The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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ladybugs and blue jays mean all is well in your world...look for a few bluejays too!
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Sandeeonherown~
We have a whole family of blue jays living in our backyard...
They swoop down at my dogs when they are mad.
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Regarding our friends in vodka-loving climes...their life expectancy is far below ours, believe me, just look at the numbers. Overall, smoking and drinking too much does lower life expectancy. But...it doesn't help much when I see my 65+ year old friends who have smoked all their lives with nary a health problem, and me at 39 getting diagnosed. I live (d) and incredibly stressful life, mostly of my own making. And so I agree, stress probably is equal to all that boozing and smoking in the big picture!
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I had a friend post on FB about her BF just being dx'd with IDC, here are some of the post's in response to her cry of frustration and fear for her friend...
"Thought creates. We keep publicizing cancer... keeps it in our thoughts.... we need to forget cancer and then the rates would drop. "
"Shift in consciousness and women stepping into their power in all areas of their lives including their health and wellness."
"You get whatever you put your attention on. I agree, we should focus on being healthy and eliminating things that are killing us, instead of focusing on death and things that are killing us."
WTH!!!!!!!
Now I am not the kind of person who likes conflict, nor am I outspoken when it comes to my personal views. When I come across a thread that gets ugly or mean spirited I just leave that thread but I could not, not respond to these posts with:
'That's odd...Although I was aware of BC because of all the Pink October Awareness, I barely ever gave it a thought until I found my lump and dx'd with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. So if I wasn't 'focusing' on it why the HELL did I get??? Give me a break!! I have lost several friends and my 5 year old nephew to cancer in the last year and a half. Cancer does not discriminate, young or old, male or female. Cancer IS NOT fun and it is definitely NOT something anyone wishes for! Implying I or anyone else ‘thought' their cancer in to existence is ridiculous and personally offensive!!
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o2bhealthy let your friend know she can very easily delete those posts if she made the initial post. I know I would delete posts like that from my wall.0
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o2bhealthy - that's the same crap as the "Law of attraction". Whenever I meet whackos who try to enforce the belief in the law of attraction I am getting all my feathers ruffles and usually make them seriously reconsider what they are saying.
I never thought of cancer - well, of course, if I had a friend or acquaintance diagnosed I would help them as much as I could - on the contrary, when I was diagnosed, my life couldn't have been happier!
as you said, WTH!!!!
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my parents gave me that "Law of Attraction" book after my cancer diagnonis as well as "The Secret". They seem to be implying I've brought this on myself somehow, and if I just thought more positively, bad things like cancer wouldn't have happened to me.
I haven't as much as cracked the cover of either one, and have no plans to.
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My father died of stomach cancer. His fathed died of stomach cancer. I am at high risk for stomach cancer. Stomach cancer was the only type of cancer I every really spent any time thinking about other than monthly self exam time. According ot the law of attraction and whatever, shouldn't I have gotten stomach cancer? According to that stuff, we should stop teaching self breast exam, since that will GIVE us bc. Yeah, right, how stupid can you get? I always want ot ask "those" people why they gave themselves a cold or the flu when they get sick.
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We have lady bugs all over at our cottage - and I hated them - now I'm thinking they are pretty cool. Long story short - my daughter died on her 2nd birthday - and every year that is a tough day - my husband and I were talking about the day before her anniversary of birth and death and a boat came up the river blaring "Sweet Caroline" which is her name! We were in shock! Then the next day on the exact date - I was in the garden and I think I said out loud - I wish I had some Morning Glory seeds to start - and I walked into the cottage and looked down at floor - which I had just cleaned and there was a pack of morning glory seeds - I kept asking everyone if they brought them in and then I remembered buying them like 2 years before - but they could not have been there before! It's a tiny cottage and we had just painted and literally taken everything out - so I am blessed too - with a special little angel named Caroline - Thank you God - Ellie
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A friend of a friend spent ten years in a brave fight against breast cancer. She and her husband were walking in a grocery store parking lot and she was struck by a car and killed. That was sure the last thing in the world they were thinking was going to happen! Bad things happen... to optimists and pessimists, to young and old, to good and bad. When pundits blame disease or tragic events on someone else's poor attitude they are just trying to reassure themselves it won't happen to them! That "healthier than thou" attitude is pretty hard to stomach when you know there isn't anything you did to "deserve" breast cancer.
