MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Not exactly an inappropriate tangent, but still I can't resist, Kleenex.
Right after my bilat mx, my younger daughter sent me a greeting card with the picture of Thing One and Thing Two on the front.
Inside, she wrote a very wonderful message about how difficult it is shop for a Hallmark card for your mom, about to have a bilat . This was the best she could come up with yada yada.
She then went on...... maybe you think Thing One & Thing Two are us, your loving daughters (how on earth would she have ever imagined I might have referred to them in that simplistic manner??? seriously???) She went on......or maybe you think of your grandchildren, including the twins...... or maybe your old boobs can be remembered as Thing One and Thing Two.
Then she wrote some sort of wonderful thing about how glad she was that I was strong, and loved them, and that I wanted to do everything in my power to be here "forever." Or something absolutely wonderful like that......
The good news, is that there's very great odds that your teenage daughters will turn into twenty-somethings and with all the good fortune in the world you will reflect back on these days with less and less memory of the specifics.
***** Did I miss welcoming Ainm?? Where have you been??? We need you here. I took you up on that hug, by the way.
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About 10 years ago, my DH's mom came to live with us. She was 84 and she needed constant care. She only lived 6 months after she moved in with us and it was so sad when she was gone. I loved her like she was my mother and it was so hard to watch her go down a little bit every day. We suffered terrible empty nest syndrome when she was gone. We still have so many funny stories to tell about her during that six months, she was a remarkable woman.
It is the cycle of life and sometimes there is just nothing we can do to change it. It doesn't make it any easier though.
Sending gentle hugs.
Juannelle
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elimar I love that picture of the snow. It reminds me of Minnesota on a beautiful day.
I like winter there, I mean the summer with trees and lakes and fishing is nice, but the winter is really special.
On another note, my cancer center has a writing program, with a newletter, literary anthology, and recital. I woke up in the middle of the night and my whole story came pouring out, of how I discovered bedbugs and my cancer the same week.
It's actually really funny.
So now they will have a professional writer work with me, and if its one of the 10 best,they will put it in the recitial. I'm not sure if I read it or an actor.
So that's some good to come of this mess.
I think my cousins situation is so hard, because she was just recovering, at thanksgiving her hair was just about an inch long, she could just gel it into a headband.
I know there are worse things than being bald, but it seems so unfair as she was just getting back to normal, to start all over again.
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Cookiegal--good for you! If your story is chosen or not, this is a wonderful affirmation for you! You're cousin's situation IS hard. It's not fair that the beast struck again just when she was recovering. Sure, there are worse things than being bald, but how many of them is your cousin experiencing right now? She (and you) have very right to be angry, hurt, upset, discourage and generally pissed off about what's happening to her.
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Cookiegal and Elimar - I am so sorry about the struggles you both are going through! My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Ohmahagirl - Hope you had fun in the City - one of my favorite places to go!
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I hope I didn't give the wrong idea, that my mom was "end stage." Not yet. She has a terminal disease and has had all the treatment available (to the point of toxicity) plus this final chemo that she did not respond to, so there's nothing more to be done treatment-wise. So, on to hospice and "quality of life" care. She may have many days, weeks, months, we don't know; but she is doing fairly well right now actually. The situation is definitely serious, but it's not immediate. Not yet.
Thanks again everyone. I know a lot of women on this thread have elderly parents and some are even caregivers like I am. I know there is understanding here. I may write more, or if that is too hard, I may not. Sometimes the last thing I feel like doing (after dwelling on it in my mind) is to talk or write about it.
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elimar, there's a difference between hospice care and palliative care. It's my understanding that palliative care can go on and on for a long time (as long as necessary), whereas hospice really is end-of-life care. Maybe palliative care would be more appropriate for your mom at this point. I've heard quite a few hospitals and medical centers have developed good palliative care programs.
This is a difficult life-stage for us to be in, isn't it?
otter
[Edited to delete personal information.]
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otter, the two terms (hospice care & palliative care ) were used in combination and interchangably by the nurse specialist that spoke with us. I know the mind kind of links "hospice" with end care (and that is probably why my mind started to twitch,) but actually it's..."a facility or program designed to provide a caring environment for meeting the physical and emotional needs of the terminally ill." That's from Webster's. So, the program will be in my home.
StillVerticle, no problem. Nothing to even hit the Caps Lock over. Really. No matter what background you have and arrangements you make, I don't think anyone can be truly prepared for the loss of a loved one. The whole "circle of life" business is not to my liking. Pffffftt!
