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Ok ladies I am starting this w/ the daily quote before I unleash a pesonal rant.
St Ambrose of Milan: "It is frequently in the pain of the body, amid the very hands of persecutors, that Christ is really found. In a little while, in a brief moment, when you have escaped the hands of your persecutors, and have not given in to the ways of the world, Christ will meet you and will not allow you to be tempted further."
What a gammut of emotions this week has been. Yes I am grateful, yes I am happy to be alive and healthy but why do I feel God shows me so clearly the people who do and who clearly do NOT value me. Ugg! And why is it so painful to see the truth each time I am rejected or completely ignored when I genuinely NEED help? YES it's enough to put me in therapy and I guess that is why I am in therapy and in prayer ! I so appreciate your listening. I HATE that I'm throwing myself a pity party but It really stinks to be so sick and have people either ignore you or say they're available "after the first of the year". I have no husband, no children, thank GOD I have friends and neighbors who do care. I don't ask for help unless I REALLY need it. Guess I get this romantic notion egged on by some intermittent hint of caring from a family member that my siblings(there are 5 of them) might be able to take a break from soap operas or the antique mall to give a %$it about me! But as my therapist/counselor explains TRUTHFULLY: They like to cheer from the sidelines, want to know or think they are entitled to know info but feel absolutely no sense of duty, obligation, etc. Basically, if it is their own child, themselves they expect the world to stop in its tracks yet I am lucky to get a crumb of compassion...And BY GOD I should be grateful for that...One sister told me that this week......oh Thanks! I am sorry but I'm done being a martyr. I will forgive but I will NOT put myself in situations where I will be pushed down lower when I'm already pretty darn low.
I had a really bad bout of nausea and vomiting wed and thurs almost had to be hospitalized and can I just say there is nothing worse than having the person staying w/ you post op not even check in to see you're alive when I couldn't speak because I was dry heaving up my guts. She just left to go clean someone else's house has a cell phone but doesn't turn it on. I called my mgr at work crying and wretching and someone came over to call my doc and have anti nausea stuff called in. I was in bad shape...One sister called me randomly and ended up coming over got me gatorade day 2 and DID stay because I was truly on the verge of needing to go to the hospital. I am truly not sure I've ever felt so bad, scared, or helpless. And I guess what APPALS me the most is I cannot fathom not caring or checking on someone I know who might need as I did.........I just DON'T GET IT!
Going to confession today...It really IS time for the pity party to be over but forgive me I feel so hurt and just believe NO ONE deserves to be treated as I have been and yeah I write this on the heels of a patronizing e-mail from my sister who invited me to christmas- gee I REALLY want to spend time w/ them! WTH! She sends a six way e-mail(to me and the other sibs) diatribe about how she might "be able to help a little after the first"...HELLO....I cannot even drive for another week? LADIES is it ME? I did reply back GOd forgive me but DOORMAT is NOT stamped across my forehead! I just said "I probably wouldn't be able to coordinate my needs w/ her schedule so she shouldn't even worry her pretty little head" and xoxo'd and signed Think she'll GET it? at this point I does it matter LOL! sorry I just have to laugh! Thank you God for the entertainment in all this "blessed" time of year. I AM looking forward to attending my parish service this wkend and am hoping I can fly or maybe drive to Lubbock to a different part of family. I am not going to gift my presence to the family that is making me BITTER. Thanks for listening ladies...wish I could be happy holy and forgiving every minute but this life gets so COMPLICATED.
Love you all! love and prayers and St Agatha and St Perregrine please intercede. And whomever is the patron saint of rants and bitterness HELP ME find PEACE! Being able to drone on helps hope I've given at least somebody a laugh?
xoxo jjd
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Jennifer,
I looked in the book "My Other Self" for a passage that might help you. I hope this one might...
"Does your present state sometimes plunge you into circumstances wherein your sorrow seems almost greater than you can bear? Compare it with my sorrow that night in Gethsemani when the burden of all the sins of mankind descended upon My heart so that in My agony My blood broke through the pores of My skin and dripped down My face and neck to the ground. Accept it!
Accept your present situation. It is best for you at this time. The children I have given to parents - and the parents I have given to children - are best for each other. These particular children and these particular parents are part of My plan. This particular employer or superior, and this particular employee or inferior, are best for each other at this time. Tomorrow, it may be different. Today, they have each a purpose to serve in this special situation."
He does have a plan for each of us. Goodness will come of every situation, even the ones that are so disappointing for us. If we look for the good, sometimes we can see it. Sometimes we can see it years later. Sometimes it's not for us to see, but only for us to trust in. Sometimes we are a lesson for others, sometimes they are a lesson for us. I know that doesn't make it less frustrating or disappointing, but know that you are in good company. Look at how many people let Jesus down, how many didn't come to his aid...