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way to go Hadley, are you finished now?
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hadley: Wow! Glad the ladybugs are going strong for you. I believe, too, that these are ways of letting us know things will be okay. Good luck with the next tatoo job.
minxie: Understand your frustrations in dealing with people and their comments. I agree - the "I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help" is good.
Think I'll stay away from the "Law of Attraction" book . . . no, thanks!
barbe1958: Yep, the good ol' long look is very effective! Sure saves one from having to respond to really stupid comments!
o2bhealthy: I agree - WTH? I know I could have had more positive attitudes about life, work, etc., at times, but to give myself cancer with a bad attitude????
Sending thoughts of strength to everyone! I'm off to get cleaned up and then watch the Superbowl.
Julie
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I know this is pathetic so please cut me some slack but Barbe I said in a post after reading Hadley's fab story "I want a lady bug too"....I could sure use some luck after being diagnosed with this curse twice. I wasn't too thrilled with the "no, just for Hadley" response. I know I am being sensitive, I know I am being touchy but you know, I could use some good luck. I didn't need to be told that there was none for me. No offence in this Barbe as I know there was none intended when you wrote that. I just had to say it so I could continue visiting here.
I believe that there is enough luck/ladybugs whatever for us all and we all have had our fair share of bad luck as we have all been diagnosed. I
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...oh and, I am so happy Hadley that they have been visiting you. You have had such a tough time, I hope you find them everywhere so you know the universe is looking out for you!
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Mum that's just Barbe's sarcastic dry humor. She was kidding. It's so hard to feel sarcasm on line. Anyway it's snowy and winter here. You have a much better chance of getting tons of ladybugs. I wish it were summer hear too.
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mumorange: Sending you all of the good luck I can! After all, ladybugs aren't the only insects associated with good luck! Crickets and dragonflies are also good-luck insects. Here's hoping you see some of these soon!
Julie
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I know, I know. I am usually really good with that but I guess my " I want a ladybug too" was sent out on a bad day when I really did want a lady bug too! I don't want to make a fuss but I guess we never know who is feeling what on what day and I thought it better to say how I felt that simply to skulk off which I kinda wanted to after that. All is good. I just had to get it out.
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(((mumorange)))
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Why is this so damn hard??? and why is it that just because we say we are ok, everyone beleives us? (does that make sense to anyone?)...not that I want people asking me every day how I am but seriously? I am terrified every single day and just keeping myself occupied so I don't feel it or think about it....
seriously....let's all say together...I did not cause my cancer...not my sadness, not your over work, not our anger towards the state the world is in....we will never know what caused it...a nearby cell phone tower? crap in the food chain? pesticides? All we can do is try to live healthy,clean lives...relatively stress free would be good too....but we are not the cause. People who give us books etc. are most likely looking to help in some weird way...it is just that their timing often sucks!
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Thanks for all the hugs. People are just so unaware of how their words affect others. I wish I was quick and clever with comebacks..but I'm a thinker and just overanalyze and stress instead!
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I suffer from severe panic attacks, but I have also had some nasty side effects from the chemo. My husband also said I should feel sorry for him because he has 'gone through' this whole thing with me. I have had an especially hard time after this chemo and felt that I should go to the er. My husband informed me that I would go to the hospital when HE felt I should go to the hospital.....really???? I hope we make it through this!
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shooshoo23~
I am sorry. Hope you feel better.
Hubby and I are now doing counseling because of the whole darn thing.
Some people actually told me a cancer diagnosis "can bring a couple closer."
Nope.
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mumorange: That's what these boards are for - to vent at times. Hope you see a ladybug.
