MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Big hugs to you and your cousin. My friend just started chemo again for a recurrence, too. She's a 10 year BC thriver and 3 year ovarian. It sucks BIG time...
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cookie gal, sorry to hear about your cousin. Cancer sucks.
Juannelle
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Smithlme, I can certainly empathize with you, I am thinking she sounds like she is in better shape than me!
I just had to tell all the youngsters in my family to stop treating the 80+ year old people like they are children. They want them all in assisted living and I had to remind them that they certainly don't want anyone telling them what to do LOL.. I don't know how you take it I was snowed in with my parents over Christmas and I bit a hole in my tongue just trying not to let my exasperation show.I hope someone is as kind to all of us when we are old as you are to your husbands Aunt, God bless you (:
Cookiegal, that really sux, hate cancer. Hopefully, treatment can knock it back into remission.
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(((((((((((((((((((Cookie)))))))))))))))))))))))
Smithie dearest: Wow.
xx00xx00xx00xx00xx
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NM, Don't you love the suspense of waiting thru' the weekend to get information? Well, it's exciting to be moving forward even if it does make you a bit anxious. I was going to post a few hours ago and say that even an elective surgery is "no walk in the park," but you've used the exact phrase for elder care I see. Did you feel any incoming telepathy on that?
smithlme, yeah, it's a trip providing care to a senior "toddler." My mom is high functioning too, but she has her moments of stubborness or chemo-brain forgetfulness. Lately (with my Tamox. moodiness a few weeks ago) it was starting to wear on me. You and your husband are helping IMMENSELY by advocating for her health care. Look how challenging it was for us B/C women to get info. and make treatment decisions. The elderly sure can use help when they have to navigate thru' the healthcare system. Keep up the good work, and be sure to make time for yourself too.
cookie, I hope your cousin can get treatment and beat it.
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I'm feeling very bad since yesterday when my mom's CT results were not good. Only 1 in 5 patients respond to the Tarceva drug and she was not one of them. Her lung tumors have grown and new lesions have appeared. The minimal fluid in her left lung has increased and now some fluid is present on the right as well. They gave us the hospice brochures, etc.
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Cookiegal & Elimar, my heart is with both of you and your cousin and mom.
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I sure wish we only had 1 bad thing have to happen to us rather than this crapshoot we get instead. My heart cries for those of you with extra heavy burdens going into the weekend.
I on the other hand get to spend several hours Sat & Sun driving 15 yr old DD to soccer game about 150 miles from us. We get to sp1end time with my sister, which is nice, but I have a long time in the car not knowing which child is going to show up-the wonderful kid I love, or the snotty teenager I don't so much!
Joni
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Ah Joni, you love them both, you just like spending time with one more than the other.
We walk a very fine line when helping our older relatives deal with medical issues. The need to allow them their independence and dignity are sometimes at odd with protecting them from pitfalls. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you navigating that minefield at this time.
Cancer SUX!!!!!!
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It's crazy....I worry that someday I will have to tell my family the same thing.
And in some strange way I am relieved that I am no longer the family's center of cancer attention.
Is that awful of me?
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I am sorry to hear the news from Cookie and Elimar. May you have strength to deal with this in a productive, supportive way. ((((((Cookie & Elimor))))))
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Auntie is tucked into bed and the hubby took me out to dinner. The fireplace is keeping the house warm, so all is well this evening. Thanks to all for your kind words. I knew the aunt came with the marriage but some days I get overwhelmed. I know how important good medical care is and I just feel like she's been overlooked for most of her life. Hugs to all...
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what a week this week.
My other cousin's mom had a heart attack.
The OC cousin, Nancy,(techically step-cousin) has just drawn the short straw.
Her mom died of cancer when she was a teen, her sister died of anorexia, her father has 2 types of cancer, and her step mom had (my aunt) had BC.
I got the message when I got home from rads, forgot to put on Aquaphor for 2 hours and ended up with a burn.
My birthday is monday, and I just wanted to avoid being burned on my birthday.
Life feels very heavy right now. I want my innocence back. I just want one hour, day, where cancer is not anywhere in my consciousness.
Sorry to bring the room down.
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Cookiegal, Hope your birthday is the start of a better year for you.
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Ah Cookie, you can't bring the room down. If we're on this Forum, still able to read these threads, we've probably gone as low as we can go without being six feet under!
