MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Raider- you right. When your feeling low, just look on these boards. There is always someone in worse shape, young moms at home etc. One of my wake up slaps came from a 24 year old art student with a grim diagnosis and no health insurance and can't find a PS to do her reconstruction after her BMX. Have a bad day, your entitled! However don't let it go to long. Life is too short to be pissed off.
Hugs!
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PoppyK and 3lb, It is difficult to get that balance from family. You do want some acknowledgement that you are going thru' something serious, but (especially in the case of teens) you don't want it to overshadow their lives. It is bad enough that BC is derailing your life at the moment, but even worse if it changes the course for your loved ones.
Any of you who are right now going thru' treatment...what you might perceive as disinterest or self-absorption from family members (and what might hurt a little,) believe me when I tell you that you will one day be thankful for however much they were able to function normally, like people without cancer happening around them. Hope that makes sense.
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Elimar, thanks for checking in! I have tried to shield my son as much as possible from this. Unfortunately, he saw what his aunties had to go through, so he is hypersensitive about my health. He was seven when my oldest sister passed away, and for at least a year after that, every time I had something minor like a cold, he was afraid I had cancer and was going to die.
Since I was lucky enough not to need chemo or radiation, I told him that I was having preventative surgery because cancer runs in the family. I guess it's not entirely a lie, since I probably would have had a lumpectomy rather than the BMX if I wasn't BRCA+. He's also at the age where he doesn't want to know the details about any female related problems. Especially not his mother's!
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My son is right there with yours in not really wanting specifics. He's 12 and breast discussions are not something he wants to hear from his family. My kids have had no experience with cancer and very little with serious illness of any kind. That's a good thing but it's kinda fear of the unknown. I hate that they have to see me go through it. Cancer just sucks in every way.
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Raidergirl...Im with you ! I come and read, if I can talk myself into it on bad days but I don't post much on a bad day because like you Im BULLSHIT MAD ANGRY and every other emotion I cant think of right now. In the beginning I wasn't mad, I was more scared, kind of planning my funeral (which is horrible) but now it's total anger ! I cant look in the mirror anymore..its to painful and I am sooo sick of crying. Like you, I was the one that rescued everyone..and now Im drowning..and the hard part is..where is everyone that I rescued ??? This is the lonliest disease in the world ! I feel totally cutoff and isolated from the world. I hate leaving the house unless I absolutely have to.
I think its time to shut the computer off now...just typing this is making me mad and cry..
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I think sometimes you have to count your blessings. There is always someone else who is having to deal with more from this disease. All you have to do is look at the thread and different boards to know it could have been worse.
I'm tired of looking like an alien when I get ready for bed and take off my make up - I do check my head every night for fuzzies and look to see if they are growing. But I also know I have a low grade non aggressive cancer. It just happened to make it's way to my nodes so here I am bald and puffed up from the steroids with Taxol. Time to keep moving on!
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Hi, all -
Here I am in my late 40's, so this is the thread for me! I find myself trying to figure out what I am supposed to change in my life now. I know I need to eat more fruits and veggies and less sweets and I definitely need to find a way to exercise without hurting myself (foot issues cause problems and then I end up giving up), but I'm really wondering about more "living life" changes. I've always been one to be responsible and hard working and I tend to be task oriented. I feel kind of like I've been missing out on the fun, but I don't know if I even really know how to have "fun." Organizing my office space is fun to me or just hanging out at home. Am I supposed to branch out and ride roller coasters and bungee jump or am I just supposed to enjoy my usual life?
My oldest is a senior in college and my youngest is a junior in HS. I worked part time from home for 13 1/2 years and then had a few years without that and now have been working part time at my church for almost 3 years. I like what I do, but, well, some people there drive me crazy and I get really frustrated. I already didn't know what I wanted to be "when I grow up" but I figured I was working on that and starting to get excited about some possibilities, but now I just don't care about it.
I guess I feel like I'm supposed to have learned something really big from this and I'm not sure that I have figured that out yet. I certainly have been counting my blessings and am very grateful for many things, but I'm just waiting for the big revelation to hit me...you know, the whole "ah...that's what I'm supposed to learn from this...now I get it." Anyone else feel this way or have you figured it out?
Thanks for "listening"!
