evening, I'll have to bring Skip along. :-)
Michelle - yes, we do sound a lot alike. Anxiety is like my shadow, some days it's more evident than others... and likes to pal around with depression. I'm sorry your husband suffers with depression too and was misdiagnosed. So many mental illnesses are alike. Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I was taking an herbal/vitamin combination called Amoryn and it took the edge off. Now that I'm on tamoxifen, there's a limit to what I can take, and St. John's Wort (an ingredient of Amoryn) is not recommended. I'm trying VERY HARD, not to allow things to upset me... the Type A work personality has got to go. A co-worker was talking about us traveling for the job and I said, not me. It's not worth the risk of getting lymphodema... I have to travel once a year for family and take precautions, but not for my job. She said she wouldn't mind doing all the traveling ... more power to her. I'm trying very hard to set limits, not let the emails get to me... I'll get to it when I get to it. I'm not goofing off, just not rushing to get it done. My supervisor says, "Don't sweat it." I'm going to take him for his word. But I still might hunt for a job closer to home. :-) BUT, I'm glad you got good news and can now relax. It might be good to take some quiet time and reflect on what caused you to get so anxious and how you might do something different next time. That seems to help me. Have you tried journaling?
Blessings to you all tonight. If you're in the snow/sleet/ blizzard/freezing rain zones, be careful out there!! I'll be working from home tomorrow. :-)
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HI All,
My oldest son lives in Alexandria and I used to often go down for a weekend to visit. I live in Southern New Jersey outside of Atlantic City. I haven't been able since surgery/treatment for BC but am finally at the point where I think I could drive down and back with a stop over. So, if you guys are serious about getting together (post winter weather) - count me in!
I am usually a very well balanced, calm, non-axiety person...until BC. Hey, this disease could make you depressed, anxious and feeling pretty unbalanced. I see it in my blood pressure. Had been under control until chemo/rads and then it has been wildly fluctuating. I see it respond to anxiety, for example, gotta go this week for muga, EKG, labs because of the Avastin trial and getting ready for a colonoscopy (did you know colon cancer risk goes up with BC?). So, my blood pressures been pretty high. My primary now has me on 2 blood pressure medicines plus a diuretic trying to get it to calm down. I think it is directly related to my anxiety levels due to BC. So, be kind to yourselves - if you need the meds.....get them!
If I've got x number of years left, I'd rather spend them less anxious.
Hugs,
Pat
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Hi Ladies,
TrustMary ~ a warm welcome to you. Like the others said, you will like it here on this thread especially our Friday prayer meeting.
Traci ~ just like how others noticed, you are sounding a lot better...happier....and I've been thinking about you too. Was worried that you would spiral downward, whew!
Michelle ~ I'm very happy for your great test results, I know how stressful it is to do the blood test and wait for the results. Mine is coming up next month.
Theresa ~ I hope that you and Michelle's cough is nearly gone. It is harder to rid of when the weather is sooo cold. May I suggest Chrysanthemum tea? It also comes in crystal packets, quantity 10 in a box. Can be purchased at a Chinese supermarket. Very effective as far as cold/flu symptoms and dryness, coughing. It is not a medicine but a flower, most Asians drink it whenever we are getting sick.
Maria ~ I can understand about asperger syndrome, bipolar and ADHD. My daughter was wrongly diagnosed when she was in elementary school, they got the ADHD and asperger right. The pediatrician thought she had depression and so was the psychiatrist. It was not a walk in the park raising her, she was always oppositional. Only when we moved here to another State and the pediatrician said that he was uncomfortable changing her dosage that I brought her to a child psychiatrist. He got her back on Paxil, she was very happy and gradually it got to a point where she became manic. I told the doctor that she was acting "too happy" that we all realized that she's actually bipolar. We got her the right combo of medicines since 2 years ago and things got better. Not totally perfect, but I'm grateful. Our son is ADHD but due to 2 tramatic head injuries when he was a toddler in pre-school. He's a good kid, just hard for him to stay focused, and he's on meds too. Sorry about your pet, it must be so hard
Janet, Michelle, Traci, Laura, Tori, Betty, Ellie ~ thank you for praying for me. I am still unsure what my sister's real diagnosis is, I think that my siblings are keeping the truth from me knowing that I'll be really stressed out. My mom's kidney condition is also very serious, creatinine level is at 700 from the blood test last week. The nurses said that she is chasing after "sugar". 6 packets for coffee in the morning, 6 pakcets goes into her hot cereal, so that's 12 packets in one sitting. In the afternoon she was seen pouring sugar into her mouth. They can only watch her so much, she sneaks them.