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cookiegal--don't apologize for bringing the room down--this is exactly what we are here for--support and hugs during the harder times and some chuckles during better times. This whole sucky cancer ride is a rollercoaster that never ends, up and down, up and down, on and on. I can understand your feeling releived not to be the cancer center of attention in the family, I can also understand that the relief comes with guilt. It's not your fault your cousin drew the short straw. Like everything else related to cancer it's a crap shoot. And I seriously doubt you got a burn because you didn't put on the Aquafor. None of the things the rads people give us/tell us to use are actually proven to help at all. There's no research for any of it. Radiation burns, and that't a fact. I'm sorry you didn't get to your goal of no burns on your birthday.
elimar--I'm so sorry your Mom wasn't one of the 1 in 5 that respond to the drug. That must be so very hard for you. I remember how I felt when my Dad's cancer progressed while he was on chemo and how I felt when hospice came into the picture. It's hard and there's no way to make it better or easier. All I can offer is my prayers and a reminder to take one day at a time.
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Elimar, I am very sorry about your mother's report. I know I was much more upset when my mother was diagnosed with cancer than I was when they told me I had it.
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"Every One of Us"
is called upon, probably many times, to start a new life. A frightning diagnosis, a marriage, a move, loss of a job..And onward full tilt we go, pitched and wrecked and absurdly resolute, driven in spite of everything to make good on a new shore. To be hopeful, to embrace one possibility after another--that is surely the basic instinct..Crying out: High tide!
Time to move out into the glorious debris. Time to take this life for what it is."
This is a quote from author Barbara Kingsolver, and there is a picture of a woman in the ocean with a surf board.
I thought it was appropriate for how many of us are feeling about life after BC.
Have a wonderful weekend, I am going to a NYC gtg tonight and bask in the camradarie of women who truly understand this new life.
Linda
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Thanks for the comments. Yes, I AM more upset about the situation with my mom too. I know hospice care is a good thing, but even typing the word makes me feel like crying.
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Elimar, I am so sad that your Mom and you are going through such a difficult time. Big hugs.
Linda
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Hi Elimar...Peace and Strength.
I lost my mother to lung cancer 15 years ago. At the end she was in Hospice for few days at Calvary Hospital in Bronx, NY. The care they gave her was excellent even though my mother wasn't aware of her surroundings anymore. If I knew I would put her there long before that. She was suffering. I understand the word Hospice makes us feel like not a good thing and the idea of putting a love one there makes us feel little guilty.
But the choice was the best one for her.
cookiegal...Sorry about everything happening to your family. Wishing the best for everybody.
Hugs to all my Sisters.
Sheila
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seyla888, We will have the hospice nurses/aides/volunteers that come to the home, at least for the first part. This whole past year, my mom hasn't had any real pain. She's not on a zillion meds, only a couple inhalants. She just can't breathe, and it's getting worse now.
I didn't write any of this to fish for "I'm sorry" comments, but thanks. This is a B/C thread and I never intended to go on about my mom's lung cancer. For that same reason, I did not even write that my FIL passed in December from metastatic melanoma. I didn't feel like bringing it here. It's bad enough to read about all of our ongoing B/C struggles, be it treatment, follow-up, anxiety, whatever. That's why I go on about the Cheetos every now and again, cause it's the "C" word that ISN'T cancer.
What I am saying now is this: Cancer has assaulted my life on several fronts and I do not feel like myself. You would notice the difference in my writing, so now you will understand why. Keep up the humor. I'll snap out of it when I'm ready (or get a script for the happy drugs.)
I liked the whale stories. I only saw them from a distance once when I was on Vancouver Is. To be honest, tho', I would like to be a mermaid. Colorful, shiny tails and beautiful singing voices (or is that only sirens?) All mermaids are femme fatales automatically, so cute fishermen fall in love with them, rather than just tossing out a bucket o' shrimp or plankton. But since they do have lovely mammalian breasts, I'd probably wind up as a mermaid with B/C. Oh, the irony of that!
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((((((((((((((((((Elimar)))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((Cookie)))))))))))))))))))))))))
This is exactly how I feel about coming here with a vent or ten. The thread was humming along with humor and sarcasm, wit and silliness.
Then real life has to intrude.
This is tough stuff we are called to do -- here on Planet Earth. Tough stuff.
We are to be commended.
I will extend the commendations.
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That's the magic of this particular thread, I think: contributors here are all dealing with the same sorts of "life" issues. With each other, we can be angry, sad, excited, sarcastic, inappropriate, funny, hungry - whatever. We share this common burden of having to deal with the "C" word that IS cancer, and with each other we can say the things we need to say. Personal cancer comes with its own set of issues, but being "middles," we're also right in the midst of the lives of the others in our world - friends and family. I think it's important to get support where you can. We will be there if you need to discuss things that make you sad, and then perhaps a page or so later, we'll be back to the racy Cheetos photos. Neither tangent is inappropriate. Bring it! The women here generally "get it" in ways that others can't.