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Mel so far I've learned that this is a crapshoot. In my opinion cancer does not discriminate. My issues started d when I was 37, and I ate healthy, worked out 5-6 days a week, and yet I got cancer; however, I have family members who smoke, did drugs, eat bad, etc and they are healthy as a horse. Breast cancer does not run in my family. I'm the youngest of 3 older sisters and I also have 4 kids ranging from 20 yrs old to the youngest at 6 yrs breast fed them all, yet I'm the one to have this. Eating healthy and exercising certainly helps your overall health but does it determine whether or not you'll get cancer? I don't think so. Cancer just sucks. Sorry I don't have any insight for you.
Oh and welcome to the group!
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bummer, mel. i noticed you had slnd on both sides? just try and be yourself, and what ever rings your bells! over time we change and time changes us... no need to force the issue. sorry you are here, but glad you found us. we are pretty fun!
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Ganzgirl2010--feeling
angry, mad, outraged, and everything else is normal.The rest of the world doesn't like to deal
with that part so they tell us to "be positive" so they are more
comfortable.And it is lonely.No one who hasn't been through it understands
that part.And the people we
rescued?Either gone or don't know we
need rescuing.I remember that drowning
feeling.The hardest thing in the world
is to say out loud that we need help.Keep coming here and venting, we'll listen.mel147--I'm 6 years
out and still waiting for that big lesson.I think that's a crock.It's
someone's idealized idea of how women should have bc, and I'm not fitting the
stereotype.And I'm not trying.And I don't care who I upset by not crusading
for mammograms and running races and doing survivor walks.0 -
Lesson-schmesson. I don't think there is any huge ta-da in all this. Cancer sucks, treatment's a bitch and it takes stamina and focus to move on in good order. I can say though that I am much more conscious of the need to enjoy my life, laugh, treat myself well and avoid hanging around people who treat me badly, bore me or otherwise detract from my life. I also make a conscious effort not to sweat the small stuff so much.
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Nativemaine..so close to me
...and thank you for the encouragement. Everyones battle is different, doesn't matter what the treatment is ! Here's something that someone said to me today...I was on facebook this morning..even tho Im exhausted and in pain, today has been a pretty good day as far as no crying and pretty decent mood (thank goodness)...anyway, so Im on fb and being in a good mood I wrote my status as follows "Where's the maid, I need more coffee oh and she can wash my floors while shes waiting for my java to brew lol " A friend replies back with "your such a spoiled brat AnnMarie" I almost lost it ! I was joking my friend lol I wish I had a maid...but seriously, this is someone Ive been friends with since high school, she even went to my first day of all the doc appointments when I was diagnosed so she knows Im far from rich ..hell, I have been out of work SINCE july. How ignorant...but, I laughed it off. Ignorance is bliss I guess ??
Great advice Momine !!0 -
The written text nowadays is not the best way to communicate. Emotion does not show - she could have been kidding too. You put an "lol" after what you said - captain obvious, but she didn't. How are you to know??
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Momine: great advice!
Mel: welcome to the gang. I don't think there is any grand lesson to be learned here,, except my personal philosophy: sh*t happens. Don't blame yourself for getting this. You can do everything right and it still gets you. Nothing drove that home for me more than when Linda McCartney (Paul's wife) died of BC. I thought: here is someone who is a vegetarian, has all the money in the world to go anywhere for treatment and it killed her too. Thus: it can happen to any of us. I say: enjoy life, get rid of the toxic friends and don't sweat the small stuff. I have a sign on my refrig: will this matter in a year? That pulls me back to earth when I start getting pissed about something dumb, like being on hold with the cable company. Sure, it's a good idea to eat more veggies and exercise, I try to do that too, but I'm not going to turn down some ice cream either!
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Glennie: I love your sign - WILL IT MATTER NEXT YEAR. Adding it to my fridge.
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Thanks for all the comments, everyone! I'm reassured to see that I'm not an oddball for not having a big revelation after this.
I do recognize a common theme from many of you like Mulligan that it is a crap shoot, cancer doesn't discriminate and stuff just happens. For me, I need to remember that and take the advice to not to blame myself.
Glennie - I had forgotten about Linda McCartney...that's a very good point.
And Momine, I think you hit the nail on the head by saying it takes stamina and focus and a conscious effort.
I'm also motivated by everyone's comments to enjoy life, treat myself well, get rid of the toxic friends and to not sweat the small stuff! I am going to make a conscious effort to do those things.
