MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Oh that makes so much sense about patching the skin! I don't think anything I've read has differentiated that. I didn't want patchy boobs, so I opted for no recon! Also didn't want the side-to-side incision across my hip. And the chance of the skin not taking....huh. You've given me food for thought. I can't see WHERE they are going to take fat from your belly though, you babe, you.
I think your doc would mean a pain specialist not a psychiatrist....really! No? The nerve pain is real....really! Yes! I'll send him a letter if you want.
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Thanks Barbe,
for the encouragement. I don't see mine much either and don't want to push. They have their own lives. Feel like everyone has to take care of elderly parents, if they are lucky enough, but they shouldn't feel like they have to worry about a 55 year old mom. that's why i had them early.
i do manage to get the kids sometimes though, but very difficult as they grow older. they're busy! You're right. If i lived someplace cool, I'd see them
you betcha!Marian
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Marian, I am only 51, but someone on another thread said something that gave me pause. She said "My kids don't need me anymore". Broke my heart, but it really is so true. Mine are 28 and 26 and steps 27 and 22. They are adults! I bet if I moved somewhere different they'd make an effort to visit, and stay longer! I think their thinking is that I'm close enough if they had to come.....sigh.
Now post us pix of the cool new places you're thinking of renting/buying and we can all give you our vote!
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Awww... shucks! Thanks for the compliment Barbe! That pic was taken just after I started my first round of chemo, before surgery. I have since had to put on nearly 20 lbs at my doc's insistence so that they have something to use for recon. It took me awhile to figure out why I needed 20 extra pounds to make a 1 lb boob, but it is because the 20 lbs went a lot of places not just my belly LOL
C
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Good point! And then you'll dance the other 19 pounds off, right?
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I hope so! LOL But my neuropathy may say otherwise.
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queenlurker, the upper age limit here is "ISH." When I put that in the title, it was a tiny, tiny joke to myself because I happen to think that "ish" is one of the silliest sounding suffixes in our language. Seriously, tho', as we age up, I kind of figured there would be a transitional period where we might belong to both the Mid AND the Older groups, kind of over-lapping til we got comfortable with the Older group (or until a whole bunch of Mids basically took that generation over.)
You know I made this thread when I couldn't find another to fit me, so who knows...If I get up to "ISH" first, chances are I'll get in that Older Forum and make a thread called "Middlies Movin' On Up" or something. That is unless someone beats me to it, hint, hint. I'm sure they would be a lot better than I am at making thread titles too!
Morgan513, have you checked out the new FORUM yet? (Love saying that!) There's a whole thread starting about memories, products, and teen crushes from back in the day. Perfect place to take your D.Cassidy lust. ;-)
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The whole issue of "when can I live where I want to live?" is SUCH a "middles" thing, I think. I suppose if when you were young you moved to the location of your dreams and THEN built a life there, you might be fine. Or if you are very much a person for whom the only important thing is that you live where "your people" are, then you might be fine. My mom is such a beach person - and she's been in Tucson since 1969. She grew up in New York, and they had a bungalow (LOVE that word - just sounds FUN) on Rockaway Point where they spent the summers. Now she goes to San Diego two to three times a year with her brother (who is also a beachaholic). I keep telling her she needs to look for a man with beachfront property while she's out there, but she doesn't. She seems mostly happy with the balance she's struck between living where half of her family and her source of income is and still getting her "hits" of surf now and then. I suppose I feel worse about it than she does - I wish she could live on the beach. She HATES the heat, and A/C air dries out her eyes (she has issues with dry eye), so in Tucson, 80% of the time she's less than physically comfortable.
Meanwhile, I'm totally landlocked here in a place I wouldn't ever pick, but my husband's business is doing quite well (short run four color printing) and my girls are doing well in middle and high school. And I do have some good friends after four years here and it's certainly Retail Mecca. It's easy to get to, so we've seen lots of people we've met over the years who live in other places. But I like mountain vistas, cool weather, easy access to water - and I'm not getting near any of that on a permanent basis any time soon. As women, we so often "end up" where others need us to be.
