The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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TonLee- I have different advice re your sister in law, based on a similar situation faced by my friend with the tables turned!. A friend of her mother's lets call her A called during her mother's illness (both ladies are in their 90s). A was always a poisonous gossip. My mother begged me not to become close friends with her daughter because it would mean she would have to endure endless phone conversations.A was insanely competitive about her children which made things very difficult for them. Anyway, she calls up to speak to my friend's mother who couldn't come to the phone. my friend has a conversation with A, she gets another call and thinks she hangs up, but doesn't. She starts the next conversation with someone who asks with whom she had been speaking and she says A, who is a Snake. Well A heard her. Of course my friend really didn't want to hurt A and is freaking out about the whole thing. A has confronted her, my friend has gotten nasty phone calls and letters from A, from A's husband (how old must he be?!) from their children. I mean the damage is done. However, from my friend's point of view (her only defense other than the truth of the statement and that she was an emotional and physical wreck trying to care for her mother) was why was A being so sneaky staying on the phone??? I bring this up because my friend is a sweetheart and even she has tried to blame the victim (A) in this case.
Your sister in law is a nasty b*tch and this is the first thing she will start shrieking about - you being a sneak and an eavesdropper and how dare you listen to her private conversation with her husband, you violated her privacy!! She sounds stupid enough to believe this.
I think your best revenge will be the long and happy life you are going to live!!! Oh, I suppose you might add to your enjoyment by doing something now to make sure she can't get that land and I think it would be fun, the next time you have to see or talk to her to casually mention all the advancements that are being made in BC treatment.
Hugs!
Julie E
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Thanks ladies...it was actually a typo..it was my first surgeon...the one wh owould have done my surgery. At the time I thought; ok..he is an arrogant ass but maybe that makes him good and I had my best girl face on...my expartner was beside me..first time he had seen these puppies inten months and he was more shocked than I was!,,I believe I was feeling fear at the time..'don't annoy the big surgeon..he will be cutting you open and taking part of yor breast out for goodness sake!'...but when I got home, I was shaking and upset so I called the navigator and demanded a meeting with the new surgeon prior to her cutting me open..and I got one.
But rest assured, I did report him to the navigator and to the surgeon who I did have..the one who was relegated to 3rd of 4th place out of 4 (she is the oncologist..he is apparently a gp who does some breast cancer surgeries ...he apparently trained her...)...In the end, I got mine back by telling my new female surgeon "by the way, you need to know your colleague was dissing you ..and you also need to know that it was totlly inappropriate and did not instill confidence in me....". I ended up with a great surgeon and she was pissed at him and promised to 'get hers back'...I figure she could handle it well. The navigator was shocked that I old the new surgeon but also seemed quite impressed so...a win win....
And I have written it all out as a play so not to worry. I have put it where it belongs. Just though since this site was talking about the stupidest things people had said to yo uthat this fit the bill:)Needless to say, Dr. Todd is not on my list of go-to guys!
The women at the breast clinic in NS are fantastic...female doctors, technicians, nurses, administrators...they were a gift.
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I would have responded sooner but I just finished picking my jaw up from the floor!
Sandeeonherown, I can't believe that your radiologist did that to you, great bedside manners he is teaching that med student. I echo what others have said here, report him!
TonLee, wait for the next bus, then push that woman under it. What an insensitive thing to say, even if she didn't mean for you to hear it. Where is her compassion? Honestly. But, it sounds like you are handling it with grace. I loved your comment about "Breast Cance Groupies". I have a couple of them in my life, but I try to distance myself from them, they aren't worth the emotional energy they require.
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I found the perfect bus for us. Has the perfect face with the perfect expression of what I feel whenever I hear or read things like that.
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Bwahahahaha!
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TonLee, get her out of your life. She is TOXIC. I am so sorry you had to hear that crap. Aren't you glad you don't have to live inside her head.
SanDee please report the Radiologist who did this to you. It is sexually abusive, both of the student and you. He is not a plastic surgeon who might have an interest in handling your breasts. My radiologist spent a couple hours with my husband and myself and he never touched my breasts. Later for the simulation he did, and then only for markings and to determine I had a breast infection.