Kathec - Yes, my surgeon checked the sentinel nodes on both sides since I had something show up on the MRI on the left side, too. It was very small and the biopsy on it had been negative, but he was worried about it and was going to originally do a lumpectomy on that side. After discussing things with him I ended up doing the bilateral mastectomy instead so he checked the nodes just in case. Thankfully, that side was all benign.
NativeMainer - I haven't decided yet how I feel about the whole running races/survivor walks yet. It's a little hard to get behind the mammo thing since I faithfully had them for years and even had two diagnostic mammos and ultrasounds and a 3D mammo since 2012 and none of them picked up my 7.4 cm mass. It showed up on an MRI after I noticed my nipple was inverting. I think I'm for mammos, but I'm also for not relying solely on them since they don't pick up everything.
I am happy that my insurance is paying for a few appointments with a nutritionist. I have Celiac so I can't eat anything with wheat, rye or barley in it and I also have trouble with dairy so I'm looking for some good tips. About the only thing the doctor told me was to eat a low fat diet and exercise. I already was pretty low fat since I only rarely eat dairy and that was where most of my fats used to come from back when I could eat it many years ago. He also said no soy...I already have avoided soy protein since that was also something I had trouble with, but I had continued to eat things with soy lecithin and soy oil since I didn't get symptoms from them and they seem to be in so many things. Anyone know if we're supposed to avoid all soy? I'm also confused about whether or not flax is 'ok'. I need to go check out some of the threads on diet here!
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There are a lot of opinions about diet. Some prefer to avoid soy protein isolate, and other soy "products" but that "real" soy like tofu or edamame is OK. I lean that way myself. Not sure why flax is bad, but I do add that to my protein shakes cuz I like the extra fiber. I try to stick to "real" food as much as possible. I don't have celiac, but I did Atkins for years and I feel much better on that type of diet. I get weird blood sugars swings when I eat bread/pasta, etc, so I tend to avoid those. You may want to check out the primal or paleo diets as they avoid wheat and mostly avoid dairy too. Mark's Daily Apple is a website about paleo life that you might want to check out; his book is called The Primal Blueprint. And there are tons of primal-type recipes out there. My favorite is Well Fed: Paleo recipes for people who love to eat by Melissa Joulwan. And there are a lot of threads on diet here too.0 -
Thanks - I will check out the paleo diet and Mark's Daily Apple. I also have blood sugar issues...had gestational diabetes with both pregnancies and have trouble when I eat too many carbs but I have been relying on them more than I should. They found a way to make gluten free bagels, muffins and cookies taste yummy and I couldn't resist! Since cancer I've been cutting back on those. I was just peeking at some of the diet threads here and will keep checking them.
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Mel, as far as I know, a low-fat diet is mostly useful for triple-negative BC. It is, however, an advantage to stay slim either way, but especially with ER+ cancer, and for some a low-fat diet may be necessary to achieve that. I need a fair amount of fat, in order to keep my weight steady, but I get most of my fat from olive oil, nuts and fish.
Soy is probably best avoided, especially, as mentioned, soy proteins and other soy-derived mystery foods.
A correlation has been found between high intake of dairy fat and relapse of BC. Correlation is not causation, but I try to limit dairy fat, although this is a challenge for me since I love cheese.
There seems to be some connection between elevated blood sugar and BC. So keeping blood glucose steady is probably a good idea, meaning that you want to get some regular exercise and limit processed carbs, sugar etc.
Because femara/letrozole can raise cholesterol, I also limit red meat and eggs.
I do not know about the flax. Some sources say to stay away, others advocate eating it daily. Truly, beats me. For the most part, I do not eat it.
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Glennie, that is a great fridge sign, lol. It reminds me of my approach to my kid's grades in school. I always argued that by the time she graduated HS, nobody would give a flip how many As she got in 7th grade, and that by the time she graduated college, nobody would care what her HS grades were.
