MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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faith--oh, for heaven's sake woman, don't apologize! We all know what this journey is like, and it is NOT all encouraging, fun, and (slightly) pornographic. Yeah, we have a lot of that on this thread, it's one place we can do that with women who understand why cheetos and perfect men are funny when you have bc. But we also know what it's like to be in pain, to be hurting physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. I wish I knew something to say or do to help you feel better. All I can do is tell you to keep coming here and say whatever you need to say and you will find acceptance and understanding. You are not pulling anyone down, it's just our turn to lift you up. If you are in pain and the meds aren't working--call the doc--there is no excuse for inadequate pain management, and the fact that it's the weekend is totally irrelevant. Surgeons and hospitals MUST have 24/7 coverage. Use it, you're paying for it.
MaryBe--I'm glad you don't feel badly, and I hope the new med works for you. I'm praying for you as well as faith (and everyone else on the thread). I'm suggestable, too, so I know how that can feel. Keep us up to date!
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Faith....your peom is beautiful....and no apologies are needed....you just had major surgery.....give yourself some itme to heal....hard to be upbeat and funny when you are hurting physically....and never mind emotionally.....you have been through a lot in the past couple weeks....I had a bilat, at it tood me a good couple weeks to feel good....and of course by the time I was feeling good and stronger.....I started chemo!!!!! But take the time to rest, pamper yourself a little...let others cook and clean for you. The most decadent thing I did after my surgery was go to Fantastic Sams for them to wash my hair (my hair was long back then)....it felt soooo good....and the price was right, less than $10. And I got brave and took little spong bathes after the 1st week, where I sat in the tub and put a few inches of water in the tub......Oh how I got creative after each successive surgery. In no time (but longer than you think it should be if you are an impatient person like me and used to feeling good) you will be up and about and doing all the things you enjoy.
BTW...I've been meaning to ask, what part of Columbus do you live in? MY husband is a native and I lived there for 16 years. Before we left Ohio, we were living in Powell (this was 24 years ago, before all the development). My husband grew up on the east side of Columbus...his mother is in Gahanna and his brother, SIL and kids are still in Columbus on the east side. Both hubby and I went to OSU (Woody Hayes era) and I have all 3 degrees from there......
((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) Karen
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Marybe,
I was having a hard time to write a response to you (like one-L said) that would not come off as sounding ignorant from someone with Stage 1 cancer to a Stage IV woman. There's not anything in the way of advice I would even think of offering, except maybe to stay as informed as you can be to be involved as much as possible in the treatments. I don't care how great the doctors are, they have to split their time and wisdom up for many patients, where as you can give yourself full 100% attention. And I know you are already doing that anyway. I think any feeling you have, even the feeling of heading towards a nervous breakdown is understandable.
As you know, my mom is Stage IV with her lung cancer. She has been living with her Dx for over 2 years, and if you check the stats on that she's doing very well given the percentages on that. (I think the average mortality is like 9 mos.) In Oct, she began a drug called Tarceva. It is very well tolerated and has had some good responses -- but only in about 1 of 5 patients taking it! She just had a CT last Thurs., and we will get the verdict on next Weds. whether it is having the desired effect. I only write about this so you know my frame of reference to understand something like what you are dealing with.
Wanted to thank you again for posting on Mid-Age. I know we have a preponderance of Stage I & IIs, and even I myself sometimes think of that as "Cancer-Lite." The thing is, a certain percentage of us will wind up with a recurrence (like Faith) or wind up with mets (like you) and since we don't know which of us that will be, we all need to pay attention to the experiences of the women dealing with cancer at the next level.
I do somethimes check out topics on the Stage IV threads, although I rarely post...mainly for the reason of feeling that I might not have the right to speak to their particular struggles. So I am also thanking you for bringing your story to us, at our level. I think anyone who knows you from the Mid-Age thread will be caring in their remarks, and you can be sure the intentions are all good. Don't despair Marybe...all anyone has is hope. ("Cept Faith, she has Faith and hope, haha!)0 -
"cougar?" That's a new one on me. I must say I am enjoying this thread, I will be 48 next month, I was dx when I was 46. I like to tell people that the "old grey mare" has now become a "COW." I love the looks on their faces. lol I usually relent and tell them that is stands for "COURAGEOUS, OUTRAGEOUS, WOMEN". Yes, ladies that is what we are.
Moo
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Elimar-very beautiful and uplifting for all of us. Thank you.
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Faith, I'll pass you a bag of Cheetos and a box of Kleenex. I so know how you feel. I've done this cancer thing twice and it doesn't get easier the second time. Someone lied to me so I'm going to be honest with you! IT SUCKS! Use your pain meds, cry, shout, laugh...do whatever you feel you need to do to get through this. You'll have your up times and down times and never at the times you want them. In other words....breathe....relax and allow yourself to feel all the feelings that go with this. BIG hug to you that you make peace with all of this.