Ginger
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Perfect bus!
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TonLee--at the next family gathering, oh so innocently and oh so sweetly ask the jerk "How long do you think R should wait after I die to remarry?" The jerk may not catch on, but I bet everyone else in the family will!
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Purrrrrrrrrfect bus.
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It was an animated picture of a bus. I just noticed today that it didn't post. Sorry everyone.
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OMG TonLee!!! I agree with dutchgirl6, those people are not worth the emotional baggage!!! I have come to the realization that most people do care, but there are always those idiots that have NO Clue! I had great support except from a couple of people (one of which was my boss)...it hurts, but I realize now that it is their problem, and that they will never understand what I've gone through, nor do they want to understand (and I could care less if they do). So, I try to dismiss them as much as I can. However, I had to share this story below ~
The other day the one co-worker was telling me about a nurse who used to work with us who had the "REAL" cancer, because she died".... I should be glad that I didn't have the "real cancer". Ummm, excuse me??? I didn't have 2 biopsies, surgery, chemo & radiation for the "fake cancer"! I guess that I did all this, and enjoyed being bald since the end of June, just for fun....geez, some people have a lot of nerve!!!
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TonLee- OMG!!!!! words fail me. the best thing you can do is just let it go and shut her out of your life, but the bitchy part of me would just want to call her out on it. But that would just be sinking to her level and we are a lot better than that! '
I think my mom is a breast cancer groupie. I feel like everyone in the world knows about my cancer- what if I had wanted to keep it quiet and private? it would have driven her crazy to have to keep her mouth shut.
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TonLee I'm sorry you have people like that in your family. I'm more into sarcasm myself. Next time you talk to her and she askes how you are say
"Not dead yet. I still need to find R a wife so he can get on with his life when I die"
… smile then walk away or say "chat later" and hang up the phone.
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Ok The dumbest thing someone said to me was my MIL..she called and found out that my first lumpectomy margins were not clear. I had just found out and was upset...she proceeds to tell me she needs to "put a bee in my bonnet..and I should have a mastectomy" I try to tell her that we have talked to doctors, my husband, her son is a doctor himself, and they felt comfortable with trying for clear margins again and then getting radiation...She goes on to tell me some BS as she knows how I feel...because when she was 12 years old there was a neighbor who was an old woman that had BC and she had a mastectomy and she was fine and lived until she was 90...Not sure how that makes her an expert at what I'm going through...but the kicker and here it is she says , " Get a mastectomy...it not like losing a leg!!"
The worse part is it looks like I'm going to have to get the mastectomy and I'm dreading her telling me "I told you so".
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lol, thanks for the great advice. I'm not one to just let it ride, so I likely will say something along Lago's and Maine's line....I have several months before I run into her...and as was suggested, have changed my phone so when she calls I don't answer.
My husband rolled his eyes and said, "She's stupid. She's always been stupid. Too bad your chemo can't cure her stupid." lol
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momto4ct- maybe your DH could talk to his mom and tell her to mind her own damn beeswax! there is no trying to reason with people who think they know what's best for everyone else. yeah she can put a bee in yer bonnet- but its not about taking her advice on getting a mast or not!0
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TonLee, I would make sure to make my Living Will and specially mention not only that she wouldn't get anything, but that selling, donating, or in anyway making that land (or whatever else) become her property or the property of her immediate relatives is strictly forbidden in the terms of the will and make any other contracts void. And then let her know that.
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Thanks Hadley! me too!!!
On the other side of all this is the fact that there are wonderful people out there who say the right thing or say nothing. Two weeks before surgery, when I knew the date etc., I emailed all of he teachers that work with me and told them...and I said "I am telling you because you care about me and because this is scary....I don't want any 'OMG's' or "I'm sorry's"...I just want you to know in case I am a bit wibbly and because the vacation I had planned is going to be recuperation time...and you know, I did not receive a single "I'm sorry"...instead, I had 14 people show up at my door two days after surgery to move me and I got words of encouragement and a truckload of hugs....I am choosing to focus on the positive and keep the idiots with no bedside manner, tact or heart in their place....far from me.