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Ganzgirl--I had to
smile at your fb story, so many things are posted there and then misunderstood
or taken the wrong way.Try not to take
it too seriously unless you know for sure your friend wasn't trying to be funny
in return.Laughing it off is good!Glennie--"Will
it matter in a year?"is a great
leveler!Mel--The soy thing
is still rather up in the air, lots of talk about the difference between the
fermented stuff and the other versions, but like aspartame, it's in
everything.Almost not possible to
totally avoid it.I'm taking the road of
avoiding the obvious sources of soy, generally eating well, and not worrying
about the rest.The American Cancer
Society did a study on bc survivors and diet that showed that a low-fat, high
fruit and veggie diet did not change the rate of recurrence or a second
bc.So the whole thing is still up for
grabs, no one really knows what will help and what will hurt.The research on flax is the same, no clear
benefit or detriment.0 -
Momine: so true about the grades. Struggled so hard to get good grades in high school, for college,, then worked hard in community college for good grades to get into pharmacy school. Once there,, OMG,, WAY harder,,, managed to graduate with a solid B average. And in the long run,,, as long as I passed the exam for my license,,, that was all that mattered. No job wanted my GPA! **do you have a current license, in good standing?** That's all they want. Grades matter only while you stay in the academic world,,,, afterwards,,, not so much.0 -
here's my sign. Printed off of someone's Facebook page.
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Homemom...yes it is very easy to misinterpret a written message
And that sign, love it !!!..Im making my own and putting it on my fridge too. I (lately) seem to get mad about so much more than I use to so this will bring me back down to earth
I don't think Im mad at myself for getting cancer, I more mad at what I see in the mirror now and mad at the pain/uncomfortable(ness) that I constantly feel.
Im sure my friend didn't mean anything bad by what she said on my fb..which IS why I laughed it off but I definitely thought it was ignorant. I should probably mention tho, that she had jut found me on fb about 6 months ago and we are still kind of getting reacquainted. We were joined at the hip until we grew up and life just kinda got in the way (kids, jobs, hubby's). Still love her tho !
The beginning of the week was not good for me so I apologize if I came off &itchy to anyone. BUT on a good note. I slept AWESOME last night, finally
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I 'm not mad at getting cancer. I'm a firm believer in Sh*t happens. I'm mad that my BS left excess skin so that I'm not flat, which is what I wanted, and will now need another surgery to get rid of it. And I'm mad that I got lymphedema, which is a royal pain in the @$$.Bitch away ganzgirl,,, we are here for you. It's hard to reconnect to someone that you have't seen in years. Give it some time.
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I had my appointment with the nutritionist at the hospital today. She said that I can eat soy since it's in most things. The natural soy, like tofu (blah) and Chinese food along with soy sauce and protein bars are ok. She gave me a hand out that states soy does not cause breast cancer and can in fact lower your risk of re occurrence. She said the study has been adamant about his for the last 5 years. At the very least she said I can consume soy without worrying about it. The handout was from The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics.
I need to watch my potions and start exercising again. I meet with her in 6 weeks. I'm also going to start wearing my fitbit again.
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Has anyone heard of plastic causing cancer ? I just heard it on Dr Oz. It's not the first time Ive heard this. They are saying that if you leave water bottles in your car in the heat or cook with plastic (Tupperware) in the microwave...hmm
Thank you glennie ...this site really has been a great source of support for me
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ladies
I've had an invitation from the Today show to appear with Joan Lunden on Oct 1 !!! Not sure if it will work out, but I sure hope it does! We connected through my Sassy Head and I think they were disappointed I'm not bald. If they will allow me to plug my product, I will shave my precious hair!
Stay tuned....
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Jbokland, That would be so exciting!
Ganzgirl, Here is a link that could answer some of your questions and ease your concerns. Before I stopped working, I was a hazardous materials specialist and I am familiar with this topic. It truly depends on the type of plastic and what it's intended use is. Some containers are safe to reuse, others not. Some plastic containers can be heated, others not. Check out this link. It will give you specifics on the different types of plastics.
http://www.breastcancer.org/risk/factors/plastic
Hugs to everyone!
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NativeMainer - very interesting about the American Cancer Society study on diet. I guess you're right and they just really don't know.
Glennie - love the sign! Sorry to hear you have to have another surgery and that you got LE. I'd be mad about that, too.
HomeMom - I sure will be happy to keep eating my Honey Mustard dipping sauce that has soy oil in it! I see the dietician on the 3rd and will be curious to see if she says the same thing.
Jbokland - That is so cool! I hope it works out and you get to be there. I just checked out your Sassy Head website - what a great idea - love it!
My vent is that right now I'm mad I can't get rid of this stupid virus I started with
over a week ago. I have a lingering cough that keeps waking me up at
night even with cough medicine and various sinus/allergy meds. Tonight I'm
adding a humidifier to see if that will get rid of it. But, I'm super happy it is Friday and I have two days at home! I'll probably work a little from home since I'm going to have a day off next week for two appointments, but at least I'll be in the comfort of home instead of at the office!0