Sandeeonherown: Yes, why IS this so damn hard? I had more tears today over all this stuff and don't feel okay. Can't wait to go back to work where everyone will be asking questions and I will have to say I feel okay. Then, I can go into my office, shut the door and cry.
I've decided to see a therapist to help me with this. That is obviously not everyone's solution, but I think it will help me, due to this and other stuff I'm dealing with right now.
shooshoo23: Hope things go okay with you and your hubby. I've been married 30 years. When I was diagnosed with this, my husband and I got into a fight, and he said, "Well, are you going to be a complete pain in the a$$ for the next few months?" I said, "uh, YEAH" - duh! Now, I realize he was scared and venting as well, and we've gotten past it.
Ang7: Good luck to you and your husband with counselling.
More {{{{HUGS}}}} to all of you.
Julie
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wth.. "not my best tatooing job!! i just choked.. chortled, something.. ya wonder where they put their heads when they get up in the morning... anyway, im glad your happy with them, sweetie. you're the one to live with them, not him.. your gf is way out, too.. i wish i had ANY kind.. alas, not meant for me with my health.. i 'll settle for my little fluffy ones, rather than the old ones full of cancer...
i remember getting attatcked by a blue jay when i was a preteen, they're very protective of their babies.. thats' why i love the avatar someone here found me. mommma and her baby blue jays..cept mamma's old, the 3jays are grown men!! {{sigh}}}}}}
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{{{MUM}}}}
Sandee, this is the hardest thing I have ever done or even imagined happening. And it isn't letting up any. One foot in front of the other.
Ang - I am so blessed to have a wonderful, supportive DH. In the beginning I had to have a heart to heart with him where I basically said, 'Look, we are so attuned to each other that when you walk around like your heart is breaking, mine does too. So here's what you have to do: be strong because I can only be strong for me.' That took care of it.
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Mumorange, before I read the rest of the posts, here's a TON of ladybugs for luck!!!
I am so sorry, I was trying to make Hadley feel special, and by doing so I made you feel bad. Now I feel terrible!!!
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I've said this somewhere else, but when someone gives you that "You got cancer because...." routine. Then look at them and say "Well then, you're going to get colon cancer because you're full of shit!"
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Barbe I know you didn't mean it...just a bad day for me, nothing more. I agree with what was written above. Why does thus have to be so hard? Why do we keep saying we are ok and why does everyone believe us? I don't want a fuss. I don't want sympathy but I'm not ok but do any of those people who ask REALLY want to know? Damned if we do and damned if we don't...none of us want sympathy but by saying we are ok people just carry on as usual. My mother behaves like the selfish, heartless woman she is, friends just move on, work collegues play their games. All this talk about living our lives with less stress...Gawd I'm trying!!! I'm doing a great job of keeping the stress levels down, it would be great if all those around me weren't trying to undo my good work!
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The other day my mom called. I had told her that recently I am full of anger and I just tell people off. So unlike the old me that it scares me. When I was in the middle of how I felt, she says "Can we change the subject. I can't take this anymore. Let's talk about something happier." So much for crying on her shoulder. Sorry mom, not everything is my life now is happy. I felt like I was punched in the face. I am so glad I can vent on these boards. Thanks ladies!
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Wow, these are the times I'm "glad" my Mom has died! My cancer would have been all about her, too!!
When we say "we're okay" people are happy to move on. I NEVER answer when someone says "How are you?" unless they ask a second time. It is just a correctedness (for lack of a better word) that people say "Hi, how are you?" I'm in sales and NEVER say that!! I don't really care how the potential customer is. Really! They wouldn't be in my store if they didn't want to be, that's all I need to know!
I remember once some asked "How are you" and I said "terrible" they said "Great!" That was about 20 years ago and ever since then I don't answer. If the person stops and waits, I'll say "Do you really want to know", then I'll answer.
People will say "Soooooo, you're okay now....right?" I'll say "I don't know. The breast cancer could be metastasizing as we speak." That usually shuts them up.
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