The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
-
I know I've done my share of sticking my foot in my mouth, but I would hope I would not do that to anyone. I am so sorry anybody has to go through that kind of pain and hurt.
0 -
Haven't been on in a few days because I was visiting my Grandma (stage IV abdominal and in hospice care).
I made an appointment with an EAP rep one time, and she had me read When Bad Things Happen to Good People. When asked how I liked it, I told her that I didn't because it seemed as if the book was letting God off the hook (in reference to having a plan for people). She told me that nobody has disliked the book and asked "Who ever told you that life was fair?"
My answer "My religion. I was raised to believe that if you live a good life, you're rewarded for that in Heaven. If that's not the case - like the author indicated in the book - what's to stop all of us from being a complete a$$ to everyone, getting a gun and just offing the people who pi$$ us off?"
She didn't have an answer for that, and I didn't make another appointment!
Personally, I agree with Ellie's husband - you play the hand you're dealt. None of us asked for this, and for people to imply that we did something to bring it on is plain stupid. Our best bet is told hold our heads high, and ignore the ignorant because they're not worth our limited energy!
0 -
Krista, I am a nuclear medicine tech, One morning @ 3 days after chemo I went to the floor to get a patient, and the nurse that had spoke to asking her to have her ready to travel to the dapartment in 20 minutes got snippy w/ me in the patients room. I walked back to the unit secretarys area to let her get the pt. ready for me ( we cannot dc IV's at my facillity only nurses), well she followed me out ranting that I was not acting professionally, and then asked about the scrub hat I had on. Well, I just pulled that litte sucker off of my BALD HEAD. That shut her up, then she tried to give me her pink plastic bracelet. I told her she should keep the bracelet, and think about what she was not having to go through. I thought the unit secretary was gonna pee in her when she saw the nurses face.
I know all nurses are not like this, but that lady just needed a reality check.
Beccad
0 -
Go Beccad! l am particularly precious and self conscious about my hair but that would most definitely be an occasion i would have done the bald head! Love your work!
0 -
Thanks mumorange, I usually wouldn't do that, but that day just didn't start right. And that B#$%^ just set me off. Beccad
0 -
Holy Dinah...."Can't fix supid" is right....people don't think...that is the problem. People sounding shocked or thrilled for me when they say "You look so good!" (what..I didn't before? ok. I was tired and stressed during the cancer and move process...but I didn't look that bad! )...or "You've lost weight" ( I haven't actually. I am just wearing clothes that fit..actually with the amount of boob taken, I should weigh less but I don't so I guess that means I have gained!)...
So how about an opposite situation which was just as annoying? My ex/estranged-partner is going through a kidney stone experience and then says ' But it's not as bad as what you are going through"...well....I know it was meant well but I am not going through anything right now. My cancer is gone (hopefully forever) and all I have is the odd hotflash or two these days ..I am not going to shoot a 5mm stone from my bladder into the toilet bowl through a tiny opening...anoyed the heck out of me even though I knew he was trying to say my problem was bigger than his and warranted more attention...
Not as bad as having my hair tugged or someone commenting on which wig they prefer, but annoying nonetheless...hindsight is 20/20...whipping off the wig, screaming I have cancer!!! It's my hair or simply saying "You hav eno tact"...well...all are options . I likely would have just started at them stunned so hats ( and wigs, of course) off to those of you who dealt with these incredibly insensitive and ignorant people.
0 -
I have finally realized who really means it when they ask, and I have proof when they really listen and respond. I know who they are. I gave up expecting from others, including my mother and my husband. I am lucky to have 4 great girlfriends, and a 5th one on the way who may be my business partner. For that, and for my daughter being healthy and happy, I am blessed.
0 -
Agreed. Knowing the ones who care is important and removing the others from your life is part of the answer...and so is acknowledging that sometimes the dumb things people say are actually coming from a good place. I get that...I am just a little stunned at some of the things folks on this train have had to ensure...I think some should throw these comments etc. on Jo1955's bonfire of the goddesses!
