MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Take a deep breath now, it' s over. Is it mostly the needle phobia, or just the whole cancer flashback feeling? We respect your record-setting tenacity for shedding those tears. No sense in bottling them up.
Hope you made it down the Cheetos aisle, while at the store, or picked up some nice comfort foods for yourself. We don't expect you to eat a salad and a Trisket today--no way!
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I've had a lovely nap and, except for the expected pain in the a$$, feel much better. I'm not sure if what i've got is actualy needle phobia or flash backs to the time when I was getting a needle shoved into my boob every couple weeks to drain the abscesses from the radiation damage that developed into holes that wouldn't heal because of the radiation damage so Ihad to have a PICC for antibiotics and they still had to poke 4 or 5 times or more to get blood samples twice a week. Either way, as far am I'm concerned needles = pain and bodily damage.
I have to admit I didn't get any cheetos. I got some stuff I've been low on or out of for a while, and a bunch of breakfast stuff/staples for a friend who's mother died unexpectedly last week. Had a bit of a visit with her before I came home and had my "celebration cry" then I had left over pizza and vanilla spice latte. Supper tonight is going to be either cheddar broccoli soup or cider glazed pork chops. No, I'm not going to be cooking--I picked these up at the deli, all ready to heat and eat. I love them both, couldn't decide which one I wanted so I used the excuse of the getting the shot as an excuse! Oh, yeah, I found some Raspberry Rain--a fortified raspberry wine made by a local winery that I absolutely love but is just a tad pricey so I save it for special occasions. LIke tonight!
As far as the crying record--I'm making a virtue out of something I can't control. It gives me something to say to doc's office staff that isn't "poor me" and takes some of the embarassament out if.
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Oh NM, you done good!
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Carolinachick - I'm in the middle of the state - Rocky Hill. That's quite a trip you make - but you hate to miss watching him play, I'm sure.
Kleenex - oh my gosh- I am so sick of my own speeches I don't even want to give them anymore. And I've given them so many times, I'm sure my kids don't even hear them anymore. Like the adult in the Peanuts cartoon - wah wah, wah wah, wah waah...
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Nativemainer - you are entitled to every single tear -
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Thanks, chrisct! Right now I'm actually shaking my head and chuckling--I just re-read my last post and am amazed at the spelling errors, capitalization goofs, and missing words! It's a good thing this thread is used to postings that are less than totally coherent at times! I must have still been partly asleep. And with no more medical appointments scheduled until mid February I am going to sleep good tonight!!!
Thanks, all for putting up with me!
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NM, I am six years out and it take very little to bring me to tears in the Drs. office. Cry all you want, you've been through alot!
meece
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I cried like a baby right before my last TC tx and got the dose reduced!
Power to the tear drop! Valerie
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I haven't cried at the doctors office since the day they convinced me to have chemo. It wasn't the thought of chemo that made me cry, it was the thought of losing my hair. Boy have I had to put on my big girl panties since then. We all live and learn on this journey.
I can remember when I had teens at home and once my daughter told me "When you start talking, I quit listening." It was sort of like "When your mouth is moving..." Needless to say I was not a happy camper. I did repeat it back to her a couple of times, when she was trying to talk to me. She wasn't any happier about that remark than I was. It is amazing how they don't want you to do the same to them, as they have done to you. Boy am I glad my children are all grown.
Juannelle
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Hi ladies well i went to the doctor today to get the drain out and she told my that i had no cancer and i will not be having chemo.All i have to do is take a pill every day.Dose anyone else take just a pill?
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Yes, some women get only a hormonal pill to take, usually for 5 years time. Others get the same kind of pill, but after they have radiation, chemo or both. I'm taking Tamoxifen
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Decided to share this pic here, rather than the one that I change all the time at the top...
So hard to struggle through something difficult, but if someone's gone ahead of you your passage is made a whole lot easier. Do you agree, my B/C sisters?
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100% Yes.
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I'll shout out an "AMEN" to that!
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I haven't checked in with your ladies for awhile and it severl pages of posts to catch up.Elimar, Every Little Insight Makes A Result....for some reason I don't know how to make bold letters. Cookiegal, looked up that link in NY and since I love NY and try to go there every year, (missed last yr with the chemo crap) I am going to look up that place. RIght now I am doing WW in anticipation of my weight ballooning on Megace, but I have been on it since Monday and so far no increase in appetite. I hate SEs, but when I don't get them think, Hmmmm, is it doing anything at all. I do have hot flashes and night sweats again which I had not had for a long time. My local onco is not in favor of and does not think this treamtment will work, but I want to try the recommendations of the onco at MDA or I will think it was a wasted trip. Aromasin did not work this time around and everything is growing both in liver and bones, BUT I feel good and am hopeful that one of the recommendations will do the trick. When you were talking about whiskey milkshakes I remembered how good frozen Brandy Alexanders are and how much I used to love those....was also quite the B52 gal. My screen name is totally unimaginative, Marybe( pronuonced Mare uh be) is my actual first name and the only nickname I ever had was briefly in highschool when a few friends called me Be. As for crying, I really almost never cry and sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
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AMEN! elimar
Marybe--I'm so sorry to hear that the beast isn't being sent away as quickly as you would like. As for crying, not all of us are criers. I am, you aren't Nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with me, we're just different with different ways to express our feelings and deal with all this bc crap. If you almost never cry, don't worry about it. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you at all. After all, all my tears have to come from somewhere--probably you are part of my supply line!