Pat ~ I still have heart ache thinking about our 2 loyal dogs. They gave us so much love and so much protection. Have pets are really great for the kids because it teaches them love and responsibility. I have a family history of high blood pressure, 2 years ago I was on 3 different types of bp meds, I know how that felt like.
Mary ~ glad to read your post, how are you doing?
Tori ~ when will you start radiation?
Very envious that east coast bunch will be meeting, I wish I live closer and will be able to visit with you gals too. Please do take lots of pictures and share it here
I hope I didn't miss anyone's name here, I'm stressed and my memory is not sharp, at times I just can't come up with things to say. I've been off of the anti-depressant for several years and hope that I'm not gonig back on it. I've been on Tamoxifen since Dec 1st and not sure if the bad memory is a SE from tamoxifen? Or it could be from my Ativan because I can't sleep without it.
Will keep praying for my sisters here.
God Bless!
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Michelle and Threasa and all ladies with anxiety, I suffered with anixeity and panic attacks most of my life to the point I would not leave my home without someone with me. Or I couldn't stay by myself. I thought I would loose control and scream or faint and die. At this time I had children I had to raise. To go to school with them for a function was brutal. I was on all kinds of different meds and was in therapy, yoga and pray. But finely the drug Paxal saved my life after taken it for a while all my panic attacks stopped. I became normal again but not after over 20yr of suffering. Now I take lexapro bc of BC but Paxal was my Marcile drug. I would never hasated to take a pill if it makes me a normal person. I just thought I would share that with you. Anxiety is a living hell. Sometime I think that is why I got cancer all that stress.
Betty
Bett
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Betty ~ so true. I would get panic attacks and won't be able to drive. I still have this void now and then and especially when I have to drive far or I'm not familiar with the roads. It's debilitating!
My current problem is worries and insomnia.... !
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I am so sorry for so many depressions and anxiety issues... type A... well that is me too
Sisters, I pray for your peace.
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Marie,
So sorry about your sweet one. I see we all deeply love our fur children. I know I have said it before, but I remember when my mother told me...."if you have any doubt in the existence of God, just look in the eyes of your dog." This of course goes for all animals, we just have been a dog family. It's true, look at their soulful eyes, full of love for you. They are Divinely ordained, and we are blessed in their company for as long as they visit us. I know the deep deep grief of their loss, and can mourn in moments like it was yesterday. Blessed are they. I pray for your peace Marie and Pat. You loved them beautifully.
I'm glad I sound better
As tired as I am, this has been a great process. I still need tomorrow off, and DC almost always falls out of some mystery line that means I have to go to work. More cleaning and finishing up tomorrow night. This has been very renewing, and I have a lot more self respect, and this is essential to health. I hit the futon like a ton of bricks when I got home, after mowing down many pieces of chicken from Harris Teeters. I think I overdid it. poor chicken.Paula,
Did you get a chance to look up Bell's Palsy? I am going to hope for this to be a reversible neurological condition. Where is your sister in relation to you?
so Tori, are you getting ready for Rads? contemplating the trip with your Sister? How do you feel?
Prayersareanswered is in the midst of her chemo, so am sending prayers out to her.