My big news today...I'm going to be a Grandma, again! My son and his wife are expecting baby #2 in September. Their daughter was 3 on Christmas Eve so we are all very excited. They lost a baby 7 months ago, so please send up a prayer for a healthy baby...
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What I like about this thread is that the women know how to go off on a crazy tangent, but also know how to keep it very real, as called for.
That's great news smithlme! Will do.
Rhondakay, I think you are referencing from about 90 pages ago. That's o.k., it takes an awful lot of reading these days to get up to date. If we wait long enough, a mini-series might come on t.v.
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If our thread got turned into a movie, or series of movies more likely, what do you think it would get rated? I'm thinking at least PG 13, possibly R, but a few places are awfully close to X!
smithlme--CONGRATULATIONS!
faith--did you get in touch with your doc and get better pain control? Or are you are at least feeling better?
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elimar, thank you, you are such a good hostess. I hope your mother gets encouraging news this week. I have a SIL who is stage IV with ovarian cancer. She had her first bout almost 5 years ago, did very well for 4 years, but is undergoing chemo again now. I also go read on the IV boards, but would never post there. I feel so inadequate trying to relate. I would be booted off this site and I wouldn't want that.
marybe, that you for sharing your story with us. elimar is right when she says that we do not know which ones of us will also end up where you are and it is good to know how one would feel. You have every right to have a nervous breakdown or have a need to rant. We are all here for you.
smithlme, congratulations on the new addition. Since you already have one grandchild, you know how delightful they are. Hope all goes well with this pregnancy and there are no complications.
nativemainer, I think most of the time it would be in the X catagory. But that is what makes this thread fun.
rhonda, I love being a COW. Moo back to you.
cookiegal, EPH3_12, karen1956, hope you all had a very restful weekend. Are we all ready to start the new week? I start rads on Wednesday, so I guess I am ready.
Had a very good weekend. Went to see "The Book of Eli" on Saturday. It was a very dark movie to me. It was good, but it could be depressing to some.
Juannelle
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Faith, we are here for each other through all the highs and all the lows that come with this disease. I love to curse it makes me feel good so let me do it for you honey,
#!&*^**%$#!!!!
Now just imagine what that really says.
Get plenty of rest, pain pills and cheetos.
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Faith, just remember to put a napkin over your nightie when you eat the Cheetos. I would hate to have you wake in the middle of the night,smell that luscious cheese aroma and begin craving them. Besides, who wants to have to brush their teeth at three a.m.?
Think good thoughts and sending up prayers in your name.
Meece
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I have cancer just as you all do or you would not be posting on here. I started posting on this particular forum because of the age and I fit that category, never even thinking about what stage I was. I don't think the Stage makes any difference and I appreciate your comments to me and would not take offense to anything any of you say just because you aren't Stage lV. I read those posts where people were aguing about who should post where with both amazement (that they were arguing and bickering over something so petty when they actully have a lot bigger things to worry about) and amusement. That's like someone saying they have a cold to someone and they come back with Oh, I have one that is much worse than yours....they both have colds. And by the way, I hate those with a passion. I woke up with a cold the day after Xmas, it was in my chest, then moved to my sinus and I still have a leftover cough. Someone who is Stage l can experience just as bad SEs and someone who is Stage lV and a treatment can fail on them just as it did for me. I said this before and I will say it again, I perfer to think that I am living with breast cancer, rather than dying from it. I have actually had it quite easy and know I am beating the odds by still being her after 12 years....and just the other day I saw a post from someone who has been Stage lV for 17 years. Stories like that give me hope....just as all of you women do.
I spent most of the day scrubbing down the walls I had taken wall paper off of and just finished putting on the final coat of paint. This is all at my Dad's house which has become my ultimate gotta get this finished project. He doesn't really like some of the changes, but is letting me pretty much do as I please....we just argue over where the silverware should go and where the coffee pot should sit, silly things like that. I will change something and when I come back he's moved it to where he thinks it should be.
Hope you are feeling better, Faith. I recall after my mastectomy when I tried to sit up, it was like something knocked me back and it was the pain....I felt like a truck had run over my chest. The only pain I have had that was worse was when I had a knee replacement. I have had so many things altered and replaced that I am partially bionic.
Elimar and Juanelle, thank you for your nice posts. I will say a prayer for your mother.
Good night, Ladies. That's a middleage memory line....or is that old age? My father now watches Lawrence Welk just as my grandparents used to do and I am thinking Groan, am I going to actually like that show one day? Or am I going to start getting my hair washed and set once a week at the beauty shop the way my mother did? Marybe
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I awaken today having had a straight 8 hours of sleep for the first time in at least the two weeks since this circus began.
