The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I called my mother in law sobbing over first losing my daughter last year and now having undergone a bilateral. She told me all the stress i had had over my daughter caused my cancer!
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(((Annielynn)))- I'm so sorry about your daughter- I know there is no pain compared to losing a child.
I think we need to come up with some smart-ass answer to throw back at anyone who tells us what caused our cancer! something along the lines of - well since you seem to know what causes cancer - you're gonna be a billionaire! I remember when I was first dx, I thought I was somehow to blame for it- letting myself work at a job I really wasn't happy at, tho wasn't really stressful somehow caused it- or my inability to get over lifetime depression, or not having kids, or drinking too much, or being overwight, or fill in the blank- if they knew what "caused" cancer- they'd know how to cure it! A few days after I was dx I learned I had at least 4 relatives on my dad's side who had had bc- um yeah that might have been a factor...
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Annie...I'm sorry for your loss of your DD....I can't imagine a greater pain....
Isn't it wonderful to know that stress causes cancer....now if we all just learn how to manage our stress, there will be no more cancer....lets hurry and tell the experts.....yeah, no more chemo, surgery or any other awful Tx....just take yoga and learn to destress!!!!
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At the risk of being shot down in flames I do beleive stress plays a very real role in causing cancer BUT I don't believe it does cause it. I am a very "deep" person and over think things way too much which causes me some pretty massive angst that I feel physically churning. I think that kind of stress unlocks a door and lets the big C in. Now having said that I don't think that being stressed will give you cancer adn I don't believe every stressed person should rush out for a mamogram tomorrow. I just beleive there is some sort of connection. Annie, even if all my thoughts on that are true, I can think of no greater angst in the world than what you have been through. Perhaps that stress unlocked the door but the big C must have been lurking there already. How awful for you to be told that...as if you would even want your child's memory connected to any of this crap we are all going through. Big hugs to you, you seriously deserve some good to come your way soon. I really hope you get it. x
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Annielynn, call your mother back and tell her you just found out you inherited it from her side of the family and you have the blood test to prove it!
Stress is a human condition. Animals don't display it very often and if they do, it's usually caused by humans! Think of the poor dogs locked in the house all day alone until their beloved humans come home. Then the humans put them outside so they bark to come in and play and the humans yell at them! Then, they're told to stay downstairs alone while their holy master goes to bed!!! Poor dogs....and I like cats anyway.
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cats for me tooo
my poor babies sit in their cat tree looking out at the birds at the feeders in the snow- if i let them on the deck, the little mainecoon/bengal jumps 5 feet straight up in the air and catches one.
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Barbe, if man would just pay a little more attention to how animals raise and care for their young, we may learn something. Did you hear on the news this morning about the freak in Whistler who murdered 100 huskies? Just sayin....
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Awwww, don't wanna hear about it...annanannanaannannanannaananananah
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sorry
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That hurt me every time they said it on the news. Didn't that guy ever hear of the word NO?
Why couldn't they give the animals away?
Terrible.
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I just read that article. It made me sick!
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Hadley, you should have said no. The nipples are being placed on your ass. OMG where did she think our old nipples went? Did she think you were born a Barbie?
Mum I was initially upset because I though maybe I was not "getting it" until those comments nasty personal were made. Once I found out that these folks have done it to others and have their own agenda I moved on. When you think of all the wonder full supportive women on this site, that play so well with others it's pretty easy to ignore a couple of mean girls/trolls. Granted most folks don't get Barbe's dry, direct, dark humor. I love it.
Mum said: "At the risk of being shot down in flames I do believe stress plays a very real role in causing cancer" I do believe that stress lowers your resistance and if you have abnormal cells in your body your compromised immune system can't fight them. I supposedly had my cancer for 4 years. Prior to that I had a lot of stress especially 1 job that I should have quit. I was there over a year.
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Damn Barbe! You made me feel guilty. (c: I love my fuzzbutt and don't work any longer but still! Also, I don't yell when he barks to come in cuz after all that's what he is supposed to do. I think Odie will get extra lovin' today! He says thanks.
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If I made a difference to ONE dog's life today, then my work is done!
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Hah! You did...
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Count me in~
My three pooches are going on a walk before the ICE storm hits...
Thanks Barbe.
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Ang7-- should we form a support group for dog abusers!