My friend Judy is taking good care of herself, and is not pushing herself to work this time. I worry about her when I hear her cough while we talk on the phone. I also know that the right chemo will blast cancer, and there are so many women on the stage IV boards that prove there is much hope. I keep sharing stories from the boards with her, and am praying for her. She has begun to open herself back up to God and spirit, having lost touch after a series of losses with family and friends where her prayers did not seem to be answered.
This is the deep deep part of faith that has broken me many a time. and then something happens like it did last week, and I know I am being held. Just really know it. It helps me see the flow of help that has been present, and the many times I have not been ready. Many things have not been my plan, and when I hear people's stories, I realize this is true for many of us. We just do not know what is around the corner, and we cannot give up.
Some days it's just about keeping one foot moving in front of the other. Staying in the game, staying present. I am able to say Thank You God, Thank you Jesus! with such sincerity and gratitude post BC treatment. I pray to continue to be held, to do God's works, and to take an honest look into what parts of my circumstances I can help to change. What a challenge life is! and what a blessing.
well, off to take the fur baby out, then eyes closed to rest up for another day.
God Bless you All, and looking forwards to the first annual Northern Va./Md/DC gathering
Meeting near a Metro sounds perfect. And for our Sisters who can travel through in better weather, that would be wonderful! Traci
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One thing that is striking me is the common chord among us with all of our past anxiety issues and type A behavior could that possibly be a precursor to breast cancer?. I mean I know stress hurts our immune systems etc, but what if there is a link between this anxiety ridden personality and developing bc. Its not just on the Catholic thread that I see this?
I have a couple of questions for all of you? Please feel free to answer if you are comfortable but no worries if you are not?
How many of you experienced a life changing event when you were a young child?
and
How does this anxiety/depression type A thing play out in your marriages?
I am just very curious and also wanting to make changes for the better, I learn from all of you. i believe anxiety (lifelong) finds it's roots in something tragic in our childhoods that could not be controlled and as children we had no skills to deal with these things so we tried to control our feelings thus leading us into a life of anxiety.
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Sisters,
Thanks for checking in on me....I feel good...really good in fact...aside from feeling like a MACK truck hit me right when I get up in the morning...once I get moving I feel okay, but I"m not liking that feeling in the am..I hear it's common, so I'm making sure I do some stretching before I get up and that seems to help...(God help me, I haven't even started my AI yet either!)
Traci and Paula--Met my radiology oncologist today...LOVE HER! I am always amazed when I meet someone in the medical field that makes me feel empowered...its such a wonderful blessing! And they all love to HUG there! For me ,that's a plus! I don't get enough of those, so I need to get 'em when I can!
At any rate...I go for the "prep" on Thursday and will have simulation next week and then rads will start shortly after that. I will have 35 treatments...(27 regular and 8 boosts), but that may change.
I did decide to not to on the trip with my sister. Things are a little crazy over there in Egypt right now, and really, I felt it would be better to continue with my treatment...get that done and THEN plan a great trip after that...
Traci-you do sound better...praise to God! You said, " Some days it's just about keeping one foot moving in front of the other. Staying in the game, staying present"...I couldn't have said it any better than that! The words sound so simple, but geez, isn't it difficult to even do that sometimes??
Michelle, Betty, Paula, Theresa-Let me say, I know exactly what you are all talking about when it comes to anxiety. I remember being quite anxious as a youngster and remember having panic attacks when I was 17/18 years old. I was 24 when my mom went to heaven and I remember it getting really bad. I couldn't stand being in crowds because I was afraid I would have some sort of attack...I couldn't be in a theater unless I was on an end seat because I was afraid of the same thing...I couldn't even drive without having anxiety...I remember, having to pull over on the side of the road a few times and having to physically slap myself in the face to get a grip on myself! Scary!!
And then I too, found Paxil....I didn't take it for very long and things seemed to get back to normal...Anxiety attacks still happened, but were fewer and fewer in between.