Elimar - so sorry to hear about your mom. That IS a scary word: "hospice." And yet I have heard from several people that they wished they'd taken advantage of the services provided earlier than they did. Hospice providers are skilled at helping take some of the awfulness out of what you're dealing with...
Cookiegal - It does sound like your cousin drew the short straw. I can't imagine having to deal with all of that. People say, "God will only give you what He knows you can handle," and I often pray that God will not overestimate my capabilities... But life is unpredictable...
Joni - sometimes that car time can be good for communication - you're trapped together. On the other hand, sometimes there are battles related to the drive - fights over the radio, for example. I like to listen to one of those "mix" stations that play a variety of good music from multiple decades AND today. My daughters like the very cutting-edge modern station that sometimes plays songs with nasty lyrics and has advertisements for bars holding wet-t-shirt contests. Hopefully, you'll be driving, so if you get the evil personality you'll have your eyes on the road and won't see the rolling of the eyes. I am spending the day today driving Thing 2 back and forth to her middle school for a regional color guard "Friends and Family" show. First couple of trips have been accomplished, and I scored the "loving" version of Thing 2's personality. Got a few more trips left: we'll see how it goes.
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Hey Ladies,
To those of you who need it here is a big (((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))).
I emphasize with many of you. Been there, done that for a few things - my 78 year old mum has dementia and I am her primary carer. My dad died of cancer. Our business is drowning in this recession - DH cannot get any work. Mum's house got flooded - broken pipes - about 60,000 $ worth of damage (she wasn't there as she is living near me now), but the fact that the house was unoccupied has caused problems with the insurance. But you know what - we just have to suck it up cause as we all know - life doesn't go according to plan because I do not think one of us planned getting this cursed disease that is breast cancer. The important thing is to stay strong, if at all possible (no I don't mean the "but you're so strong!!" that well meaning people comment), I mean the dig down deep and pull out whatever little scrap of strength you have that's left over after dealing with BC and that little bit of strength is all we have to get from day to day, with all its problems and then just try to find one positive thing everyday that will help you replenish that little bit of strength. It doesn't have to be a big thing, a little thing will do - a smile, a bird, light reflected in a raindrop - you will find one thing everyday because well because we have to. But just in case you need it here is another , warm, gentle and very Irish hug
((((((((((((((((((((((((bartóg)))))))))))))))))))))) !!!!
Love you all!!
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So sorry to hear about your mom, Elimar. I went through the same thing with my mom, but she had advanced Parkinson's. I lost her in March - nothing quite like losing you mother. I still have all kinds of stuff of hers and pictures of her everywhere - I'll never completely let go.
Cookie, I know exactly what you mean about wanting your normal life back. I remember getting so depressed during radiation therapy, but I tried my best to just chill and look at it as something that would save my life. With all the other drama in your family, you must be a nervous wreck.
I resorted to lying outside on a lawn chair sipping a couple of dacquiris every afternoon, which is not at all like me. What about a hot toddy or too with some nice music and a fire?
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"...just try to find one positive thing everyday that will help you replenish that little bit of strength. It doesn't have to be a big thing..." ~~Ainm
A few days ago, while waiting at the Braum's Ice Cream* drive-thru', my older boy and I were both singing along with CSN&Y "Woodstock" (and neither one of us is vocally gifted) and we didn't stop when the clerk handed out our order. The look we got. Hahaha.
(*Showing restraint, I only had a couple sips of the shake that I got for my mom.)
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I like to have what I call my "Oh God!" moments. A sunset, rain, an animal...something that just reminds me that there are other things to focus on rather than finances, work, health, etc....sigh.
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There is a great deal of fun and humor on this thread duirng the moments when things are going well for all of us. But we all know those fun/everything going well times will give way to times of trial, pain, difficulty and fear. We all also know that these problems will not always come from breast cancer. These other things affect us, perhaps more intensely because of our battle with the beast. I have no problem at all reading posts about other family members, other cancers, other trials. I see this thread as a group of women with the common bond of bc who understand and support each other. At our age, the challenges will come from many directions. It's all part of our lives and I don't see any reason these things can't be discussed here. So, we'll band together and support elimar, cookiegal, and anyone else. Eventually we'll be in a place to have fun and humor again.
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Elimar - I am sorry that your mom has to go on hospice. I went thru this 11 years ago with my father. I will say that having my dad at home and having hospice come to him made it easier. I am sending ((hugs)) your way.
Cookiegal - ((hugs)) your way also.
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