I'm still trying to come up with a good acronym for Elimar. . . .
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I had a sister reach out her hand in a PM today, and I began to cry. I am a crier for sure. My DH probably thinks there is something bad going on with me.
Elimar, you are suce a wise woman. You hit the nail on the head.
Marybe, to make something bold, highlight the word you want bold, then in the task bar right above the posting box, click on the big B at the far left. the word will become bold.
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Marybe, how long will you use the Megace before they check if it's working? What kind of scan (or bloodwork) will you get to find out? I know you have been Stage IV for many years, so it is always good news to hear that you are feeling fine. Your local onco. does not know everything, no doctor does, otherwise we's have a cure by now. Cancer still works in mysterious ways. I truly hope this Tx will be effective for you.0
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elimar, I am with you on having a leader. How did you get so wise, wise one?
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I haven't cried in probably a year...and it drives me absolutely crazy....I used to be a crier so not being able to cry for me is just awful....tears will well up in my eyes, but thats it....I need a good cry and wonder how I can make it happen!!!!
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Karen, watching "Beaches" always does it for me.
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Irrational post alert.
I've always thought of this thread as an upbeat, happy-go-lucky, cheeto-porn and encouragement sort of back porch rendez-vous gathering of strong & delightful women.
I am having such a challenging time re-entering here..... because I feel like such a failure in the happy-go-lucky category.
Clearly not sufficient pain meds.
I enjoyed the happy-go-lucky, encouraging person I recall being.
I'm so fearful that she's lost.
I so don't want to rain on the parade
and that makes me sooooooo sad.
I miss all of you
and I don't want to be a downer.
Please forgive my irrationality.
I have on my big girl panties and even with meds that doesn't seem to be sufficient 36 hours into this chapter: "Cancer, The Sequel" to make me fit to be with people.
I'd rather curse than sob, but know that's against or code of conduct.
Now I feel like I should deleate this whole ramble.
God, this is hard.
Thanks for your forgiveness and kindness.
Not a very bright star tonight.
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Faith,
It is wonderful to see you on the boards, but goodness gracious - REST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GENTLE hugs to you,
Trish
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((((((Faith)))))
We are here for the ups and downs. TCK
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Elimar, It is my understanding they will do scans in about three months....give the megace a chance to work, but they will be doing CA27/29s in the meantime and I would not be surprised it the old tumor markers continue to go up.....am not being pessamistic, it just seems they are on an upward path these days. If I am having problems or increased pain, they will do them sooner. Right now I am having lower back pain, but that is something that has always been an on and off thing with me and also I was shoveling the walk and driveway on Monday because my husband would not. But in the back of my mind I am thinking hmmm, they said there are increased growth in both the lumbar and thorasic spinal regions. I am not a hypocondriac (sp?) but am very susceptible to suggestion....if someone has poison ivy, I immediately start itching.
Remember how I said earlier I never cry.....well,today on the trip to my hometown with my best old childhood friend, we were listening to oldies and singing along and I said to her You know when I am thinking about all the good times and looking at the beautiful trees and hills it makes me want to cry to think that I am going to die and leave you and my other friends and all of this. And she got teary and so did I. But one thing, whatever happens, I can't say I havent had a good life and I am so thankful for that. Would be nice if I hadn't been diagnosed with cancer, but I do not feel that was due to anything other than me just being the one in eight. I told my 87 year old father tonight that all was not going as we hoped it would. I think I may be heading for a nervous breakdown...or maybe this new drug causes mood swings. .
Oh Faith, don't ask for forgiveness or be so hard on yourself. You are an inspiration and you will be back. Sweet dreams tonight. Everything is better after a good night's sleep.
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I'm writing for Faith. Give yourself some time to work through all the feelings. It's too soon for upbeat, but you'll get back to YOU. The world's still turning.
Around here there's not too much irrationality going on. Not in your post, not in your feelings; in fact every woman that recently wrote about bursting into tears at the various checks and procedures seemed pretty rational to me. I cannot comment on the crowd you usually run with (probably stevadores, biker dudes, and Kathy Griffin, since you mentioned cursing) but you fit in here just fine.
If you need the "pefect man" to stop by and plump up a pillow or two, just holler.
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((((((Marybe)))))))))
((((((Faith))))))))))
Please keep posting - we want to know how you are - whether cheerful or tearful.
We love you.
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Faith, myself and your other BC Sisters will join hands around you and let our light shine for you as you chrge up the shine to your star. You have carried many of us through some rough times, we are going to be here to carry you. You are a wonderful inspiration and you will regain the Faith you remember, just give it time. (((((hugs)))))
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Marybe, I have been sitting here trying to think of comforting words to say to you and am having a hard time. I am not in your position, even though I do have bc, and just like everything else it is hard to know what to say if you haven't been there or are there. I do know that since I have been diagnosed, I have pondered my future and how long my life expectancy will be. Of course, we never know for sure, because anything could happen to any of us at any time. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I think you need to call on the "perfect man" to plump up your pillow too, Faith can't have him all to herself, she has to share. Or have a bag of Cheetos, that will make you feel better.
Juannelle
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Faith it's ok. I was in AWFUL pain after I was discharged. First of all it's probably ok to take an extra pill, if one hour after the first one it's not working.
You will start to feel better 72 hours after SX.
I promise.
I had a very very tough go of it.
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