Michelle-I can say for sure that there was something "life changing" as a child, because I really don't remember anything like that. Maybe I need to examine this further, but part of me doesn't want to in fear of what my search may reveal...
As for my marriage...I only get anxiety attacks when my husband is not around...so, I dunno about that one...(We've been together since 1999 and I've only had maybe 5 during that time" in my mind only? Who knows? Being with my DH has brought such peace to my life...except for when he drives me crazy! LOL!
Anyways, I attribute my panic attacks/anxiety to the Satan and try not to give him any kind of control over me..but it is so difficult sometimes...
TrustMary-Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! You are amidst some extraordinary women here. Come her often and you will be blessed with warmth, encouragement, prayers, and love from many!
Prayersareanswered- offering prayers for you as you continue treatment...I pray you feel the love we send your way...
LMFSM- Thank you for always lifting us up in your prayers...please know that we do the same for you!
Marie/Pat-So sorry to hear about your fur baby... We have lost a pet (we call it "going/went to college") every year for the past 3 years...the last one we lost the day I was diagnosed last year...It's so hard, I know, but the love they give us 100% is so wonderful...May you find comfort in knowing that the love you received was genuine....{{{{HUGS}}}}
Laura-thanks for your prayers as well...
Snow has started to come down here in OK....this past Friday and Saturday is was in the 70's and not we are going to get 8-12 inches of snow tonight...it's CRAZY!
Be careful if you have to be out in it, okay???
peace, love and prayers to all my sisters...
Sleep well...
Tori
DE COLORES!
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Just peeked, so nice to see you Tori.
michelle,
My life changing even was when I was 14, and my father was permanently disabled due to a benign brain tumor in the brain stem. It was in a very dangerous place, even though it was not cancerous.
I will write more, but I was also a very anxious child, very shy, terribly afraid at night, afraid of "ghosts," and heard footsteps etc...not heard by the rest of the family. I would lie awake, shaking, sweating.
Anxiety ran strong in my grandmother as well.
I like your research idea, and am interested in learning more about any commonalities amongst BC warriors.
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Wow... I'm floored that so many of us experienced YEARS of panic attacks.... yes, I could not leave the house alone ... even now, I stress about trips I have to take alone, but I work through the fear and do it. One of the things I'm working through with my stressful job and all is similar to what I did to "overcome" the panic attacks way back when. I tell myself, it's in my head and I, with the grace of God, have control of what's in there... if I'm stressed about my job, then I'm causing it. A friend told me that when he gets anxious, he tells himself that it's an illusion made up by him and not real, so I try to think of it that way too. If I think that Satan is putting those thoughts in my mind, then I really wake up and tell him to go away!! If an outside source is truly causing me stress/anxiety, and I have the option of removing myself, then I remove myself... like Miss Traci did. Pat is right, we've been given a second chance to do it right and only have x amount to years left, so darn it, I'm turning it all over to God and not allowing my mind to run away with fear and anxiety. Christ said, Be Not Afraid. Who am I to talk back to Christ and tell him, "Well, Jesus, you see, you don't understand why I'm anxious about this doctor's appointment, so I have to be afraid." And if meds help us overcome that hump so we can figure it out, then God Bless You and use them. I have lexapro here ready for me to take, and I might end up doing just that. But I'm going to do my best, meds or no meds, to show God that I am willing to turn it all to him and walk through any fear or anxiety with Him until it goes away. If it means quitting my job, I'll do it. One step at a time. But it's hard, really hard.
Michelle - I was in a car accident when I was 5 and lost my father to cancer when I was 3 (don't remember it, but I'm sure I knew something was seriously wrong), lost my dearest grandmother when I was 14. I've just had a lot of sorrow and stressful events in my 50 years, beginning very young.