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Yes, but my one dog would catch a frisbee and bring it back to you probably for days on end if you kept it up...
my son did it for over an hour and "Shorty" never got tired. (Shorty is the dog
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Sounds like it's all coming around for you Hadley!!! Good luck with tomorrows call, let us know.
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Hadley....glad to hear things are looking up
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Karen1956, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter, I lost a son 8 years ago and I know it is something that stresses you beyond belief. Love and hugs. Darla
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Alyad...I pretty much did the same thing with my sister..she was on about my taking care of everyone else and why won't I take care of me etc...and then when I got the guilt trip of " I may not take that job in China (that I have wanted for years) ...it all depends on you"...well, I almost lost my mind ...and I did tell her that I did not want ehr here for the surgery....that it was indeed about me...and that I did not need the guilt of her not taking her prize job to come home and take care of me when I fully intended to be on my feet with in a day or so...It has deeply affected our relationship but I realized that I was taking whatever was dished out in order not to lose the affecion of my family...now I am truer to me...
Valgal...your dad sounds like he was a pretty special guy....so much easier to see the positive..takes less energy to be positive and loving...glad mey thoughts helped!
Hadley,I am also the adult child of an alcoholic...you can't help him if he does not want help. Period...not now..not ever....we learn to caretake instead of take care of ourselves and it is a life-long lesson to learn...breast cancer...shity way to be reminded that we have to take care of ourselves but there you go....take care of YOU right now...this new job, this new opportunity...run with it. you have gotten through breast cancer...you will get through this too and if you have to take time off at the new job because of court dates and dr. appointments, ask if there is a way you can take some stuff home to do earlier in the week to catch up in advance...that shows initiative and that you want to be there...it will count. Hope the Navigator can help you out...if not, anything we can do ?
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Darla...Its not me who lost a daughter....its Annie who lost a DD....
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wow, ive been trying to catch up to you ladies, but while im reading, another page goes up!! just know im here, and i care.. PETscan done today, so all tests are done. will let you know how it goes when i get the results. i love all you guys.. lets' just stick together.. this thing thats; infecting this thread is rasing its' ugly head in other threads.. i will share something my pastor, and many others say.. the closer you are to God, the less you judge others, the farther away you are; the more you judge ... not about you guys, about what some others have said... 3jays0
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Hadley, don't think of them as road blocks or obstacles, think of them as opportunities to set things right!
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Hadley....what a great opportunity! this gal sounds great...giving you the opportunity to practice etc...staying late to get things done, showing your dedication to a new job....all will count. It really will. As for living an easier life..wouldn't it be grand? Some years are just crap, plain and simple...so, forge ahead, get support where you can, try to eep your sense of humour and breathe my dear..breathe! (oh...and dance in your living room and sing songs that make you laugh or smile..and get your 4 hugs per day!! Seriously...they help. I have a number of teachers who come in to my office regularly for hugs?! Now, how is that for a healthy work environment?!)
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As a single woman with no children I have long been confused--shy is it acceptable and even expected for a mother to take days off for children's illness, appointments and activities, but it's a problem for somone with a medical condition to request time off for an appointment?
Please, those of you who are parents, I am not suggesting that your children's health and activities are not important, I AM a pediatric nurse. Of course those things are very important. I am commenting on the different response from managememt depending on the reason for asking for time off or calling in sick. When I was working the night shift I was told by my supervisor that I would not get a requested night off before a dental procedure because "it's not like you are taking a child to a dentist appointment."
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NM - that is just wrong!!! What does it matter who is seeing the dentist , either way you will be sleep deprived and driving a vehicle to and from the appointment...
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annie my heart breaks at the loss of your daughter. there are risk factors for cancer, but most of them cause all sorts of things so whether stress "opened the door" as someone said we did nothing. being a woman is a risk so do not in any way place any blame on yourself.
your mother in law was being totally insensitive. it is one of those "toxic" moments we have talked about that we have to work very hard to let go and it takes work because the hurt is so deep. be gentle with yourself.
hadley I can't imagine what you are going throug as well. you are very strong because you keep picking yourself up. be gentle with yourself as well.
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I have to agree with Determined, Hadley. You are very strong. You exude gentleness and caring and humor no matter what life throws at you. I know I hate it when people tell me I'm strong or brave when I don't feel that I am, but I think I'm beginning to understand that they're trying to encourage me to value myself and that to keep doing what I'm doing. So, I'll do the same for you. Keep doing what you're doing and value yourself, because you have a lot to offer this world.
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