So with that said, I'd like to think that if I were in a position to consider living somewhere I really wanted to be, and I didn't have a husband who needed to be somewhere or children who needed me on a daily basis, I'd seriously look into moving to my "dream" location while I could... Maybe we can live vicariously through you, Moonbuddy!
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cmharris - if we don't push for things, we won't ever get them. It would be awesome if you can find a way to get what you want from reconstruction - but it is also important to bring about change. I can't BELIEVE how long you've been going through this process of being half-finished. How frustrating! Maybe I missed it - do you have any sort of target date as to when you might have your reconstruction surgery?
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Funny you should ask, Kleenex. I just got off the phone with my PS office and they have set a date tentatively for the 21st of Dec. Gee, what a Christmas present! ... she said dripping with sarcasm.
I hope that I will be happy with my results but I am not holding my breath. I am afraid I was one of those hysterical women that became suicidal at the thought of anyone cutting her breast much less a mx. How far I have come... but I still worry about the results. I was one of those women that liked her body and could never imagine going to a PS for anything. I still freak if he mentions anything about touching the other breast to "match" the girls. I say use your magic and match the one you are making, don't mess with the one that nature made! You cannot improve on it!
UGH! I am getting all stirred up again. Is it any wonder that I am on multiple anti-anxiety drugs?
As for it taking so long to get finished... a lot of the info is in my bio. I had to wait a year after the rads for my veins to heal. Then my PS and I argued over the type of recon for a few months. Then I had to gain enough weight to have the recon. Now I have to wait on his office and the insurance for definite scheduling. So we shall see....
C
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I intend to move to our dream location in North Carolina as soon as either DH retires or DD graduates from college. We already have the land, and we are starting the process of picking a builder. We need either the time not tied to this area or the additional money available to pay for a long commute.
We will build large enough to accomodate any family members who want/need to join us.
As far as trying to be near grandchildren, my mother-in-law is 79, and has been a widow for over 30 years, and broke her hip 4 years ago. She lives in NJ, but is currently spending a few weeks in Georgia for the 3rd time this year visiting the young grandchildren. She travels back and forth by train on her own unless one of her other "kids" is visiting too and gives her a ride. She did the same thing when this crew was living in Missisippi and when they were living in Nebraska. We can't count on our kids staying put, so we need to live our dreams, and look forward to the travel we get to do to visit them.
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Sheesh. It took so long to get this thread established as a distinct forum, that I've almost aged out of it!
Seriously, I am nearing the upper end of the range for this group (disregarding the "ish" extention); but I posted a few times on the "old persons' " forum and really felt out-of-place. Oh, and when my onco told me he thought I needed chemo, he used my "young age" as one of the criteria. I laughed, because it seemed silly to be considered "young" at 55 (age at dx). So, I guess I'm in the middle, at least for a few more years.
Hugs...
otter
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You guys are great! Now i'm not going anywhere while my parents are alive and well. Believe it or not dad's 92, plays 9 holes of golf still, walks ALWAYS, and carries his own clubs. Mom is 90 and very active. But they have their problems, and no one lives forever. I'm so very close to them, they make me laugh! I'll need to get away I think. After my sister died i started back to college. that helped. I spent 20 years moving every 2 years b/c my ex got transferred all the time. we moved back here, to help with my parents and also for support for us when tragedy strikes. we had only lived in this one town one month when my closest sister died. Then he left, but thankfully i was back home and not somewhere in the boondocks that i had just been moved to when divorce struck
. So really, I never have really "picked" a place. But seriously guys, what woman does????So hopefully, this will be a little while, as long as my folks are happy healty and of good mental status. Right now they are way beyond me! I consider myself so lucky to have them, and thy will celebrate 70 years next week. Amazing.
Off to walk dogs, happy days people!
Marian (oh, and thank you)
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Otter, as long as you bring in anecdotal evidence to substantiate our youngness, we will never get tired of you!
