The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Hadley
I schedule all of my appointments for after work hours. I've never had a problem doing this. My job would never know I have cancer because of doctors appts. The few times that I had to do something during work hours, i used a vacation day or called in sick. Rarely call in sick.
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Ooooooohhh, Hadley, dare I say I said that I wouldn't have mentioned it if I were you? Looks like you may not be accepted!!!! If you were already employed and then mentioned it, they couldn't do anything, but if they know ahead of time......yikes! I pray that it all works out for you.0
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Hadley and Ellie...that is just a crock of poop. That kind of crap pisses me off. Not mention illegal as hell.
I hold my breath waiting for it to start at work but so far I think it is my own worry not anything they have said or done. That is just the way I am now..and trying to break the habit of waiting for the other shoe to fall. I left office early today as the fill is aching and so is this ear/upper respiratory <sp> infection- ugh put me on augmentin and that stuff is gross...i just was so tired and worn out i left and came home. Did I have to? I don't know hard to tell sometimes. It is hard to learn to take care of myself...BC has taught me I have to.
As for your husband Ellie...I am going to kick his butt...tough it out crap....it is not a hangnail for god's sake...argh...yet, you know something, sometimes it is us by acting like superwomen and it is no big thing that the act is so good nobody some people do not want to believe the depth of BC...I have stopped acting and tell it more like it is now...not whining...just the truth
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Hadley,
I have to agree with barbe. You are not supposed to say in detail about your medical condition unless it is something that can bring up a worker's compensation dispute - and this is not the case.
Please read this, it's the Americans with Disabilities Act:
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Ellie - Glad you left your last job and found a better working environment. Those people you worked with sound dreadful. Your boss was a jerk, and I was in shock when I read about your co-workers calling you "cancer girl." I can't believe people could be so rude and hurtful (and completely inappropriate and unprofessional). Glad you're in a better environment now. No job's perfect. Sorry you're husband wasn't more sympathetic.
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Running a bit late with this...
For krista613, to whom a nurse from a different department said, "oh your hair is gorgeous! But it looks a little fake"...: The next time that nurse is nearby, stare purposefully at her chest for a few seconds. Then, with a perplexed look on your face, say, "Oh, your boobs are gorgeous! But, they look a little fake."
And, for Barbie7, who was at a BC fundraiser when a distant acquaintance reached out and tugged on her hair to see if it was real: What if it had been a wig, and had come off in her hand? I can't help laughing when I imagine the look on that woman's face as she stood there, holding a wig! [As you can see, I don't have a good comeback; but maybe the image of her standing there, speechless, looking incurably stupid, will give you some comfort.]
Hadley, the timing of all this is awful. I really, truly, don't know what to say that would help. I don't khow I would have managed my own dx and tx, even if I'd been working at my regular job where I employed for 25 years. I had maxed out my vacation leave and the patience of my co-workers a year before my dx, trying to juggle other family members' medical emergencies. Then I retired, and 6 months later I was dx'd with BC. "You play the hand you're dealt" is my motto; but heck, sometimes we can't just fold and walk away, can we?
Hugs...
otter
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Hadley,
I don't mean to not be supportive, but an employer can ask if appointments can be made late in the day and not necessarily be out of line. If it can't always be done that is one thing. And if a main part of your job is to make deposits at 10 am, you should try to later. The accomodations go both ways. What if when you have a routine follow up appointment (and yes some appointments even for cancer patients are routine), you co-worker has a real family emergency or has a bad case of the flu, there would be no one to do the deposit. And as for being in treatment the rest of your life, I think they were talking about active treatment. Unless you are stage 4 and going for regularly scheduled treatments all the time, you won't be in active treatment all the time. You appointments will drop in frequency. And even though you may not know exactly the number and length of appointments, you can give an estimate. I was just out on disability and gave an estimate and then got it extended by a couple of days when I wasn't ready to go back. It wasn't difficult.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you need to step back and do what you can so you can take advantage of this new employment opportunity. I wish you the best.
Annie
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Ellie,
That work situation sounds dreadful. How incredibly disappointing to go in with one set of expectations and experience and have it changed around on you so quickly. Those people are total jerks.
Annie
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Sorry for all the hoops you are having to jump through Hadley. No fun.
I know my onc and surgeon only have AM appts. and do hospital rounds/meetings/brand new patients/etc. in the afternoons. Sometimes we can't help AM appts.
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Haven't been on here for awhile and just catching up.
Annettek - what a special person your Mother is. Definitely a lesson in class.
Hadley - So sorry you are having difficulties with the new position. I hope everything works out for you.
