MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Oh and I keep reading of people who have breast cancer and end up down the line w/ Ovarian or the other way around. Risk may be small of course but at least there would be no risk of Ovarian cancer which I believe has a poorer survival rates than breast cancer.
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So thought I'd let you all know, my Daddy died on the 8th. I haven't posted about it yet because I just couldn't type the words. He battled Alzheimer's bravely for over 10 yrs, but on the morning of the 8th, he had a seizure, which we think interrupted his thought process enough to where he forgot how to breathe and that caused his heart to accelerate and from the place he was living to hospital ER was 4 miles...he was dead when they pulled up to the ER doors. There was a DNR in place and I am so grateful extraordinary measures weren't used, but I miss him fiercely!
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Ah, Eph. I am so so sorry to hear that for you... oh sweetie.
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((Hugs)) Eph3 12. I am so sorry. Daddys are so special to their daughters.
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Eph--I am so sorry tohear about your Dad. {{{hugs}}}
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(((Eph))))
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Eph - my Dad's passing was much harder than my Mothers. My thoughts are with you.
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So, so sad for you Eph. My daddy died with Alz, too. Another bitch of a disease. You keep that fierce love. {{hugs}} Linda
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Eph.. Sorry for your loss, I know the feeling well.
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My sympathy to you, Eph. I am sure the suddenness was a shocker to you, but seeing as he had the DNR in place, it might have been one of the more merciful scenarios. Condolences to your family.
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My heart goes out to you, Eph. I remember the feeling all too well. My condolences to you and your family. (((hugs)))
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Thanks all. The service is Saturday. Bro & fam & Sis & husband will be here, as well as step-mom of 40 yrs plus her humungous extended family. Of my siblings & I, I was closest to Dad; there were problems with him and the sibs over the years. We were all closest to Mom, but she passed in 2012, I don't think that pain could be matched. Dad's death, although heartbreaking for me, is not the chest clutching, wretching sobbing, that I had with her. I worry that that means I didn't love him enough, but I have to justify it by rationalizing she was my MOM! we were BFFs. Dad had my step-mom; our connection was strong, but different (I am also one vodka, soda with cranberry into the evening after a 10 hr shift at the new job, so if I'm not making sense, I apologize.)
On another note my PCP is bugging me for an appointment after labs at the beginning of the month. I am NOT anxious to go in. Can anyone relate?
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Yup, I can relate.
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Eph, so sorry about the death of your Dad. Lost mine to cancer 3 years ago and it feels like it was a month ago. Many hugs!!!
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I'm finding it hard to want to schedule my mammo. It's that time of year, but (in my middle-aged state) time feels compressed to the point that I feel like I was just in there 4-5 mos. ago. I wonder if it will kill me to put it off a few mos.? (Just inserting a bit of dark humor.) Let me get though a tooth extraction this month. I can only handle so much trauma. (Oh, and the tooth thing. My terminally challenged teeth did not benefit at all from chemo drying up my saliva and leaving me with gulch mouth for at least six mos. That was a real downhill turn.)
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Eph,
Sending condolences for your loss. There's a history of Alz on my maternal side.
There's a famous Latin pop star named Ricardo Arjona. He's kind of like the Sting in the latin songwriting world as he's considered a true poet and makes much social and human condition commentary.
He wrote a song about Alz a number of years ago,now. I love it! A link to a fairly good translation of Spanish and English side by side with some of my added edits is below.The theme is the ALZ protagonist is only remembered/exists as his lover remembers him, because he is incapable due to the disease to remember anything about himself. His persona only exists because of the memories of those who know him and remember him. He's in a happy (and ignorant) ALZ state of not knowing anything about himself. The lyrics in Spanish and English and the actual song are in this post.Ya no me acuerdo de mi
I No Longer Remember Me (about Myself)Ya no me acuerdo de mí, ya no me acuerdo de nada.
Ya no sé bien lo que fui, si Hare Krishna o si lama.
Mi dirección es aquí, mi apartamento tu cama.
Ya no me mires así que tengo el alma gitana
Y en este Alzheimer feliz, tus ojos son mis ventanas
Amor como el que me das, desmemoriza a cualquiera.