0 -
CrazyKitties and Sandeeonherown: Yep, you said it! One really finds out who cares and who doesn't. And to end contact with those who don't.
Life's too short. That's what this entire experience brought home to me. And, I will be making the appropriate changes to my life.
Julie
0 -
This was mentioned "years" here, but I'll post it again as a reminder. When someone says "You look GREAT!" You remind them that "the cancer was in my breast, not my face."
0 -
Good one Barb.
0 -
I have had few insensitive remarks made to me and almost all have been from people I don't feel very close to. With them I usually say something like "the scary thing about BC is the way it can lay in waiting and attack later when and where you least expect. That's why we continue treatment for years."
The only one that has really bothered me is one of our other Senior Center board members. He acts as though I have had no health issues at all and can't understand why I so often tire easily and have no energy. I have explained the fatigue associated with rads and the bouts of insomnia from the tamoxifen but he dosen't get it. I think it may be fear. He is a man in his late eighties who is very sensitive to the death of anyone he knows, even casually. I think my BC may be particularly upsetting because he lost his wife of nearly 50 years just a few years ago from a recurrence of BC that spread. I've gotten so that I ignore him but our president, who is also my good friend, jumps on him if she happens to be around. The last time she asked him if he was totally insensitive or if he suffered from Alzheimer's.
0 -
Barbe...good one!! Yeah....breast cancer makes people think and say weird things....any kind of illness hmm? Folks don't know what to say...I fin myself either not talking about it at all or talking about it in a clinical kind of way .... not talking about my fears or emotions...why bother talking about it if people can't relate or it scares them?...we were asked at work to put down our contact info and address "in case of an emergency"...and while I don't mind...what kind of emergency would there ever be that someone from the admin at work would need to show up at my friggin' door? Seriously...the ones I love know where I live and if I needed them, a call would be all it would take....weirded me out a bit,
0 -
Chabba, your response "the scary thing about BC is the way it can lay in waiting and attack later when and where you least expect. That's why we continue treatment for years." is spot on, gives insight into what it is like. Oh, and the president of your board doesn't hold back does she? too much!!!
Hadley, I can hear that old boss screaming as the flames of the goddess's bonfire lick his whatsis.
Julie E
0 -
I like the response "seriously"? My daughter said it to me once when I asked her a stupid question (I can't remember what it was) and it really made me think about what I had said. I felt foolish. That would be how I would want someone to feel if they asked me why I was wearing a hat. Why the he&& do they care if I wear a hat?? What's the matter with people, some people talk just to hear themselves.
0 -
Kelben....remember that you need to make 'seriously' drip with sarcasm to have any affect
....I call it the 'teen tone'!...I honestly think that some people have no filter...they just see something, open their mouths and out it comes...no idea why but it is the filter factor I think... 0 -
i am just catching up with this thread after not reading it for awhile and I want to declare myself an official barbe and lago groupie
0 -
even though I was only 7 years old I remember this when it happened to this day...my big brother died of a rare cancer that took him on his 13th birthday (which just happened to be on christmas eve) and at the funeral home my mom was crying her eyes out when my aunt marched up to her and hissed "You killed him because you didn't give him enough spinach" I ran and got my dad (it was his sister) After calming mom best as he could he kicked my aunt out...i never forgot that and it just made him more of a hero than he already was to me...weird postnote to story-fastforward 30 some odd years later same aunt dying of pancreatic cancer and guess who was the only relative to take that aunt in and care for her in the most loving manner one could want...yep, my mom. I remember dad's voice breaking up when he called to tell me about it, you see, he knew how whacked his sister was and yet he loved her with all of his heart-he said your mom loves me so much to do this after all the horrible things Rose has done to her over the years (as the incident with my brother was far from the only evil thing she had done to my mom) he actually tried to talk my mom out of it saying they would find another way and she would not listen telling him it was the right thing to do- anyway, it was a lesson in class I am still trying to live up to:)
0 -
If there was a "like" button on posts, I would like annettek's post!
0 -
as close to like button i could find, annettee....3jays 0 -
Barbe, that one is like people who keep telling me "how could you get breast cancer, you always had such a healthy diet!". I answer "I never ate with my boobs ya know."