(For the record, once I got on the stick to make a formal request for a Forum, the Moderators heeded our call in a matter of days. But I was ROFLOL at your comment just the same.)
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Ladies, thanks for some good laughs today. So nice to have a forum where people are pleasant and have a sense of humor.
I am so jealous of you ladies' beautiful grandkiddies. I wanna be a grandma too!
Oh well, maybe some day. In the meantime, I have my fur babies and the little kittens downstairs. We've already found a home for the little yellow one.
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We'll all be aging together so we'll hijack the forum with us!
Moonbuddy my dad is 84 my mom is 78 and they've been married for 60 years. My dad's survived colon cancer 14 years ago, kidney cancer 6 years ago and was diagnosed today with squamous cell skin cancer. It's amazing that he's still alive.
Linda
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When we age out of this forum, we'll take it with us and just insert "feeling" after the word WOMEN in the title.
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This is my first post to this site. I was diagnosed in July with TNBC stage II,(maybe II.5 as my onc said), just had last chemo on Friday 11/06/09. I guess I thought if I actually wrote something here this would seem all too real. Guess what, it is, and there is no looking back. I am 53 so this site feels right. I have enjoyed reading thru all the sites, you guys have answered alot of questions and concerns and I look forward to more of same. I am scheduled for DIEP surgery on Dec 1st. Has anyone else had this done and what were your results? Thanks for any info.
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Denise, there is a site under Reconstruction where there is a very long thread about DIEP, I think it is under the heading NOLA, there is a ton of information there. Good Luck, I almost did that in August but am waiting awhile longer.
When I was 49 (now 55) my daughter got married and a week later I moved to NY for a job, met a gorgeous Italian cop 7 years younger and I married him when I was 52. I moved here because it was an adventure, everyone comes to see me because I live in a fun place, but now that I have had BC I want to go home and be with my family and girlfriends. I consider myself to be friendly and pretty outgoing but I have not made any real girlfriends since I moved, I think it is the age thing and everyone is working and already established in their friendships etc. So, I hang out here with all of you, because your not only witty and bright but are also a very empathetic group of women, and I am thankful for your comradarie!
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I hear you Linda. I moved up here last December to join my husband. We had a commuter marriage for over a year and I quit my job of 11 years, left my home of 14 years, my family and friends. Everyone here are my husband's friends and their wives. We have little in common so I go to a cancer support group here because they're the only ones up here who "get it." I also come here because of the same reasons you list.
Linda
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Welcome Denice7318-I smell a party to celebrate your finishing of chemo. Any special food or drink you prefer? We have had some great times here and do not want them to end.
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I have to smile when I see all the Linda's talk about links to the past! In my nursing class there were 5 of us and we all used to go out to the bar's together and the men always thought we were a bunch of liars! My BFF of 35 years was Linda too, she left for the next life last year (lung cancer) and I miss her she was the Frick to my Frack.
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I think I will be hitting the big 60 first, but I don't plan on going anywhere until you all kick me out. I have always been rather immature for my age, so don't hold a number against me. When I was first in college, I was not yet 18 and I had a fake ID that said I was 21. The pic looked nothing like me and I certainly did not look anywhere close to 21, but I think they were a lot more lenient about things like that back then. I really never looked my age and was carded until I was in my 30's. Then I got to the age where I would go to places and there would be a big sign that said We card Everyone, but they usually did not ask me. Having them think I was too young was preferable. And now I am old and gray, but actually am happy to have any hair at all.
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I will be 60 this month and I don't plan on leaving this forum. It is way more interesing than most and I haven't seen any tempers flaring.
We have lived in our community for 28 years and I know people, but have never made any real friends. My cousin moved here three years ago to be close to me and she is my running buddy. We were raised like sisters, our mothers were identical twins. I wanted to move from here for many years, but now have settled into a comfortable life. My son and his family live here also, so I can't imagine leaving now, my grandson is so much fun and I can see him just about any time I want to.