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Evening ladies,
I hope you all have been able to take some time for yourselves this weekend - time to recharge your batteries so to speak.
I found it so difficult not to get cross with mum today - she keeps moving her things around the house - separating power leads from their machines etc. For example I go to boil the kettle but the power lead is missing or the aerial lead for the TV. She insists that she hasn't moved them - but there is no one else in the house!!! I know it is her memory and the dementia but it is so frustrating. I know I should be delighted that her physical health is wonderful it's just the dementia is the problem. I know that some of you are dealing with the very poor health of your parents and I hope you are coping as well as possible.
It is so difficult to deal with this role reversal - when I was dx last year I would have loved to have Mum's support but she use to forget from day to day that I was ill - when I was too sick to do her meals, laundry, shopping, cleaning etc (I did arrange for someone else to do it) she use to phone me quite crossly demand to know why I wasn't visiting.
Well I'm off to bed now - hope I get a few hours good sleep. Take care all.
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Ainm, since you brought up "the kettle" and since I am a tea-a-holic (but only by American standards, which are quite low) let me ask you this: Sometimes I buy Twinnings Irish Breakfast Tea; is that even something that an Irish person would drink? Is it the real deal?
My mom cared for my grandfather with Alzheimer's some years back. One day I went over and on the table was a replacement head for a sponge mop -- with a bite out of it! I asked him if he liked my mom's "sponge cake" or if it tasted stale? Even he laughed. He liked to rearrange things too and was very good at sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night also.
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I am so sorry all these difficult things are happening to so many of us. 2010 isn't starting out on a very good note.
Alzheimer's scares the crap out of me. I'm not much of a caregiver. I have no patience and I am squeamish so taking care of people with difficult health problems is something I was hoping I would somehow avoid. But my mother is acting like she has Alzheimer's. She's only 66. She doesn't go to the doctor. My father has tried to get her to go, but she won't and hasn't been in years. She smokes and used to be on high blood pressure medication - which she isn't taking anymore. And way back when, she used to have borderline sugar tests and was using diet to control it - so for all we know, she has diabetes issues too. I don't think so since she doesn't have the excessive thirst or urination symptoms. But her memory is terrible. Can't even remember what has been decided during conversations. She has entire conversations with my father and has no recollection of them later. She can't program the VCR to record her shows anymore and she 's been doing that for 25+ years. She knows she can't remember things, but I don't know if she is aware of how bad it is. I think she is pretending it's not happening.
I am an only child so it will be just my father and me to take care of her. And I have been a stay at home mom for many years and it is time for me to try to rejoin the workforce (in this economic climate with 10% unemployment) so I am really afraid that they are going to need help right when I can't give it - needing to work to pay for college for my kids. I see very stressful days ahead.
I greatly admire all the caretakers and hope I can somehow find a way to cope when I am needed. I have a hard enough time dealing with my problems and my problems with my immediate family... Many prayers for all of us as we go through these difficult times.
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Sponge cake....ewwww.
My dad is a three different types of cancer survivor at 84. (colon, kidney and skin) My mom is healthy as a horse at 78. They'll be celebrating their 61 year wedding anniversary in March. They still live in the same house that I was brought home from the hospital to.
Tea-a-holic here, too. Tea was my moms cure all when we were kids. Upset stomach, drink tea. Headache, drink tea. She would brew a gallon jug and we were too lazy as kids to wait for the sugar to dissolve so we all drank ice tea without sugar. I still drink ice tea plain but hot tea with sugar and milk.
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Just popping back in after being away for the weekend.
Hugs to you both, Elimar and Cookie. Every time I hear of another person affected by cancer, I ask my husband, "Have I told you how much I HATE CANCER??!!??" He always says that yes, I may have mentioned that before. I hate that this dreadful disease is affecting your loved ones.
Elimar - I'm also a tea-a-holic. Never could stomach the taste of coffee. I'm sure the Lipton I drink doesn't count as the "real deal." What do you drink Ainm?
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Twinnings Tea gives theirs little colorful names sometimes, so I just thought I'd do some fact-checking about the "Irish Breakfast Tea" since I now have someone to ask. (Let us not forget the total innacuracy of the "French" fry!)
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Popping in with a happy distraction.
Today's is Cookiegal's birthday.
Let's have a party.
I am headed to the onc's office momentarily, or I'd start with decorations & a cake.