Me acuerdo cuando te vas y se me olvida si llegas.
Sólo me importa si estás.
No sé si hay sol o si nieva.
Mi nombre es el que querrás
Mi patria es la que prefieras
Si,en este Alzheimer feliz, tu brasiere es mi bandera
Coro 1:
Ya no me acuerdo de nada
Si sufrí, si lloré
Si te salvé o me salvaste
Si es un mal o es un milagro.
Ya no me acuerdo de nada
Coro 2:
Ya no me acuerdo de nada.
Si perdí o si gané
Si fue real o si soñé
Si estuve al borde del delirio.
Ya no me acuerdo de nada, de nada
Ya no me acuerdo de nada
Me cuentan que un día viví entre las sombras y el miedo.
Fui amante de un maniquí, de corazón usurero.
Me cuentan que el que yo fui, perdía llegando primero.
Hoy sólo sé que es por ti
Que recordarme no puedo
Y en este Alzheimer feliz, te quiero porque te quiero
{Coro 1,2,1}
De nada
Ya no me acuerdo de nada
Ya no me acuerdo de míI no longer remember about myself, I no longer remember anything.
I no longer really know what I was, whether Hare Krishna or lama.
My address is here, my apartment your bed.
Do not look at me like that now as I have a gypsy soul
And in this happy Alzheimer's, your eyes are my windows
Love like that you give me, makes anyone forgetful (makes me un-remember other loves).
I remember when you go and I forget if you arrive.
It only matters to me if you're here.
I do not know whether it is sunny or snowing.
My name is whatever you want
My homeland is whatever you prefer
Yes, in this happy Alzheimer's, your bra is my flag
Chorus 1:
I no longer remember anything
If I suffered, if I cried
If I saved you or you saved me
If it is a bad thing or a miracle.
I no longer remember anything
Chorus 2:
I no longer remember anything.
If I lost or if I won
If it was real or if I dreamed it
If I was on the edge/verge of delirium.
I no longer remember anything, anything
I no longer remember anything
They tell me that one day I lived between the shadows and the fear.
I was the lover of a mannequin, of a profiteering heart.
They tell me that (the man) I was, was losing by coming (coming in) first.
Today, I only know that it is because of you
That I am to be remembered . I can't remember about myself.
And in this happy Alzheimer's, I love you because I love you
{Chorus 1,2,1}
Anything.
I no longer remember anything
I no longer remember about myselfhttp://www.ooltra.net/Lyrics.php?a=RicardoArjona&s...
I love the music, too on this one.
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For some reason, the link to the song didn't take. Here it is on Youtube.or Youtube Ricardo Arjona Ya no me recuerdo de mi.
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WOW!
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Today is the 25th of July, it's been a while since I've been on here. They changed my surgery from a bi-lateral to a single because I didn't want those awful ex-panders in immediately after surgery and my other breast is good. But I did my research & rads can burns, shrink and tear your skin (when you're older & skin is thinner). I will wait until all is done then have reconstruction! Didn't want to admit as 59 that my skin might be thin enough to tear, but I had to put my ego in the drawer & admit it! But then of course my keen mind is thinking "since I'm going to have reconstruction a tram flap, oh goodie there goes some of the stomach fat, NOW beside my gray hair am I going to blame on the kids!" I can't say "this is what giving birth to you all did to me, you should be thankful your here!"
First couple days after surgery were hard, looking at my chest & seeing my boob gone. Then I started sharing with everyone, anyone who has crossed the threshold of my home has seen my boo boo, even my poor 25 year old son (so happy he humors me). I still have a drainage tube in the Doctor won't let anyone else take it out, so it stays for another week. Now I feel, deal, and heal until I get my results of the biopsies the surgeon took & take the next step! Keep trudging, there's no going back, only forward.