I had surgery 2weeks ago and they wanted to keep me 23 hr. I said no and would go home as soon as surgeon let's me. Since I had a drain, they would not let me go to phase II recovery as they told me with a drain, I could not sit in a chair, WTH! anyway, they sent me to a room and I called 3 times to use the restroom. 3rd time, I said that it has been 1/2 hour and no one has come to let me use restroom. Nurse finally came in and said sorry, we had shift change and too many patients. Guess I should have just wet the bed. Follow up by hospital next day told them about my experience then got copy of med. records today and complaint was included that I was not happy with nursing staff and I worked at hospital. I was home about 30 min after they finally got me to bathroom. Guess they wanted me out of there!
Finally had decent conversation with my boss about my situation and she maybe is getting it. I have purposely avoided the subject of my surgeries with her, but she initiated conversation and now it may be better. Told her that next surgery would be to replace leaking implant, but I would be doing that in PS office so she didn't need to worry about me not being at work as I will have it on a day off. I will just not tell anyone which day off I will be having procedure.
Sorry for the long rant. Just want to throw the nurse under the bus, but for a change, not the boss.
Nancy0 -
this is my best, gals.. but i like days lion bus better. maybe she'll tell me where to find it. hope this helps!!!3jays 0 -
wanted to let ya'll know my results from the PET said i'm dancing with NED!! will have to ck out ms clinic in miami; but had already planned on that!!! the BEAST got foiled again!!doin the happy dance!! 3jays0
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thats me in drag, on the right...3jays! 0 -
thanks hadley, for the love and support. may the BEAST leave us all in peace!0
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Oh 3jaysmom, that is wonderful news, I am dancing with you. wahooooo.........
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So happy for you!
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Hadley, Thanks for being so cool. I must say I've learned alot about the employment laws reading your situation.
Nancy - Ugh. I'd be totally mad too.
3jays- congrats.
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First ... 3Jays - congratulations!!!!!!!!
Nancy ... same experience at least once in each of my hospitalizations. Once I fell (got twisted up in covers) and boy if you want to see action - fall in a hospital! There I was sitting on the floor with my room full of emergency response team members huddled around me checking for injuries and all I kept saying was "I have to go to the bathroom!"
And for hospital staff being more sympathetic ... forget it! My sister is a doctor - she is one hell of a diagnostitian/doctor and one crappy caretaker! The stories I could tell about the incompetencies and just plain uncaring folks in the medical field could fill a book.
As to the incongruencies of medical staff who, I think, are supposed to be helping you restore your health, look at hospital food - it is the worse if you are trying to lose (or not gain at least) weight or are a diabetic. If you just wanted to eat healthy in a hospital you would be hard pressed to find anything. Maybe fresh fruit - that's what they thought diabetics should eat as they tried to serve that to me everyday - as a meal!
I am currently on disability so I just can't imagine having to work let alone put up with the incredible insensitivities of employers and co-workers. If you have breast cancer, that is enough grief for anyone to have to endure.
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3jay....so happy to hear your good news!
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3jay - We do the dance of joy...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfPg5LjGYx8
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Congrats, 3jays!!
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3Jay - you rock girlfriend! Thanks for all of your support. I don't want to defend my DH too much but he was my fiancee' back then and I think he was just so devastated I was sick he wanted to act like it was no bg deal. I think he thought if he gave me too much sympathy I would give in and curl up and die - seriously. He's come a long time since then. He still gives me a hard time - he says that I am a great one-upper - if he says he has the flu then I say I've got BC - and so on. Hes a smart ass. Although there are times I want to throw him under the bus - he makes me laugh. He is incredibly kind to my folks who are in their late 80's - and wonderful to his own as well, but there were times I wanted to punch him during tx - Elli
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Yipppppeeeeee 3Jays .... whooopwhoop yahooooooie
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Wooowhoooooo Hadley!!!!
Congrat's 3jays!!!
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Thank God Hadley!!!!! Now get the heck out of your brother's house!!!!
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Yay Hadley! Only good news on this thread of late!
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Yeah 3jays!!!
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Hadley....awesome.....have a fantastic 1st day on Monday....you'll be great....Karen
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Yay Hadley!!!
Congrats 3 jays!!
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I am so concerned about saying the wrong thing to my daughter - Can you all give some do's and don't's for the rest of us who really do want to support you but aren't sure what to say. Do we ask how you are or is that off limits or will we been seen as not caring if we don't ask? As I read all your post, some things are obviously stuip remarks, but others, well, I don't know what I sould be saying. Please help us. Most of us don't want to hurt any of you and would rather take a stomach punch than hurt your feelings.0