If I was single, I might really consider living somewhere else, but I don't know where that would be at this time in my life. Maybe I have just lost my imagination.
Juannelle
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Still proudly proclaiming to be a cat-fight free zone; and as far as (what I refer to as) Stage Wars...well, we're Switzerland, o.k.!
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Hi Ladies. I'm doing little island hoping. I travel a lot on these Boards. Like Elimar said cat fight free zone haha. I was very upset at 1 occasion to someone who posted and hit very close to home.
I did a little bird fight. She left 2 months ago. Anyway I guess once in a while we are entitled to get excited at our Middle Age LOL
Elimar.. thanks again for suggesting about Stage I Thread. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't even be considering it. Okay now I go to another island maybe Aruba. That was my first vacation with DD #2. I never forget it. What a good time we had of course she takes after me we worship Ocean. beaches and everything comes with a tropical island.
good night Ladies
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When I quit working the plan is to move back to my hometown which is only about two hours from here. It is a dying community, but I have thought of going back for many years and as I have mentioned in several posts ( on a lot of different threads) most of my weekends are spent working on my Dad's house which is still home to me and actually will be when and if we move back. The town has a lot of potential and I would like to have a little tea room or small shop after I quit doing hygiene. It seems like the babyboomers are the ones trying to revive the town and I am sure it is because we remember how it used to be and how it was a great place to grow up . It also seems like a great place to retire. The in-between-years, it was a good place to go back and visit parents, but not to live so I went to the big city. People ask me what will you do there and I always respond with Well, really when you come down to it, what am I going to want to do anywhere when I hit retirement age? I am very fortunate in that I have traveled and have done just about everything I wanted to do in life so I am looking forward to going back to the place where I used to play hide and go seek, and watched the Tiwlight Zone on Friday night and bought penny candy at the corner grocery store. My husband is from there also and when it comes right down to it, he doesn't care where he lives so long as he has a bigscreen tv and his computer and a ukulele.
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Marybe it sounds perfect to me! But you do know what "they" say, "You can never go home again." heehehhehehe I like that you are making it your NEW home. What a wonderful feeling that must be. I had a horrid childhood and to me, the only safe place is one where my parents have never been. Now that they are both dead, it helps a bit.
Bruce Willis and Demi once revived a town with their own money. I can't remember which one, but I do remember the pictures. I think that would be an amazing thing to do! I'd love to win one of those huge jackpots (never cared for THAT much money before) and "do" a whole town....cool.
As for girlfriends, I have none. I work, go home, get up, go to work. You get the drift...sigh.
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We're your girlfriends, Barbe! So you do have very many.
I'm so appreciative of the group of women on these boards. I try not to talk too much about my cancer to my family. Now that my treatment is finished, everyone thinks it's "over and done" but for me the worry won't ever be done. It's nice to have a place to voice my concerns and fears and have people understand.
This week has been rough. My next onc checkup is Friday (the 13th), and I found out yesterday that one of my former coworkers has been diagnosed with lymphoma. Between being tired of cancer and tired of the rain, my attitude is very Eeyore-like right now. I'm normally a very positive person, so I don't like this feeling.
Trying to think positive thoughts for a good Wednesday!
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Good Morning! I often have my cup o' tea here with my B/C.Org buddies, and if you're having coffee, pass the milk and sugar cause that's how I like my tea. Barbe, get yourself a cup and kick back with your friends here.
It has been easy for me not to dwell on B/C too much in the last few weeks. I made it thru' rads, and then had a nice month long hiatus. Tomorrow is D-Day (Doctor-Day) and the beginning of the 5-Year Tomoxifen sentence. I've agreed to give it a try. I'm encouraged by the lot of you that report only hot flashes (heck, I've got those comin' to me one way or another, so moot point.) If I get extremely wicked S/Es, then I'm done--but at least I will have given it a shot. Like so may of you already, I'm moving into the phase of being monitored by follow-ups. Whole new lifestyle, but accent on the life, so it's all good. I wish I never had to give Cancer another thought. Don't we all!
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