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Welcome back Oddswinner! Glad you're taking it in steps. It takes a lot out of our bodies to have a MX/BMX. We're not youngsters that heal as we once did. You may find other departures from your original plan on your BC voyage. You will have time to come to yourself and get over the BC version "PTS" because you've had the MX. Your treatment plan is underway and you are past the initial shock of the diagnosis. Let us know how you progress. I think it's a good sign that you can show your boo boo. I HATED being tethered by my drains. MIne didn't come out for almost a month! Let us know when your's is removed- it'll be a perfect excuse for me to have a glass of Champagne or Cava.
Elimar, dahlink.... if your schedule is busy, if you're in pain and discomfort due to the dental destruction, then waiting a few weeks for your annual mammo is understandable and sensible. If you are putting it off because you are BC battle fatigued, that's understandable too, but it entails unnecessary risk and potential guilt. It will be on your brain. I really should be scheduling my mammo. .... I have had two separate cancers detected on routine screenings. The melanoma insitu on my arm was literally just check off item on my "I turned 50" and I'm supposed to do have colonscopy, dermo check, annual BC check etc. You can always choose to NOT be treated. You can always choose to legitimately say, I need more time to decide and research a treatment plan if you get lousy news. But your choices are diminished if cancer is left unchecked. Think how relieved you'll feel if the results come back all clear. Think how responsible you'll feel if they don't come back all clear and you can honestly say, well I did my blasted BC duty. I can't help it if I grow this s$%t, but I'm doing the best I can. That said, I would not go in if I'm miserable with dental pain. Everyone respects you on this board. You're an awesome woman and keep us hugely entertained. We want you around. You have great graphics! We look forward to them.
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Well said, Deborah!
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Hey all!
I get you, Eli, I can only "handle" one trauma at a time, if I have any control over the situation. And tooth pain or any head pain is the worst! So do what cha gotta do for yourself to stay sane. (or as sane as you can be)
Odds, glad to see you back! Take care of yourself and heal and deal sounds just right! Yes, this is a fluid journey, plans can change and new standards of care are arriving every day it seems like. So when or if you get reconstruction there might be a new procedure.
I'm feeling better. I feel like I traded in my RO for a GYN what with the 6 month check ups I gotta do with her now. Oh well. My docs always schedule my next apt when I am leaving their office. My mammo is already set up for Dec, my derma check is Sept, my GYN is Jan and I see my MO to argue about taking or not taking tamoxifen in August. I also have my dental cleaning in August. I feel like my life is just one doc apt after another, but it is very organized. Usually just one concern at a time. Lol
Oh eph, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing both parents so close together. I so admire you at your new job! But so much stress! Also moving! Take extra care of yourself! ((((hugs))))
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Eil - I'm with you on the mouth. Hope your issues can be corrected. Chemo & Rads induced dry mouth means my 7 very front teeth on the top suffered what's called 'radiation decay'. Even tho rads didn't touch them, apparently dentists still call it that. I discovered the problem when I sat down to Thanksgiving dinner last year. I was out at a very fancy restaurant with my ex-DH and his wife and the first course was a butter lettuce salad. One of my front teeth snapped off right at the gum line. Geez - butter lettuce. Because the surrounding teeth are compromised too, it didn't make sense to anchor a bridge to them. The process took much longer than usual due to other healing issues, but finally - I've got a bright, shiny implant. I have to remember that there are 6 left w/the same weakness, so now I cut the corn off the cob and try not to chomp on things w/my front teeth.
Only 6 more pages to meet the deadline.
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Oddswinner--great to see you back! Rads can be brutal on skin, I was only 48 at the time and wound up with a lot of damage, so it's not just age that's a factor here. And like you say, there is only moving forward.Love the "feel, deal and heal" phrase, perfect description of the process!I remember lookingat my chest and seeing the boob gone, it was an odd experience.
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I'm with you Eli; my annual mammo is due in August (used to do it in March- my BD checkup) and I used to be very diligent about getting it done. It's what found my BC. But I put it off last year, and now this year I'm debating again...I have this coming week to get it done because I start my new job (got it, whoohoo!) on 8/3 and will have a gap in insurance, unless I go with Cobra. I even looked up cumulative effects of mammos, trying to convince myself that every two years was better...and I was a very vocal supporter of mammos a couple of years ago when the media reported that they caused more harm/worry/cost than they were worth. Having the "responsible" gene, I will likely "git 'er done," but isn't it strange what our minds do to us?