How does it affect my marriage? My husband is very patient with me, and when I get "out of control" with depression or anxiety, he lets me know that I need help. My anxiety tends to build up until it comes out in anger ... snippy anger, not violent. Then I realize what I'm doing and withdraw and he knows to leave me alone. We met and fell in love online, so we find that when there's a topic that we're uncomfortable talking in person about, we will write to each other and it's worked for us for 9 years. Personality wise, Skip is reluctant to say anything negative, and I grew up in a family where we let everything out, so I'm pretty frank, and he takes offense to it, so I try to tone myself down. But he thinks it's hilarious when I'm frank with my kids or grandkids. Actually, not so much with my grandsons b/c the oldest one, especially, is sensitive too.
I think the tamoxifen, especially, has really put a damper on my marriage. I'm just flat now. Not a lot of excitement or lovey doveyness. It's like I've forgotten how to be a woman. I'm just a bag o' bones. I've talked to Skip about this and he understands, but geez. I don't like it.
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Paula - thanks for the advice on the Chrysanthemum tea. My cough is almost gone, but I'll try to find it. Prayers for you and your family.
Tori - yes, I remember feeling like a Mack truck hit me. I never thought the chemo side effects would go away, but they did. I'm sorry about your trip, though.
Traci reminded me... these panic attacks run in my family too and my sister got relief from Paxal too. I agree with the others, you do sound happier. :-)
Well, I'm working from home today and feel pretty silly. Skip had to take 8 hours of vacation. The weather people were wrong.
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TRaci ...well said!!
TORI.and TRACI.Thank you I believe are pets are a part of our family and yes a great loss when we lose them. My other kitty Rex dies in Sept, and he was my surgery budyy, I was in denial when he dies because I told the vet but I still have more surgery to do, he cant be ready, but he was. He had the habit of sleeping on my tummy at night but when I got home from the first surgery I had a DIEP flap reconstruction so that was NOT going to happen but he instinctively knoew that and would just curl up at my feet as weeks and weeks progressed he slowly moved up and slept on my side... I so believe they can sense things.
I dont know if this qualifies as a life changing event bit these things happened . My dad had a massive hearta attack andopen heart surgery when I was 5 but he survived as a matter of fact he passed away only 2 years ago... my anxiety started in my late teens ear;y 20"s. I have a VERY domineering mother lover her, but she is very domineering bothing was or still is ever quite" right". As a matter of fact last night I was telling her how I felt about something unkind she said to me, and all she could say was well I don remember saying that and "you know you always point your bad days at me what are you going to blame me for your cancer too"... obviously the conversation went nowhere. Dont get me wrong she has many good points but very difficult. I will leave with the thought I have 2 older brothers and neither speak to her.. very sad... I think all this is a big part of my anxiety... I try very hard to mother my kids different. Like I said earlier when my daughter was first diagnosed my mom was one of the ones that thought she was being "manipulative and difficult".. what if I would of listend to her??? oh my thank you God for giving me the wisdom not to!.
hope I didnt go on and on but that is some of my story
Thank you ladies for being here!!
God bless you all with peace and happiness and health restored!!
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I love my bc sisters! Always find something uplifing in what you guys write, and I am so awed by the honesty in how feelings are expressed--and of course, I love to be reminded that we are always HELD ( one of the most powerful metaphors for me regarding Jesus and Mary). I am taking a deep breath and thanking God for all of you. TrustMary, have you heard about Immaculee Ilibigaza, a Rwandan refugee who shares her story of survival and give glory to the power of the rosary of the seven sorrows. Love to all! xo
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Hello my Catholic sisters in Christ.
After finally getting in to get my biopsy done last Friday (had to reschedule twice due to all the bad weather we in CT having been getting thru the mon of Jan.) I got the "all clear" from the Dr. office a bit ago. The office is sending me a copy of the report for my own records.
Im humbled. Im grateful. I know it could have been different, I know it's different for so many here, and I know that doesn't mean I won't have a problem in the future.
But for today, Im humbled that things are ok. I may take leave of the board (always knowing that it is here, just in case) but one thing I take with me is that I will continue to pray for all of you, your family, your health care teams.