0 -
annettek: That is indeed a lesson in class.
mumorange: Saw a ladybug today and thought of you!
Hadley: Good for you. Great place for the idiot.
0 -
annettek: What a great and humbling story.
0 -
Okay, you guys keep striking a chord with me, My cousin just sent me a remember everyone who has died from breast cancer email. I know the sentiments in it were good, but hello I am not yet dead and don't need to be reminded of something I know all too well. I think I will try the classy response... NOTHING.
I related to the nasty boss. Mine told me after I had told him of my diagnosis and just prior to me going off for surgery that I was being demoted. I had been department head and all of a sudden because of my illness he was taking my position. I am still so angry, I too will throw him on the bonfire until he sweats.
Also a colleague at the time who was not all that supportive later, has just been diagnosed and I have tried to be very supportive, I guess I try and take the high road, though sometimes the low one has way more appeal!!
Hard to believe, b
0 -
I was recruited for what I thought was my dream job 2 days after my double MX - I had interviewed 6 weeks before and at the time was well. I really wanted this job - it was at the gas co. in town and paid well. I told the recruiter after he offered me the job that I was sick, he encouraged me to accept it and said I could have gotten diagnosed 2 days after I accepted it - so anyway -started this job, started chemo, had an awesome boss. She moved into a new position and the hired a new guy - I honestly think he was hired mostly because he had the lack of compassion to make my life miserable. He wrote me up for missing work - made my life hell. The other's in the office called me cancer girl and told me that maybe if I didn't take so many drugs I would do better at my job. I made it almost a year and then finally my best friend told me she would help support me if I would just get the hell out of there - she was afraid the stress would cause a recurrence. My DH was furious at me for leaving a great paying job - he thought I should just tough it out. He was one of the ones who didn't believe I was really sick - even though he watched me go through this - eventually I found the job I'm at and while it is not perfect they are so understanding when people are ill or facing challenges - I'm not sure of my point but I wanted to share my story - kind of get it off my chest.
0 -
Thanks for sharing your strength Ellie.
0 -
{{{{ELLIE}}}}}}}0
-
3Jays where is the bus??
0 -
Ellie ... What a bunch of a-holes! I hope they never get sick. Calling you "cancer girl" goes so far beyond uncaring I can't even address it! Suggesting that you take less drugs is outrageous. If you have a "serious medical condition" it should be covered under the FMLA Act - This is per the American Cancer Society:
What counts as a serious health condition?
There is more than one way to define a serious health condition. It can mean any illness, injury, impairment, or physical or mental condition that involves any period of illness or treatment connected with inpatient care. This means at least one overnight stay in a hospital, hospice, or residential health-care facility, and any period of illness or treatment which involves incapacity afterward -- which means the person cannot work, go to school, or perform regular activities.
But a serious health condition does not always mean a hospital stay. It may also be a condition that has ongoing treatment, which includes any length of incapacity due to any of the following:
- A health condition (including treatment and recovery from it) that lasts more than 3 days in a row, and any treatment after that. It includes any length of incapacity related to that same condition, and must also involve:
- Being treated 2 or more times by or under the supervision of a health care provider, or
- Being treated once by a health care provider with an ongoing regimen of treatment.
- A permanent or long-term condition for which treatment may not be effective (for instance, a severe stroke, terminal cancer). Only supervision by a health care provider is required, not active treatment.
- Any absences for surgery or multiple treatments for a condition which would likely result in a period of incapacity if not treated (for example, chemotherapy or radiation treatments for cancer).
Hadley: Same for you.
I find it so difficult to believe how callous people can be.
0 - A health condition (including treatment and recovery from it) that lasts more than 3 days in a row, and any treatment after that. It includes any length of incapacity related to that same condition, and must also involve:
-
Hadley, I can't believe you have to deal with all the crap. I'm so sorry that they're making things so difficult. It seems especially odd since it's a hospital. You'd think they'd have a better understanding of health issues. I hope everything works out.
0