God bless you and may you feel His presence surround you with love and peace this Christmas season and always.
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Jennifer,
So sorry to hear you are feeling the way you are feeling.....families can be tough and the dynamics oh so interesting. I pray that you will get the support you need from friends if not family and from your faith which needs to be a stronger tie than the first two. It is what gets so many of us through these issues...
God Bless you,
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Thanks but like I said, pretty sure I'm done w/ the martyrdom and agony. I had pretty much cut off some family relationships prior to stage one and truly was doing much better. Holy holy holy, but this is about practical life too and I do believe we have to uphold our own boundaries. Once again mine have been crossed so time for me to do as my Christian counselor showed me and reestablish them. Forgive me for being profound or perhaps bordering on self promoting but God put me here for a reason and it was not to be diminished by, or denigrated by the family into which I happen to have been born into.
Cheers ladies!
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Jennifer,
I too have a "problematic" relationship with a sib, and have chosen to cut off the tie because it was so painful and manipulative a relationship. And when she struck out to hurt me, she did it by hurting my husband and others I care about, so I had to remove myself. It is very painful....but it was not a healthy relationship.
It took a while to come to terms with this as a Christian, but the good Lord doesn't want us to be abused. It is hard every time I say the Our Father to recognize I have a broken relationship in my family. I tried to be very self reflective and understand where I could have done a better job, and I confessed those areas.
What does help is that I pray for her daily, and have a Mass said for her on her birthday. That didn't happen over night....it took years...but I thought I would share with you how I handled it.
Hang in there...quick recovery...and God bless you!
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Thanks Angel my dear! I agree one hundred percent the Lord does not want us to be abused. In my own work w/ patients and training new nurses I find myself gravitating or MOST unnerved and motivated by those taken advantage of. And no it's not necessarily physical abuse always but the ongoing unrelenting verbal or emotional abuse. Truly had separated myself from this kind of twisted family thing and thought it was safe to some degree to re-enter and have some form of relationship but only a relationship w/ respect and consideration(for me). Since that doesn't seem to be happening I find myself needing to extricate myself again because it's just too messed up and I'm not getting sucked into it again! You are VERY right prayers are the best thing. Thanks!
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Good morning ladies. Thanks again for listening to me rant, be frustrated and have a bit of self pity yesterday. Feeling much better today in MANY ways.
Dec 21 quote from Daily Catholic Bible:
" Let the world indulge its madness, for it cannot endure and passes like a shadow. It is growing old and is, I think, in its last decrepit stage. But we, buried deeply in the wounds of Christ, why should we be dismayed?" St Peter Canisius
Isn't that so timely? Guess I just do believe the (holy)day of Christmas DOES get lost in a lot of BS....or 'madness'! The gifts, the shopping.......What used to always make it special was the being together...and guess that has been the heart of my grief over the past couple days...BUT ALL is well! I have gained SO many new people to be together w/ over this past year....my virtual pals here and my parish and CBS classmates/instructor are SUCH awesome examples. Thanks ladies, xoxo, St Perregrine and St Agatha, please intercede for us all!
and call me disloyal but I hope the Saints deflate Jerry Joneses ego in the Big Easy today...VERY good chance it will happen!
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhh!....How did I miss the game was last pm and the cowboys beat the saints.......wow I got my shejule confused! Oh man the boys will certainly get cocky over this while NOLa will probably get even better....DARN I had a jersey to wear and everything!
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Jennifer
Just read your post! You are not alone! We all have these challenging relationships, but you are right as rain, you should vent get it out and find your higher road! You will be ok and prevail in your wonderful spirit that you have......that in itself will serve as a good lesson and example to your dysfunc. family!
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OK ladies I have debated posting this, but this thread is where I feel most at home (and power of prayer)
Anyway I need prayers, and everytime we pray for someone on this thread it seems to really help.....so I am going through what is like a downward spiral. I had been on a hormone "drug" break and then my Onc decided since I am still young and my ovaries looked as though they might be turning back on I needed to start getting Zoladex injections. Prior to all this I got to a really good place and never really thought about BC much and had a good attitude! I came here only when I wanted to help others, not because I was obsessed with BC like in the beginning.
Now I am back to the "bad" place, I have a backache that won't go away, and mentally I feel stuck and paralyzed... and all I can think of is METS, I have tried massage, advil, accupuncture and it is still here after 2 weeks. The Onc's think it is SE's, but it is hard to not worry. I can do a scan and of course I am scared to death of that. I have been here before, last spring (hip problems that were not mets)) and I thought it was behind me.
I need prayers from you ladies please..I am just at my wits end with the world of BC
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mmm5, plainjane, and all my sisters,
You have been heard by me. I wish you peace and happiness. Please take care of yourselves, you are not alone and we care about you. In sisterhood, xo Prayers and blessings to you
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Oh sisters.. you have been heard by me too... I am adding you to my journal...