Those who can insert graphics, could you add some??
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I am a Brit living in the US and drink tea. (what a surprise!) I buy Tetley "British Blend" which is described as premium black tea, a rich full bodied blend. (full bodied - that's a bit ironic!). If I were in the UK I would buy Brook Bond PG Tips - simply because that's what I grew up on. But Tetley's is much cheaper here and perfectly fine. The important thing for me is that it is tea and nothing else - no herbs, perfumes etc, just tea.
Happy birthday Cookie.
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gillyone, I've seen Tetley's, but not sure if it was "British Blend." I'm in a small city that has some brand limitations. I got hooked on tea in the UK, so have had the PG Tips before. Like smithlme, I also take my hot tea with the milk and sugar. I like tea in the morning to start the day, and it's not like getting hit with the sledgehammer of caffeine from a cup of coffee. But that's just how my body tolerates it now. I drank coffee more in my 20's & I like the taste of that too.0
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cookiegal, Happy Birthday to You! I got you some cyber-cookies. Enjoy!
Don't worry about cleaning up the cyber-crumbs. I'll take care of it.
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Happy Birthday Cookiegal! Cyber-cookies are much better for your health than Girl Scout Cookies...
I'm a "sledgehammer of caffeine" in the morning kind of girl. Didn't really like coffee until I lived in NEBRASKA and needed the warmth and energy to handle dark, cold mornings. Now I'm just in the habit... I do have my "tea moments," but if I have to get up and go, coffee is my fuel...
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Happy birthday Cookiegal! Can we have cake as well as cookies to celebrate...and maybe some wine too?
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Faith....I did post pictures but instead of here I posted on your thread by cookie. I dont know what I was thinking.
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Happy, healthy birthday Cookie!!!!!
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Nativemainer, that is one georgous cake you whipped up. Happy Birthday, Cookie.
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Thank you everyone!!!!!
Love all the birthday treats!!!!!
We had our "fattening bar food of the midwest" party. The tater tot fondue was great, the vanilla milkshake with Jim Bean was insane. Only one friend made a big "cancer fuss" over me. Best part, no cake, gourmet chipwitches!
Hugs to all
a slightly tipsy and very full Cookie gal
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hubby just told me today that an acquaintance (sp) was recently Dx with a new primary....4 year survivor... BC just plain old s****!
I would love to have my old life back....I liked the old me much better than the new me....
Never dreamed that this is what middle age would be!
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No kidding Karen1956! This is NOT the mid life I signed up for. I figured with the kids growing up it was finally going to be "my" time. It was my time alright....and not in a good way!
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Cookie, sorry I missed your birthday!!!! But a good Irish "Breithlá shona duit!!!!!" I didn't log on last night cause DH and I went to the cinema!!!! This from someone who is afraid to budge since dx a year ago, but we went to see Avatar in 3D and really enjoyed it - I did get a bit panicky about two hours into it but I just concentrated on my breathing for a while and I got through it. Now he wants me to go to a concert on Saturday!! And I'm having my first post chemo hair do on Friday!!!
Tea - I am not a huge lover of tea but am drinking it more since dx because I gave up my Chinese red tea because DH read somewhere that there is estrogen in Chinese tea. I drink my tea weak, black and without sugar (not your typical Irish cuppa!!) As for brands etc if you like it go for it - I change brands regularly for variety. Twinnings and Liptons are British brands as far as I know, Lyons and Barry's are Irish. I am quite happy to use tea bags too. My Mum drinks copious amounts of tea daily!!! I don't think iced tea will ever catch on here - we just don't have the weather for it!!
Hmm maybe it's time for a cuppa now, any one else join me???
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I'm already sipping away here, Ainm!
p.s. I also helped Avatar 3-D on it's way to breaking box-office records. The ticket price I paid was $11.25, and I'm sure that's not at the high end. (I don't know the conversion.)
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Hi El,
I'm suppose to be doing a vat return at the moment but here I am sipping tea, tv on and chatting on BC org - I really find it so hard to concentrate on work these days!!!
I paid 7 euro per ticket for Avatar which I thought was very cheap, we went to a cinema that I hadn't gone to for a long time and I was surprised at the cost because usually the tickets are about 8.50 euro.
DH just phoned to know how I was getting on with the vat return and I lied to him!!!!!! I said I was working on it!!!!! OMG - I am sooooooo bad, I better go and try and make some progress.
I'll log on tonight and catch up.
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