I find myself praying for all who are hit with BC when I pray my rosary. I will continue to do so.
All my love and prayers.
Marie
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Hi Ladies, I try to keep up with you, but it's been kind of busy around here. Between the snow, and more snow, trying to make sure that my Dad (who lives an hour and a half north of us) is dug out, but not injuring himself trying to get it done and everything else that is going on.
My niece has moved in with us, so we now have two young adults (neither of whom drive) commuting to the local community college with totally different schedules, so I am doing more chauffering than I've done in years. We also had one of the puppies we fostered come back to us after one of the children in the family he went to developed allergies.
This has also been a difficult few weeks with those dates that act as reminders of people I've lost. We had the 40th anniversary of my grandmother's death (she lived with us, and was closer to me when I was young than my mother was), followed a few days later by my mother's birthday, and now my brother's birthday is coming up this week.
Things seem to be settling in a bit now, but I still don't seem to get here on Friday nights. I do remember all of you in my prayers, even if they aren't said on the same time frame.
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Marie5890, very happy for your NED and thank you in advance for your continuous prayers for us.
Another thing I want to share is that my daughter had tried different anti depressants from Paxil, Celexa and Lexapro; they worked but they did not take care of anxiety. The med that took care of her anxiety, panic attacks is Abilify. She tried the generic first but made her sleepy. She's taking the name brand and it has been a blessing. Abilify could be taken alone or compliment another anti depressant (heard it from the doctor and there's tv commercial), there's a few others too. Ladies perhaps you can ask your doctor since your current med still gives you anxiety.
I've learned a lot since my bc dx, and am very humbled to realize that many people are very caring. I know that praying together is a good thing but I just read that "when you join groups and work together, whether in person, online, or from a distance (such is prayer and healing circles), the group's spiritual and energetic efficiency builds. Many studies show that power of prayer can be documented. - Lauren Thibodeau Phd.
I want to pray about the wicked weather that we are all bracing, they anticipated over 100 million people will be affected. Please Lord Jesus, please intervene and protect your people. We will be in the sub temperature here, tomorrow morning, it will be in the teens here and I'm in the west coast, I'm thinking we should wrap our palm trees outside.
PRA speedy recovery to you.
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Amen! Prayers for everyone to stay warm and safe!!!
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Maria - my panic attacks/anxiety started in my high school years and went well into my twenties too. I had to chuckle with you a bit about your mother. My Mom, God rest her soul, could be difficult too. My daughter and I laugh every once in awhile about the unkind things she would say. She would take offense if you called her on it, so most of the time, we let it be. But I was very close to my Mom and my daughter was very close to my Mom... we just were not an affectionate family. She had many wonderful qualities, but had that frank edge. I hear her in my words every once in awhile and have to ask myself "Did I say that or did Mom take possession of me?" Her name was Fran, and whenever I do something or say something that my Mom would do, Skip will call me Fran. :-)
Marie - congratulations on your good report!! God bless you and thank you for keeping us in your prayers.
Ellie - I know how you feel. I need this board and thank God for leading me here.
Pat - oh my, you sound like you have your hands and house full!! God bless you. Conserve your energy! Regarding your BP and chemo.... mine did the opposite. When I was on chemo, my BP dropped so much that my primary care took me off my BP meds completely. Several months after chemo, it started to go up again, but not horribly. I only need to take half the dose, now, that I used to take before cancer. The nurse told me that she's seen chemo affect BP both ways.
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Thanks Theresa. I know what you mean I love her she is a 77 year old italian new yorker lol!!!! nothing gets by her
... I look at this way, there are many good things she has taught me the stuff I dont like or feel is wrong, I have the ability to break that cycle so to speak so thats what I try to do. as I am sure my daughter will do too This board IS amazing, there is such love and support and faith here, its wonderful
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Michelle, You hit the nail on the head. I had a very poor upbringing very abusive, but if you ask my mother she would denie it. I was all way very insecure growing up and even my husband do't know what I when through. So that is all ways with me and yes it has effected my marriage and health. I know that I was a good mother and to my children bc I know what I went though and I would never want my children to ever feel the way I did. I never took my children for granted. I thank God every night for the blessing of my kids. They are my life.