Father, you are the only healer. You are who we can trust. Please easy my sisters minds and hearts... fear is a horid thing... so is anger. I beg your mercy on my sisters here, please, hear my prayer. I Jesus name I pray .. Amen,
If anyone wants to pray with me privatly, please pm me...I will respond.
mmm... your back pain is due to lack of estrogen.. I JUST KNOW IT! All my hip pain and joint pain is from this.. so I KNOW yours is too! We are close in age and NEED estrogen.. but we cannot have it.. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
so cuss your lack of estrogen... cuss the cancer doing this... and lets praise God together that we do not have mets... and that we do have drugs to help our bones...
Sisters.... Keep the Faith!
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Keeping the Faith, here. Reading and praying everyday...just not posting.
I have a bone scan tomorrow AM. Just a normal, routine scan to check bone density. I'm going to find out just how much damage 15 months on Arimidex has done. Amazingly, I don't even have any scanxiety. I'm more concerned about getting the car back in time for my daughter to get to her late morning class.
I'll spend the time under the scanner praying for us all.
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Thank you Nancy... Thank you!
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"...pray without ceasing."
(Thess. 5:17) Here's the best part. Jesus didn't tell us to memorize long complicated prayers. Nor did Jesus tell us that our prayers had to be poetic.Prayer in its simplest terms is you talking with God and then listening to Him for His answers and direction.So, what's the best way to pray to God? Again, Jesus tells us..."...whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."
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Good morning, Michelle I feel your pain. But listen to an old Noni and remember what I told you a while back. The devil likes to get hold of our minds, doesn't he. Well stand firm and pick up that Name JESUS and fight back.
From alot of experience I can tell you that the mind can work on body pain. Anxiety is most often the cause of our pains. I do not take hormone drugs so I think you should listen to Laura, that makes sense to me also. So combination of estrogen and nerves adds up to "back pain".
For years I have suffered from hip and back pains going back to my 30's and I am still here. As i get older it is very important to keep up with strengtening our core. There are some great exercises for the hips and back that have helped me tremendously. What about the Holidays, that sure can throw a rench into our stress. Tell me that isn't the devil. By the way, how is your husband job doing? Well keeping Jennifer, and Nancy in my prayers today also. LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS0 -
prayers for my Catholic sisters and all who suffer from breast cancer.
I went to Confession this week. I have never been very comfortable going to my own priests because I have such a distinctive voice... i usually go to other parishes. I don't very often, and I was reminded of my childhood confessions.
My mother had us go to Confession on Saturdays. I'd walk to church with my little brother and be the first in line. The priest of course knew who we were. .. the same sins all the time and he would say "Mary - for your penance etc." I was really bothered by this because confession was supposed to be anonymous. I started talking in a different voice with a British accent to fool the priest. I was probably 8 at the time. I'd make up totally sins so he wouldn't know it was me. I remember once he asked me if I ever lied, and I said 'no'. He gave me 20 Our Fathers and 20 Hail Marys to say. The next week he asked me again about lying and gave me 20 Our Fathers and 20 Hail Marys to say and also told me to go to Mass every morning which I did. I figured out it wasn't worth the trouble to pretend to be someone else.
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Noni J thanks for asking, of course prayers were answered and My Husband's job survived the cuts and things are going ok for him right now.
Thank you for coming to my rescue, I will get through this too, but the prayers and support certainly help thanks so much to you and to Laura!0 -
Mary, I also was totally embarrassed by the real lack of anonymity in the confessional. Especially when the nuns had us lined up waiting to go in when the parish priest came in, walked down the aisle along side us, and greeted us by name along the way. Totally put me "off" confession.
Many years later as we were rehearsing my sister's wedding at St. Patrick's Catherdral in NYC, the supervising priest gathered the wedding party around him, asked if we were sorry for our recent sins, gave us all absolution. That was the BEST confession I've ever made, lol.
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funny story apple! I remember saying the same thing every week to the priest, "lied nine times" "fought with my brother and sister twice" disobeyed my parents three times, etc. Our Lady asks us to go to confession so I am praying and praying about it. Haven't been to it in years. But I can sure pray without ceasing for my breast cancer sisters on this board! God bless us all
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MMM5 and all my sisters here, you are in my prayers at daily mass 6 days a week, and throughout the day. May God bless you all and surround you with His healing love and fill you with His peace. Blessings
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mmm5...ditto to everything that has been said here...but I would have the scan and be done with it....knowing that with all your sisters lifting you up in prayer you will be able to be strengthened and handle this stress. And I also agree that if it is not a life giving feeling then it comes from the evil one. The good Lord does not want us stressful, the devil does....so please try not to give him his way....
