The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Hadley, why not google it ...employee rights and health benefits ...or call whatever agency would know about it first thing in the am before you head to your appointment...human rights? a gov't department related to employment? Might make you feel better if you know for sure.
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here is a link to a discussion about cancer and new jobs. I've been worried about this as well. I am doing a few weeks of temp work for a company I am hoping will hire me full time. For a few of the days I will be working closely with one guy and I am not going to discuss the cancer at all- we'll be taking a 6 hour road trip together too - lots of potential time to discuss personal life. I am scared if they found out I had cancer they won't want to hire me.
Congrats Hadley!
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Congrats Hadley! I know how important financial coordinators are. So many people have no idea how to deal with insurance companies and when you have a serious medical issue, everything can be so complicated! It is a great service you do to help others.
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I had a complete meltdown today. Went over to the cancer hospital to pick up the contrast I need to drink tomorrow before the CT scan. I get over there to find out they had not ordered the CT for the thorax and the abdomen which I had last year only the thorax, therefore I did not need the contrast. Meanwhile, what should have taken 30 minutes, took an hour and 45 minutes of my leave time only to run into one road block after another. I've had it with this institution and the people there. What did it for me was when I was with the patient advocate and she had my very young oncologist on the phone. I heard the oncologist say loud and clear, "well she really doesn't need these scans, but if she wants them, then we will have to reschedule them." I wish to have these scans yearly as my mom's bc metasticized after 6 years of being cancer free. Anyway, I told the advocate I was not coming back tomorrow and I just fired all of them. Also threatened and probably will contact the local newspaper to write an article of how they so badly missed my cancer to begin with, but that is another story. I'm surprised I did not stroke out today I was so angry. Is it crazy of me to want scans yearly to be sure nothing is going on inside?
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There are have been some people reported here whose actions and/or comments really require more than being thrown under the bus, even a really big bus. I came across this video clip from a new Indian science fiction robot action film. I think it would be very therapeutic to watch the film and imagine yourself in control of the robot. Aim it at all the people who piss you off and hurt you - and in fact I think one could visualize aiming it at cancer cells as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yysbbPStfWw&feature=player_embeddedSomething for your emotional toolbox
Julie E
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There are have been some people reported here whose actions and/or comments really require more than being thrown under the bus, even a really big bus. I came across this video clip from a new Indian science fiction robot action film. I think it would be very therapeutic to watch the film and imagine yourself in control of the robot. Aim it at all the people who piss you off and hurt you - and in fact I think one could visualize aiming it at cancer cells as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yysbbPStfWw&feature=player_embeddedSomething for your emotional toolbox
Julie E
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Would a diabetic mention her disease? An alcoholic? I don't think so....
But if you had a physical requirement (like handicapped) you would have to mention it for your working environment, and then they would have to accommodate you.
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barbe excellent point. I would not mention it unless it impacted my ability to do my job.
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Like one gal who said I did have full grasp of the English language and her online pal that added: it appears I have a learning disability. Yes that crap went on in this site just a few weeks ago. After the last comment I left the thread. I had over 5 PMS from women here that were more upset with those insults than me. Yes there are dumb and mean things said here on this site too.
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Iago, I get a lot of Pms too, mostly from women who thank me for having the guts to post what they wanted to say, but were afraid to get "bashed" on the thread. So sad really.....
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Yes barb I do believe I'm one of those who have PMed you
Granted I do support you on-thread too. 0 -
Yep, you're one of my "fans" Iago!!! I love it!
The others are so quiet and scared it hurts me to see it.....but I know you can "hold your own". You done good! 0 -
Oh no now I've turned into a groupie
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why is it that women in a group are so terrible sometimes to others. we need to be able to agree to disagree at times. we need to support one another realizing none of us are perfect. my gosh don't we have enough stress and anxiety. this has been a good thread and I know the ladies here will keep it that way. lago I am sorry you were subjected to that
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riley702 wrote: "Pink background? I'm only seeing white and a kinda faded yellow. Can we change the 'skin' of the site?"
Heck, riley, my pages alternate pink and white for the posts. Can I trade with you? I'd rather have faded yellow than pink.
otter
[Edited to add: And this post ended up pink!]
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Dear Barbe, Really?? People acutually told you that those awful things you said wereO.K???? Oh, my gosh, I am mortified, because I did send a somewhat nasty pm and I was skewered for it, and I really don't think my words came close to anything you said. Wow, I am praying extra hard today. Kathy
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Barbe are you saying awful things????? Geeez girl let me know eh? You really could of fooled me you are the nicest to me.
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Hadley Do they empty gum ball vending machines at this place?
Seriously I thought people pay mostly in plastic these days. 0 -
I think unless someone came in and paid their bill in change - I can't imagine you needing to carry more than 20lbs of money. sorry you are running into issues Hadley, sending good vibes that everything can get worked out.