As for the jerk surgeon, he will not get his hands anywhere near these puppies again. My radiologist and oncologist have more than made up for this guy. They are brilliant, kind, thoughtful and informative. So I consider myself very lucky on the whole.
Keep your sense of humour ladies and let's send up some positive thoughts to the power(s) that be that these idiots grow a brain!
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Thanks anyway, veggy. My success in posting pics here is very hit and miss.
TonLee - super husband! Love that he dismisses her as unimportant. And don't we all wish our chemo could fix their stupid?
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DAY awesome BUS!! i dunno where you found it; but i appt you the new bus driver!! i love the LIONESS!!!!gotta go read the rest of the posts.. i skipped down cause it flipped me out so bad . I LOVE IT!!! 3jays
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So, I recently had someone tell me that breast cancer is just the new "fad" disease that everyone is getting diagnosed with and now I'm just one of the crowd. I *think* they're still looking for the body!
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good one slg!!! let us know IF they find it...3jays0
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We got BC because it was the trendy thing to do? Good to know. Did you roll your eyes at them, sig?
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A great op ed in the NYT titled "Staying Strong Won't Save Your Life" by Richard P. Sloan for all who resent being told to "stay strong and be positive"
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/25/opinion/25sloan.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=homepage
here is the conclusion:
"It is difficult enough to be injured or gravely ill. To add to this the burden of guilt over a supposed failure to have the right attitude toward one’s illness is unconscionable. Linking health to personal virtue and vice not only is bad science, it’s bad medicine. "Julie E
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Sig,
The fad thing brings up an interesting point for me....
When I was diagnosed, I was sort of offended to have breast cancer. We buried my aunt (raised me) 5 days before diagnosis. She died of lung cancer chemo complications after FIVE straight YEARS of chemo.
In her cancer center a couple years ago, during breast cancer awareness month, some volunteers (from a local social/religious institution) made up goody bags (make-up, gift certificates, sweets, meds, magazines etc) for breast cancer chemo patients.
I sat there with my aunt and watched the volunteers make a big deal (BC Groupies I'm telling you!) about breast cancer, and hand out goodies, while every other non breast cancer patient was totally ignored.
I was livid.
To me (at the time) it seemed all about the boobs. (I had some learning to do.)
I even believed mammos were a scam. (I still kinda do. I had a lump you could SEE just by looking at my boob it was so prominent, and 4 mammos showed NOTHING. The only reason I didn't get poo-pooed and sent home was because the lump was so obvious. IMO Ultra Sounds are more effective. In my survivors group, right now there are about 20 women, all of us but one found our own lumps while the mammo said we were "clean.")
Back on point, sorry, scrambled brainage today.
So I was offended my body carried something so common, especially since I raged against breast cancer research dollars, mammos, and pink ribbon insanity to anyone who would listen when compared with lung cancer and other less "army of women" supported cancers.
But you know what my aunt said after I went off? She told me not to be offended on her behalf (she was 3 years into chemo at the time of the pink ribbon chemo room invasion
...she also told me she didn't need a goody bag to make her feel better...she needed a cure. So when I was diagnosed, it felt like my body betrayed me to the pink ribbon brigade. This notion was re-enforced by people around me automatically trying to make me the poster child for BC. As if the disease comes with a halo and wings.
Sometimes, if I'm honest, I still cringe when I think about being 1 of 8.
I've always wanted to be more unique than that. lol
Karma is a bitch.
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Tonlee - I'd be tempted to say something like "It's amazing how many ignorant people think stage 3 bc is terminal." Then look her right in the eyes and add "When in fact more stupid people are killed by being hit by a bus."
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TonLee, this disease doesn't come with a halo and wings. It comes with hell and a wig.
Leah
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I totally get it about the 1 in 8 thing - I told my girlfriends they should appreciate me taking one for the team - but to be honest - I was always pretty sure I would get it- my mom is a survivor and she and I are alike physically. We don't have the gene though. I do feel like Breast Cancer gets all the hype - I understand that it is because it is so prevalent - but it seems like it is a disease people "cash in" on. Every kind of cancer needs to be cured and every patient needs attention -
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Wow Leah, well put.
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I have had two women tell me they were "jealous" that I was going to have perky breasts!
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