May I declare it party day??
I think that it was the prescription drugs that somehow prevented sleep in me???? I am usually out with the first blink, when meds are involved.
Anyhow, by yesterday afternoon I'd cut back to just Ibuprophen and my world seems much brighter today.
Marybe. I am so grateful for your comments, your willingness to share your story and your gracious good tolerance of the entire spectrum of the BC experience.
I'm sure that my deep friendship with Saint, who is Stage IV mystifies more than a few. We reach out to one another in love and sometimes in fear-that-gets-washed-into love and are woven together in the process. When there is empathy, care and concern it would seem that the specifics are not as significant as the act of reaching out.
Of course we are not in a perfect world, but your friendship here in the land of the middle is a great example to us all.
We can indeed offer each other HOPE and encouragement, whatever our experience and situation..... as well as the cheeto delicacies and the other lovely delirious man-bits.
Whoever sent cyber-guy to fluff my pillows last night, I am in a great debt. Sleep. It does a body good.
AND my wedding ring fits on my hand again!!!
xx00xx00xx00xx
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Faith, I've said it before and I'll repeat it here for all to read, though you have found it out already...if you continue to use the pain meds they will drag you down and wring you out! I've read of ladies on them for months wondering when they'll feel like normal again. You can't function properly and get up to speed while on them. They are supposed to be a temporary band-aid! Movement and normalcy are what will get you feeling like you again. AND get your bowels moving! I have a very low tolerance for pain (fibromyalgia) and was terrified I would be bed-ridden in agony. I didn't even leave the hospital with Tylenol 3s!!!
I did need something when the nerves started regenerating though....just a warning! ZING, ZING!!!!
I think part of the problem with the meds is some people are afraid to see how they really feel without them, or are using them to self-medicate over the emotional pain of the surgery. Both totally understandable.
You done good!
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Marybe, you another one of our top inspirational women. I appreciate your tolerance and your outlok on cancer. It is amazing how many people think that if you haven't had a MX you didn't have real cancer, or no chemo etc...
Faith, you are sounding much better today! I am impressed how quickly you have reduced the pain meds! You are one tough lady! we are generous here, but you can't keep cyber man, he has a lot of stops to make every day. We will try to make sure he fluffs your pillows each night if it contributes to your sound sleep. Have a great day.
Meece
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one-l--thanks for the heads up about the Bood of Eli. I was thinking of seeing it, but I don't really care for very dark movies. I saw Avatar in 3D yesterday--the story line is a little on the not so happy side, but the visuals are absolutely gorgeous! The colors and inventiveness of the alien planet, the 10 foot blue aliens, all beautiful and entrancing. And it has a happy ending. You might want to check it out as an antidote to Eli.
Marybe--you make a good point. We all have been diagnosed with cancer. We all have experienced treatment choices, fear, anger, side effects, maybe even regrets. We can all relate to these aspects despite stage. Some one on the boards here somewhere said it well--each of us has exactly one statistic regarding recurrence/mets: 0% or 100%. When mets are diagnosed, I'll know my stat is 100%. If I die without mets/recurrence being diagnosed then I'll know my stat is 0%. The only difference between you and me is that you know your stat, I'm still waiting to find out mine. As you said, we have more in common than the differences due to stage. i'm glad you're on this thread and I look forward to your posts.
faith--Party day it is! You are right, some medications can interfere with sleep, and some of the most common pain medications are well known for that (percocet, darvocet, percodan, oxycodone, codiene). I'm so gald you're feeling better. I second Barbe's recommendation--movement, avoid constipation. You're on your way to recovery! Yeah! Deep freindships between people who are very different are no stranger to me. I have very close freindships with some people that I would never have met except for extreme circumstances. If there's an emotional connection, that's great, don't question it, and treasure it.
barbe--I've got a freind with fibro, and I've seen some of what she's been through. Even a "simple" day procedure turned into a 4 day hospitalization with extreme pain and barely able to move. It's a horrible condition at times. You also make a good point about self-medicated/over-medicating to avoid the emotional pain--I think I may have done that in the past. Maybe that's part of the reason I'm so afraid of pain. I'm going to have to think on that. Thanks for the insight.
meece--Good morning!
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Faith-
This is the place to be who you are not who you are "supposed to be". Be gentle with yourself. You are entitled to feeling down. Your brightness will shine through when you are ready.
Hugs,
Barbara
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Good morning middies and happy Monday. I awoke to pouring down rain and very little voice. I guess from sitting at the airports, flying, changing climates and allergy zones finally caught up to me. I feel as if I have a gigantic cotton ball in my chest, my sinuses are draining down the back of my throat and I feel like crap. I am staying in my jammies today and keeping the fire going.