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KINDONE...I am sorry you endured that but Amen that you made it better for your children. Like I said earlier we have to break the cycle! God Bless you for doing that!
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Novena was cancelled tonight.. A first! We are having so much snow here in KC.
I'll have to pray at home. I teach organ to a couple girls and they play the Novena (sometimes I supervise.. but they on their own now.
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Kindone, That is so awesome that you broke the cycle!! Congrats! I have been doing alot of reading about cognitive mindfullness--and how our automatic thoughts and cognitive distortions can perpetuate our anxiety. But, even as I do my professional reading--I am aware that when I was so sick from chemo (I swear it made me crazy) that even when I tried, nothing seemed to help. I just leaned on family and they got me through, through the grace of God. xo
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Very interesting observations sisters regarding anxiety, type A, etc. I'm most definitely type A and do think I have built up defenses in some areas. I refuse to drive on the beltway, for example. If anyone has been on the roads in the DC area - you can probably understand why. They are now #2 worst roads (after LA) in the entire country. It's a combination of two car accidents I was in when I was young and I'm gun shy having experienced that - I'm not an aggressive driver & know limitations of my own driving at high speeds with 18 wheelers. So whether it's a combination of a phobia or just common sense, I'm not sure.
I do think the whole cancer anxiety issue needs research & better coping mechanisms. It sinks in that the worry will never go away for the rest of your life. So the question becomes how do you deal with it? I think I mentioned long time ago that I had thyroid cancer nearly 40 years ago. Yes it was always sort of in the back of my mind but I didn't worry about it constantly like I find myself now w/bc. To subject ourselves over and over and over and over again with fear & anxiety for scans, tests, what if it comes back, etc. is no way to live life. It's trite, but I keep telling myself no one has any guarantee of life other than the present moment - cancer or no cancer. One thing my father said a long time ago was "A coward dies a thousand deaths. A brave man dies but once." If you think about that for a while, it makes a lot of sense. We are dying a thousand deaths by worrying about this every day and (thankfully) most of the time needlessly. Is there a better way to put aside the constant fear & anxiety until the day we HAVE to confront those worst fears - and it could end up being something totally unrelated to bc! That's the million dollar question and I don't think more medication is the only answer. Faith & prayer surely help, but it's clear from all the threads on this discussion board that women need better coping mechanisms (including me) and change the mindset that keeps reinforcing itself in a negative way.
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Wow Janet Excellent Post and very thought provoking!
I lost my Mother at 5, I was alone with her and she died right in front of me on the floor in front of me and my 1 year old sister. She had a heart condition from birth that was supposedly handled with surgery. She led an active life and was an RN that worked with children with heart problems. She was also very active in the Catholic Church and sat on a board working for right to life! She was only 27 when she died. It changed my life forever, and I never had anyone there for me to tell me it was going to be ok in any tough situation, so I developed a CAN DO attitude and powered through a lot of things and accomplished a lot in my life especially professionally.
HOWEVER I am now learning that the bracing and powering through those situation was really just bracing against all of my horrified feelings inside and now am learning to sink into my feelings and let them go naturally instead of strongholding through.
Sometimes I wake up for days in a row and the first thing that go's across my mind's eye and ear is the words "I am scared"! I don't think it is just bc that I am frightened of I am afraid of the fear itself.
Lets pray for Peace, and I pray today for all that are dealing with the threatening weather that they may be watched over closely.
TOday my son is going to be at the state capital representing his Catholic School at a rally for Catholic Schools. Please say a quick prayer for his safety as I worry after our shooting in Tucson.
Bless all of you and thanks for sharing so much of your lives here.
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