FWIW, 2 years after my TRAM I don't feel like I have any lifting restrictions. Docs would probably put a lifetime restriction just to cover worst case scenarios. I regularly lift probably 40 lb things, perhaps I shouldn't, but I'm not going to live my life in fear.
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Barbe - I am a silent groupie (or we just watch the same threads) and I think you rock! 0
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I had a bilateral DIEP June 21st, had lifting restrictions for 6 weeks, then needed to increase gradually. I have no restrictions now other than the lymphedema precautions.
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I put the dumb things down to ignorance and fear( in the real sense of the word) and generally not because of a sense of vindictiveness...the stupid things people say are often an opportunity to educate them..not that we want to do that all the time and boy...righteous rage feels empowering sometimes...hard to know whether it is intentional or not hmm? You are all strong women (you/we have to be going through this) and that is probably scary for some people too...
just Friday night thoughts on the issue...
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Yesterday, I fired my cancer center and all the docs. They did not approriately schedule my CT scans for today and in an attempt to get them to add the CT of the abdomen, the patient advocate was talking to my former oncologist. I heard the oncologist say on the phone, "well she really doesn't need these, but if she wants them I will order them, but there is no way she will get them tomorrow." I've been waiting a year to get these as a yearly follow up. When I heard that, I got up, told the advocate that was it, I would be contacting the local newspaper about how they missed my cancer completely in the beginning and now have zip in regard to patient care. That oncologist is now UNDER my bus. I already have an appointment with another in the area. Celebrating my birthdayt tonmorrow and glad to be alive.
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OOOH I got a new one today! LOL
My dear sister who really just never knows what to say (she is a bit older than me and we never really 'clicked' but get along) sent flowers to me and I wrote to thank her for them and told her how I was doing after my MX the other day. She responds things like "glad youre doing well" and such like that and then says "Well, at least youre lucky because youre not here (in Boston) to have to shovel all of this SNOW we have gotten!!!"
Honestly? I just had to laugh. I dont think she even realized what she said. It was so out there I just had to let it go. LOL!!!
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Dear Hadley,
I have a family of lawyers. I think if you need to pursue any action you should file with the Department of Human Rights (my sister works there) and it sounds like that would be the way to go if you choose. Good Luck on everything
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DH disasters- O.K. I may be changing the subject but I have no where else to vent. I went to the movies today with my husband and for a bit to eat. In the car on the way home we were talking about his option to interview in Arizona-which is fine with me- but I said I would want to check out medical facilities. He said they have plenty. I said, if I had to have reconstruction in the future I would want the best - sooo he goes nuts and says all I ever talk about is BC and bla bla bla, so I tell him he's insensitive and that's the last time I talked to him about 5 hours ago. I haven't even had my 6 month check-up yet and my brother just died in mid December. Am I nuts or does he sound like a complete a__! Oh. then he said, I'm so ungrateful? I'd like to know what that was supposed to mean- am I in debt for any small kindnesses he extended during treatments? What do you girls think? Hopefully you can make me laugh cuz I need one tonight.
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Valgal- you are not over-reacting- your DH overreacted. Going througha bc diagnosis is hard on everyone, including our husbands. I think some husbands have a really hard time with it cause its a problem they are powerless to fix. I guess men with that mentality just think, okay you're through the treatment, you did everything you could- now move on- don't dwell. I think one thing that is very hard for others to understand- you never get over the diagnosis.It always stays with you. You do get used to it where it doesn't consume your every thought, but it takes time.
Would your DH consider counseling alone or with you? it seems like so many couples have trouble communicating. Alot of guys just don't get that we just want them to listen and be there for us, they don't have to fix us.
But do acknowledge that your dx has been hard on him too, I think our spouses needs are often overlooked in this whole process.
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Gina, your response sounded pretty snappy to me given the circumstances! But... I must agree with my assoiciates here and say that THE BUS would be an even more appropriate response to that gem!
(Ohh.... soooo.... tempted to make some kind of off-colour joke such as... you might have had part of your boob removed... but from the sound of it she probably had part of her brain removed... oup.. too late... I said it!) ;-)
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Thanks Alyad,
We've only been married 3 years and his wife of 20 years (before we met) died in 6 weeks of pancreatic.. so I guess he feels like he's had his fill of cancer. I still don't think there's any reason to be hurtful at this point though. Shit happens - we didn't plan this - no one would. He won't talk to anyone -so I guess I'll just have to go see someone about coping better. Thanks for being out there for me.
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Lago and Barbe, I'm sorry if you've been attacked on threads on this site. I really enjoy reading both of your posts on various threads.
Hadley, I'm sure everything will work out with the job. Like others said, it's highly unlikely that you'll be carrying around 20 pounds of coins ;-) Keep us posted.
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