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Thanks, sister-girls, for the comments regarding the teeth. Chemo and rads probably affects them a lot more than we realize.
MinusTwo, that sounds dreadful. I've broken teeth on a Burger King burger (younger times, and there was a bone chip in the beef!); a peach, a sandwich, and a Boston Baked Bean (the candy thing.) Other than the Boston Baked Bean, nothing was really that tooth-shattering. But I think butter lettuce wins the prize!
Deb2012, don't go making me respectable because that would be oh-so-erroneous. I am not in pain (but I will be once they yank out my tooth and cram some bone in there (and I will have to ask if they are graftijng PIG BONE or CADAVER BONE, but maybe I should make up my mind beforehand on which would be the more disgusting!) I am more coming from Mac's corner, where I just can't double book my trauma. I will probably head in for the mammo in the Fall, but the other mental hurdle that I have to force myself over is that mammo missed my BC in the first place so EVERY TIME I go in, I think to myself, "Well, my breasts are as dense as ever, so is this even doing anything other than squishing me and making more petechiae break out on my breast?" So hard to gear up for it when it was never the big life-saving event for me. My own self-exam was that! Now, I know that is somewhat an irrational thought and I'm not saying mammo has no benefit, because statistically it is proven that it does. It is just that even if I get a clear mammo, I think something could be lurking in there anyway. I would never steer anyone away from mammography, but with my BC going undetected by them, I can't really captain the cheer squad either, if you know what I mean.
I have acted (or failed to act) numerous times in ways that made me want to kick myself. But looking back on the health events in my life, it has mainly been the doctors that deserved the kicking; however, our society made a few laws to prevent that sort of activity.
How does elimar like to spend her Sunday? Oh, with a little doctor-bashing. Ahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get a lot worse when I am under the influence of CICADAS!!!
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Eli - so glad you're not "respectable". You'd be boring!!! I got packed w/powdered bone when the titanium screw was drilled into my jaw. I asked if it was pig or cadaver, and I think he said re-constituted cadaver. Well, whatever.
Doc bashing is certainly acceptable. I went religiously for mammograms from age 30 to age 66 since I had dense breasts. 90% of the time in the last 15 yearsI was called back for more testing & sometimes an ultrasound. Guess the equipment was getting better, ya think? Reports were so bogus - mentioning previous biopsies (of which there had been NONE). So when a new radiologist called me in and said I had to have "another biopsy" (mind you, there still had been none), you can imagine I said poo poo. This lovely lady doc said, "well, then you're going to die". WTF??? Because i trusted my gyn, I went to another radiologist she recommended at another facility & had an ultrasound. This new doc showed me his concerns on the screen while I still in the ULS room and said he would feel better doing a biopsy. The rest is history. At least the first time. Clear margins. Clean SNBs - 2 on each side.
The second time - only 2 years later - no one believed the lump under my collar bone could be "cancer" since I had no breasts & the MRI was clean 3 months before. MO thought it might be silicone from the implants. Nope - those are gummies. They talked about mammograms. Nope - I have NO BREASTS. What's so hard about this picture?? I talked about ultrasounds - and finally won the battle. Which led to another ULS biopsy, and ta da, it was breast cancer in the lymph node and this time it was IDC instead of DCIS. But they STILL call & write me every single year to let me know I'm over due for my mammo.
My emotionally bad times are pretty rare, since I was raised to 'pull myself up by my bootstraps'. But when they do hit - all I can think of is the Simon & Garfunkle song The Sounds of Silence - "Hello darkness my old friend...." Lucky that's not often.
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"well, then you're going to die"
OMG, M-Two, that one does need a swift kick... (but who wants the jail time, eh?)
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Eli- What ARE those disgusting little partying cracklins pictured in the header?!? They definitely look like they're gonna die, and soon. The last dance?
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That reminds me when I explained foob to friends, I always said franken-boob for cadaver tissue (alloderm).
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5s-wN4MVFgU