A dear friend of mine, who is a 10 year BC survivor and 3 year ovarian cancer survivor, is starting chemo today. Her CA 125 went from 34 to 241 within 5 weeks. Her CT and brain MRI are clear, thank God, so there's no "visible" signs of cancer. Unfortunately, her blood work says otherwise so she's being treated for a recurrence of ovarian cancer. I've offered to be a chemo buddy and to do whatever else I can to help.
This dark, dreary day matches my mood for my friend. This cancer crap is so unfair and doesn't play nice. I truly want a perfect world with no cancer...
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Faith - so glad you can get that wedding ring on! 0
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Smithlme, it is so dark her right now, it could be just after sunset! The rain is coming down in torrents. I could barely pull into the parking lot at work, as the street is flooded.
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What's with all the rain in sunny Callifornia? I watched whatever those awards were that were on last night and saw all the beautiful gowns with unbrellas being held over them trying to protect them. I normally watch Brothers and Sisters, but the role of Kitty which Colista Flockart plays is getting a bit to unrealistic for me,....she's a few months or so out of a bone marrow transplant and goes out in crowds of people all the time and is feeling so good and full of pep that she's thinking of throwing her hat into the political ring!! Yes, I know it's tv, but don't they research things at all before putting them into a script?
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Marybe, you are a fighter if you have been battling this monster for 12 years. I am glad you came to this thread and started posting. I post on several different threads and I don't think any of them really care about stage. I guess I just don't pay much attention to stage and therefore when you posted about your thoughts of a nervous breakdown and I noticed that you were stage IV, I just didn't know what to say back to you. I just didn't want to tell you to hang tough, be strong, etc, because I thought it might offend you and I certainly didn't want to do that. Sometimes you don't want feedback, you just want someone to listen and that is what we are all here for.
Faith, you sound so much better today. I know each day will be an improvement from the day before and am glad the cyber-guy fluffed your pillow good.
nativemainer, we have seen Avatar also. The story line was OK, but it was the technical advances that made it worth it. My DH had not ever seen a 3D movie, can you believe that. I am sure there are lots of people out there that will think the Book of Eli was great, I just thought it was dark.
smithlme, my SIL is going through her 2nd round of chemo for ovarian cancer. She had a good 4 years and then her count went up also. I am praying that they can slow it down and she can have another 4 years. She has two different tumors and I think it is in the lymph system. She is a fighter and it sounds like your friend is also.
We had rain Thursday and Friday, thankfully it cleared up for Saturday and Sunday and it was beautiful here. It is suppose to be in the 70s tomorrow and I will be stuck in the office all day. Wont even see the light of day.
Juannelle
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Marybe - Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I love the thought of "living with breast cancer, rather than dying from it." I will share that with one of my friends who is battling stage IV lung cancer now. Oh, and I can relate to the wallpaper-removal-and-painting thing...I tackled that project in my bathroom over the Christmas break.
Faith - So glad that you are feeling better. What kind of wine are we serving with the Cheetos on this party day?
Try to stay dry, all of you who live out West!
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I am looking out my window towards the North and the black clouds are blowing in. Time to batten down the hatches...again!
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Good afternoon all--I'm just sort of puttering around this afternoon, didn't sleep worth a darn last night. Can't figure out why, either. No appointments coming up until February, nothing terribly different going on, so why can't I sleep? Bah Humbug. I'm just going to be cranky today. Maybe a visit to the Hot TaTa Lounge will help.
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Please read my story at @ http://mammogramsanddcis.blogspot.com/.0
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Batten down the hatches and curl up with a cup of tea and a good book, Meece!
Native - I didn't sleep well last night either. I'm trying to ward off a big case of the "Bah Humbugs" but may have to let it all out tonight. I even started crying during my lunchtime walk today because I am so angry at cancer and what it's taken from me. Hoping for a better day tomorrow for both of us!
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"More" than you ever need to know about my 'progress/pathology' etc..... over on my 'personal' thread.
ALL good news.
As usual: TMI
For those of you having the bah humbugs, it might make you laugh
Definitely rated R, for adults only, and you are not allowed to notify my adult children, either.
LOL
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faith, I am so happy for you and the good report. Just sorry you had to go through all this, but you are on the mind now and each day will be better.
Juannelle
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Faith - I am glad you are feeling better and starting to move around. You are an inspiration to me since I will going through a bmx 2/22. I am amazed at how well you have started to bounce back.
Barbie - Thanks for the heads up on the pain meds. I had a hard time sleeping while taking mild ones after my lumpectomy so I will be really careful taking them after my mx.
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