OK...confession...I struggled for years....but once I joined the lay Apostolate of Jesus Christ the Returning King, I had to commit to monthly confession, an hour of Adoration a week, and a few other things that keeps me focused on Christ. I have the luxury of being in NYC where I can work to at least 5 different parishes, so I do go to my own parish priests, but not often...I go to other parishes. I actually prefer to do the face to face confession. I feel more comfortable that way....it is just me. But I have been fortunate to find a couple of priests who really help me! They help me develop my spirituality deeper as I try to correct my wayward ways. And also, I have noticed that monthly confession forces me to look deeper into my relationships and motivations. Never mind I talked negatively about a relative to someone when they weren't there to defend themselves....why did I feel compelled to do it? What motivated me? Why the lack of compassion and judgement against them? It is really a worthwhile process and such a beautiful sacrament!!! I get to start all over again and approach the Eucharist a bit more purer than before confession and He so deserves that from me.
There are many times when comments or the lack thereof from my confessor left me cold or wondering about their place in God's eyes....but I again have to remind myself that they are just an instrument of God's great mercy, not their own doing, and I am to accept the graces offered and go about my business knowing God hears everything.
So that's it for me...took a break from wrapping gift's to check on my Catholic, Jesus loving sisters! Prayers to St. Peregrine and St. Agatha for each of you and your intentions tonight.
God Bless!
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Apple your story about pretending to be someone else in Confession when you were 8 years old is PRECIOUS! I only remember being so nervous going to Confession that I'd nearly pee in my pants! We had to go every two weeks..........fortunately, unlike your story Apple, my parish was HUGE so the priests would never remember our voices!
I want to share with all my wonderful Catholic sisters here a beautiful French/Huron (Native American) Christmas Carol. I was searching for French Carols for my daughter who's still in college studying for her French final tomorrow (please pray that she does well.........languages are difficult for her). I have always been drawn to the Native Americans..........ever since I was a little girl..........when my brothers played Cowboys, I was always an Indian girl - fleeing from them on my pretend horse......making a bow and arrow from old branches.........putting an old pidgeon feather in my hair........learning how to make Indian beads. I have forgotten those days.........but this song brings it back to me. Here's a beautiful version with the old Huron language as well as French and English (the link will bring you to Youtube):
Here's more info on the carol:
The "Huron Carol" (or "'Twas in the Moon of Wintertime") is a Christmas hymn, written in 1643 by Jean de Brébeuf, a Christian missionary at Sainte-Marie among the Hurons in Canada. Brébeuf wrote the lyrics in the native language of the Huron/Wendat people; the song's original Huron title is "Jesous Ahatonhia" ("Jesus, he is born"). The song's melody is a traditional French folk song, "Une Jeune Pucelle" ("A Young Maid"). The well known English lyrics were written in 1926 by Jesse Edgar Middleton.
I LOVE how "Jesous Ahatonhia" sounds..........so lyrical and mellow!
Here's a more modern English version that is hauntingly beautiful:
"Twas in the Moon of Wintertime"
There's something so special in my mind about Native Americans who converted to Christianity........years ago we spent a long weekend in Bolton Landing at Lake George. It was the birthday of a Jesuit missionary who helped to convert the Native Americans in that area........the priest said mass in a very old chapel. Instead of an altar, they used a canoe turned upside down - they had evergreens hung around the archways, even though it was summer.......such a beautiful Adirondack-style mass...........I never forgot it.
Hope all my sisters are feeling well.........I'm sorry I've been absent from this thread..........I'm all over the place here at bc.org and sometimes forget to come back to my favorite thread of all! God bless you my sisters and may God's angels watch over you during this beautiful Christmas season!
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Dave Emmons ( a family member) is back in the hospital.
Ladies.. his time here is almost over. Could you pray for the Lords Mercy on his soul.
I also pray he does NOT pass until 2010... NOT NOW.. at Christmas...
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Dave Emmons is in my prayers tonight Laura. Will remember him during the Divine Mercy Chaplet....
God Bless
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SwimAngel...
These are beautiful songs! I had never heard them before...thanks so much for sharing!
Christmas Blessings back at you!
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Laura, Dave is in my prayers. Having had a Grandmother have a stroke the day before, and then die the day after Christmas, I know how upsetting it can be to have a death around the holidays. I pray the Lord spares him pain but does not take him to Him too soon.
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Thanks friends!
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Laura - Your friend Dave Emmons is in our framily prayers! Apple thanks for the wonderful confession story! I am healing nicely from my latest surgery (fat grafting to divots in foob). I will be a able to get a fipple in feb/Mar!
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Prayers for Dave Emmons and his peaceful holiday season, I pray that his family is given the gift of his life during this season.
Swim great carols!! Angel Thanks and love your story!!
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